030: False Advertising.

One Fine Day -

19:05

Keima Katsuragi posted an ad about an on-campus job - "The Loose Souls Team is hiring humans! Help is wanted to catch the evil spirits that have escaped to the human realm. These evil spirits hide themselves inside the hearts of girls, feeding off the hosts' negative emotions to replenish their power and strength, thus becoming whole demons again. The only method to force the evil spirits out is by 'conquering' the girls' hearts, making them fall in love and filling up the gaps where the escaped evil spirits hide, forcing them out and having them be captured by the spirit hunters.

Humans please apply. Job benefits include a non-blood related younger sister and the chance to have your own harem."

19:07

[Hachiman Hikigaya: Not interested. I already have a sister.]

[Sakuta Azusagawa: Same here.]

[Koyomi Araragi: I have two.]

19:20

[Hachiman Hikigaya: Katsuragi you should leave Kirino Kousaka alone.]

[Keima Katsuragi: I can't. She has a loose spirit inside of her. I have to capture her.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: And how do you plan on capturing her.]

[Keima Katsuragi: By making her fall in love with me.]

19:30

[Kyousuke Kousaka: Don't mess with my younger sister.]

[Keima Katsuragi: Who are you?]

[Kyousuke Kousaka: I'm Kirino's older brother!]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: You and your sister aren't really that close are you?]

[Kyousuke Kousaka: How did you know?]

[Kyousuke Kousaka: What are you talking about?]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: You referred to her as your 'younger sister', laying more emphasis to her physical age, instead of using the expression 'little sister' to denote how an older brother should always feel about his little sister.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: What is your problem with your sister?]

[Kyousuke Kousaka: My sister and I aren't really that close. But I'm not going to sit by and watch this guy fool around with her.]

[Keima Katsuragi: I'm not going to fool around with her. The emotions I will make her feel will be completely genuine.]

[Kyousuke Kousaka: And what will you feel?]

[Keima Katsuragi: Success.]

[Kyousuke Kousaka: She's my little sister you freak!]

21:02

[Hachiman Hikigaya: Guys, do you think Katsuragi is a sociopath?]

[Lelouch Lamperouge: He only plays video games.]

[Light Yagami: He is harmless.]

[Keima Katsuragi: I agree.]

[Keima Katsuragi: And Hikigaya, you should know it is rude to talk behind other people's back. At least have the decency to talk nonsense about me in a separate group.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: I'm not going anywhere.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: Look, all I'm saying is, you made a mistake.]

[Keima Katsuragi: I agree. I clicked on a suspicious link. Now my life is hacked.]

[Accelerator: I think you mean fucked.]

[Keima Katsuragi: No. I'm pretty sure I meant hacked.]

[Accelerator: Whatever.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: He made a contract with a demon.]

[Issei Hyoudou: Join the club.]

[Satou Kazuma: I saw your ad earlier. I want to apply.]

[Keima Katsuragi: Just click on the link.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: Kazuma, think this through. You have to make women fall in love with you.]

[Satou Kazuma: I can do that.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: No you cannot. You are scum.]

[Issei Hyoudou: Hey you are being mean, Hikigaya.]

[Issei Hyoudou: It's okay Kazuma. You don't listen to this loner. He doesn't know anything. It's fun, working with devils. Take it from me.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: Fine. I don't care. Get screwed over by the demons if you like it so much. I won't stop you. But I will prevent the women in my sorority from falling into your evil clutches.]

[Keima Katsuragi: You are making a mistake Hikigaya. A lot of those women have loose spirits in them.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: And how do you plan on getting those evil spirits out of them. Are you gonna perform an exorcism?]

[Keima Katsuragi: No, I'm gonna kiss them in the mouth.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: You're gonna do what!?]

[Lelouch Lamperouge: You're not serious are you, Katsuragi?]

[Light Yagami: That sounds unnecessary.]

[Accelerator: You bastard.]

[Issei Hyoudou: Guys, you're blowing this outta proportions. He's only gonna kiss the girls. He's not gonna do anything perverted.]

[Issei Hyoudou: Are you gonna do anything else, Katsuragi?]

[Keima Katsuragi: No. A kiss should do the trick.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: And what will you do, after you kissed the girl. What are you gonna tell her?]

[Keima Katsuragi: I don't have to tell anything. They won't remember anything.]

…Hachiman Hikigaya is typing.

[Hachiman Hikigaya: I knew it! I knew there was something sinister at play. You will go around making these women fall in love with you when you, yourself don't feel any romantic inclination to them whatsoever. This is downright sociopathic behaviour. You are a heartless bastard. I am afraid of these women's safety. And to make matters worse, the girls won't remember a thing you do to them.]

[Keima Katsuragi: I'm only gonna kiss them.]

[Light Yagami: There's no such thing as just a kiss.]

[Lelouch Lamperouge: I didn't expect such evil to be lurking inside you Katsuragi.]

[Satou Kazuma: So, I'm confused. Is Katsuragi gonna roofie the girls?]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: For all intents and purposes, yes.]

[Issei Hyoudou: Dude, even I won't go that low.]

[Keima Katsuragi: I will do what I have to do. I am saving these women.]

[Hachiman Hikigaya: You're just saving yourself. I'm guessing that collar I saw you wearing today is more than just a weird piece of accessory or a fashion statement. What is it called?]

…Keima Katsuragi last seen at 21:20.

22:08

Texts

[Issei Hyoudou: So, I read your ad.]

[Issei Hyoudou: I'm interested.]

[Keima Katsuragi: Okay.]

[Issei Hyoudou: But I have a question.]

[Keima Katsuragi: What?]

….

[Issei Hyoudou: How young are we talking about?]

[Keima Katsuragi: What?]

[Issei Hyoudou: The non-blood related younger sister you mentioned. How young are we talking about?]

[Issei Hyoudou: Katsuragi, you there?]

[Issei Hyoudou: Look, I'm not the only one who's curious. Kazuma had the same question but he was too chicken to ask.]

[Issei Hyoudou: So what's the answer?]

…

[Keima Katsuragi: The one I got was 300+ years old.]

[Issei Hyoudou: Dude.]

[Issei Hyoudou: Talk about false advertising.]

A/N: Okay, so far, I have three chapters I want to write in the future:

1) Kakashi, L, Levi and John Wick as drinking buddies talking about their love life.

2) Kakashi and Levi saving Haruno from an assassination attempt.

3) A chapter featuring criminals Like Raymond Reddington.

But for now, I am interested in starting a couple of new fics:

1) The university romance fic where The Oregairu Women will be paired up with male characters from other anime.

2) The university harem fic where Hachiman will be paired with female leads from other anime.

3) The supernatural/sci-fi fic taking place in Ikebukuro where Hachiman will be solving cases as a consultant.

4) A Reboot of "Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood" with characters from different anime, Hachiman playing the role of Edward Elric. But, and this is really important, being super powerful.

With that said, I want to know your expectations about these fics, like the characters you want to suggest or the ideas you want to suggest. For example, in the university romance fic, which Oregairu girl should appear in the first chapter and who should she be paired with? And in the harem fic, which 5 girls do you want to be in the first arc of the harem? And in the supernatural/sci-fic/case fic, what problems do you want Hikigaya to tackle. And in the Reboot of Fullemetal Alchemist, do you think Mr. Freeze is a good villain? You know, stuff like that.

And as always, if you have any fun ideas for this fic, let me know in the reviews and I will try to write them.

Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter.

Leave lots and lots of reviews, follow and fave.

Won't betray your dreams.