Trial of the Senses

by

Ava LeBeau

Chapter 16 – Won't leave here without you

"$ 24,000."

"$ 24,000. Thank you, ma'am. Well, 25?"

Didn't know you're partial to skiing. We could have gone there whenever you wanted.

My eyebrow slightly arched in disbelief I was staring at her from across the other table, searching for answers I was almost losing myself in those blue eyes again. I wondered if it was a hint of worry or sadness that made her eyes sparkle with such ambiguous intensity underneath that silvery lace mask, that was covering the upper half of her face, veiling it in the most delicate way.

As much as I was hoping for our glances to mean real connection I knew that it was not. She was far away, far away from me. Utterly out of my reach.

My fingertips toyed with the stem of the water glass in front of me.

Anastasia held my gaze defiantly while Mia, seated right beside her, was clapping her hands excitedly, beaming at Anastasia's move.

That money was meant for you, I thought, sipping my drink, eyeing her over the rim of my tumbler.

A cheeky small smile tugged at the corner of her oh so inviting mouth, the lipstick she wore tonight was palm-twitchingly outrageous.

Anastasia tilted her head a little, tugging at one of her earrings, still looking at me and I wondered if she knew what she was doing to me.

My mother's inquiry about my plans for tomorrow dragged me out of my thoughts about Anastasia and what her motives were in the most sobering way.

The first half of the auction was over and the band began to play again.

Smoothing down my tuxedo I walked over to their table.

Lily straightened herself the moment she saw me approach while Anastasia bit her plump lower lip.

"Christian," Lily piped. I ignored her.

"Would you care to dance with me?" I held out my left for Anastasia, who looked rather flushed all of a sudden.

She nodded and took my hand.

I loved the feel of her hand in mine as I led the way to the dance floor, looking for the right spot for us to dance. I hated crowds but I wanted to be with her so I chose somewhere out of the immediate spotlight right at the edge of the dance floor.

Soon enough Anastasia was in my arms, her head lay against my right shoulder while her free hand had gently come to rest on my left shoulder. Sternly I monitored the room while we moved to the music, soft and slow, my hands on her hips, my cheek brushing against her hair now and again.

I was not worried about what they would say about me, did not care if there were reporters around to take pictures of me dancing with that mysterious woman as they would surely put it once again.

All I wanted was for Anastasia to feel safe, to shield her from invasive glances. Intrusive stares that she only had to endure because she had chosen to be with me, if only for tonight.

Tonight it was all about Anastasia. All about her.

She reached up to caress my cheek and I froze. Her fingertips were skimming over the side of my neck in a slow, lazy stroke. It was a soft, tender move, so contrasting to when she grabbed the upper halves of my tuxedo's sleeves, tugging me a lot closer to her.

Anastasia's forehead came to rest against my chest for a moment and despite all my craving for her being close to me it was making me wince.

Closing my eyes I managed to calm myself.

I could feel her quivering against my touch and was wondering if she was crying.

Averting my vigilant gaze from the dancing crowd I gently kissed Anastasia's hair, resisting the urge to ask her if she was all right. Swaying her softly, I was stroking her back in an attempt to soothe her. I wished I could kiss away those tears.

Confused and worried I hugged her to me, still staring at the crowd that surrounded us, the muscle in my jaw twitching.

Intrusive stares.

We were moving in time with the music, my fingertips drawing small circles against the silky fabric of her gown, still holding her tight when a small sob escaped her.

"Come," I said in a low voice, stroked Anastasia's bare upper arm and, pulling away, took her hand.

As we left the dance floor I reached inside my jacket and pulled out my handkerchief and handed it to her.

Taylor was by my side immediately, "Sir."

I nodded and Taylor kept his distance as he followed us outside.

Rain was pattering down and my parents' guests were pushing past us to get inside. Taylor jostled several of them to make sure they wouldn't bother me, his Principal, on my way out of the ballroom that opened up the view over my parents' garden.

I didn't really care. Anastasia was here. With me. That was all that mattered.

I took the umbrella that Taylor was holding out for me. Anastasia linked her arm with mine, stepping closer, walking beside me.

Her presence was reassuring, for a change she wasn't resisting. A wave of relief was washing over me, but still I wasn't sure. Not sure of what to tell her. How to convince her. How to convince her to give me one last chance.

I swallowed dryly, making my way towards a more quiet corner of my parents' vast gardens.

Mother had created her own little sanctuary, a rose pavilion as she would call it, for those moments when she needed time on her own, time to recharge from all the suffering, the human abysses she was bound to stare into due to her job, the job she loved nevertheless.

Tonight it was that sanctuary that I deemed perfect for our conversation.

In silence we made our way down the path and I was hoping, praying for one last chance.

I pulled out two chairs and moved to sit opposite from Anastasia, Taylor out of earshot, keeping his distance all the while monitoring the gardens.

Despite the rain the air was filled with the heavy scent of roses that were surrounding the pavilion.

With nimble fingers I unlaced the mask that was obscuring my face. The masquerade was over. I placed it on the side table and reached out to take Anastasia's hands in mine.

"Ana, I... I don't even know where to start..."

She was staring at me, her lips slightly parted, her silence unnerving, my heart was in my mouth.

"I know I don't deserve you. You're perfect. So innocent. I..."

I pressed my lips together for a moment, fighting the urge to avert my gaze, just for a moment, admittedly to regain my courage, my heart pounding in my chest.

"I'm sorry, I know I fucked up. Big time. I took you for granted. And you have every right to be angry with me, disappointed. Every right... Anastasia."

Still no word from her.

I cleared my throat, feeling a sudden heat rising to my cheeks, so very unlike me, usually cool and composed at all times, but this was different, so different.

One last chance, please. Just one last chance, I pleaded quietly and wondered if she could see it in my eyes.

"You probably don't believe me but I..."

My voice sounded raspy and I licked my lips, her angelic features unreadable, her eyes flickering.

"I can't tear myself away from you, no matter how much you want me to try."

Her gaze darted to my lips as I spoke.

I furrowed my brow.

"I've come to realize that..."

Please, say something!

"... that I don't want to know who I am without you, Anastasia."

I drew a deep breath, Anastasia was still holding my gaze, her eyes that deeper shade of blue, so mesmerizing, so intriguing.

"I don't want... don't want to live my life without you. Not a single day. I would do anything to have you with me again. Anything, Ana."

My thumb brushed across the back of her hand in mine. I pulled my lower lip between my teeth for a moment.

Anastasia, please.

"And I know now..."

I looked down at our hands only to notice that those tears were welling up in her eyes once more when I bravely met her unrelenting gaze again.

"... that not being able to live without somebody is one thing … but to... to love somebody is-"

Anastasia let out a gasp and leaned in, her lips crashing down onto mine, her hands cupping my face.

I closed my eyes, a sickening melange of confusion, relief and worry brewing inside of me.

Gently I returned her kisses, relishing her soft caress when her hands trailed down the side of my neck.

Was that a yes? Or was this the part where she would break my heart?

I was not sure.

When I tried to pull away, eager for answers, Anastasia claimed my lips again, curling her fingers into the front of my tuxedo to tug me closer, her cheek felt hot when I brushed my fingertips across it.

"Is. This. A. Yes?" I returned her kisses hungrily, meeting her gaze when she let go.

"Can I make a wish?"

Anything, just say it. I will do anything to have you back in my life.

"Sure." It was difficult to sound casual.

"Be patient with me, Christian."

Anastasia rose and leaned in to gently kiss the desperation that was now creasing my brow.

"I need time."

What the fuck?

I nodded quietly.

"Gotta go now. Good night, Christian."

Anastasia stroked my cheek and turned to leave.

"Anastasia, I... I don't want to leave here without you tonight."

I stood, reaching out for her hand, but she turned and shook her head.

Intent to make sure that she was safe I motioned for Taylor to follow her.

Feeling defeated I sank back onto the chair, raking my fingers through my hair.

Fuck!

"FUCK!"

My exasperation was echoing through the night.

"Christian! Where's your mask?" Mia tried to pull me into a hug when I entered the ballroom again.

I refused the glass of Champagne she was holding out to me.

The band was still playing.

"Care to dance, Christian?" Lily purred, drawing nearer, grabbing my arm.

Taylor, who had instructed Sawyer to drive Anastasia home, arched his eyebrow and stepped closer. I stopped him with a swift wave of my hand and turned to Lily, who glanced up at me expectantly, pulling me towards the dance floor.

Sure of her own little victory she slid her arms around my neck when we reached the dance floor, gazing up at me, a smug grin stretching across her face.

Reluctantly I wrapped my arm around her slender waist.

"Mia says we're perfect for each other." Lily beamed at me.

"Is that so?" I drawled and leaned in, my face only inches from hers, kind of amused when she closed her eyes, obviously expecting me to kiss her.

"Yes," she breathed.

"Oh really?" My voice was cold.

"Christian?" She opened her eyes.

"I beg to differ. Now leave me the fuck alone!"

As always my smile was flawless. And deadly.

Lily gasped and pulled away.

I strutted off the dance floor, feeling lots of eyes on me.

It was Scotch and one of my father's Gurkha's Black Dragon along with some business talk that managed to calm me down. The buzz it gave me was quite pleasant and relaxing.

And when I sunk into the soft leather seat in the back of the Audi at the end of the night I had secured another business deal, yet I felt empty, so empty without her.

As Taylor pulled onto the highway I whipped out my phone. No messages from her.

'Thank you for the dance. You're everything to me, Anastasia.'

I decided to delete the last sentence and pushed the send button.

Patience, Grey!

Pleased with myself I glanced at the two triptychs that were now adorning the white walls in the room upstairs.

I took another sip of my wine and rearranged the glider plane model on the side table for the umpteenth time, nudging it ever so slightly with the tip of my index to find the perfect angle.

The note, her note, that had come with it in the breast pocket of my shirt, close to the heart as Mia would probably put it.

It was her. The whole room was dedicated to her.

I was still not sure about the future. Our future.

Even though I had constantly checked my phone there was no message from her. No call. Nothing.

But Sawyer, who had driven Anastasia back to her place last night, had assured me that she was safe.

To know that was comforting.

Now all it took was patience.

Something that I was lacking so badly.

I was Christian Grey after all. Not used to be made waiting for anything at all.

I downed the remainder of my drink, looking at Anastasia beaming back at me from Rodriguez' pictures on the walls.

With that, I left the room, pulling the door shut behind me.

Patience, Grey!

"Are you sure it wasn't another one of his stupid games? Did he mean what he said? Could you feel it?"

"Yeah."

"You know that I think you shouldn't go back to him, Ana?"

" I know..."

Anastasia chewed on her lower lip, staring at the magazine on the dining table. Christian was on the cover.

She drew a deep breath.

"I say... Let him stew, Ana."

Anastasia chuckled.

"Listen. He doesn't deserve you. Do you hear me? He does not deserve you."

"I knooowwww..." Anastasia rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, when are you going out for drinks?"

"Tuesday."

"Great, you've gotta tell me everything. Promise?"

"Promise."

"E's coming back, gotta go. Love you, Ana."

"Love you."

"Bye."

Anastasia let her fingertips brush across the cover of the magazine and Christian's flawless face.

He doesn't deserve you.

But what if she was sure that he was her world?

Biting her lower lip again, she stared down at her phone.

Thank you for the dance.

A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as she made her way to the kitchen.