Just when Helga became convinced that Peapod had gone home to cry to his mommy, the snob showed up during a language arts lesson.

"Good morning, Brian," Mr. Simmons greeted him. "Do you have an excuse for being late?"

"I had to report an incident to Principal Wartz." Peapod Kid glared at Helga, who gulped.

"An incident?" Mr. Simmons looked concerned. "What kind of incident, if you don't mind me asking?"

Peapod Kid grinned, still looking at Helga. "One of my classmates punched me in the face."

All of Helga's peers immediately glanced at her. Her face turned pale. "It wasn't me!"

"It was, actually." Peapod's smug look made Helga see red.

"He's lying!" Helga said. "I never punched anyone!" Most of her peers were chattering now, talking over one another.

"Settle down, class," Mr. Simmons said. But as the chatter lowered to whispers, a voice boomed from the PA system.

"Attention, students." The voice belonged to Principal Wartz. "Helga Pataki must report to my office immediately. I repeat, Helga Pataki must report immediately to my office. Thank you."

Helga groaned. Why can't my life ever go smoothly?

Helga scowled as she marched into the office. "Principal Wartz, I didn't do it!"

The principal's eyes narrowed as he smiled. "Yet you're aware of the accusation?"

"Peapod Kid has it out for me," Helga said. "I called him a snob and he didn't like that, so now he wants to blame me for breaking his sunglasses."

Principal Wartz picked up a piece of paper. "Sit down, Miss Pataki."

Helga sat down and folded her arms. "He has no proof, Principal Wartz. Which is what happens when you make stuff up."

"Brian Paulson has no record of lying." Principal Wartz put on his reading glasses. "You, however, have a record of violence."

"I'm only violent against the other Bryan!"

Principal Wartz shook his head. "You also attacked Harold Berman, and threatened to break Sidney Caporicci's arm."

"Harold and Sid are loudmouth jerks!" Helga stood up. "And if I did punch Brian Paulson, he would've deserved it for being a snob."

"Is that your way of confessing, Miss Pataki?"

"He hates poor people!" Helga's confidence was dwindling. "Aren't you angry that he hates poor people?"

Principal Wartz gave a half-hearted shrug. "I didn't get that impression from him."

Helga sat down. "So what, I have to pay him? You expect me to pay for overpriced glasses?"

"I'm a school principal, not a court judge. Since this incident occurred outside of school, I'm not responsible for punishing you."

Helga breathed a sigh of relief. "So what am I here for? A lecture on violence?"

"A warning, Miss Pataki. If a similar incident occurs on school property, the consequence will be a three-day suspension."

Helga knew it was an empty threat. Attacking Harold got her banned from recess for a week, and hitting Brainy just resulted in therapy. "I understand, Principal Wartz." She made no attempt to hide the apathy in her voice.

"Then you're excused." Principal Wartz picked up Helga's file and carried it to his filing cabinets.

Helga grinned as she walked back to class, relieved that Peapod Kid had failed to get her punished. She was still worried about judgmental crap, but at least she wouldn't have to write lines in detention.

"Welcome back, Helga," Mr. Simmons said. "Did you have a talk with Principal Wartz?"

"Yeah. He gave me a warning." Helga sat down at the desk behind Arnold's. "Did you miss me, Arnoldo?"

Arnold turned in his seat to face her. "Yeah, I was worried. I thought you were gonna get suspended."

Helga remembered when Arnold got suspended. She had planned to vandalize Wartz's office, but chickened out when she realized she could end up in juvie. "How did you get suspended in fourth grade?"

Arnold's eyes shifted to the floor. "I called Principal Wartz a tyrant."

Helga chuckled. "So he proved your point?"

Arnold shrugged. "I dunno. Harold called him a stupid dork, and if someone called me that..."

"I'd punch them," Helga said. "No one insults my boyfriend."

"I wouldn't want that kind of defense."

Helga's face wrinkled. "How the heck are you so passive?"

Before Arnold had the chance to reply, Mr. Simmons spoke. "Now, class, let's return our focus to learning. Who would like to pass out the math tests?"

Helga stared at the back of Arnold's head. Her question wasn't rhetorical; she really did want to know how Arnold worked. Why is it so rare for him to snap? And why doesn't he use his fists?

She recalled the time he snapped and poured paint on her, after Helga poured some on him. Helga had avoided looking at him as she left (the dismissal bell rang less than five minutes later), but Phoebe said that his remorse seemed immediate.

"You're lying," Helga had said, trying to fight her tears with anger. "He's probably happy that he got revenge."

"I swear on my life!" Phoebe had said. "I don't think it gave him any satisfaction."

But if revenge didn't satisfy Arnold, there was no way Helga could end up like him.