Chapter 11:
If you loved yourself the way I do
Elsa lost track of how many naps or long sleep-ins she had.
One morning, as she weakly opened her eyes, she found herself alone in the goahti with Sonya, the silence only punctuated with the sound of medicinal herbs crushed in her mortar as the healer's back was turned to her. The quiet introverted blonde chose to not make it clear to the Northuldra that she was awake just yet. She observed her, mesmerized and lulled by her movements.
Elsa remembered how she had in fact always loved to look at this kind of attention, devotion, passion, that professional people had in their tasks. When she was little, it gave her pleasing tingles on her head to watch the apothecary prepare remedies for Anna when she was sick, whether it be his mumbles to himself as he picked vials in his bag or his dedicated movements.
After a long time of contemplation, the door of the goahti moved and Honeymaren entered.
She blew a kiss to her lover with a smile, which Elsa returned amusedly, then walked to put her crafting gear on her trunk, to not disturb Sonya.
The healer gave Elsa the prepared dose, then instructed the couple about when to use the infusion bags she had neatly placed on one of the shelves. Honeymaren noted down the brewing times, then saluted the healer when she left.
The blonde was glad that Sonya didn't bow before leaving like some Northuldra did when they visited her. They continued to give her the Fifth Spirit worshiping gestures, and she was uncomfortable with it when she was nothing magical.
Honeymaren placed her notes in one of the boxes that Anna had once brought as a gift, humming a traditional Northuldra tune as she did.
The box had the Arendelle flag painted on it, and the brunette caught Elsa staring at it with a daydream expression.
"Feeling homesick?"
Elsa widened her eyes, surprised and curious of where she could have learned that word. "Does Anna teach you those expressions to tease me?"
The brunette grinned. "No. But she warned me that you'd feel down sometimes thinking about Arendelle, or grow concerned about its well-being at moments, and that it was a normal thing."
Elsa fidgeted with the edge of the covers. "Sounds like she gave you a lot of warnings when we officially became a couple."
"Good ones, baby, only good ones." Smirked the brunette, laying down on the bed next to her.
Elsa took some time to dare to ask, but eventually, she turned to her. "Are you afraid that I regret not living in Arendelle anymore because of you?"
The Northuldra was shocked by how she hit right in her core. When she lifted her head from the pillow and turned, Elsa was smiling warmly at her.
"My home is with you, Honeymaren. My home is everywhere as long as it's with my family, and you're my family."
Honeymaren felt her throat go tight.
"I miss the kingdom sometimes, of course, but the walls can be… Restricting."
"I understand." Nodded Honeymaren, exulting wisdom as best as she could and not the emotion squeezing her heart. She laid down her head back on the pillow. "Thank you."
Elsa blinked. "For what…?"
"For making me your family." Smiled the brunette.
They looked into each other's eyes, then the Northuldra leaned close and kissed Elsa's cheek tenderly. The love didn't stay long on her skin, for the contact was short; Elsa startled with a bitten hiss, and despite her effort to hide it, Honeymaren instantly worried and moved back.
"What? What is it? What are you feeling?"
The blonde chuckled. "Nothing. I mean, everything. That's the thing. It's too overwhelming. I never realized how… How electrical your kisses can be."
The Northuldra grinned, especially at the blush on her girlfriend's cheeks. She accepted Elsa's need to not be touched yet, and leaned her head on her fist as her elbow planted in her pillow. "Oh, I assure you that despite what legends may tell about the Snow Queen and her ice powers, your kisses can get very electrical too."
Elsa would have slapped her arm at her sass if she could, and instead her blush grew. She however smirked a bit when she saw the loving stare her partner gave her.
"I guess that I'm about to experience things differently now, am I?"
Honeymaren looked at her with optimism. "Is it a bad thing?"
The Spirit beamed with love. "When I know that you will be by my side all along? Not at all."
On the following day, the Northuldra were informed that a group of thugs had taken advantage of Elsa having her powers ripped off her to attack Arendelle, targeting the Queen. Unfortunately for them and fortunately for Anna, she was hanging with Gale at that exact time, the Wind Spirit curious about the inauguration and still on site to lift her mood. Gale had defended the kingdom in a record time, even picking and throwing the pirates directly in front of the guards at the prison's gates.
At the same moment, though the synchronized attack was expected, another group of bandits had attacked the Northuldra camp. However, the tribe was so ready - trained by Yelena who was not willing to undergo another surprise attack on her tribe - that the pirates didn't even make it to Elsa's goahti, nor could even localize it. The Northuldra warriors who had been posted at strategic points of the camp quickly took care of them. It was so efficient that it looked like the pirates were the ones who had fallen into an ambush.
The struggle of the fight, as fast as it was, could still be heard from inside the goahti, and Honeymaren was really tense. If Elsa weren't concerned, she would have found it very funny how the brunette physically hesitated between two reactions. One one hand, she wanted to protect her lover with her life by placing most of her body above hers and pointing her knife at the door with fierce focused eyes; but she also wanted to go outside to check the warriors' state and help in battle.
Eventually, the sound stopped, and familiar victorious yells echoed in the Forest. They were very motivated into protecting their Fifth Spirit.
Both women let out sighs of relief. After Honeymaren placed her knife back at her belt, she met Elsa's thankful and loving smile, and smiled in turn.
She wanted to say 'Nothing will ever harm you as long as I'm here' in a chevaleresque way, but their eyes told everything, and there was a knock at the door anyway.
Yelena entered after being authorized, and smiled at the safe lovers.
When Honeymaren detached from Elsa to ask for news, the chief assured her that she had nothing to be scared about anymore, for she took personal care of sending a letter to Kristoff to tell him about the attack so he can take the necessary measures.
The blonde was glad of several things at once, which she thanked Yelena for. For starters, that she didn't ask Honeymaren to step outside for the report to be private, the girlfriends now more than ever sharing everything from feelings to shared space. Then, she liked that Yelena cared to not alert Anna directly. The chief knew that Elsa hadn't appreciated that the Queen left her duties for her, but also understood that since Olaf was gone, Anna's mood had been impacted. Yelena smiled at her gratitude and closed the door behind her leave, then the blonde sighed.
"I feel like I'm in that summit siege again."
Honeymaren gave her a confused frown.
"When I was up the North Mountain, in my ice palace." Explained Elsa. "Those men sent after me to kill me with those crossbows…"
She clenched her eyes shut at the memory. She may have been able to defend herself, the scene still hurt her mind. Her mouth trembled as she realized how scared of crossbows she was since.
"I'm sorry that when we started being together, you also had to take me with all my flaws, my traumas and…"
She stopped to gulp and chase her tears. Honeymaren tilted her head to meet her eyes, but they were still clenched shut.
"Hey, hey, mitt lys. I love all of you. Elsa, look at me." She insisted, and glistening azure blue eyes met her. "I love every single bit of your soul. Magic or not. I don't care. I love each bit of your past, I enjoy our present together, and I'll make sure to brighten our future."
The blonde gasped silently at the last two words.
"I love you from head to toes, to the Moon and back, until the end of time." Continued Honeymaren, her eyes still in hers. "I don't want any part of you out. I'll be there when you feel down, when you need me. Because I know that you'll do the exact same for me a thousand times over."
A silence passed, heavy with emotion.
"...Gods." Breathed out Elsa.
"What?" Worried Honeymaren, seeing how her cheeks had filled with blood.
"I really want to kiss you right now, but I can't bend… Kiss me." She suddenly ordered.
The brunette chuckled joyfully and gladly tilted forward to place her lips on Elsa's. The Spirit gasped again at the sharp sensitivity, but this time it was swallowed by Honeymaren's lips, and Elsa smiled in the soaring feeling. The electrical sensation was too much to bear for the blonde at some point however, and her lover felt it, mercifully but tenderly detaching her lips.
Elsa breathed in and out. "Well, it'll take me some time to get used to it."
Honeymaren giggled. "Why, you plan to kiss me a lot in your feverish state?"
The blonde panted. "I don't even know if I have the stamina for it."
Her girlfriend saw how out of breath she indeed was, and smiled.
"It reminds me of that time I took you with me to go spear fishing and you pranked me underwater, dragging me down entirely, then we kissed in a bubble of air."
The blonde melted at the memory. "That was amazing."
"I didn't do anything. You were amazing."
After the warmth of the kiss, the temperature of the air contrasted greatly. Elsa shivered slightly, but it didn't escape Honeymaren's acute sight. Nor her own skin, because indeed, the air felt fresher.
"Ah, yes, the elders told me that the weather is getting colder this week. They can tell just by looking at the clouds or the Spirits' behavior, it's amazing. Wish they will teach me one day, I usually rely on you. Anyway, take my hat while I go get new logs for the fire."
She grabbed it from the stool near the door where she always put it, and tenderly placed and pressed it on Elsa's head, making sure that the fur lining protected her. She then took a few steps back.
"It looks really good on you."
The blonde grinned. "Thank you."
Once Honeymaren stepped out, Elsa stretched as much as she could to try to catch a glimpse of her reflection in the small round mirror that hung on the wall.
A few hours later, someone knocked at the goahti's door, startling the lovers.
Honeymaren invited the person to enter, but first lifted the covers to Elsa's chin to avoid her getting too cold when they would open the flap.
The blonde smiled at the gesture. Not only was that better for her health, but she found herself very vulnerable in the eyes of other people since she wasn't fully herself. She guessed that her magic acted as an important garment.
Yelena stepped in and she closed the wood door behind her before bowing respectfully at the Fifth Spirit. Elsa replied with a nod and a blush. She truly felt pampered lately, even more than before, and she thought that it was impossible.
The old Northuldra then looked at her girlfriend, with a very different expression.
"Honeymaren, it's important for me to tell you that you're taking a lot of wood for yourself - for the Fifth Spirit and yourself in this goahti", she corrected, "and our stock is decreasing at a too quick pace."
"Oh." Said the brunette, and she blushed slightly. "I uh… I'm sorry."
"I accept your apology, but it won't bring more wood. You'll join us this afternoon for logging."
Honeymaren's eyes widened. "What? But you know my wish to never leave Elsa's side!"
"The Fifth Spirit will be fine." Assured Yelena, still not using Elsa's name to make Honeymaren understand that it wasn't about her. "I'll ask two of our best warriors to stand guard–"
"It's not a question of protection! We..."
She hesitated to reveal the last part in the presence of Elsa. But screw it, the chief left her no choice. "We talked about it, Yelena. You know I want to be with her in case she needs me."
In the heavy way she said 'needs', Elsa understood that Honeymaren meant in case she would break down, cry, feel distressed or disoriented again with the lack of her magic. She looked down with sadness. So the two women had talked about it. Her fist weakly but firmly clenched under the covers.
"You still owe the rest of the tribe an equal quantity of wood." Said Yelena, impartial and pragmatic.
She was doing her chief role very well, and Honeymaren sighed as she admitted that she was right.
But her love for Elsa was above her reason. In fact, it always was; in Elsa's presence or mention, she often lost her wisdom, lured by her girlfriend's aura and the will to make her happy above anything else.
"Ask Ryder to do it for me." She retorted.
The old woman scoffed. "This is not the moment to bring in sibling rivalry! Ryder is doing his own tasks this afternoon."
Elsa pursed her lips at the tension in the room. Honeymaren sat up forward, taking more prestance. "I asked him if he minded taking my tasks while Elsa is in this state, as long as I take his tasks equally once she's feeling better. And he agreed." Informed Honeymaren, shocking both Yelena and Elsa.
The chief frowned and was about to reply, when Honeymaren sat up even taller. "HE gets me, at least!"
Yelena's eyes widened, then she frowned even more.
Elsa bit her lip harder.
"Listen here, young WOLF." Stared the old woman, now talking in Northuldrian, not caring anymore about using a language that Elsa could fully understand.
It was a face-to-face with Honeymaren now.
The blonde gulped. Even with her incomplete experience in the tribe's vocabulary, she knew that the wolf term wasn't used to describe a cute cub here, but rather an imperious and haughty person.
"You'll come with us to cut wood this afternoon, whether you want it or not." Continued Yelena in Northuldrian. "Is that clear?"
Honeymaren gulped, nodded and even cowered. Yelena had a strong presence, and her authority always was respected. It wasn't only due to her matriarch role, but also because she very rarely raised her voice, so when she did, it was bone-chilling.
"Alright." Simply answered Honeymaren timidly.
The chief didn't need to add anything else. She bowed to both of them, the Northuldra as a thank you, and the Fifth Spirit as devotion.
Elsa couldn't hide her grin when a full minute of silence followed the departure of the chief. She concentrated her efforts to sit up so she could rub her girlfriend's back.
"Sooo… Wolf, uh?"
Honeymaren sighed and closed her eyes.
"Is it because of the bark?" Grinned Elsa.
It took some time for the brunette to understand the log pun, and when she did, she sent her a scandalized stare, though she couldn't help but laugh.
When Honeymaren came back to the goahti at the end of the afternoon, she was delighted to see that her girlfriend had picked up her sketchbook and was scratching her pen on the pages. The brunette prided herself in her idea of taking it out of her trunk before leaving and to place it on her nightstand. She loved to see Elsa back to that hobby of hers. She quietly discarded her woodcutting gloves, and approached the bed to discreetly look at what Elsa was sketching. It was a bridge, and she found the symbolism touching. Anna would be happy to know that she wasn't drawing sad things, sad portraits or anything, but rather beautiful architecture. Cuddling close, and Elsa lifted her head to smile at her before returning to her drawing, the brunette admired once again the sense of detail of her girlfriend and her skills. She observed her trace some lines here and there, completing them with curves and rubbing the excess with her eraser, very focused on her work. Honeymaren supposed that the bridge in question was a future project to join two banks up West that Elsa had talked about a few days before. It was in a swamp, and merchants had often trapped themselves in the mud. Building an ice bridge, however, was brilliant; it could even find more solitidy with the water in the soil below.
With a deep smile, the brunette kept watching her lover move, marveled at the way she gained more and more strength in her arms and wrists, allowing her to draw such beautiful things. Elsa occasionally turned her sketchbook horizontally and vertically to make sure that the sketch was symmetrical. She had made different versions with different points of view as well, with a frontal and side vision. The brunette grinned. It was very soothing to observe her lover be lost in her artistic thoughts when she drew. Sometimes, Elsa tilted her head with a focused pout, her eyebrows frowning or lifting as she traced a curve or added shadows.
Honeymaren laid down, and was nearly lulled to sleep by the sound of the pencil scraping the paper. At some point, Elsa held her sketchbook in her right hand and started to lift the other, her fingers spread.
Honeymaren knew this posture, and even loved it. She was familiar now with those moments in the blonde's creativity when she wanted to test her projects and crafted a replica of it with a smaller scale. It also was a way to see it in three dimensions and check every corner. Elsa always made an ice prototype appear out of thin air in magical swirls, and turn it around to check–
Wait.
Ice prototype.
When Elsa moved her fingers, doing this gesture that she had done countless times, nothing happened. Too distracted by her thoughts and busy staring at the sketch, she didn't really notice, and moved her fingers again. Still nothing happened.
She looked at her palm with a frown, was about to do it once more, then stopped, slightly jolting as she had completely forgotten, too focused in her artistic bubble. Elsa closed her eyes and slowly turned her hand into a fist, gulping sadly. Her shoulders started to shake, she gulped, but she couldn't hold back her tears. She lowered her head and started to silently cry.
"Oh, baby…" Whispered Honeymaren, her heart clamped.
Elsa fully sobbed at the sound of her girlfriend's voice, confirming that she had seen what just happened, and she curled against her.
"Hey, hey… Shhh…" Calmed the Northuldra, holding her tight. "It's okay."
Elsa's loud sobs were muffled by Honeymaren's tunic, and the latter tenderly kissed her hair, rubbed her back, and whispered loving words to her. "Breathe. It's okay."
While the blonde tried to calm down, she delicately took the dropped sketchbook and placed it further away on the pelts, to prevent it from being stained by her tears.
They spent a long time curled together, Honeymaren gently rocking her girlfriend back and forth while caressing her hair, Elsa clenching her hands to her clothes as she cried with all her might. After a long moment, she got exhausted from it and calmed down. She retracted from Honeymaren with a sniff, rubbing her eyes with trembling hands.
"Are you cold?" Worried the Northuldra, but she used a very gentle tone.
"N-no, I'm fine." Blabbered Elsa, rubbing her nose herself now that she could move better. "You put a hundred logs in the fire, I'm good."
The brunette smiled at her humor. Indeed, the temperature of the goahti had never been so high, even in the warmest days of Summer. Honeymaren picked a strand of her hair and tickled her cheek with it. The blonde had a shy smile, but it didn't stay long.
"It's crazy." She sighed.
Honeymaren gave her interrogative eyebrows, so she kept going.
"For the longest time in my life, I was so viscerally scared of my magic… It took me so long to finally learn to accept it and live with it, to eventually, through many years, learn from it and play with it, have fun with something I had been told to control and limit while I grew up…" She sighed. "Since Ahtohallan, I've never loved my magic more. Now that it's… Taken from my hands, literally and figuratively, it feels so unfair. It's like all of my efforts were useless. And the irony… That for so long, I wished every night to wake up without powers in the morning so that I could never be afraid anymore, and now that they're gone, I wish for nothing else but to have them back."
Her eyes filled with tears again, so Honeymaren acted fast.
"It's okay." She murmured warmly, putting her hand on her covered forearm. "It's normal to break down, you're used to craft a prototype of your ideas without even thinking much about it, so to suddenly be deprived of it can be a shock."
Elsa smiled sadly. "At least you understand."
The Northuldra squeezed her forearm gently. "That's what I'm here for."
The blonde's smile stretched to a more sincere one, and she thankfully cuddled back against her.
Honeymaren smiled and delicately grabbed her notebook back. "This bridge is an incredible drawing. What is it for?" She asked, even if she already knew the answer, but she just wanted Elsa to tell her.
The Spirit smiled, delighted to talk about it, and Honeymaren instantly knew that she had done well.
"Do you remember that large part of the river I told you about, up West?"
"Yes."
"I'll build a… Well, when I am able to, I'll build an ice bridge there for the merchants. It will be large enough for us to move the herd on it too. I'm thinking about a double way, actually…"
"Clever." Complimented Honeymaren. "And you wanted to make a scaled model out of ice to check if it's symmetrical?"
Elsa nodded silently.
"Maybe I can go ask the Giants to make a scaled model out of rocks." Suggested the brunette.
The blonde snorted. "And how, pray tell, are you going to lift that all the way to here? I can't stand up, you'll have to bring it inside, or at least to the entrance. I always use their help or my magic to move stones around, but I know that they're impossibly heavy."
"I'll find a way." Shrugged Honeymaren, and they laughed. "What, we've known each other for a year and you still doubt my skills?"
Her lover chuckled. "Never would I underestimate you. It would be like underestimating a panther."
Honeymaren smiled. "I like the comparison."
She absentmindedly flipped the previous pages of Elsa's sketchbook, something she never did because the Spirit always was very focused on it when drawing.
"What else have you drawn lately? Maybe there are other projects–"
"No, wait!" Suddenly exclaimed Elsa, very embarrassed for some reason.
And what Honeymaren saw a few pages before the bridge sketch showed why. Elsa's hand meant to slam on the sketchbook to hide what it was, but the Northuldra had better reflexes, and she lifted it in the air.
"What's that?"
"Honey, no no no… Give it back!" Whined Elsa, trying to grab the item but it was out of her reach and strength.
She then blushed really hard when she saw that Honeymaren blushed really hard.
"Is that… Me?" Muttered the brunette.
It was a rhetorical question; Honeymaren was astonished. Anyone could see that it was a drawing of her. She was sketched from the top of her hat to her belt, smiling, her eyes looking in the distance, her wrists resting on her staff that she held on her shoulders and behind her neck. The drawing was so excellent that it almost looked like someone had outlined a photograph. The shadows were very realistic too. It was very likely that Elsa had come back to the drawing several times to perfect it.
"Baby, that's beautiful. I mean… I'm not saying that I'm beautiful." Smiled Honeymaren. "But your style… You're so talented."
"You were not supposed to see that." Grumbled the Spirit.
"It could have been worse." Grinned her girlfriend. "I could have been shirtless."
Elsa blushed deeply and assembled all of her strength to snatch the sketchbook out of her hands, and abruptly closed it.
"Are there other drawings of me?" Teased the Northuldra.
That was another rhetorical question; of course there were others. If Elsa had secretly spied on her during her staff training, she surely had been drawing her during many other daily tasks.
"Stop." She mumbled timidly.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
The Northuldra lowered her face to kiss Elsa's hair, and was happy to see that the blonde wasn't retracting. She only pouted for good measure.
"I would love to see the others, one day. When you're ready." She whispered to her ear.
She heard Elsa gulp, and sigh. "Maybe. If you're nice."
The blonde cuddled again, the previous effort tiring her.
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with drawing people. I love it. It's adorable. We're a couple, you don't have to feel guilty."
A silence passed.
"What if I drew you before we were together…?" Murmured Elsa against her.
"You did?" Exclaimed Honeymaren.
"NO!" Exclaimed Elsa too, and her sudden outburst made her wince. "No, I didn't. But… What if I did… And you had found out…"
The Northuldra smiled. "Then I think that I would immediately have asked you out. Or, if you were also wearing one of those ridiculously incredibly attractive ice outfits, I would have kissed you passionately right then and there."
She then made a series of loud kisses in the air all around Elsa's face, and the latter laughed out loud. The blonde's giggles filled the air of the goahti until they gradually faded, and Honeymaren knew that Elsa was getting sleepy.
"I think that… I'm gonna rest." Politely informed the blonde.
"Okay. It's fair, you've practiced arm movements a lot. Sweet dreams."
Elsa cuddled against her, and in an instant, she passed out on Honeymaren's chest. The latter protected her with her life.
Anna pointed insistently on the blackboard with her chalk, white dust falling off it as she lost her patience.
"There!" She groaned. "It's obvious, no?"
She was gesticulating, pointing at the whole drawing with her hands.
"Not really." Winced Elsa.
The redhead whined. They were gonna lose this round again. Olaf snickered on the couch.
How come, when it was drawing charades at friday's game night, the sisters team always found themselves in the ridiculous paradox of Elsa sketching extremely well but losing time adding perspective and details before getting to the full picture, and Anna going to the point but being so rough she lost her elder's focus?
"Come on, you above all people should know what this is!"
Elsa frowned. She tilted her head. Then her eyes snapped wide as she finally recognized it.
"Wait, is it a snowflake?"
"YES!" Shrieked Anna, raising her arms in victory, and Kristoff winced at how loud she was.
That was right in time, the hourglass emptying one second later. Olaf eyed it, then eyed the Queen.
"You cheated. No clues allowed."
Elsa ignored him, too busy being very confused about her sister's drawing.
"But it has eight branches. Like you tried to indicate directions, like a compass. That's why I suggested vegvisir."
"It's a snowflake!" Exclaimed Anna, showing the drawing again.
The Spirit frowned.
"Snowflakes don't have eight ends."
Anna grumbled and pinched the top of her nose. "It doesn't matter in a drawing charades game, Elsa."
"It does. Proof is, I didn't find the word until you talked about it. Despite each snowflake being unique, they all have six branches." Informed the blonde.
She wanted to compare it to how the sum of the angles of a triangle always is the same, or talk about the molecular composition of snow, but restrained herself.
"Even your snowflakes?" Asked Anna with disappointment in her voice.
Kristoff couldn't tell if it was because she had been wrong or because Elsa's magic wasn't as incredible as she thought.
The blonde chuckled. "I'll have you know that my snowflakes are completely ordinary. They're truly… Regular snowflakes. I just happen to be able to make them appear whenever I want, that's all."
Anna pouted.
Kristoff winced again, but this time in embarrassment. "I'm afraid that Olaf is right, feisty. No clues allowed. No point for the sisters team."
"Ughh!" Complained Anna, and she erased her drawing before letting herself drop on the couch.
Elsa giggled at her sore loser of a sister. "Look." She popped some snowflakes out of her palm, and they twirled in the air. "All have six branches, see?"
"Oh, please." Groaned the redhead, pushing Elsa's demonstrative hand away, but she also shared the Snow Queen's giggle.
Anna woke up in a jolt, the giggles vanishing in the air.
Her breathing was heavy and nervous as she came back to her senses. Turning her head on the pillow, she understood that she was in the darkness of her bedroom, and realized that it was all a memory in a dream.
Elsa hadn't retrieved her magic.
'Not yet', mentally insisted the redhead as she clenched her eyes shut.
She let out a long breath to steady herself, and turned in the covers. Kristoff was sleeping soundly, so she didn't dare to wake him up.
She quietly moved out of the bed and walked through the bedroom to her window, looking outside to think about something else. However, her mind came back to the memory of that game night.
Olaf… She missed him. Despite the snowman being very invasive sometimes, and talkative, and loud, and mischievous, and so on, she truly felt a void in her to know he wasn't around. She had talked about it to Kristoff, but it wasn't the same than talking about it with Elsa. And she decisively refused to talk about it with her for the moment.
Anna sighed. Her eyes unfocused from staring at the landscape - which she wasn't really looking at anyway - to focus on her own reflection in the glass.
'Crazy how, it's when one no longer has something, that they realize how much it mattered to them, uh?' She thought.
She tossed and turned, but couldn't find sleep. She stared at the ceiling, at the window, at the Moon. Then sighed.
'I have to go see her again, be by her side, as soon as I get free time on my schedule.' She thought with determination.
Her gaze focused on the horizon, and she felt like she could see the Northuldra camp in the distance.
The following week, the Queen's schedule curiously looked very stacked on some days and very empty on others. When asked about it by politicians, the King always diverted the question with another, for instance 'Why? You think I'm less competent to do this duty instead of her?', which always made them blush as there was no correct nor polite answer to that.
The members of the staff became really good at exaggeratingly pretending that they had no clue what the Queen potentially did in all that spare time, even though they literally helped Anna prepare and pick the right boots to wear in the Forest.
"Guess who's here!" Said Honeymaren with a giant smile as soon as she entered the goahti.
Elsa jolted on the bed, then frowned. "Who?"
She was a bit uncomfortable not being informed about the surprise visits in the tribe anymore since Gale couldn't snitch to her mind.
Honeymaren however didn't extend the suspense too long, and Elsa didn't even get the time to list the possible merchants her girlfriend could be excited about; a grinning redhead appeared behind her as Honeymaren stepped aside, and Elsa let out a happy gasp.
She had the loving reflex, though she wasn't the one who usually initiated hugs, to move forward towards her, and of course she regretted it sourly. She stumbled on the pelts from her previous sitting position, and Honeymaren hurried to help her. The movement was funny enough to make the three women laugh, and Elsa was glad that she didn't look too ridiculous.
"Now Kristoff will call you feisty as well!" Exclaimed Anna once they greeted and made sure she was alright. "You didn't have to stand at attention for me, you know. My Queen aura is impressive, I'm aware, but still, you're my sister."
"Shut up." Grinned Elsa.
She then admired her baby sister.
"I missed you."
"Please, let me help you get rid of those things." Invited Honeymaren, taking her coat and backpack.
She had missed Anna too, and she loved how beaming Elsa was in her presence. It was like a sunflower opening up. Or rather, Anna was the sunflower… She mused about it while she stored the Queen's stuff in a corner, then joined them on the bed, catching up on their conversation.
"I'm glad to hear that the reconstructions are going well so far."
"They lack some ice pillars, though." Joked Anna.
Elsa had a sad pout.
"Sorry if I'm not gonna be able to help you with my magic for some time. I know you like it a lot…"
Honeymaren's heart fell inside her chest. Elsa had shared her apology with her the day before, about not being able to help around the camp with her powers like she used to.
"What? I can live without your magic." Snorted Anna. "It's not like I'm depending on it or addicted…"
"Says the one who always asks for me to cool down her coffee." Smirked Elsa.
"It's not– Listen, I need quick shots when I'm working and you're the one saying that I'll burn myself if I drink too fast!"
The brunette laughed along with her girlfriend, easily picturing the siblings arguing in Anna's study.
"You'll just have to stop drinking coffee for a while." Teased the Northuldra in turn.
"With Elsa in that state?" Exclaimed Anna. "I need coffee more than ever."
The blonde shook her head with a giggle. The redhead noticed that she had been very flexible at it.
"Oh, so you're weak when you try to stand for me but you can move to mock me, uh?"
A silence followed her blow. She realized that she went too far. Not seeing her elder in a while made her forget that she actually lived through pain everyday.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to be so blunt."
"It's okay." Forgave Elsa, despite her slight pinch to the heart. "I've been better at moving. I still struggle a huge lot, though."
Another silence passed, and the Queen didn't like that at all. She came to make her sister happy. She clapped in her hands and announced that, on that infirmity topic, she would need Honeymaren's assistance outside to unload the gifts from her saddlebags.
When the two friends found themselves out of the goahti lifting the Arendellian packages, the brunette was struck by an idea.
"Hey, do you have draft sheets or something like that, at the castle?"
Anna frowned. "Uhh, I have blotting paper in my desk, if that can help? What do you need it for?"
"It's not for me, it's for Elsa. She'll run out of pages in her sketchbook soon and she thought that I wouldn't notice, but I did. There was a way she fidgeted with her pen that made me understand immediately."
The Queen blinked. "I'm sorry, sketchbook? Wait, what? She's been drawing?! She can hold a pen now?"
Honeymaren proceeded to tell her about Elsa's recent obsession for sketching, and told her the whole story and her feelings attached to it, not omitting her breakdown when she had the mannerism to make a prototype out of ice.
Anna melted in a sad smile as she spoke.
"Aw, Elsa…" She murmured. "You'll always have creativity at the tip of your fingers, won't you?"
She looked at Honeymaren. "It's beautiful that she found another way to exult it. This lack of magic, it's like… Like depriving a potter of their clay, or a painter of their brushes."
"What a nice way to put it." Admired the Northuldra.
"Not as beautiful as her drawings. Did she show them to you?"
"Yes. I was speechless."
Anna smiled. "Thanks for telling me. I'll see what I can do from here without leaving the camp."
Honeymaren blinked. "What, you want to do something right away?"
"Obviously. Maybe I should call Gale and ask her to look through my stuff? No, she would make a mess… I mean, even more a mess than it already is. But it's an organized mess!" She defended herself nervously.
Honeymaren didn't say anything, too fascinated by Anna's sudden participation in her sister's passion and hobby. "Actually, I'm gonna order big sheets of paper. Architects work on those giant pages, like, it's very extra and all. She deserves to have big sheets too."
"Okay." Simply said the Northuldra, believing her words because of her lack of knowledge in the domain.
"I'll be right back. Bring half of the packages in for now. I'm just gonna call Gale and ask her to like, visit the printer or something. I know that they have giant papers at the Arendelle's gazette office. No idea how I'll explain to her how to ask the guy for a credit to my name though. Cause like, if she barges in, he'll panic, right?" She rambled, walking backwards to the place of the woods where the Wind Spirit was playing, agitating her hands as she thought out loud. "Maybe I can write a letter with it. Yeah, better sign it by hand, so at least he'll have proof of the trade. Of this weird trade. Yeah. Gonna do that."
Honeymaren watched the redhead go away enthusiastically.
"And don't tell her! We should make it a surprise!" Exclaimed Anna, raising her hands to yell at Honeymaren while she still ran backwards. "Woops, sorry Duvka."
The woman she had just bumped into blinked at her passage, and she exchanged a look with Honeymaren, from whom she had visibly come from. The brunette shrugged with a smirk.
She smiled to herself as she walked. "You're right, Anna. She'll love that surprise."
The surprise she didn't expect, though, was that when she came back into the goahti and turned around after closing the door, the house was empty.
Her heart jumped into her chest. Who could have entered and captured Elsa? She stepped out of the goahti for a minute! Did the blonde suddenly get back in shape and was able to step out? If so, why didn't she come to her to show her?
Honeymaren's heartbeat rose at the sight of the empty bed and she dropped the packages on it, her breathing faster. She looked around frantically.
"Elsa?"
"I'm on the floor." Murmured a pathetic voice.
Honeymaren startled and followed Elsa's words to quickly bend on the side and notice her next to the bed. She rushed to kneel next to her. When she saw her laid down and struggling to stand up again, she understood why she sounded so shy and ashamed.
"You fell?" Guessed the brunette, since her girlfriend refused to make any commentary.
Elsa only sighed when Honeymaren lifted her from under her back and knees, then put her back on the bed. She giggled when she saw how pouty the blonde was once she had placed her back into a sitting position.
"Let me guess, you tried to reach something and lost your balance?"
"I fell like shit." Mumbled Elsa.
"You feel like shit?" Misheard Honeymaren, for how low the Spirit's voice was.
"...That too." She muttered.
The brunette shook her head, then lifted her chin. "Hey. It's okay. I'd grow impatient too if I didn't have someone around to help, and try to move by myself just as well. What was it? The water canteen?"
Elsa nodded like a sulking child.
"Gotcha." Smiled Honeymaren.
She grabbed the canteen that indeed was a bit too far for her reach, twisted the cap and brought it to her lips. Elsa tried to hold it with her hands and lifted arms, taking advantage of this to exercise, and Honeymaren eventually had to only half-hold it.
Once her lover placed it on the nightstand, closer than its initial spot, she looked at her.
"So you would grow impatient too? If you were at my place?" Asked Elsa.
Honeymaren snorted. "Baby, I'd grow mad. You are ten times more calm than I am."
The blonde grinned. "Don't say that. You are a calm person. Quiet too. I mean, not as much as me… But I hardly imagine you losing your temper."
Honeymaren's smile went down as she remembered.
"When you were unconscious, I did." She said with shame. "For the first time in my life, I yelled at people; even at Yelena. I told them to go out, to leave me alone. To… To leave us alone."
She saw the widened eyes her girlfriend gave her. "I apologized shortly after! It's just… I don't know, Elsa… When you were gone, it was like…"
The Spirit had a sad smile.
"Like your soul had been ripped out of you, and you felt deprived of the world."
Honeymaren blinked. "That's… A heavy way to put it, but yeah."
Elsa nodded wisely. "I felt the same when Anna froze on the fjord."
She cuddled closer after that sad note. "Hey. It's okay. This outburst doesn't change anything. In fact, it's even the proof that you protected me dearly." She added with a smirk.
Honeymaren then gave her a seductive smile, and switched from her sitting position to move and place her knees on each side of Elsa's hips, pushing aside the packages.
"So… You lost your temper because you wanted to reach water… I might lose my temper because of thirst, sometimes…"
The Spirit couldn't help but grin. "Oh, that kind of thirst?"
"Hmm-hmm." Murmured Honeymaren as she bent down, her forearms on each side of Elsa's face and resting on the wall behind her.
The brunette started to cover her lover's neck with very soft, very careful kisses, and when her girlfriend gladly dropped her head back on the pillow to give her more space, Honeymaren knew that her delicate touch was the right one to not hurt her. She smiled and gently traced a pattern along Elsa's skin, teasingly kissing her slowly, tenderly, and passionately, but still delicately, and the blonde whimpered in bliss at the chilling sensations.
Elsa's breathing actually quickly got labored. Receiving her girlfriend's loving kisses administered with her usual deep care while she was tingling with fever was an experience that brought her to another state of existence. Honeymaren grinned at the sound of her breathing speeding up in her ear, and continued to kiss her, this time in a region way lower than the neck.
The Spirit let out a soft moan…
"Oh my goodness!" Suddenly screamed a voice, followed by the flap of the door closing.
They hadn't heard it open, too lost in their love, and both jolted just as much as Anna at her shout. Elsa couldn't do much more than turn still, but Honeymaren bounced away from her to deny what they were doing; however she did it so energetically that the athletic woman found herself jumping out of the bed, and fell over the other side than the one her girlfriend had previously fallen from.
Against all expectations, and her own surprise, Elsa burst into laughter at the scene, finding Honeymaren's groans of pain hilarious. She also easily imagined Anna right outside the goahti's door with eyes clenched shut, and laughed even more.
After a while, they both reappeared, Honeymaren wincing as she rubbed her sore butt and Anna with a clear blush while she stepped into the goahti like she was walking on eggshells. She awkwardly put down the packages she had been holding, averting eye contact.
"I'm so sorry, girls, I didn't know…"
"It's okay," assured Elsa, still giggling. "You didn't interrupt anything."
She met Honeymaren's eyes, which were filled with deception. "Not that it wasn't anything, it was amazing, but… It's okay, Anna." She corrected, malice at the corner of her lips.
The Queen just stood there dumbly, her lips bitten, which made Elsa smirk. "Well, at least now you know how I felt when I opened the door of your study to ask you for an inkpot, and found you on Kristoff's lap."
Honeymaren dropped her jaw, and gave the redhead a huge grin.
"Sweet Mother Ahtohallan. Anna?"
The latter was blushing hard. "It was–" She was about to explain, but preferred to point at her elder. "Hang on, may I remind you that you didn't knock that day?"
Elsa winced. "That's true. I was lost in thoughts."
Honeymaren crossed her arms. "And you, did you knock at the door?"
Anna's blush returned, and she turned to the goahti's flap. "I did! I swear I did! But you two were too busy doing… Well, doing each other, than you didn't hear!" She exclaimed, and her gestures made Elsa bite her lips to hide her laughter.
"And so you just stepped in when you received no answer?" Reproached Honeymaren, her arms still crossed.
Anna frowned at her tone and pointed at her.
"Now listen, you mischievous forest sapphic–"
"I think we got it." Cut Elsa with a calm smile.
They stopped arguing and looked at her.
"What did you want?" Asked the Spirit, reminding her sister that she must have come in for a reason.
Anna gave her a look, but then smiled, showing what she had put on top of the packages. "I thought it would be very egocentric to have come to the Forest just for you - though everybody is concerned for you - so I asked how I could help with the current tasks."
She proudly exposed her already started wicker basket, and suggested to continue tying it inside with them, to keep Elsa company.
She also insisted that Honeymaren could go outside and have a walk to stretch her legs since she could watch over her elder, but the Northuldra vehemently refused. At the blonde's amusement, the two women then had a teasing exchange about if the other really knew how to take care of Elsa the best. Of course, none of them would go out of the conversation as the loser.
To end the endless topic, Honeymaren chuckled and went to pick up her own half-finished woven basket, which was hanging on the wall of the goahti, to accompany Anna in the movements. She hadn't had the occasion to continue it after what happened to Elsa.
The latter enjoyed having the two people she loved most in the world chatting next to her as they crafted. In addition, she was lulled by the light cracks of wicker and woven as they turned them in her hands to tie their baskets.
"Elsa."
"Hmm?"
"You were daydreaming."
Elsa widened her eyes, then sighed with a groan. "Ugh, again?"
Anna and Honeymaren giggled together.
The blonde smiled, and tilted her head. "At least it's heartwarming to see you two smile for real. It's getting rare, lately. Every time you take care of me, I only get polite smiles."
They looked down in shame. It was a harsh truth.
"It's because you are scared for me, I get it." Admitted Elsa. "I'm not a fool, I know that you talk about my slow progress with Kristoff, and Yelena. You're concerned and you try your best to hide it in my presence."
She looked down at her hands. "I'm aware that I'm pathetic. I'm disappointed with myself. My magic is all I am… In every meaning of the term. I'm nothing without it."
Anna dropped her basket with a shocked gasp, and it rolled to the floor, but Honeymaren didn't catch it. They both were staring at her.
"You're nothing without it?" Said the redhead with a dropped jaw. "Elsa, I can't let you say that."
She bent forward to hold her hand in hers. Elsa enjoyed its warmth, but it didn't manage to bring some to her self-downgrading heart.
"You have many skills and qualities apart from your magic, you must know that!"
"Yeah, right." Puffed Elsa.
"She's right, baby. You're an amazing person, and your ice and snow powers only highlight it." Attested Honeymaren.
Anna pointed at her friend with insistence. "Exactly what I'm saying!"
Elsa's shoulders slumped. "But you've seen how useless I am now, and–"
"That's because your body is struggling with this new sensation, Elsa." Cut Honeymaren, having none of her negativity. "It's like when you tried hunting for the first time, or when I tried getting used to the concept of chamber pots in the castle. It takes time."
Anna gave her a look. "Wait, what? What the heck are you talking about? What's that about the chamber pots?"
The brunette raised her hand to stop her. "That's not the point. Elsa, you will not succeed right away, you know it. Remember when you tried to make a knife? It took you long weeks - and a lot of patience from Uddi - but you finally made it."
"Or when you learned to do herdcalling." Added Anna.
"Nah, she actually aced at that in one afternoon." Corrected Honeymaren. "The reindeers responded to her kukning right away."
"Really? Oh, well, I should have guessed, she's a really talented singer." Said the redhead.
Elsa was sulking on the bed, pouting a bit.
"What?" Asked her sister.
"Why are you two praising me now?" She muttered.
"Because you deserve it!" Exclaimed Honeymaren, raising her arms in disbelief. "See, Anna, this is what living with her is all about. She can spend two hours crafting giant games out of ice to play with children, and the following minute, she doubts about anything she can do."
The Queen sighed dramatically. "Welcome to the club. I spent three damn years after the Great Thaw with this as a daily routine."
She then chuckled at Elsa's pout intensifying. She gave a quick look to Honeymaren, they exchanged a smirk, and then suddenly attacked Elsa for a sandwich hug.
Their three laughters were heard outside of the goahti, and some Northuldra smiled as they walked by it.
"We're approaching." Informed Honeymaren. "We can make the rest of the way on foot. Let's give them a rest."
Anna didn't say anything and just nodded, and they went down from their reindeer and horse. Then they walked casually while holding their mounts' side.
The two women then moved in silence, the only sound in the woods being the one of the hooves. Anna was holding her horse's reins tight as she was lost in thoughts, and the brunette found her lack of dialogue odd.
"What's wrong?" Worried Honeymaren.
"What?" Frowned the redhead.
The Northuldra smirked. "Something's on your mind. You have the same eyebrow wrinkle than when you play chess against Elsa."
The Queen was amused by her observation, her said wrinkle disappearing. "And what does it say of me?"
"Hmm… Either than you're upset by someone's fine strategy, or that you're thinking too hard."
Anna chuckled. "Actually, it concerns you."
"Oh?"
Honeymaren's simple reply incited her to share, and the redhead smirked. "Well, I didn't pick the task of gathering distant berries with you by coincidence."
"I figured. Go on." Smirked the brunette in return.
The Queen's humor however vanished, for another worried expression. "Once again, I have to go back home soon, and I feel bad to leave Elsa in her state."
"I understand."
She knew Anna's enjoyment for her role of Queen, and figured that she was torn.
"Look, I, uh…" Mumbled the redhead, and she struggled to find her words. "I observed you a lot, lately, with Elsa."
She then widened her eyes, and quickly corrected herself in a jolt. "Not that I observed you like, observed you, you know, I just…"
Honeymaren raised an eyebrow. Anna had panicked on her own, and she sighed to calm herself. "Listen. You love her. Deeply. And she loves you back. I just…"
"Please tell me you're not going to give me that 'If you hurt her in any way I will freaking kill you' speech again." Winced Honeymaren, only half joking because the fiery redhead really had left a mark on her that day.
"No, no." Assured Anna with a chuckle. "It's… Gosh, I'm so nervous. If she were to die…"
Honeymaren stumbled on a tree root at her sentence. Anna clenched her lips, feeling like it was better to let it all out at once.
"If she's dying when I'm away, and I don't have the time to get here to see her last breath… Please take care of her until the end, okay?"
Now the Northuldra completely stopped her walk. Her reindeer stopped with her and seemed to share her widened eyes.
"Anna." She said in one exhale, and a silence followed.
The redhead stopped too. The silence became very long and heavy, especially when Anna didn't escape Honeymaren's stare, truly serious and determined.
Honeymaren's mouth slowly turned into a smile, melting in the care and love that not only escaped Anna despite the unexpected request, but that reached her heart at the shared trust.
"Of course."
A silence fell again, this time punctuated by both women smiling. They resumed walking, and a few meters further, Anna discreetly wiped a tear that had rolled on her cheek.
"You know, whatever Ahtohallan has chosen for us as our fate…" Gently said Honeymaren to not startle her. "I'm certain that she takes everything into consideration. You two are the Bridge, and… Elsa and I, we're soulmates."
Anna smiled tenderly, though she raised a finger comically.
"Allow me to say, soulmates aren't pre-set or born or whatever."
She saw the Northuldra's intrigued reaction, and continued. "They're made. And what Elsa and you are having is on the right path."
Honeymaren smiled, and nodded. "It's a nice way to phrase it. I like it."
Such wise words coming from the Queen impressed Honeymaren, and she admired her maturity and wisdom.
Once the gathering was over, they deposited the berries to the Northuldra in charge of today's baking, then stepped inside Honeymaren's goahti. While the brunette hung her satchel back to its place on the wall and took her boots off, Anna went into a long rambling as to why she had to leave.
"...anyway, the physicians have been very busy with the recovery of the wounded soldiers from the Collapse, and now the rehabilitations require a lot of staff, so I wanted to hire new people..."
She then went into another long rambling about volunteers and how much she loved her people, and Elsa smiled, and it was difficult not to return Honeymaren's amused looks.
The blonde raised a calming hand. "Please, Anna, that's a bright idea, and you shouldn't feel sorry. If anything, I'm proud of you. You're a devoted Queen, don't change that for anything, especially for me. Please, go take care of the people."
The redhead returned her smile, touched by her compliment. She tackled her sister in the most careful hug.
Before leaving, she however had a very serious announcement to make. "The trials and justice logistics are a bit suspended at the moment, or very slow, but I'm doing a follow-up on that blowpipe guy. We'll be able to interrogate him soon."
The two other women nodded sternly.
Honeymaren let the flap of the goahti open during the time it took for Anna to leave, so that her lover could watch her sister join the horizon from the bed.
"That was a clever idea." Smiled the blonde once the brunette closed the door to keep the warmth in.
The movement made her flex her exposed arm, and Elsa admired her girlfriend's biceps.
"The beauty and the brawn do no wrong." She grinned, though her grin actually looked like a dopey smile.
Honeymaren smiled at her compliment, but shook her head with rolled eyes. "I think it's time for you to sleep."
Being deprived of her powers made Elsa feel weak, but what she didn't expect was how incapable she was to do even the most mundane tasks.
She blessed the skies that Honeymaren and her were girlfriends now and that they loved to cuddle and spend time close to each other because she quickly realized that she needed her to wash up and do other hygiene duties. She would have been mortified if this situation had happened in any other context, and she would have had to be helped by the Arendelle staff or any other Northuldra; it even would have been awkward if Anna was the one at her side like that all the time. Even if she knew that her sister would not hold it against her, she would never dare to look at the redhead in the eyes ever again.
Honeymaren hummed a lullaby as she squeezed the wet cloth over the bucket and rubbed it with soap, waiting for Elsa to gather enough strength to lift her arm on her own.
She turned red when the brunette approached, and for a moment Honeymaren thought that it was of embarrassment; however they obviously had seen each other naked multiple times. Then she thought that it probably was due to the effort. Washing up was a good time to exercise.
She then noticed that Elsa was in fact challenging herself in lifting her arm higher than she did the day before. She didn't succeed, however. She may have been used to her situation now, the absence of her magic still put her in the same state of weakness than a marathon.
"Easy now." Calmed Honeymaren, shaking her head. "No need to flex."
Elsa frowned. "I'm not flexing."
"Not literally."
"Oh."
As Honeymaren rubbed her skin, Elsa's arm started to tremble, her muscles twitching like fever was seizing them. She let out a sigh, annoyed that she didn't mentally feel tired at all, but her body would soon ceide. Honeymaren noticed before she said anything and gently helped her lower the arm back to its place on her thigh where it rested.
"I feel like an old woman. Hundred years old even." Muttered Elsa.
"Well, I'll be damned if you're still as breathtakingly beautiful when you're a hundred years old", smiled Honeymaren as she rubbed her shoulder plate.
Elsa grumbled, though she smiled at the compliment. Honeymaren noticed when their eyes met and she grinned before giving Elsa's shoulder a quick peck.
She immediately regretted this action because there was soap foam there, and Elsa giggled as the brunette rubbed her lips with a series of 'Pweh!'
"Come here."
Honeymaren turned at her voice, and Elsa's hand had grabbed a cloth on the small table between their two stools. The blonde slowly lifted it to her lips to take the soap away. The Northuldra found her focus sweet, and smiled.
"Don't move your lips, or you'll really have soap in your mouth." Advised Elsa. "Just wait until I'm finished."
The brunette stuck out her tongue, then realized her stupid mistake as she now tasted the soap even more. She had a disgusted pout and turned to spit again, and it made Elsa laugh hard. Suddenly, her laughter faded into a faint sigh and her eyes fluttered.
Honeymaren instantly launched her hands forward and gripped Elsa's body, right in time before she would fall off the stool. "Woah!"
She managed to bring Elsa back to a sitting position, and the latter blinked as she regained consciousness.
"So it happens even when I don't do anything?" She mumbled.
"Are you okay?" Worried Honeymaren.
"No, I'm not. I mean, I am, thanks to you. But this… I had just lifted my arm!"
The brunette smirked with amusement, so Elsa frowned.
"What?"
"You didn't just 'lift your arm', you romantic lip-rubber, you bent forward and stood up a little to reach my face and help me clean my tongue when I turned to spit."
Elsa blushed. "I did? I didn't notice."
Honeymaren smiled. "Your legs bore your weight for the first time in days. Maybe standing up can wait. You should move gradually."
The blonde nodded reluctantly. Honeymaren smiled.
"It's funny, it's like when we played chess at the castle. Remember? You bumped over the table to reach me."
Elsa blushed a bit. "Am I not allowed to like touch?"
"Of course you're allowed. Especially you." Encouraged Honeymaren, referring to the too many years when she had been deprived of physical contact.
The Northuldra continued to clean her and when they were finished, she grabbed the towel that she had hung by the stove to make it warm, humming in delight at how comfy it was. She started to rub Elsa's skin, then gasped as an idea struck her mind.
"Hold on. I'll be right back."
She placed the towel in Elsa's lap before walking to the door, then pointed at her girlfriend. "Stay. Don't move."
The Spirit snorted. "I'm not a reindeer. Besides, where do you want me to go? I literally just fainted trying to stand up."
Honeymaren gave her a look. "Don't make a fool of me. You're the most stubborn dork. You would crawl to Ahtohallan despite your state."
Elsa opened her mouth to reply, but the brunette cut her. "You know I'm right. Don't argue, just stay. Use this as a training to try to grab the towel and rub where you can. I'll be right back."
The blonde was confused, but curious too, and she let her imaginative brain wander through theories as to what Honeymaren was planning, while she did her best to dry her arms through the following minutes.
"There!"
She suddenly jumped at Honeymaren's exclamation.
"Gods, Honey!" She scolded, breathing out. "If I had my magic, I would have frozen the place!"
The Northuldra giggled in her back. Elsa didn't have much force and she was slow to turn to the entrance, when she felt something being placed above her ear. She was confused and lifted her eyes, which was dumb because she couldn't see, but she was emotional about the only possible item it could be. Or smelled this good.
"A flower?"
"For my goddess of Winter." Grinned Honeymaren in exaggerated romance, before kissing her cheek.
Elsa smiled timidly. "Thank you."
Despite the cheesy appellation, she loved the special care the brunette was giving her, and she would not ruin that.
"I got the idea when I smelled the perfume on the towel." Told Honeymaren. "It's the flowers we use for cleaning."
Elsa smiled tenderly. The brunette finished drying her happily.
"Say, what is the first thing you wanna do as soon as you can stand up and move around?"
Elsa had a tender sigh at her optimism. "You think that I will be able to walk outside even without my magic?"
"Why not?" Shrugged the brunette. "Oh! I know. I could teach you battle archery." She smiled, happy to have found a perfect activity that didn't require any magic.
"I'm not really fond of the idea." Winced Elsa.
After being threatened with arrows and seen multiple times through ice memories the damage weapons could do, she wasn't eager to learn how to fight with one. Besides, she always preferred to use magic for attack and defense. Honeymaren could sense her nervosity and nudged her for a tease.
"The stars aligned to make you a Sagittarius and you're going to reincarnate into a centaur, yet you're not interested in trying a bow and arrow in a badass way?"
Elsa turned with an amused and impressed expression.
"Look who learned fast about our astrology."
"Yours? I thought you said it was based on Greek mythology?" Teased Honeymaren. She then shrugged. "Also, I made you a map of the Northuldra constellations, so remembering the tales you grew up with to link them to ours was the least I could do."
The blonde grinned with admiration.
"I prefer to watch you train." She said lovingly. "You're very attractive when you practice archery."
The brunette grinned with a blush.
A silence passed, and she cuddled closer. "I knew that Ahtohallan was a trickster about fate, but I find it fascinating how she chose to make it so that you were born on the first day of Winter."
"Actually, Winter is on the 22nd sometimes." Corrected Elsa out of nerdy automatism.
She then felt awkward about her intervention, and fidgeted with her fingers.
"No, go on." Invited Honeymaren. "How so? I'm genuinely interested."
The corner of Elsa's lips curled in a smile, as a 'thank you' for her girlfriend's genuine support.
"Because of the turns we make around the Sun. Nature may be flawless, it still is never symmetrical, you know? The circles that the Earth traces around the star aren't exactly round. It's an ellipse, you see…"
She moved her index in the air, and Honeymaren imagined that if she had magic, she would have traced an oval made out of thin ice blue thread in the air in front of them, the line sparkling as it floated.
"...it's what creates the seasons." Explained the blonde. "And this is why we have leap years in the calendar we use. February gains another day every four years, so it shifts the whole thing and it becomes the 22nd of December."
She kept going and explained everything in detail from the tilt of the Earth to what the zenith was, or rather culmination, Honeymaren avidly listening to her lover and bathing in the sight of her being very animated and beaming about it.
"...and if my calculations are correct," finished Elsa, "the Winter Solstice will even fall on the 23rd in… 1903."
Honeymaren snorted. "If we're here to witness it."
The blonde grinned. Then she realized how dry her throat was. "Sorry for the monologue. I'm just…"
"Very passionate about astronomy because it's one of the only hobbies you could practice from your bedroom without the risk of hurting anyone?" Ended Honeymaren.
Elsa sighed. "Right. I forgot that you're my first confidant."
"Isn't that Anna?" Smiled the brunette.
The blonde actually thought it through. "Hmm… Maybe. But there are some things I don't talk about with Anna."
Honeymaren shrugged. "Fine. Ahtohallan then."
"What?" Frowned Elsa.
"Isn't Ahtohallan your biggest confidant?"
Elsa tilted her head with a smile. "In certain ways, yes. But it's non-verbal. No, really, you're the one with whom I talk the most."
Honeymaren was touched by the conclusion, but smirked with sass. "You find me honored by it, divine Fifth Spirit."
Elsa wanted to reply that she had nothing of a Fifth Spirit anymore, but her partner's cute gesture as she placed a tender kiss on her hair made her melt.
Author's Note:
Yeeeep yep yep the chapter title is a ref to the song "I can't lose you" which is a VERY angsty snow sisters bubble from the Frozen musical. Come cry along [pat pat the couch next to me]
on an angsty note DID YOU LIKE THE DRAMA IN THIS CHAPTER? :D
btw I'm a sagittarius and it took me a long while to understand and realize that Elsa was a sagittarius too so yeah hello nerdy talk (and another thing to add to the list of things i have in common with Elsa) (but I'm not as dummy as her when it comes to decisions)
second fun fact, i have a young brother as my only sibling and though we have a good relationship we're not even remotely like Elsa and Anna yet it's hilarious that he's a Gemini like Anna, and we have the exact same age gap too lmao what is going on