December 6, 2001
2:23 AM
Willow's Journal Entry
Did you know that once you obtain the highest possible level of stupidity there is an even higher level that you had no idea was even there in the first place? I was one of those kids that were all anti-drugs, school is cool, type of stupid logos, but I did something that was even worse. I mean I was all 'go me' 'cause I turned Amy back from being a rat and it just felt so good to hang around someone who was into having fun with the magicks like I am. I didn't want to end up hurting anyone. She hooked me up with this guy named Rack. He was scary but so powerful at the same time, from that most of it's a blur. I can't remember some of it, and I really don't want to. I do remember driving, though. 'Cause that's where I did the second stupidest thing in my lifetime (first one being screwing everything up with Tara). I was too high on the magicks and I didn't watch where I was going and we got into an accident and I hurt Dawnie. I think she hates me! She won't talk to me; she won't even look at me. And I think Buffy's pissed at me, too. We just talked, though about everything and I came to a decision. I am giving up magicks. From now on, no candles, no potions, no spells, nothing. I am going to get my self clean and then maybe Tara will come back to me. It's passed an obsessive hobby; it's a matter of life and death.
December 6, 2001 2:47 AM
Buffy's Journal Entry
These past couple of days have been so crazy. They were like a topsy- turvy nightmare. First, Spike tells me I came back wrong, less human, and he proves it by hitting me. Buffy punched = pain, Spike punching Buffy = no pain for him and that was not of the good. I was so shocked and scared at the same time that I did what came naturally, I fought back. We ended up in some broken down, abandoned house (don't know how) still fighting. Small bits and pieces of the verbal part of the fight are still in my head now. *'.I'm in love with you.' '.you aren't in love with me you're in love with pain.'* More words and fists were exchanged before he had me pinned to a wall. Spike was about to tell me something, but I cut him off by attacking his mouth with mine. Next thing I knew naughtiness ensues, and there was major kissage too. I think we moved just before some piece of ceiling fell down on us, I'm not really quite sure, 'cause it was all kind of a blur, but I do remember falling through the floor *ouch* all the way to the basement. We had this moment where we kind of realized what it was we were finally doing, and for lack of better words, we continued to ravage each other many times. *Hehe that sounded like something Anya would say* Anyway, when I woke up the next morning after a night of perfect bliss, *no not bliss. It was bad, horrible, and wrong! * I fully realized what I had actually done that night. I was mortified, not that it was bad, but the fact that I had let myself do something I had fought so hard to not do. I had to get out of there fast, but Spike tried getting me to stay. *god he's so gorgeous in all of his naked manhood.BAD BUFFY* '.I'm in your system now.', and to be honest, I think he always has. I managed to leave that place, and he was left alone until it was safe for him to leave. I was, no.am, disgusted more with myself rather than with him. Now it is time for a totally big change of subject. Willow brought Amy back from rat-hood and they ended up doing some heavy magicks that night I was with Spike. Will was bringing Dawnie to a movie or something tonight and ended up stopping at this man named Rack's place (majorly evil warlock) to get a magick high! What was she thinking?! She ended up accidentally summoning some demon, and in their running away, stole a car. Willow being in the condition she was in got in a car wreck. Dawn was really pissed. Spike helped me bring her to the hospital. *He is always doing things like that.damn his caring about Dawn and me* Thankfully Dawn only fractured her arm and she's be gonna be okay. I went to talk to Willow just a little while ago and I was going to tell her about Spike when she told me she was through with magick. She said it felt good, but she can't do it anymore if it is hurting everyone. I agreed with her about her condition and silently about mine. I think I will go booby-trap my room with garlic so that Spike can't come in, just in case. I won't let him get in, won't let him make me feel alive.
Did you know that once you obtain the highest possible level of stupidity there is an even higher level that you had no idea was even there in the first place? I was one of those kids that were all anti-drugs, school is cool, type of stupid logos, but I did something that was even worse. I mean I was all 'go me' 'cause I turned Amy back from being a rat and it just felt so good to hang around someone who was into having fun with the magicks like I am. I didn't want to end up hurting anyone. She hooked me up with this guy named Rack. He was scary but so powerful at the same time, from that most of it's a blur. I can't remember some of it, and I really don't want to. I do remember driving, though. 'Cause that's where I did the second stupidest thing in my lifetime (first one being screwing everything up with Tara). I was too high on the magicks and I didn't watch where I was going and we got into an accident and I hurt Dawnie. I think she hates me! She won't talk to me; she won't even look at me. And I think Buffy's pissed at me, too. We just talked, though about everything and I came to a decision. I am giving up magicks. From now on, no candles, no potions, no spells, nothing. I am going to get my self clean and then maybe Tara will come back to me. It's passed an obsessive hobby; it's a matter of life and death.
December 6, 2001 2:47 AM
Buffy's Journal Entry
These past couple of days have been so crazy. They were like a topsy- turvy nightmare. First, Spike tells me I came back wrong, less human, and he proves it by hitting me. Buffy punched = pain, Spike punching Buffy = no pain for him and that was not of the good. I was so shocked and scared at the same time that I did what came naturally, I fought back. We ended up in some broken down, abandoned house (don't know how) still fighting. Small bits and pieces of the verbal part of the fight are still in my head now. *'.I'm in love with you.' '.you aren't in love with me you're in love with pain.'* More words and fists were exchanged before he had me pinned to a wall. Spike was about to tell me something, but I cut him off by attacking his mouth with mine. Next thing I knew naughtiness ensues, and there was major kissage too. I think we moved just before some piece of ceiling fell down on us, I'm not really quite sure, 'cause it was all kind of a blur, but I do remember falling through the floor *ouch* all the way to the basement. We had this moment where we kind of realized what it was we were finally doing, and for lack of better words, we continued to ravage each other many times. *Hehe that sounded like something Anya would say* Anyway, when I woke up the next morning after a night of perfect bliss, *no not bliss. It was bad, horrible, and wrong! * I fully realized what I had actually done that night. I was mortified, not that it was bad, but the fact that I had let myself do something I had fought so hard to not do. I had to get out of there fast, but Spike tried getting me to stay. *god he's so gorgeous in all of his naked manhood.BAD BUFFY* '.I'm in your system now.', and to be honest, I think he always has. I managed to leave that place, and he was left alone until it was safe for him to leave. I was, no.am, disgusted more with myself rather than with him. Now it is time for a totally big change of subject. Willow brought Amy back from rat-hood and they ended up doing some heavy magicks that night I was with Spike. Will was bringing Dawnie to a movie or something tonight and ended up stopping at this man named Rack's place (majorly evil warlock) to get a magick high! What was she thinking?! She ended up accidentally summoning some demon, and in their running away, stole a car. Willow being in the condition she was in got in a car wreck. Dawn was really pissed. Spike helped me bring her to the hospital. *He is always doing things like that.damn his caring about Dawn and me* Thankfully Dawn only fractured her arm and she's be gonna be okay. I went to talk to Willow just a little while ago and I was going to tell her about Spike when she told me she was through with magick. She said it felt good, but she can't do it anymore if it is hurting everyone. I agreed with her about her condition and silently about mine. I think I will go booby-trap my room with garlic so that Spike can't come in, just in case. I won't let him get in, won't let him make me feel alive.