Chapter 66:

Note: Due to the serious subject matter addressed in this chapter, I would like to remind everyone that if you ever feel alone, there is help for you. For the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call 988, Available 24 hours daily. For our International audience, here is the current list of phone numbers: websearch/answer/11181469

Day Twelve: Friday Evening Arizona Time 7:05 P.M.:

"That was shameful," Esmeralda was furious as she stood behind her son and Soundwave, scolding them. She had been the only being in the house that didn't laugh once at Cascade's jokes, "absolutely shameful."

"Oh, lighten up, Ma!" Megatron laughed, still amused at the moment, "Primus knows we needed the laughs."

"At the youngling's expense, you needed it?" the Hooded Ma chided, "And you were the worst one of all, Megatron."

"Me?" Megatron laughed, "Shockwave and Dirge were worse than me!" he couldn't stop giggling, "What'd I do?"

Esmeralda scolded him, "You sat there and let that witch go on and on! You're the Leader of the Decepticons! You should have shut that down after the first three minutes!"

Megatron: "Oh, come off it, Ma! It was funny!"

"Did it look like Skywarp thought it was funny?" Esmeralda questioned angrily, "There's jokes, and then there's bullying, Megatron. You, of all mechs, know what that boy has been through and what he's going through now! And that femme compounded everything by making him a laughingstock!"

Megatron rolled his optics.

"He's the prankster of the Seekers, Missus," Thundercracker asserted, still stifling laughter, "she wouldn't have picked anyone but him because she knew he'd see the humor in it! Trust me!"

"And you, Thundercracker," the Hooded Ma, a retired Gladiator second and a Creator first put her hands on her hips and barked, "You're supposed to be his oldest brother! Instead of sitting there laughing your aft off and encouraging that…that…humiliation!"

Their Creators tried not to move, fearing the old lady would realize they were Skywarp's Creators.

TC grinned, shrugging, "I thought she was really funny."

"And I think she should be ashamed of herself, carrying on like that," Esmeralda readjusted her hood for emphasis, "the fact that she's supposedly a teacher makes it even worse!"

"What?" Megatron laughed, "Teachers can't be funny, Ma?"

Esmeralda: "She should know better! It's completely and totally irresponsible to make such cruel jokes at someone's expense! Skywarp's probably crying his optics out somewhere now!"

They were all quiet.

Thundercracker was the first to speak, "Guess…it did go a little long."

Esmeralda: "It was not only long, but it was also hurtful."

Soundwave sighed, "I think we're all a little…messed up about Starscream and got a little hysterical," he turned and looked at the Hooded Ma, "it wasn't very nice."

"I probably should go find him," TC mused to their Creators, "it's just that when he's ticked off at me, he refuses to listen."

Esmeralda: "One of you should go."

"Ah, no!" Megatron barked, "I'm not moving!"

"Megatron," the femme shook her helm, "it would mean a lot to him. You're his Leader…"

"I AM NOT MOVING FROM THIS SPOT!" Megs pounded the chair's armrest for emphasis, "I AM THE CHIEF MOURNER, AND I DO NOT INTEND TO MISS A SINGLE GUEST!"

Esmeralda: "Ugh! Who could talk to you?!"

"I don't even know where to tell ya to look for him," TC shrugged, "he's closed his end of the Trine Bond."

Soundwave: "So is his Comm.-Link."

George: "I'm security."

Rumble: "I'm workin' here!" several mourners were in line to sign the books.

Shockwave was about to volunteer when Blitzwing approached him and whispered, "Shockwave, if we're gonna start on time, we need to tune up."

"Oh, crumb, I completely forgot!" Shockwave had arranged a Musical Interlude, scheduled for 7:30 P.M., "You're supposed to go on in less than half an hour!" he stroked his chin with his good hand, "Get the piano; I'll see if he's here," the Triple Changer saluted and went off.

More mourners shook hands with the Decepticon Leader as they continued to receive everyone.

"Frenzy?" Esmeralda asked the little Cassette, "Would you go get Skywarp?"

The red and black Cassette nodded and jumped down from the chair.

"Tell him Shockwave is going have a singer!" the femme added.

Skywarp sobbed uncontrollably as he hid in a backroom where the Constructicons had stored their extra tools and materials. Coolant tears poured from his optics until he didn't have anything left to cry. He felt so humiliated; why did Cascade have to tell everyone he had been a fat youngling? He had never wanted any of them to know. The only ones who had known were the Seekers, and they never told. He hadn't wanted Megatron to know; he was so hurt.

And no, he didn't think he had been that large. He was a big eater; even now, he was a big eater, but he had gotten into shape. Starscream was so shapely by comparison that he'd probably always appear thick-waisted, and he didn't have the thin but muscular abs that came naturally to Thundercracker. He was stockily built, even if he wasn't fat anymore by Seeker standards. But he didn't think he was ever so big that, as Cascade that so eloquently expressed, that he showed up on the radar, or that sparklings had thought he was a whale, or that his belly looked like he'd swallowed a beach ball or whatever else that glitch had said. Her words were so cruel.

Flashback:

"You'll never be able to keep up with us if you quit now," Starscream laughed at his new little brother in the gym, huffing and puffing his air intakes himself, "come on, break's over!"

Skywarp was panting and secreting coolant from his whole chassis, sitting on a bench-load of weights, leaning on his arm, and looking at the ground, ready to start keening out of sheer exhaustion, "I-I can't do this anymore…"

"Yes, you will, Warp," Thundercracker stated flatly, sitting in the corner of the gymnasium, reading a datapad and not looking up. Of course, HE didn't need to train as hard; he was always in shape.

Starscream tried, "Come on, just another hour."

Skywarp's optics bulged out; he thought it was going to offline him.

"I'm not gonna let you get left behind a grade," Star came over to him, "not now that you're part of my Trine," he offered the darker Seeker his hand to help him up, "come on, it'll be worth it."

The youngest Seeker got up and did as he was told.

Starscream: "And I'm not gonna allow anyone to look down on you. Ever."

End of Flashback:

Why did she have to be so cruel? Why did she have to say anything? Why couldn't she just have said she liked Starscream when he was online, and now, she was sad that he was gone?

That was what he thought the Rite of Reception was going to be like anyway. Everyone, friends, and comrades, telling them all how much they had loved his Starscream, offering their sympathy, talking about the good times with Star; his accomplishments, his beautiful smile, the grace of his flight.

And the darker Seeker had not wanted to miss it; he had not wanted to stay behind on the Base, to be stuck in his berth, laying there, bored, with nothing interesting to watch on the television, making the minutes go by like hours, missing out on everything the others were doing.

Instead, it was a barrage of insults, cutting comments, and outright accusations that he or TC or Soundwave or Megatron had outright MURDERED Starscream! Okay, he knew Starscream's deactivation was all his fault, but he didn't mean it! It wasn't murder! He wasn't a murderer; it was an accident…

And if that wasn't enough, the over-the-top embarrassment by the Cascade Comedy Concert: Live from Flagstaff! He'd never heard so many fat jokes, stupid jokes, nobody-likes-you jokes…did she have to have a cordless microphone? Why did they all have to laugh at him? Why did TC have to laugh too? His Creators, for goodness sake, why did they have to laugh? Why did the other Seekers have to laugh? Why did Megatron have to laugh?

He wouldn't have made fun of them like that…imagine if he were the comedian and made a whole slew of fighter jokes about Megatron? Or made fun of Soundwave for losing his wife or having four sparklings? Would anybody have laughed? Wouldn't somebody, ANYBODY, have stood up and said, 'That's not funny!' in their defense?

Skywarp stretched his legs out to relieve some of the hurt and stiffness. He whimpered in pain, letting more sobs vocalize. He just couldn't stop hurting; couldn't seem to heal. Soundwave had kept telling him he just needed time; time, berthrest, and Energon were the only cures. But today couldn't have waited for that. He had wanted to come here with the other Decepticons so badly.

Thundercracker was right, though: He should have stayed behind, stayed in the Med-Bay, and counted the tiles on the ceiling. Maybe TC knew how much everyone had hated him, and that's the real reason he tried to stop him from coming. Maybe he had been trying to protect him; TC tended to do that, being his older brother and all.

Or maybe TC was simply ashamed of him; Or hated him; Everybody hated him; Maybe TC had already figured out that Star's death was his fault, and he HATED him for that.

This was all too much.

He was crying and sobbing so much that his air intakes were hitching. He felt like gagging and purging. Not that there was anything left in his fuel tanks from that half-breakfast he had from the morning.

Oh great, now, on top of everything else, he was hungry. But there was NO WAY ON EARTH that he was going into the lunchroom and start stuffing his faceplates after all those fat jokes! He never wanted to eat again! He was fine if he just starved to death right there in the storeroom.

Or maybe…offline himself somehow. Find something sharp and cut into the Energon lines in his wrists. Or hang himself up by the rafters; his pedes dangling lifelessly right over the doorway, and whoever—most likely Thundercracker—would walk in and know immediately what he had done to himself.

It would show them; that would show them all. It would show them how hurt he had been by all the jokes. It would show them how sorry he himself was for causing Starscream's deactivation. They wouldn't even miss him afterward. Who would miss a fat, stupid Seeker like him anyway?

"Skywarp?" Frenzy called, "You in there?"

The Seeker's thoughts were cut off when he heard the Cassette's little vocal, and he quickly quieted his sobs. Suddenly, it dawned on him that if he had committed self-termination, Frenzy would have been the one to find him. He didn't want that; the sparkling had been through a lot already in his short life. The thought of the red and black Cassette opening the door and finding his friend's corpse and letting out an Energon-curdling scream for Soundwave. The image that the youngest of the Decepticons would see would never leave him, seeing it replay in his processor over and over every time his optics were closed to sleep. Or waking nightmares in the daylight. For years. Until maybe a few decades later, when the image was just too much to handle on his own anymore. And begin to self-harm or self-medicate, or both, to stop the hurting. Make it all go away.

"You can come back, Warp," Frenzy told him as he opened the door, "she's gone now."

Not wanting to tell the sparkling what he had contemplated, he nodded wordlessly and started to stand, wincing in pain. Frenzy rushed over to help him up.

The Cassette took his hand, "Come on back; your friends are there."

Megatron sighed, getting tired of the monotony of this routine. The comments, good and bad, the recalling of the story. It was getting to him.

A group of several dozen Seekers had come to pay their respects, and when Thundercracker had explained that Skywarp had taken a break—"He needed to compose himself," he told them—they opted to wait for him to return and held up the entire line.

Not that Megatron was annoyed by this; he could use this break, this bottleneck in the line, to gather his strength a bit. He reached a hand backward, and his Mother instinctively grabbed it and squeezed it.

"It's okay, Megatron," she told him, "Stay strong…"

Coolant tears in his optics began to flow again; Megs tried to distract himself by turning around and looking over the crowd: Thrust was working the room, shaking hands and campaigning for Starscream's Air Commander Title. Megatron was sickened by this display.

Also, some of the Constructicons seemed to be laughing and talking in the background; but the Decepticon Leader quickly realized they were telling each other their favorite memories of Starscream, so he let them continue.

Probably every Seeker in Vos had turned out for the Rite of Reception; there were so many flyers crying and some bowing. Coneheads of every color; it looked like a sentient crayon convention. All Seekers were wailing as a sign of mourning.

The sights and sounds were too much to take; Megatron quickly dropped his optics to the ground and began keening again. Seeing this, Shockwave came over, put his good arm around his friend's shoulders, and tried to comfort him.

Soundwave had been pretty quiet, mostly because he felt so uncomfortable sitting there in the front row, knowing that Ratbat was still sitting back two rows behind him. He turned around, hoping the Metal Rat had left by now. He had to eat dinner, didn't he?

He was right; the Rat was indeed having an Energon cube, but he was still sitting in the exact same spot. Apparently, someone had brought it to him. Ratbat smiled and nodded when he noticed the Tapedeck looking at him.

Soundwave nodded back, albeit disgusted with his old boss.

When Skywarp came back with Frenzy, he saw how the Seekers were waiting to see him. Behind his black visor, he just looked down, walking with his arms folded over his canopy glass.

Frenzy explained, whispering, "TC, he's not feeling well," thinking he was the first to notice this.

Thundercracker nodded to the Cassette before taking his baby brother into his arms and hugging him tightly, "It's alright…just relax…" he rubbed his wings, "I'm sorry about before…"