Chapter 4 In which the authors go to Gandalf's birthday party and Frodo relives his journey to Rivendell

Frodo: So how old's Gandalf turning, anyways?

Los Pollos Desnudos: Really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really

Three hours later.

Los Pollos Desnudos: really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really

Frodo: Finish it up already!!!!

LPDs: really really really really really really really really really old.

Frodo: Thank you. *leaves room in a hurry*

Elrond: Alright everyone, time to watch Gandalf open his presents!

All: *chanting* Presents! Presents! Present!

Elrond: Gather around, don't push or shove.

Everyone sits down in a circle around Gandalf.

Sr. Davis appears out of nowhere.

Sr. Davis: Escuchan!

Legolas: What's that supposed to mean?

Sr. Davis: Eschuchan is the conjugated form of escuchar, which is the spanish verb meaning to SCOOT OVER!!!!

Legolas: Okay then.

People scoot over an Sr. Davis joins the circle.

LPD #1: Hey look, Sr. Davis is here!!

LPDs: YAY!!!!

LPD #1: Everybody dance!!

LPDs: *dancing* YAY!!!!

Elrond: Quiet down everyone! Gandalf's ready to open his presents!!

Everyone: YAY!!!!

Gandalf: Whose first?

Legolas: Open mine first!!

Gandalf: Okay.

Gandalf unwraps a bottle of pink hair dye.

Legolas: It's totally your color.

Gandalf: I know.

LPD #4: Try it on! Try it on!

LPD #1: Can I borrow it after you're done?

Gandalf: Sure.

Gimli: Mine next!

Gandalf opens up the envelope to find a coupon for one free toenail clipping.

Gandalf: It's just what I've always wanted!!

Dumbledore: I didn't have time to wrap mine. My owl has difficulties traveling between dimentions, and I just got your invitation this morning.

Gandalf: Are you kidding? I sent those three weeks ago?!!

Harry Potter: It would have gotten there sooner if Hedwig hadn't met up with that other owl...

Lyra: Pan, stop being so misleading!

Pan: I'm sorry Hedwig. You see, I'm not really an owl.

Pan turns into a weasel, then an elephant, then back to an owl.

Hedwig: WHAT!!! You led me on, Pan. You led me on.

Eowyn: Atleast he wasn't cheating on you.

Aragorn whistles inconspicuously and looks at the ceiling (which is strange considering the party's outside) and Eowyn and Arwen stare at each other menacingly.

Gandalf looks at the coffee mug for the first time in the last half a page.

Gandalf: Hey! It's the official Old Geezer's Club coffee mug!! I've been wanting this for a really long time!!

LPD #2: He got an Old Geezer's coffee mug!!

LPDs: YAY!!!!!

LPD #3: Everybody dance!!!

LPDs: YAY!!!!!

Rand/Boromir: I made up a new word for you... Hopskippery!!

Gandalf: What kind of a word is that?!!

Rand/Boromir: It's a word used to describe transdimentional traveling. i.e., I have done a lot of hopskippering lately.

Gandalf: Why would you make up a word like that?

Rand/Boromir: Don't ask.

Frodo runs through the door carrying two packages.

Frodo: I got your presents! Open the big one first!!

Gandalf opens the big one.

Gandalf: It's... a box of Depends!!!

Dumbledore: Hey, that's the brand I use!!

Gandalf: We can be, like, twins!!!

Aragorn: Does it come with that wierd blue stuff they test it with on T.V.?

Gandalf: Let's see.

Gandalf rips open the box and old man diapers fly all over the place.

All: Yay!!! Party favors!!!!

Gandalf: Uh... fine, keep them. Those can be your party favors since I was too cheap to buy you your own.

Frodo: Open the small one!!!

Gandalf opens the small one.

Gandalf: It's... the one ring!!

Merry: The one ring!!

Rand/Boromir: The one ring?

Frodo: It's only a model.

Gandalf: Shh!

Legolas: Lets put it on this table for safe keeping and not watch it while Gandalf opens his presents.

Gandalf: Okay. Who's next?

LPD #4: Open our presents!!

Other LPDs: Yes! Open them!!!

Gandalf reaches for the smaller package.

LPD #3: No, the big one!! The big one!!

Merry: That line sounds vaguely familliar.

Gandalf: Sheesh.

Gandalf opens the large package.

Gandalf: It's... A chicken?

LPD #2: A naked chicken!!!

LPD #3: Open the next one!!

Gandalf opens the next one.

Gandalf: Wow, it's... a paper bag?

LPD #1: Not just any paper bag! It's the magical brown paper lunch bag of ideas!!!

Gandalf: Just what I've always wanted *wink wink nudge nudge*

LPD #4: But do you know what it does?

Gandalf: Do I really want to know?

LPDs: Yes.

Pippin: Hey, you didn't use exclamation points after that word!

LPD #3: *gasp!* You're right! We didn't!! We have to make up for it!!!

LPD #2: Anyways! Anytime! You! Feel! The! Story! Needs! To! Be! Spiced! Up!

Gandalf: Enough already!!

LPD #2: Fine. If you want things to get interesting, just pull a random idea out of the bag!

LPD #3: It's brilliant, I tell you, brilliantology!! Ithought of it myself! (along with a few of my alter egos)

Gandalf: Okay...

Gandalf pulls out an idea. And reads:

"Dexter, Jimmy Newtron, and the Professor walk through the door."

Dexter, Jimmy Newtron, and the Professor walk through the door.

Gandalf: Wierd.

LPDs #1+#4: See!!!!!!!!!!

Dexter: We have come to give Mr. Gandalf a birthday present.

Jimmy Newtron: Yeah, it's really cool. You press the button and...

Dexter: Let me do the speaking.

Professor: I am the oldest, therefore I shall spake.

Gandalf: Just give me the present.

Gandalf rips off the wrapping paper.

Gandalf: It's a... It's a...

Jimmy Newtron: To be precise, it's a time machine.

Silence.

*cricket cricket*

Sr. Davis: Want to open my present?

Gandalf: Sure!!

Gandalf opens the llama shaped package.

Gandalf: It's a... It's a...

LPDs: A llama!! It must be a llama!!!!

Sr. Davis: No, foolish children, it's a pinata!

LPDs: Sr. Davis brought us a llama! Yay!!

LPD #1: Everybody dance!

LPDs: YAY!!!!!

Gandalf: No! My llama!!

Sr. Davis: Pinata! See!

Sr. Davis hits the llama with a stick.

Legolas: DON'T HURT IT, YOU MONSTER!!!

Sr. Davis: It's an INANIMATE OBJECT!!!!

All: Ohhh...

Gimli: Let's hit it!

Sr. Davis: Okay, but the LPDs have to go because I piled on the homework yesterday, and I know it's not done.

LPD #3: Sr. Davis, how could you?!!

LPD #1: Frodo, will you come here for a minute?

LPD #2: Poor fool. He has no idea what's coming to him.

LPD #1 looks at the ceiling at whistles inconspicuously, then grabs Frodo and runs out the door.

LPD #4: I don't have to go cuz I'm not in spanish!!

All: YES YOU DO!!! Stupid idiot who ate 1/4 of the cake.

LPD #4: Cheepskates.

LPD #5: You can't make us go! We'll do the chicken dance for you!!!

LPD #2: Wait a sec... there's five of us?

LPD #3: Weird.

LPD #4: Yes. Creepy.

LPD #5: Hwaa hwaa hwaa!!!

LPD #2: AHHH!!! It's the Phantom of an Author!!!!

Elrond: Enough! Out!!!

LPDs: Ohh...

LPDs leave.

Aragorn: Now lets play with the pinata!

Sr. Davis: Finally.

Frodo returns from his conversation with #1- miraculously alive and unscarred.

They all start whacking the pinata with a stick.

Merry: Hey, I can't reach!

Hobbits: Neither can we.

Frodo: Let's go play with the time machine!

Pippin: Sounds like fun!!

The three hobbits go over to the time machine and Sam comes stalking behind.

Frodo: Sam?! Why are you here?!! I told Gandalf not to invite you!!!

Sam: Well I was painting the fence and I found this invitation lying in the bushes.

Merry: So where do you want to go?

Pippin: Who cares? Let's press the button!!

Aragorn: Stupid hobbits! You're being as silly as you were at Weathertop--

Pippin presses the button.

*End Chapter*

Reader #1: Don't you hate it when they do that to you?

Reader #2: Yes. Damn those suspenseful cutoffs!!!

LPD #4: Watch your language, inferior!!

LPD: #1: Don't worry, they'll be back in Chapter -6.

LPD #3: Stop it!! They'll find out soon enough.

LPD #2: Yes. Let us end the chapter.

LPD #5: I thought we already did.

LPDs: AHHHH!!! IT'S THE PHANTOM OF AN AUTHOR!!! *run away*

*End Chapter*

*And we mean it this time*