It was the next morning. Everyone was getting their breakfast in the craft services tent. "Keep the line moving, lovebirds," Duncan told Geoff and Bridgette, who were busy making out. They moved out of the way. "More eggs and bacon for me," DJ happily said. "Keep it coming, Chef!" Chef just growled at him, making him walk off. "Forgot how hungry I got last year eating on Chris's wrecked schedule," Duncan commented.
"I know!" Sky agreed. "It got to the point where I'd kill for Chef's disgusting food! No offense, Chef."
"None taken," Chef sternly told her as he scooped her food, which landed on the floor.
"You can have my burnt toast, big mouth," Duncan offered.
"Judging from that gut," Sky teased, "I thought you'd be all over the extra carbs."
"Heh-heh, nice."
"Don't fret, Sky," Dave cut in as he walked over. "I have something better than burnt toast. Apple?" Sky gagged a bit before running off, and the boys heard her puking outside. "I don't get it," Dave said with confusion as Destiny walked over, "Sky loves fruit."
"Remember the buffet where-?" Destiny pointed out.
"Oh! Right. Too soon?"
"Just don't give Snow White any apples for a while, okay?" Izzy was pouring ketchup over a stack of pancakes. "That is so wrong," Lindsay commented.
"So wrong," Beth agreed.
"In battle, we put ketchup on everything," Izzy explained. "Covers the taste of mortar." She walked off. "My new nail polish is mortar," Lindsay told Beth. "Isn't it hot?"
"Gray is so totally your color," Beth complimented. Chef put out a plate full of food for Owen. "No eggs and bacon for me, Chef," Owen moaned. "I'll just have this-" He gagged. "Nice bowl of prunes." Everyone else gasped in shock. "What?" Owen wondered.
Confessional: Owen
"My, uh, plumbing's been clogged ever since I ate all those fake food props. Pressure build-up's killing me!" He tried to let out a fart. "Come on, colon! Don't fail me now!" He let out a small fart. "Oh, I hear bells!"
End Confessional
Everyone was sitting at the tables. "Welcome to day two of Total...Drama...Action!" Chris announced as he walked in and clapped a clapperboard.
"Are you gonna do that every time?" Duncan wondered.
"Yes. Yes, I will."
"Alright, then."
"Today's movie genre: aliens!" Owen, Duncan, Dave and Destiny lit up at this. "Our unpaid interns have been hard at work figuring out what makes an alien movie successful. Chef?"
"You got three basic groups," Chef explained as he stirred some soup. "Aliens wanna take over the world and start making lots of alien babies. People fight back...and the military's called." He flung a spoonful of soup at Owen. "Yo, Chris, where's my paycheck at?"
"It's in the mail," Chris slowly replied. Chef growled at him. "Today's challenge," Chris quickly explained, "Find an alien egg and return to home base before Mama Alien finds you. The two fastest get to pick the teams this season."
"Sorry, losers," Duncan told them, "But no one knows alien movies the way I do. The more obscure, the better."
"I'm gonna blend up those no-good aliens and have 'em for breakfast!" Destiny declared.
"Dude, Alien Chunks is my favorite alien movie of all time!"
"Yeah?"
"Saw it 53 times."
"That's 52 more times than me."
Confessional: Destiny
"I'm not a big sci-fi buff, but Greggy is so into that genre. He invited me, Be-ar-do, SamGuy and Dakotazoid to this marathon at his place to binge-watch the alien flicks. Pretty neat, but not exactly at the top of my movie genre list. Sorry, guys."
End Confessional
"I liked that movie where the aliens take over the government," Dave told the others. "Take me to your leader."
"Oh, dude," Duncan laughed, "You are SO going down."
"It was pretty good. Right? Sky?"
"Huh?" Sky wondered as she fiddled with her beaded necklace. "I don't watch sci-fi movies. I actually prefer watching that one doctumentary show. You know, with the meerkats?"
"I know the one! It's always cute how they just stand up at attention like that."
"Why are you messing with that silly necklace?" Duncan asked Sky.
"It's not silly," Sky told him. "It's the necklace River gave to me."
"You got a necklace from a river?"
"That's the name of her sister, you dunce!" Dave scolded.
"Dave, please," Sky said in a firm voice. "Don't make things more...stressful than they have to be. This conversation's becoming a bit...awkward."
"Yo, Chris?" DJ asked. "You got some laser shooting monster playing Mama Alien?"
"Not quite," Chris replied. Chef walked out, now dressed up in an alien costume. "You call that slime?" Chris complained. "Makeup, more slime over here!" Lara, now cosplaying as Starfire, poured some green slime over Chef. "I hate my life," he grumbled.
"You are certainly the lucky, yes?" Lara asked him.
"Here are your GPS devices, complete with maps of the film lot," Chris explained as he passed them out. "Find the alien eggs, but be careful...cause today, you're all on Chef's menu!" Chef snickered at this.
Later, the teens were walking around a sci-fi set. "Hey, follow me!" Izzy told Leshawna, Harold, Rodney and Owen. "I know aliens! Uh-huh. I've been abducted loads of times. There's a tracking device in my neck, see?" Harold looked at her neck. "Does it hurt?" he asked her.
"Only when I hiccup." Izzy hiccupped. "Ow." Leshawna noticed a door. "Ooh!" she shuddered. "Can you feel that? It's like...there's something in there cold as ice, with no soul."
"You better not be talking about Helga!" Rodney scolded. "Besides, she's not competing this season."
"Not her! It's something else." Chris watched the scene from his studio room. "Thanks," he chuckled. "Now take that!" He pressed a button, making some steam puff out. Harold leaped into Leshawna's arms in fright. Harold smiled at this while Leshawna had a bored look.
Confessional: Leshawna
"I have already told that skinny little tadpole that things between us aren't meant to be. Guess he can't get over the lusciousness that is Leshawna."
Confessional: Harold
"I'm pretty sure Leshawna isn't over me yet. I see the way she looks at me, like she's unpantsing me with her eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes. Like chocolate almonds."
End Confessionals
Izzy was still following the GPS, with Harold, Owen, Leshawna, Rodney DJ, Beth, Justin, Lindsay and Heather behind them. "How come we're the only dots on the screen?" Heather wondered as she shook her GPS. "Where's Chef?"
"How did you get in our group?" Justin asked her.
"There are no groups yet. Plus, there is only one way we can go."
Confessional: Beth and Lindsay
"Even though Heather can be really mean," Beth began, "That doesn't mean we should be mean back, right? Buddha says 'You can lead a sheep to water, but you can't make it nice'."
"That is so deep!" Lindsay replied.
End Confessional
Everyone walked down another corridor when they heard a strange noise. "Shh!" Sky warned. Owen let out a fart. "Aw, yes," he sighed in relief. "First one! Ahaha, smell it." He noticed the others were glaring at him. "Sorry." The strange noise continued. "What is that?" Rodney wondered. Everyone turned to Beth. "Ever since I got my braces off," she explained, "I don't make that sound anymore."
"Chris, is that you?" Leshawna asked.
"I get blamed for everything," Chris commented.
"It must be Chef," Duncan reasoned. "You wanna run, or you wanna kick some alien butt?"
"Let's kick some alien butt!" Sky and Destiny decided. Dave let out a cough. "Any thoughts, Dave?" Sky asked him.
"Yeah," Dave nervously replied, "Let's...kick some alien butt."
"So, who wants to go first?" Harold offered.
"Please, please," Leshawna told him, "After you."
"After you," DJ told Izzy and Owen. "I insist."
"Don't worry, Izzy," Owen said. "I'll protect you." Izzy flipped Owen over onto his back. "It's Kaleidoscope," she corrected. "E-Scope for short."
"Yes, sir, E-Scope, sir!" Owen saluted, a terrified expression on his face.
"Okay," DJ breathed out, "Let's do this!" He went up to the camera. "Mama, if you're listening, you can have my limited-edition Raptors draft cards. They're worth some serious coin."
"I didn't suffer through eight years of braces, headgear, saliva spittle and the ridicule of my peers so I could hide from life," Beth decared as she marched ahead.
"You go, girl!" Leshawna encouraged.
"Watch out, Alien Chef, cause here comes Beth!" Beth went around the corner but froze when she saw Bridgette and Geoff making out. "Oh..." she realized, "It's just Bridgette and Geoff."
"Duh," Destiny realized as the others joined her. "I should've known that sound was PDA."
"Oh, nice," Duncan scoffed, "Don't you two ever get sick of sucking face?"
"I'm thinking that's a no," Owen replied.
"Enough messing around," Sky decided. "We've got aien eggs to capture."
"Yeah," Dave stuttered, "Right."
"Don't worry, Dave. We won't go at it alone. You've got us, remember?" Dave smiled at Sky and Destiny. "Let's go!" he declared with enthusiasm.
Confessional: Dave
"Sky's right. Why should I be worried? It's just Chef in an alien costume. Besides, I won it last year. I've got this."
End Confessional
Sky looked at her GPS. "Good thing we're all lined up in a row, huh?" Dave noticed as he took a glance.
"Ready for Chef to pick us off one at a time," Sky breathed out. "We really need to work on our strategizing."
"Danger!" the GPS bleeped, making everyone get a worried look. "Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger!"
(cue commercial)
"Danger!" the GPS repeated. "Danger!"
"Let's get out of here!" Heather decided.
"Which way do we go?" Justin wondered.
"North is nice," Lindsay thought, "But east is least...west is best!"
"Can't argue with that," Leshawna agreed. "Wouldn't even know how to!" She, Lindsay, Beth, Rodney and Justin ran westward. "Map says the boiler room's east of here," Sky told Dave, Duncan, DJ and Destiny.
"Alien eggs are always in the boiler room," Duncan informed them.
"East it is," Dave decided.
"Why a room for boiling stuff?" Destiny wondered as she, Dave, Sky and DJ ran ahead. "I'd put lobsters in a boiling room. Maybe the aliens are reptilian and need the hot steam to survive!"
"Where do you think you're going?" Duncan asked Geoff and Bridgette.
"With you," Bridgette replied. "To the boiler room."
"Sorry, but the lovebirds are on their own." Duncan walked off, making Geoff and Bridgette gasp.
Confessional: Duncan
"In any alien flick, the kissing couple's always the first to go. There's no way Romeo and Juliet are gonna ruin my chances at five million big ones. Uh-uh."
End Confessional
"This is it, baby," Geoff told Bridgette. "Better make it good."
"That is the most romantic thing I've ever heard," Bridgette replied. The two made out. Chef, armed with a paintball gun, heard them and followed the sound.
The group of Owen, Izzy, Harold and Heather stopped walking when they overheard the sound of Bridgette and Geoff making out. "Everyone, snap out it," she scolded to the others. "If we don't ban together, we are gonna lose this challenge. Now, who is with me?"
"Uh, it's hard to say," Owen nervously admitted. "Um, does being 'with you' imply some sort of alliance?"
"Cause we don't like you," Izzy pointed out. Heather gave a glare to Owen. "Okay, okay," she decided, "Forget about being with me. Who's willing to walk beside me in mutual pursuit of our goals with no commitment of any kind?"
"I can agree to that," Owen said as Izzy nodded her head.
"Count me in," Harold agreed. He failed to notice Chef hanging upside down near him. Chef ended up faling on the floor. "Did anyone else hear that?" Harold asked as he readied himsef to fight.
Confessional: Harold
"I may not be the best looking guy, or the best dressed, or the most buff, but I get my butt kicked a whole lot, so my senses are totally heightened. I can sense when something's coming. Nothing gets by me."
End Confessional
Owen, Izzy and Heather froze in fear as they saw Chef tap Harold's shoulder. "Say hello to eternity," he warned as he readied his paintball gun. He shot the boy, covering him in green slime. "I'm hit!" Harold shouted. "I'm hit!" Owen's stomach gave a gurgle. "It's time!" he exclaimed with worry. "Take me out! I beg you. It's an EMERGENCY!" Chef glared at him before shooting him in the chest. "Oh, thank you!" Owen cried out. "Thank you! Make way! Coming through!" He farted as he ran, and Geoff was stunned as he cauht a whiff, accidentally dropping Bridgette.
Confessional: Owen
"Aw, man. I didn't think I was gonna make it! Haha, but these bowels never let me down. Great job, guys!" He farted again. "Oh...I think there's more. Coming through!" He dashed out, and Paul held his nose as he sprayed some air freshener around the confessional.
End Confessional
Chef approached Heather and Izzy. "I am NOT going down without a fight, you glorified dung beetle!" Heather declared as she hid behind Izzy. "Lizard, whatever!"
"One of us isn't geeting out of here clean," Izzy cackled. She pulled out a paintball gun, making Heather back away.
"You call that a paintball gun?" Chef challenged. He tossed his away and pulled out a humongous paintball gun. "THIS is a paintball gun!" he declared.
"Fun!" Izzy giggled as she tossed hers away and pulled out one identical to Chef's. "I love this game!"
"Okay," Heather spoke up, "Well, I'll just let you two have at it." She backed away. "If I can handle hand-to-pot combat with the polar bear," Izzy told Chef, "I can handle a bald, emotionally-withdrawn cook in a Halloween costume."
"Who you calling a cook?!" Chef countered. He fired at Izzy, but she dodged every shot. She fired back, but Chef barely weaved past it. He glared at Izzy, who looked shocked. He fired again, with one shot hitting Izzy in the chest. She fell to the ground, apparently dead. "Uh-oh," Chef breathed out, "Not again!" Izzy popped up laughing. "I thought you were dead," Chef told her.
"Yeah, I get that a lot," Izzy replied. "Okay."
"What was that?!" Chris complained as he watched the scene. "Where are the guts? The gore? I'll fix it." He removed his beret and put on a camo hat. "I really should wear camo more often."
Bridgette and Geoff were busy making out, unaware that Chef had approached them. "I once knew a love like that," he commented. He cocked his paintball gun and shot the couple.
Sky, Dave, Destiny, Duncan and DJ were following their GPS. They opened a door to the boiler room and saw a bunch of alien eggs.
Heather was walking around the damp hall when she noticed Chef. She screamed and ran away, but Chef pursued her. "This is for last season," he scolded, "When you put laxatives in my brownies! The only thing that should give people the runs is my undercooked meat!" He fired and hit Heather in the back, making her wig fly off. "My wig!" she cried out. She tried to grab it but it slipped through the grate. "NOOO!" She noticed the camera. "Don't look at me!"
Confessional: Heather
"Ever since my head was shaved last season, my hair is growing in all patchy and uneven. I have tried everything: lotions, lasers, traditional Burmese medicine.." She took a sip from her cup but spat it out. "Loser shamen!"
End Confessional
Lindsay, Justin, Leshawna, Beth and Rodney walked into a room. "Um, how did we get here?" Lindsay wondered.
"If we knew," Justin replied, "We wouldn't be lost."
"You are so smart, Justin...and gorgeous!"
"What a knockout!" Leshawna commented.
"Totally gorgeous!" Beth gushed at the same time. The door slammed shut behind everyone. "I hate to be the bearer of big bad alien news," Rodney spoke up, "But I think this may be a trap." Over in another area, Chef was hooking up a tube to a pipe. "We gotta hire an effects crew," he commented. He chuckled as he turned the knob, making green slime spray on everyone trapped in the room. "Gross!" Leshawna and Lindsay complained.
"Feels so good!" Justin exclaimed.
"Looks even better," Beth agreed, to Rodney's confusion.
Confessional: Beth
"You know what? Models are people, too! We stare at them, but they've got feelings just like the rest of us. They got hopes and dreams...my dream is to marry Justin. My mom says that if I concentrate really hard, all of my dreams will come true!"
Confessional: Rodney
"I don't get it. How can slime feel good? Well, at least it's not pig poop."
End Confessionals
"Wow," Dave breathed out to Sky, DJ, Duncan and Destiny, "They look so...real."
"Whoo-hoo!" DJ cheered. "We won!"
"Not so fast, big guy," Duncan pointed out. "We still have to get the eggs back to home base." They noticed something on the GPS. "Lower me down, Davey," Destiny told him as Sky flew down to the eggs. Soon, everyone held an alien egg. The door opened, and the group went wide-eyed as they saw Chef. He fired at DJ, hitting him in the back and making him drop his egg. Everyone else dashed off. "Save yourselves!" DJ warned them as Chef chased the group. They reached the door out but it was jammed. "Wait, Chef!" Destiny begged as he readied his paintball gun. "May we have our last words before you shoot?"
"What may they be?" Chef wondered. Destiny just smirked. "Smile for the camera!" she shouted as she held her heart-shaped necklace. Suddenly, a bright flash came out of it, blinding Chef. "Okay, that's kinda cool," Dave commented.
Confessional: Destiny
"Considering two of the hottest couples are competing again, I had to catch a few photos of them sharing their love for the TD blogs. But since I wasn't sure if Chris would allow cameras outright on the set, I came up with the next best thing: smuggling one in. Greggy hooked up my heart necklace to double as a camera. And that's not my only surcret. I'll win this season or my name isn't Destiny Howowitz!"
End Confessional
Destiny kicked the door open, and she, Duncan, Dave and Sky escaped with their eggs. "Attention civilians," Chris announced as he and Lara rode in a helicopter, "The military is here to protect you now." Chef, who regained his senses, aimed his paintball gun at the group. "Unfortunately," Chris continued, "We can't let you leave with any alien eggs."
"But we're supposed to take the alien eggs," Sky protested, "That's what you said!"
"Right. I did." Destiny noticed the slime missiles on the helicopter. "You wouldn't dare!" she challenged.
"As you Earthians say," Lara replied, "The bomb's away!" The missiles dropped down. "INCOMING!" Duncan warned as everyone ducked out of the way. The blast of slime drenched everything. "Woo!" Chris breathed out. "Glad I don't have to clean it up." Destiny shrieked as she noticed the slime covering her and Duncan. "My dress!" she cried out. "My boots! MY HAIR!"
"Yeesh," Paul commented as he and Lacey walked over with mops and observed the scene, "What slob trashed this place?" Destiny's eye twitched before she grabbed Chef's paintball gun and aimed it at Paul. "You better start running," Lacey advised him as Destiny cocked the gun.
"I wasn't calling you a slob," Paul argued as backed away from Destiny. "I thought someone else was-" Destiny began firing at him, making him run off with a scream. "You're pretty lethal when you're ticked off," Lacey noted as she walked over to her. The two heard Paul give a high-pitch scream. "Bullseye," Lacey chuckled.
"This is why I never try to get on Destiny's bad side," Dave told Sky as they popped up from behind a barrel. Duncan walked over to the duo. "Does this mean I'm out?" he wondered.
"Tough luck, Duncan," Sky teased. "More money for us."
"Down for the count!" Dave and Destiny gave them an odd stare. "Want me to shoot him?" Destiny offered as she waved the paintball gun.
"Uh, maybe later," Dave replied with uncertainty.
"Where's our alien eggs?" Sky wondered. Duncan noticed one balancing precariously on a piece of wood. "I'm on it!" he exclaimed.
"No, I'm on it!" Dave declared as he rushed over.
"My necklace!" Sky realized as she put a hand to her neck. "It's gone!" Dave noticed Sky's beaded necklace at a grate. He looked between it and the egg with worry. The necklace slipped down the grate, making Sky gasp, but Dave quickly grabbed it. "Gotcha," he breathed out. Sky smiled at this.
Confessional: Sky
"I know this is gonna sound really girly, but I was touched when Dave chose my necklace over the egg! Most guys would have gone for the win."
End Confessional
"Personally," Duncan scoffed as Dave brought Sky's necklace to her, "I would've picked the win." Chef lifted himself out from under the pile, making the egg fall and break. "Sorry about losing the egg," Dave apologized to Sky as he handed her the necklace.
"It's fine, Dave," Sky assured him as she put the necklace on. "That was a pretty sweet thing you did." She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Girl," Duncan coughed.
"You four gave it a valiant effort," Chris told them as he parachuted down and landed near them, "But you're still losers! Hahaha!"
"Watch it, McLean!" Destiny warned. "I'm armed and dangerous!" She tried to fire the paintball gun, but it only clicked. "Bumbling body snatchers!" she complained. "I'm outta ammo!" Dave noticed two eggs under a plank. "Not so fast, Chris!" he declared as he ran over and scooped up the eggs. "Karma's in full effect today! Sky, meet you at home base." Chef tried to grab him but missed. "I'll get you next time," he bitterly told Dave. "Ooh!"
"Can't you do anything right?" Chris asked him.
"Where's my money?! Give me my money!" Chris dashed off. "You go, guys!" Destiny rallied as Sky and Dave raced with the eggs. "Wait, isn't there something for the two winners? What was it?"
Sky and Dave panted as they reached the trailers with their eggs. "We have our two winners!" Chris announced as Duncan and Destiny joined the rest of the cast. "Our only two winners. The rest of you really stink. As our winners, Sky and Dave will now be able to pick their teammates, which means...they'll be competing against each other this season." Sky and Dave looked at him with shock. "You-you can't!" Dave protested.
"THAT'S what the winners get!" Destiny realized. "Now I wish I hadn't cheered so much for you guys."
"Bet you didn't see that one coming," Chris laughed. "After we vote off two cast members in the most thrilling Gilded Chris ceremony yet..." Everyone gasped at this. "Yes, you heard me," Chris clarified. "I said two! I'm liking the twos today. Must be Tuesday." Everyone rolled their eyes at the corny pun. "Yeah, I don't get paid to write this show."
Soon, everyone was seated at the Gilded Chris ceremony. Chris, in a blue tuxedo, walked up to the podium. "It's time to cast your votes," he began. "Under your seats, you'll find your voting devices. Just press the button of the person you want voted off. Oh, and no peeking, or it's: Na, na, na na na na, hey, hey, hey, goodbye! The votes have been cast." Chef, now in a pink dress, carried the Gilded Chris awards as the cast laughed at him. "If you get a Gilded Chris," Chris explained, "It means you're safe. And the Gilded Chrises go to...Dave...Sky...Harold...Duncan...Destiny...and Izzy."
"E-Scope!" Izzy corrected.
"Fine, E-Scope." Izzy caught her statue. "Lindsay, Justin and Beth are also safe," Chris continued. The girls hugged Justin until they got their statues. "So is Owen, my man!"
"Thanks, Chris," Owen told him as he caught his statue. "And thanks, Chef, for doing what the prunes couldn't."
"Next is DJ," Chris announced. "Leshawna...surprisingly Heather...and last but not least..." Rodney, Bridgette and Geoff got worried looks. Geoff noticed Bridgette's hand was on his, making him smile. "...Rodney!" Chris announced.
"YEAH!" Rodney cheered as he hugged Bridgette and Geoff. "Oops. My bad." He caught the last statue. "But," Bridgette said, "But...I thought everyone liked us."
"'Like' being the operative word," Duncan explained.
Confessional: Duncan
"I know exactly who's gonna get it this week." He imitated kissing noises.
Confessional: Lindsay
"Two words: Bridgette and Geoff."
Confessional: DJ
"At least they'll have each other."
End Confessionals
"Any final words?" Chris asked Bridgette and Geoff. The duo shrugged before making out again, getting some complaints from the others and Destiny even taking a snapshot with her heart necklace camera. Bridgette and Geoff continued to make out as they walked down the Walk of Shame into the Lame-O-Sine. It soon drove off with the couple. "Who will Sky and Dave pick for their team?" Chris narrated. "Will Izzy ever answer to her actual name? Will Owen finally get some lunch?"
"Thank you!" Owen shouted off-screen.
"Tune in next time for another exciting episode of Total...Drama...Action!"
Episode two is done at last! So, most of the stuff stayed about the same, with only a few tweaks in the interactions between Sky and Dave. Bridgette and Geoff getting eliminated here makes sense here since it set the stage for the Aftermaths, so I kept it as is. (Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.)
Now, for a movie quote based on this episode's genres of alien flicks:
"The human mind searches for cause and effect, always; and we all prefer the weird and thrilling to the dull and commonplace as an answer." Jack Finney
-From Invasion of the Body Snatchers
The next episode will show the cast just how hard it is to make a movie. Until next time, this is Dunsparce519 saying enjoy and have a good day.
P.S. The interns Paul, Lacey and Lara belong to LaCuevademisgustos.