Overworked and Underpaid
"It should be Ignoramuses," Ikkaku said, peering at the skewed poster Bepo and Chopper had tacked to the outer wall of the Straw Hats' kitchen. Behind them, Zoro snoozed against the mast soaking up the sun.
Nami sauntered over to see what the Hearts and Chopper were up to, and Law landed on deck in search of coffee. Robin, also enjoying the heat of the day, waved to him from her deckchair. Sanji kicked the kitchen door open, drink tray in hand.
Bepo bowed his head, not that Ikkaku could see it, but stood his ground. "It comes from the noun. Both are correct."
"Yeah?" Ikkaku turned around, and smiled at Nami before turning her attention to Bepo and Chopper. They stood port side, placards slung over their shoulders. Today, the Thousand Sunny, tomorrow, the Polar Tang, the next day, the World Government. The strike to Increase The Bounty Of Pirates Viewed As Pets (by the Greater Ignorami) was heating up.
The Sunny was resupplying and waiting for the log pose to set. The Polar Tang, docked nearby, was in need of a few repairs. The Hearts happily recast the standstill as a stop-work protest in support of Getting The World Government To Recognise A Certain Navigator's Brilliance. Because Bepo was. Then again, at least the Mink had a bounty.
"They're not very good, are they?" Nami said, straightening the poster, a paw and a hoof stamped onto the bottom right corner, "Your drawing skills."
Bepo burst into tears and Law drew his sword and Sanji rushed over to protect Nami. Zoro, thinking Chopper (also crestfallen) was in danger, unsheathed his own sword. Ikkaku whipped out an umpire's whistle, and it was on. Demon blade against demon wail.
The strike, not betrayal, would be the death of the alliance.
"I think it's lovely," Robin said once all members, barring Bepo and Chopper, were restrained by any number of arms and hands (including Nami, to prevent her from going through everyone's pockets).
The two pets who were not pets blushed in pleasure, and Chopper was torn between ripping the poster in two, or framing and hanging it in the galley or perhaps his consulting rooms.
Robin admired the design from the comfort of the deckchair. Sanji, Zoro, Law, Ikkaku and Nami sputtered in a grouped bundle near the kitchen. Robin's devil fruit arms wrapped around them a few times, stoppering their mouths, and clamping Law's hands to prevent activation of the ope-ope no mi. She'd removed Zoro's swords, and Law's nodachi, and had confiscated Ikkaku's whistle and Sanji's tray, all to be returned when the unruly mob had learnt how to behave.
In terms of pinning folks down, she gave Luffy a run for his money.
"You do realise that we—pirate crews—don't set the bounties, right?" she asked the two.
Bepo looked down at Chopper and Chopper up at him. Only too well.
"The News Coo took pictures."
World Economic Newspaper
Leisure and Travel
(Pets and Livestock)
Pirate Mascots Strike For Increased Pocket Money
Our intrepid avian reporters spied these cute mascots picketing the decks of their respective outlaw ships in a bid to increase their allowances. Could the crews of the Straw Hat and Heart Pirates be any more miserly?
C'mon captains! Even the blackest of skinflint hearts can't resist such whimsy. An extra 100 beri or two is worth it for the pleasure these beasts bring to the eye and soul alone.
*Want to celebrate your furry companions? Send your pictures to WENP by close of business on Mondays
"You have to be nefarious, bro," Franky's footfall matched the volume of his voice. "Like, you've got to up the wicked game."
"Ninety-four-million beri man," Usopp coughed from the sides of the Sunny, reeling in the line of his fishing rod a little.
"Like my buddy, Usopp, here." Franky thumped Usopp on the back, and then hooked the sniper's braces before he slipped over the edge of the ship. Ninety-four-million beri man indeed. "Got Doflamingo good and proper, and his bounty sky-rocketed."
Usopp righted himself and glared at Franky. He placed the rod against the railing and jumped onto the deck. "Two-hundred million beri." He slapped a hand across his chest. "Let the mighty warrior of the sea guide you."
Law strained against Robin's powers, unable to spit out a comment about the navy admirals and their search for Usopp with his Godly bounty. He didn't want Bepo to be noticed.
The asking price for Minks was 700,000 beri at the human auctioning house, and Pedro and the crew had told him about Bepo's brother, dead from Big Mom's power. The Hearts were a stealth operation and the less the World Government and others knew about Bepo the better off they were. They couldn't afford to lose him.
But on second thoughts—and Law relaxed—it was Usopp. The most cautious of the Straw Hats. But then again, and Law tensed, his bounty had increased by 170 million beri after Dressrosa.
It was beyond sublime that Usopp had struck at the core of the Dressrosan empire so effectively, that star billing in the game devised by Doflamingo to hunt down the Straw Hats and their allies went to the sharpshooter. Not that Law was happy about the hunt, of course, but he'd really ruffled some Donquixote feathers.
Usopp was noisy but not at critical moments, and Law still wasn't one hundred percent sure on what he'd done to invoke such wrath. Broken the spell that turned people into toys or something. Whatever got Doflamingo's goat was fine with him, but not if it affected his team.
So why the strike?
Bepo knew how his captain felt, but fumes accumulated from years of stewing in their own juices only needed the scratch of a match. Yes, yes, he was pleased that the back of his head featured prominently in Law's bounty poster and that the poster was plastered in every bar and boardroom the world over, and not only as a warning. He had a sneaking suspicion that the cap part of Captain Trafalgar stood for captivating. So long as it didn't stand for captive, he was fine.
Which brought him to—and no, he'd think about that later.
As such, the back of Bepo's head also featured in every bar or board room around the New World and on the other side of the Red Line, and he did have his own bounty and poster outside of Wano, unlike some. Ocean dwellers didn't need to be noticed, Shachi said, but Bepo was a land animal. It was natural to crave recognition beyond being an accessory to the Heart Pirates.
Leave the pet outside! The calls were never-ending whenever they entered a bar where the crew's uniform was recognised, but the members weren't. No animals allowed! Lesser Minks really were the definition of Ignorami.
World Economic Newspaper
Leisure and Travel
Cyborg Franky Wears Shorts
In shocking news across the oceans, Cyborg Franky was seen sporting a jaunty pair of shorts and a fastened button-up shirt. Two young women with an uncanny resemblance to Cat Burglar Nami and Devil Child, Nico Robin were also seen in round neck tees and culottes with high waists. No midriffs evident. When navy sources were contacted for their opinion on these unusual sightings, they asked who had removed the 'raw' from the Straw Hat Pirates?
Our contact, who asked not to be identified, said, "You look at the wanted posters all day, y'know? Helps if they're..." He then curved his hands in the air in the time-honoured shape of the hourglass. He added that if he were ever to capture Cyborg Franky, he would definitely ask for his autograph and for a demonstration of his reported ability to fire lasers from his nipples.
If you have any leads on this breaking news, please contact WENP.
Chopper clattered across the deck, newspaper in hoof, yelling for Bepo.
"We did it! We did it! We got the navy's attention!" Chopper transformed into Walk Point and effortlessly leapt the gap between the Sunny and the Polar Tang.
Bepo, swabbing the submarine's deck, put the mop in in the bucket, and leant it against a wall. He took the paper and shook it out onto a dry section. Sitting cross-legged, he read the article. Chopper, forelegs on the Mink's back, looked over his shoulder.
"They even mention wanted posters," Bepo said with a huge grin. A pile of placards were strewn over the kitchen table below, ready to post around the Thousand Sunny for another day of industrial action. They were making waves.
Franky was spot-on, Bepo thought. Nefarious was best. It wasn't right that a beast as mystical as a tanuki only had a hundred beri bounty. Captain praised Chopper's medical skills, and Bepo had witnessed the Straw Hat bring down men a gazillion times his size. Although, he wasn't as small when he did that transformation thing.
Bepo, Ikkaku, Uni, Penguin, Shachi and, most importantly, Jean Bart, had spent the night knitting, stitching, and embroidering clothes, hoping to make the cyborg's eyes light up. Ikkaku and Shachi in particular worked on the designs for Nami and Robin.
Chopper presented the clothes to the Straw Hat members who most needed to wear them, stating, It was for the greater good, and for one day only.
One drunken night, after hearing from Commander Chopper and Gunman Usopp all about the Brachio Tank, Uni decided it must have some relation to brachiopods. Sea urchins didn't belong to that phylum, but he'd seen enough lamp shells in his lifetime to dig the concept.
Bivalve shells, both opened and shut, patterned the shorts for Franky, and when Chopper explained to his nakama that the design had been inspired by Iron Pirate Franky, the cyborg decided that maybe, just this once, he'd cover up his speedos.
Bepo and Chopper crossed their toes that the paparazzi were circling above. They'd left out leftover soggy chips in grease-laden paper to encourage them. Chopper had washed them free of vinegar and Luffy hadn't discovered the scraps yet.
Bepo presented the latest in North Blue chic to Nami and Robin, although what hens had to do with it, he wasn't sure, but Ikkaku had said it'd work if he said that. Shachi said he should whisper haute couture, and Jean Bart, needle in hand, nodded. So he did. Nami's eyes sparkled and Robin smiled and stroked a finger along Bepo's snout.
Captain, tying off on a buttonhole stitch, had told him to say It's just your colour. Law had selected the shades—autumnal for Nami and winter for Robin—and Jean Bart's exquisite crewel work decorated the back pockets of the culottes.
Sanji, staggering under a huge basket of laundry, seethed at the sweet looks his Robin and Nami gave Bepo as the bear passed over two Hearts Brand paper bags. Franky received one too but tore it in his excitement to see what it contained.
"The Hearts' seamwork is peerless," Robin said, accepting the gift and walking towards the girls' room. She peered back over her shoulder. "Shall we go downtown, Nami? Show off our new threads?"
Nami pulled at the crop top she wore. It was her least favourite, but Sanji was running behind on the laundry this week. The outfits from Bepo were free, which was a huge bonus in her books. And…haute couture…in absolutely her colour!
But if Law thought he was going to invoice them later, he had another thing coming. She'd nodded, patted Bepo's arm, and followed Robin.
"Are we nefarious?" Chopper had whispered to Bepo as Franky posed on the decks of the Polar Tang and Sunny in his new duds, lapping up compliments from an eager Luffy and a begrudging Sanji.
The Hearts had cut and stitched holes into Franky's shirt to accommodate his lasers. All members of both crews (bar Sanji, Robin, and Nami) smiled. Even Law's eyes crinkled for a second, and he adjusted the brim of his hat as Franky activated his nipple firing capacity.
Robin and Nami strolled down the gangplank in their new outfits on their way to town.
"Hey pretty lady!"
Nami raised an arm in recognition of adulation, bangles and log pose glinting in the sun. An ear splitting whistle and the slap of hands against the railing cut through the air, and Robin hid a soft laugh behind her hand at the catcalling.
"Ikkaku," Law warned. Feet in the air, she leant right over the Polar Tang's balustrade. He grabbed at the baggy section of her coveralls. He actually couldn't pull her out of the sea if she fell. "Cut it out." They weren't that kind of crew.
"Captain?" Bepo asked, paper still flattened, as Law crossed from one ship to the other to scrounge some of Blackleg Sanji's superior coffee.
Law paused, and glanced their direction.
"Pirates break conventions, don't they?" Bepo asked.
Law nodded, then teleported to the Sunny.
"See, told you," Bepo said to Chopper.
The zoan giggled. "I asked Zoro as well, and he said the same."
Getting someone to change their behaviour, if only for the day, and for it to be documented, was right up there in the diabolical stakes. They hoped. That dinosaur pirate had been a pirate's son, and then a marine, and then a pirate, and then one of Kaidou's pirates, and then a marine again.
Kanjuro had been their friend, and then an enemy, one that had caused their allies to doubt the Hearts. He'd caused them a lot of heartache.
If breaking conventions wasn't nefarious, Chopper and Bepo weren't sure what was. They were on the right track.
"The worst crime ever?" Luffy asked. Bepo and Chopper waited. Luffy's bounty was higher than Skypiea. He knew a lot about being outrageous. As he took in the calm seas, the sun shone through the weave of his hat, dotting his cheeks.
"If someone ate all the meat, I wouldn't be very happy." He scratched his backside, clapped his palms together, then cocked his head. The big hand of the clock clunked a minute closer to the little one and Morning Teatime was just around the corner. He was out of there like a shot.
Bepo looked at Chopper then towards Sunny's kitchen. "Meat, huh?" he said. Chopper shook his head wildly and crossed his limbs. "Nuh-uh. Not a good idea."
Both pirates stared down at the Polar Tang. Shachi and Penguin and the rest of the crew lugged crates packed with ice and fish across the deck.
Bepo's nose twitched at the delicious aroma. "Do we have enough funds to replace the supplies once our crews get mad?"
"Can't Law use his powers like a trawler net?"
Bepo considered this, claw to chin. He guessed he could. Freshly caught fish packed a world of nutrition that frozen didn't.
World Economic Newspaper
Science and Nature
Wild Polar Bear Spotted in Port Town
The Heart Pirates might wear that symbol on their sleeves but they sure aren't having the best of luck. The renegade crew has evaded law enforcement for over a decade but they couldn't escape a recent polar bear attack. News Coo reported that supplies resting on the deck of the Hearts' yellow submersible were broken into by the beast and the contents, raw meat of some kind, was consumed.
News Coo attempted to take photographs but the bear stared directly at our camera-gull, startling it. The ring of blood around the bear's mouth caused a panic and the picture blurred. Although the quality is inferior, readers can still see in the visual attached how terrifying the ordeal must have been.
Strangely enough, the Heart member who wears a hat in the shape of an orca, and the only female in the crew, circled the mayhem but kept their distance. Also suspect, the fugitive ex-pirate captain, Jean Bart, ensured the Surgeon of Death, and the crew member known as Penguin, were buffered from the apex predator. Has the notorious Trafalgar Law finally met his match?
"Chopper!" Bepo raced across the deck of the Polar Tang and glanced at his captain expectantly as he faced the wooden slats of the Sunny's hull. Despite a bracing early ocean swim with Jinbei, the Knight of the Sea, light pink still stained the fur surrounding his mouth.
Clione, sitting next to Law, eyed Bepo's matted hair. The crew dragged a picnic table out when they berthed for a while and the weather was good. This morning wasn't as peaceful as usual though, even with breakfast drinks and with Law quietly reading a paperback.
The flooring, walls and railings were a mess after Bepo's return to his roots the day before. All personnel had scrubbed the Polar Tang down and would thoroughly scrub again today. Maybe Bepo's pocket money really should be raised.
When the Mink was a little less feral, they'd pamper him with a shampoo and spa set. Not right now, though. When Bepo got like this, the only one that could really handle him was Shachi and, even then, they had to be careful that neither crew member ate the other.
Law did his hand thing and Bepo landed neatly on the Thousand Sunny.
"You stink!" Nami's exclamation shot down to the submarine and Law grimaced, but it was true. Bepo had eaten three months' worth of raw fish, and it wasn't just that fish was Law's favourite food, the rest of the team needed it too.
Tony-ya had grazed through their vegetable stocks. Law was surprised that a tanuki had left the meat alone. Weren't they omnivores? Maybe Luffy's psychotic attachment to beef explained it.
Why Chopper couldn't have eaten Shachi's umeboshi and all the wheat flour stocks, Law didn't know. Bringing up the expenses with Nami was another headache he didn't need. Jean Bart was shrewd. It'd be better to send him.
Chopper waddled across the Thousand Sunny clutching his belly. He'd put the posters up earlier, and was ready for another day on the picket line, but had terrible indigestion. Even so, he peered at the paper and Usopp and Brook wandered over to take a squiz.
Bepo turned in greeting and Brook skittered a safe distance from such an obvious carnivore. As much as he loved Minks (and Luffy), Minks loved him more, and such affection wasn't good for his creaky old bones, even if he was world famous, and that being universally adored came with the territory.
"Apex predator," Chopper read.
"That's nefarious, right?" Bepo asked, looking around.
"That's top of the top," Usopp exclaimed, also edging away after deciding that Bepo hadn't been super careless with a raspberry popsicle.
A puff of air wafted behind Chopper and the deck cleared suddenly when everyone rushed to the kitchen and locked the door against the two. Chopper and Bepo gazed around, confused. "Talk about nefarious, Chopper! Surely you've got something for that in the infirmary, bro?" Franky yelled from behind the door.
Nothing worse than the stink of a reindeer's fart. Bepo burped and the odour of raw fish and gizzards spilled into the morning air.
"Humans cannot understand the nuances of succulence," Chopper said, sadly pawing at the floorboards.
"For sure," Bepo said, "their loss." It couldn't bring him down. He gave Chopper's flatulence-fragrance five Michelin stars. He was still buzzing from Usopp and Franky's compliments, and from Captain's careful handling. Did that article say he was on par with the Surgeon of Death?
World Economic Newspaper
Finance
Ex-Pirate Captain And Cat Burglar Count Their Pennies
The Davy Jones Index saw a day of fast and furious trading after it was reported that ex-pirate captain, Giant Jean Bart, and the infamous Cat Burglar Nami sat down for talks. Fingers flew over abacuses and tapped calculators. Spectators expressed some surprise that a slave was competent in computation. Vinsmoke Sanji relayed a series of notepads and pens to the Cat Burglar's side. Heart pirate crew members, climbing a ladder, patted a towel against the forehead of the sweating giant.
It was not immediately clear which goods and ill-gotten riches changed hands, or what kind of agreement was hammered out, but at the end of the day, pets of either team were seen to wretchedly push a pile of coins onto the table.
Understandably, our agents couldn't get too close, especially when Cat Burglar ordered God Usopp to use his slingshot against them. However, the amount hardly seemed enough to purchase a fillet steak in a house of fine dining.
Experts asked if a rescue operation is necessary. It is not known whether these animals are in danger. By the close of underground trading, the market had righted itself, and although Cat Burglar Nami eyed the pitiable sum of money, both she and the former captain shook hands, stood, and walked away from the table.
Demon Child, Nico Robin, Rubber Man, Monkey D. Luffy, and the Surgeon of Death, Trafalgar Law, all took a coin or two from the pile until none was left, thereby proving that pirates really are the scourge of the sea.
"Tickles." Bepo scratched at the back of his boiler suit and fished out a coin. He dropped it in his pocket.
"Ah, stop!" Chopper jumped around, squeaking with laughter. "We're on strike! Activists can't be silly!" A number of coins clattered around him onto the ground, and then into his pockets, as if retrieved by hands.
Bepo grinned despite himself. Chopper's giggling was contagious. He stuck his paws into his pockets and extracted at least as much money as he'd put on the table the day before. It hadn't been there when he'd got dressed that morning.
Luffy looped over. "Chopper! Bear!" He dug into his pockets and held out his hands, full of beri. One dropped to the ground and he used his toes and flexibility to catch it and return it to the pile. "This is yours."
Chopper and Bepo shuffled near.
"You really shouldn't have eaten all of Law's fish," Luffy said.
Bepo picked out a beri or two and Chopper did the same.
"They were so delicious, Mugiwara."
"Yeah?" Luffy's eyes glowed. "Like meat?"
Bepo considered this, tapping a coin on his incisor. "Seals do taste better than fish, so no. But they were still yummy." A spot of saliva dripped from his mouth. "Haute cuisine."
"Bon sang...,"Sanji murmured, delivering Nami's first piña colada of the day. There was the knife-work and cut of sashimi. The lime marinade and spices of ceviche. Then there was Bepo, mauling fresh produce into the unpalatable.
Chopper burped.
"You've really gotta get that under control. You shouldna eaten all of the Heart's vegetable supply." Luffy, still balancing the coin, hooked a thumb on the edge of his coat and held it over his nose. "Why wouldja even want to?" There were vegetables and then there was meat.
Chopper waved his hooves at the coins in Luffy's palms. "This wasn't enough to replace it?"
"Nami said it'd buy four cabbages."
The tips of Chopper's antlers and the rounded edges of Bepo's ears reddened. They sure had caused some trouble. But that was the aim. But Captain had somehow ended up giving Nami some beri, and Luffy had somehow ended up giving Law some fish, flour and vegetables. The next sea king Usopp landed (dangerously close to the town) was thrown onto the Polar Tang and quickly sliced up with Law's powers and then packaged and stored before Luffy or Bepo could grab it.
"But it was neflavious!" Luffy said, and wrapped either crew member in his rubbery embrace, shoving the rest of the coin into their pockets and hat and behind their ears. "What you did was absolutely mefarizious." He was proud of them.
World Economic Newspaper
Finance and Piracy
Bear Market
Analysts took special note of the Davy Jones Index's reaction to the posting of two new bounties for the Heart and Straw Hat Pirate mascots. For their concerted efforts in trying to embarrass or eat crew members, their bounties have decreased. Their crews were also seen stealing from them, leaving many empathetic pundits speculating if the mascots are held involuntarily. The outpouring of concern prompted a humanitarian response from the authorities.
It cannot yet be determined if the mascots are totally undeserving of a bounty but, as a goodwill gesture, the Fighting Bear, Bepo is now priced at 450 beri, and Cotton Candy Chopper's bounty has dropped to 75 beri. Both are wanted only alive. Once justice is done, it is believed that rehabilitation is possible and the two pets will reintegrate into society smoothly. And if not, euthanizing rabid animals has long been naval policy.
A representative from the SRSPCA (Somewhat Respectable Society for the Protection and Care of Animals) said that animals were easily led astray. "All that a pirate needs to do is set out a tray of kibble, scratch them behind the ears, and they're caught up in a life of crime before they know it. Once they realise, it's too late. They're far from friends and family and they can't return home. It's not their fault, and we do our best to restore their faith in humanity when we rescue them."
All the hand-picked grass and smelly old fish heads in the world couldn't console Bepo and Choppper. Nami chatted with them as they moped on the deck of the Sunny, their placards sprawled about them. She picked up the poster from the first day and held it to the sun. "It's not as shitty as I thought. This line is almost straight." She pointed at the graphics.
Bepo turned his back to her. He didn't want to be rude but he was a 450 beri man now, and wanted only alive. It was too much for a bear to bear.
Franky, still wearing his shorts and shirt, shot lasers through the embroidered holes against the bolsters of the railing. On the nearby Polar Tang, the Hearts held up a variety of pots and pans which clanked and chimed when the rays found their targets. Franky's nipple laser for show didn't destroy them, but was equipped with super sound effects and optics.
Usopp cheered. Shachi cheered. Zoro slept. Sanji smoked. Brook cheered. Ikkaku cheered hoping Nami noticed. But Bepo and Chopper rolled up their posters in preparation of returning to their berths.
Chopper jumped, but Bepo held up a paw in greeting, when Nami disappeared and Law appeared in front of the two forlorn pirates. The Mink was used to it.
Law gestured for them to sit, and they all plopped back down on deck, cross-legged like kids in the school yard, Kikoku over Law's shoulder, papers unfurling. "I told you guys. It's safer this way." Law preferred it a hundred times over this way. When he told Bartolomeo he didn't care about his bounty, he wasn't lying.
"Tony-ya, you can practice medicine wherever you want."
Chopper perked up a little, but then slumped down. "Except, I'm a reindeer."
"You are?" Both Law and Bepo stared at him.
Chopper's rage obliterated any thoughts of his reduced status for a while, and Law teleported himself right out of there, pleased to see that Nami and Ikkaku were deep in conversation starboard the submarine. Kept her off his back. And from falling into the ocean.
Chopper finally had enough of Bepo's never-ending remorse and accepted his apologies.
"Dr. Miyagi's a Mink, y'know. Not every practitioner in the world is a Lesser Mink," Bepo said once he realised he was back in the good books.
"Yeah," Chopper looked at their first poster. Nami was on track, that line was pretty straight, "You're right."
Robin walked over. Like a row of ants with a leaf, her devil fruit hands carried her favourite deck chair. She lay down and stretched out, a broad-brimmed hat shielding her from the sun.
"Nefarious, you two," she mumbled.
"More like two ne-fur-ious pains in the butt." Sanji waltzed past and deposited a mojito to Robin's side then departed.
She took a sip. "Five news articles in seven days? That's fame."
Bepo clicked his nails together. "But we want infamy."
Robin produced a few hands again, this time holding brushes and combs, and then a few others that sorted the papers to the side for archival purposes. The labour movement was so often written out of history.
"Sit back. Relax." And they did, melting into the caresses and strength of her fingers that hit just the right spot. Chopper's back limb jiggled.
"Take it from someone who knows. Infamy is overrated."
Later that afternoon, the Polar Tang and the Thousand Sunny were busy with preparations for the following day's departure. On the submarine, Chopper sat next to Law, and both rested against Bepo, taking in the day's heat.
"Tell us about Robin's bounty, Captain."
"You still on about that?" Law rested his arms against his head. Felt the warmth of Bepo's fur against his skin.
"She said infamy was overrated." Chopper copied Law and rested his arms behind his head, knocking his hat forward. Bepo sure was comfy.
"What did she mean?" Bepo added.
"Ah," Law tipped his cap over his eyes. "Her bounty was the first out of both of these crews, Bone-ya aside." He lifted the reindeer's limbs and slid Kikoku under them and under his own bent knees, then settled back. "Demon child. That's what the World Government called her. Aged eight. I was four, in human years."
Bepo snored behind Law, but forced himself awake when he felt an elbow dig into his side.
"She was a criminal at eight?" he asked. He'd been listening. Had dropped off only for a moment.
"Hunted like one. She was just a girl." Law needed some shut-eye before they set out. It was hard to come by. "Infamy ain't all it's cracked up to be."
Bepo grumbled under his breath and shifted so that the softest part of his body was available for Captain, and all three pirates slept.
Luffy held a party that night, of course, and the Hearts were keen to join in, so they did. Chopper, Shachi and Penguin raced around with chopsticks up their noses and tankards at hand. Bepo and Nami traced navigation routes in the air with their fingers, and Zoro and Bepo exchanged captain stories. The Straw Hat swordsman asked about Kikoku.
Later, taking a breather, Chopper rested by Bepo's side on the outskirts of the party, cheer and beer flushing his face. They clinked their mugs and drank, and Bepo tried to show Chopper Orion's Belt in the sky.
Once both had located it, Chopper lay back, gazing at the stars bright above. Bepo kept an eye on the crews. "Why did you grumble?" Chopper asked. "When Law said that about infamy?"
Bepo returned his attention to his ally and told the story of a nation and boy hunted down for white spots. Chopper thought of that patterning on deer and how humans and hooved animals had shunned and attacked him. And maybe they were right. Robin and Law.
"Bepo?"
"Hmm."
"When you were a kid, did you belong?"
Bepo faced him, questioning.
"With others. Friends. People. Minks?"
Bepo sipped his ale and looked up at the seagulls, wings dipping in and out of the light.
"In Zou, yeah, but waves swept me away when I was eight. Ended up in the North Blue."
"Eight?"
"It's old in polar bear years."
"How about in Mink?"
"Not so much." Maybe he'd been the same age as Robin. A new tankard sloshed to Bepo's side. Captain making sure Zoro didn't get all of the booze.
"You had friends? In the North Blue?" Chopper smiled as Luffy's cry for food echoed through the night, scaring the gulls away. "Shachi, Penguin and Law?"
Bepo glanced at Chopper and was reminded of a moth circling the flame rather than the wood that fired it.
"Not at first. I was ten when Law rescued me. Shachi and Penguin beat me up."
"Why?"
"I could talk." The froth of the beer caught on his black lips.
"But that's great!" Chopper said. "And why wouldn't a Mink talk?" He felt the rim of his hat. Something solid like a rock must've got caught. He loosened it. A beri coin.
"They hadn't met too many. They'd never met a talking bear."
Drum Island wasn't so different.
"They weren't the only ones," Bepo added. "For two years. If I hadn't met Law—" He observed a flock of clouds trampling the constellations. "—I didn't fight back." Stars flickered through gaps in the cover above as the herd moved on. "I wanted friends. Even if I hadn't met a decent Lesser Mink."
Chopper turned the coin between his toes. "Do you think being an anomaly equates with infamy?"
Bepo was up on his medical and meteorological jargon and answered swiftly, "No. But it can do. Guess being different can cause someone to be infamous."
World Economic Newspaper
Leisure and Sports
Pirate Mascots Celebrate Drop In Bounties
Considering the theft of what appeared to be their life savings less than a week ago, the two mascots of the Straw Hat and Heart Pirate Crews have found solace in their decreased bounties. Pictured aboard the Straw Hat vessel, the two shared smiles and ale while the rest of the crews indulged in increasingly Bacchanalian acts of drunkenness and disorder.
Stussy, underground reporter and patron of the SRSPCA (Somewhat Respectable Society for the Protection and Care of Animals) said, "Their coats have a nice sheen to them, and they look happy. Livestock Syndrome does exist, but a polar bear and tanuki could easily leave these crews if they wished. Sadly, it seems that the pair have chosen a life of infamy."
Our source in the marines stated, "The fluctuations of the Davy Jones Index affected our judgement and we mistakenly believed that cuteness was equivalent to purity. Our dealings with charisma men, Cyborg Franky, Soul King Brook, and Knight of the Sea, Jinbei, should have caused us to question, but we are merely the human face of justice.
"Regardless, the pets of these two crews are not human and in battle could mindlessly cause injury. Accordingly, we have restored the former bounties, adjusted for inflation, so the set amount will increase slightly once the paperwork is approved."
At the time of printing, Fighting Bear Bepo's bounty is set to rise to 550 beri, and Cotton Candy Chopper's to 150.
It was another few months at sea before the News Coo dropped the updated bounty posters. None for the crews except Chopper and Bepo.
"At least I've got a poster. With an amount on it," Bepo said. He was sad that it wasn't higher, but happy that it had risen. "And I'm still in all of Captain's posters." Plus, the paper said he'd chosen a life of infamy, and that the World Government wanted him Dead or Alive!
"Yeah, yeah." Shachi and Penguin swaggered to the rec room to slap the pinball machine around some.
Chopper was relieved at the reinstatement of his bounty and status, and for the increase. He was part of the infamous club now, but...
"You're healers, Chopper." Zoro sat on the edge of the infirmary bed. "You and Bepo."
"But, so are Law and Marco and Doc Q." Marco's bounty was huge, and the others weren't to be coughed at. Especially when compared to 150 beri.
"You wanna be like Doc Q?"
Chopper shuddered a little. "No."
Zoro walked over and knuckled Chopper's skull. He often set his hat to the side while he worked. "Healers and harmers, mate. That's what it took them to get those bounties."
Zoro thought of Robin. "Or to keep them." Of course Zoro was sure he was in the category of screwing things up royally, and his own bounty was gonna knock the shitty cook's right out of the park next time around. "Sometimes you can't escape it." Pedro came to mind. "Infamy ain't all it's cracked up to be."
He put Chopper's hat on the doctor's head. Pushed him out the door towards dinner. Chopper grabbed his leg and nudged him in the opposite direction.
"I know you could eliminate me in the blink of an eye, say, in my sleep, with the next meal, with an injection, if you wanted."
Zoro almost lost his footing stumbling into Chopper as the tiny medico stopped.
"But—I can't—I won't—a doctor shouldn't!"
"I know, right?" Zoro adjusted his haramaki. He really had to work on his observation haki. "Your bounty's just the right amount."
Chopper didn't quite understand. Bepo didn't quite get it. They were pirates. Robin had suggested privateer enterprise bargaining. With her expertise and Nami's eye for finance, they'd drafted a letter for the press and the marines hoping to work out an agreement.
After hanging up from a strategy call with Bepo earlier that day (infamy had been heard multiple times from anyone trailing past on either ship), Chopper put the few soggy chips he'd salvaged from that night's dinner on the ship's railing to entice the News Coo. He'd guard them from Luffy with his life.
A/N: This piece was written for the one piece justice zine! More details on my AO3. Also, of course their bounties went up (incrementally) after Wano! But such is life.