Sirius and Remus dated once, secretly, because they didn't want to make a big deal out of it and James and Peter would give them so much shit over it, all the dumbest dog jokes, that was already predictable.

It was for two weeks and ended very quickly because they knew each other and themselves and they weren't going to drag it out when they were already so unsure about starting.

The physical aspect was fine, they were incredibly compatible, the feral part in the back of their heads knowing exactly what they needed. The emotional part was great too, they're already friends, they liked spending time with each other, they're both very far from romantic and that worked.

So they were leaving to spend time alone, and it was great at first, then fine, then a thing to schedule, then a chore.

When they were alone, they weren't with the others; they were missing jokes, or talking about nothing, or even missing the boring hours in-between the excitement. They tried to drag Peter out once when James was in detention because Lily was also in detention and he wanted to flirt, but then all three of them wouldn't stop talking about James and how much fun they would be having in detention because Slughorn had the best wild stories of his youth.

They tried again with James there as well, except James -as always- had no concept of boundaries and so if Sirius was holding Remus's hand then James could do that too, and if Remus jokingly fed Sirius then James could feed him too.

It was funny because James clearly had no idea what was going on but also that day ended with Peter regaling them with a tale about going fishing with his adventurous but directionally-challenged mum while James sat on Remus' lap because the hard seat was hurting his ass and Sirius was feeding James bits of bread like he was a duck and not a sheep. It was really good.

They kept it going for a while longer but honestly Sirius and Remus would never have been a good fit if James wasn't between them. They probably wouldn't even be friends.

Not to say they don't love each other, because of course they do. They'd kill for each other. The problem is that their personalities aren't the best match.

At a new moon Remus is turned inwards, a bit numb and not quite tame but not willing to even put his hand up in class. Sirius absolutely steamrolls him and not accidentally either, he knows damn well what he's doing and enjoys it. When the moon is high, the two end up snapping at each other, have gotten close to tearing each other apart before.

James, for all that he's cotton candy soft with the people he loves, he's never been docile. Even when clearly losing a fight he's never given in unless Remus or Sirius do first and both of them need that push back. Sirius will just take and take and take. Remus, though he loathes to admit it, can get dangerous if he senses weakness - never on purpose but the sickness can take over his mind even when he looks human.

And James knows how to play them too. Sirius needs to be the strongest and in control so James will struggle opening a lid, or ask for something Sirius has, or suggest -yes, he admits it- something a little bit mean so Sirius can get it out of his system slowly in bite sized pieces.

Remus needs to be able to help, to feel needed instead of being a burden so James will struggle to get something from a top shelf, or ask for help with classes he knows Remus is good, at or suggest -yes, he admits it- something a little bit dangerous so Remus can protect him.

Not that this is any trouble at all for James. He'd do it all regardless but occasionally he plays it up. It's harmless and it makes them feel better.

James has never actually gone full out to win a fight before whether it's playing around or otherwise. He doesn't really need all that physical affection. Sometimes he acts a bit dumb just so someone will come and help him. Sirius and Remus know he does it too, it's just a bit hard to catch when he's really playing it up.

So two weeks after they attempted to see if they'd work together, Remus and Sirius laid awake that night on Remus's bed side by side, with the curtains shut and silenced so they could talk this out.

"So," Sirius told Remus after a long discussion. "It's James."

"It's James," Remus agreed.

"Fuck." Sirius laughed quietly. "Threesome?"

"Sure, tell me when you're brave enough to ask him."

"Fuck."

So instead, they made jokes with each other and egged each other on about James. Maybe Sirius would have done something about it if not for Remus' fear of chasing James off. Maybe Remus would have snuffed out all these feelings if Sirius wasn't there to stoke the fire. Maybe they did do some…things. Things they would have not been brave -and stupid- enough to do alone.

And this would have meant nothing.

This whole story, the secrets, it will have meant nothing at all, if the moon wasn't quite so high today. If Remus couldn't feel it in his bones. If Remus didn't look up across the table at breakfast and see Sirius grin at him, baring teeth like he always does, but something just isn't quite plugged in properly in Remus's head right now.

It sparks, short-circuits, makes him itch.

So Remus tilts his head. "Hey, Jamie, did you know Sirius once told me he jerked off on your bed so you'd smell like he fucked you."

James looks up from his breakfast. "What?"

Sirius' jaw clenches tight, then his lips twist open into a sneer. "You're the one who told me to do it."

"I said he'd smell like you, not that you should do it," Remus hisses.

James looks around, but they came to breakfast late and most tables around them are empty. "Um, I only just got out of trouble, I don't want to get dragged to Dumbledore because we're making 'anti-social' jokes again."

"Do you think it's a joke, James?" Remus demands but doesn't take his eyes off Sirius. "Do you think Sirius wouldn't? Do you think he hasn't done it when you're sleeping in his bed-"

Sirius stands so fast his hip bumps the table and makes the plates rattle. "I have never done that!" he roars. "What the fuck is your problem, Remus? Do you really want me to talk about all the shit you've done that James doesn't know about?"

"You're the one who threw my bag out of the window last week?" James cries dramatically in outrage but his eyes are flicking around. "I literally just finished cheating off your homework and you made me do it all again! It's almost like I learned something from classes?!"

The people who turned to look now roll their eyes and go back to their own conversations.

A quick glance to their audience and James lurches to his feet, grabs a fistful of both their ties, then drags them in. "We are going to class," James whispers quietly, eyes wide. "If, after class, you still haven't calmed down, then we can cuddle on the astronomy platform. Okay?"

Remus and Sirius are glaring at each other.

"Okay? You bitch ass punks?"

"Wonderful," Sirius grits out.

"Brilliant," Remus scoffs.

James shoves them back down into their seats. "Don't shit talk like that around Harry, he might actually believe you."

Remus just chuckles, self-destructive and screaming into the storm.

Sirius purses his lips, backed into a corner and all the more willing to make this mutually assured destruction.