Chapter 5
"Barbara?" Dinah called out as she awoke. "Are you here?" She sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes, flinching as she touched the bruised one. She carefully touched the area and tested how hard she could touch before it hurt. She discovered rather quickly that the slightest touch sent a shock wave of pain into her sinus, which was hidden directly behind the bruise.
Barbara exited the kitchen, carrying a tray on her lap and stopped her wheelchair in front of Dinah and placed the breakfast and juice on the table for her. Dinah inhaled deeply at the aroma. "Did you cook?" she asked surprised.
Barbara squinted her eyes. "Yes," she drawled, "I do know how to cook, you know." Dinah snickered and reached for her plate and took a bite of her jam-covered toast and nodded in approval. Barbara picked up the additional plate and together they ate their breakfast. Barbara couldn't help but stare at the black eye and Dinah could sense what she was doing, even if she wasn't looking at her.
"It wasn't her fault, Barbara," Dinah said once swallowing the bite that she had in her mouth. Barbara turned away for a moment and clenched her teeth. "Please can you forgive her," Dinah begged. She hated when there was tension in her family. It brought her back to the terrible days of when her foster family would fight and take it out on her. Dinah wanted to cry at the memory and panicked at the thought of Helena and Barbara fighting.
Barbara could see the pain in Dinah's eyes. A pain that had nothing to do with the bruise. There was a sadness hidden there and Barbara knew she had to suck it up and work things out with Helena. "Alright Dinah, I'll tell her to drop by this afternoon, okay?" Dinah smiled, happy at the thought. She still looked up to Helena, almost a hero-worship and really wanted to let Helena know that she was okay. She knew how much Helena would blame herself and Dinah didn't want that on her head. She wondered why Barbara was being so harsh but one thing she learned is that Barbara is just as secretive and wouldn't share her feelings until she was ready. Great, I live with two stubborn people, Dinah sighed, but she wouldn't trade them in for the world.
***
Helena squinted her eyes to the growing sunlight. She was happy to have a full breakfast in her stomach but not happy with the way she was feeling. Helena was torn by the fact that she wanted to reach out to Dr. Saramen. Flashbacks of her trust in Harley Quinn, her previous therapist, plagued her. Helena poured out her heart to this woman and she used all that information to rip their lives apart. For the most part, Helena came out unscathed but Barbara was the one that had suffered. If Helena hadn't opened her mouth, Wade would still be alive. Helena would never forgive herself. And she couldn't blame Barbara if she never forgave her either.
The anxiety Helena felt at Dr. Saramen's office upset her. Helena wanted to reach out. She found that she had to consciously stop herself from doing so. What is going on with me? Helena wondered. Her natural defences to withdraw didn't seem to be working and Helena didn't like that. She vowed to never open up to anyone after everything that went on. The thought of causing Barbara any pain ate at her, it tore at her soul. She would not do that to Barbara again, she couldn't.
"Huntress, it's Oracle. Do you copy?" she asked over the communication set. Huntress put her hand to her ear and was surprised to hear Barbara at the other end. Show no fear, she said to herself. She may have been hurting due to Barbara but equally, she didn't want her to see her vulnerable.
"What is it, Oracle?" Huntress responded, sounding busy.
Barbara gritted her teeth to conceal her frustration with her partner. "Can you drop by the lair this afternoon?" she asked.
"But I thought… uh… sure," Helena stumbled, suddenly nervous about what Barbara wanted to discuss. She frowned slightly when Barbara explained that Dinah had wanted her to come by. Well it was better than nothing, she thought. Helena turned down the volume on the comm. set and took a shortcut through the alley. A scream interrupted her walk.
"Somebody stop him!" a woman shouted. Helena looked around rapidly, shaken up at the memory that instantly flashed before her eyes. Somebody stop him! She heard herself shout as she held her dying mother in her arms. Her heart pounded like mad and adrenalin raced through her body. Helena was frozen with fear. Mom, you have to be okay, you have to. Tears slowly formed in Helena's eyes as the nightmare would not go away. She stared at the ground, almost visualizing her mother, lying there, her life slipping away into the darkness. "Somebody stop him!" she cried again. Helena was helpless and trapped by the memory but she finally snapped back to attention when she realized a woman was screaming, that it was not just her own voice in her head. Suddenly a man ran by her, nearly knocking her over.
"What the…?" Helena jolted and saw a thug carrying a woman's purse. She pounced into action and grabbed the man, throwing him into the wall. She picked up the purse and strolled over to the thief, tossing it casually in her hands. "I don't know," she snarled, "It's just not your color," she finished before he passed out from the blow to the wall. "I hate it when they have no endurance," she commented and turned around to see the woman behind her.
"Oh, thank you!" she exclaimed and threw her arms around Helena in appreciation. Helena recoiled, the gesture making her incredibly awkward. The woman reached into her purse and tried to hand Helena some money but she refused, after all, it was all part of the job. "Well at least let me give you something to thank you," she continued and she placed a keychain in the palm of her hand. Helena accepted the gift and the woman walked away, smiling. When she was out of view, Helena examined her gift. The keychain was in the shape of a heart with words written on it.
Helena collapsed to the ground, her legs buckling from sheer emotion. On the keychain, the words said, "A mother's love never dies." Helena broke down into tears, her arms wrapped around herself and she clenched the keychain close to her heart. Anguish overwhelmed her and the tears wouldn't stop. I'm so sorry! She cried. Please forgive me. She rocked back and forth trying to bring comfort but it never came. The arms wrapped around were her own. She was all alone in the abandoned alley. No one to hold her as she cried, to wipe her tears and remind her that she was not alone, that she was in fact loved. Helena sobbed quietly, her heart shattered.
***
"Is she dropping by?" Dinah asked, approaching Barbara as studied a blip on the Delphi monitor. A map was displayed on the screen and it pin-pointed Helena's exact location. Barbara jumped when she saw Dinah standing beside her. She took off her head phones and dropped them on the desk.
"Sorry Dinah, I didn't hear you approach," she said, and quickly turned off the monitor, making Dinah suspicious.
"What was that?" she asked, boldly switching the monitor back on. Barbara's eyes grew wide at Dinah impetuousness. "Is that Helena?" she wanted to know.
Barbara sighed heavily, showing her annoyance. "Yes Dinah, it is Helena. Now is there something else I can do for you or are you going to let me go back to work?" Dinah hunched her shoulders in embarrassment, regretting interfering with Barbara's work.
"Sorry," she mumbled, her face now flushed. Barbara could have eased her embarrassment but decided to teach Dinah a lesson. She was a kid, after all, and she couldn't be in Barbara's business all of the time.
Barbara changed her tone and answered Dinah's question. "Yes, she's dropping by. In fact, I'll go and make some lunch for us." She turned her chair and headed for the kitchen and shouted over her shoulder, "You stay out of trouble!" Dinah smiled, knowing that she couldn't make that promise. The moment Barbara that was out of sight, Dinah picked up the headset and listened. At first she didn't hear anything but after a few seconds, heard the distinct sound of someone sniffling, of someone crying. She turned the volume up but found it was at the top level. Instinctively she covered her ears with her hands to get better sound from the headset.
Dinah heard the girl crying and wondered who Helena was with. Her heart ached listening to the girl sobbing and Dinah wanted to reach through the monitor and give the blip on the screen a hug. Dinah listened intently, unable to tear herself away and desperately wanting to comfort the girl that Helena was with. She was so wrapped up in the emotion that she didn't see Barbara watching her from the kitchen doorway, fire burning in her eyes from Dinah's interference. She moved until she was about 5 feet behind the nosey girl and waited. Dinah wiped a single tear from her eye and then removed the headset. Her heart couldn't take hearing any more. She placed it back, just how Barbara had left it. Dinah stood up and turned around.
"Oh gosh!" she shrieked and her hand swiftly moved to her chest, a reflex. She clutched her rapidly beating heart. Barbara didn't say a word, she let the fire in her eyes do all the talking. Dinah's mouth opened slightly as if to speak but felt the wiser, considering the look on Barbara's face. She backed away from the desk and silently walked to her room, wanting to avoid any further confrontation.
Barbara panicked inside. She knows I was listening to Helena crying and I didn't do anything, she thought. How much did she hear? Barbara wondered, feeling a pang of guilt and mild disgust that she was being this way. But flashbacks of Wade entered her mind and the guilt once again repressed itself. She's the one that should feel guilty, she reminded herself, and it was Helena's fault he died. She flicked off the monitor, not wanting to see the blip on the screen any longer.