The next day Spongebob was in the middle of his shift. A little after noon. Lunch was at its typical flow with citizens from the city coming in for their lunch break. Earlier he sold a handful of percs to Squidward as they pulled up to work. He decided to use the 'valerian perc extracts' cover up on his neighbor too. Seemed to work with no suspicions, hopefully no doctor will know what the hell he's asking for. Then after, he made a stop at Mr. Krabs office where he delivered more than half his stash. Fuck ya. Between those two, Juney, and possible other customers, Spongebob might eventually have a solid group to rely on. He just needs more people.
"I'm the shit" he muttered while flipping a patty giddily
Ring ring
Huh?
Riing ring
Spongebob felt his pockets to find his phone vibrating for his attention
Ring riiing
"Hello?"
"Hey buddy! Whatcha doin'?"
"I'm working Patrick"
"You wanna get fucked up?"
"Patrick I-"
"Fuck, Spongebob…I'm coming over there anyways"
"Patrick no-" Static.
Sure enough a few minutes later, Patrick walked through the kitchen door. Squidward was following behind.
"Patrick! You're not allowed back there!"
Patrick was trying to unhand Squidward who was grasping at the tubby star's shoulders.
"Leave now lardass!"
Patrick swung his arm around to knock off the intruding tentacle. He threw a silly grin at both of them and crossed his arms.
"I got something for all of us!"
Spongebob and Squidward exchanged glances before looking back
"What? Can't it wait till after work?"
Patrick shook his head and pulled some tinfoil out of his pocket. He unwrapped it carefully and showed it to his friends. The two workers inched closer and squinted at the contents.
"Psychedelic hippie-dippie art?" Squidward snorted
"No silly! It's acid!"
Spongebob laughed and Squidward recoiled "Patrick what the fuck is that doing HERE?"
"I thought you both would wanna drop some with me!"
"Right now?!"
"Ya! Why not?"
Spongebob went over and put a hand on his tubby friend's arm.
"Patrick…we have customers here…"
"Then kick them out! Watch…"
Patrick went out into the stove and reached for the grease fire alarm.
"Patrick wha-"
BEEP BEEP BEEEEP
A couple of people outside were screaming in confusion. Some lights were flashing inside, and the horn kept repeating
Patrick found an extinguisher and ripped the pin off before aiming the hose at the grill
BEEP BEEP BEEEP
He sprayed
Mr. Krabs came into the kitchen
"What the hell is going on here?!"
The three turned and faced the crustacean boss with a shocked look. Patrick dropped the extinguisher.
"A grease fire"
"What the hell are you doin in me kitchen fatass?!"
Patrick glanced at his neighbors then back at Mr. Krabs
"There was…a grease fire"
Mr. Krabs slapped his face and looked at the three before walking out into the lobby. Squidward crossed his arms and faced the other two.
"What the fuck was that? We're gonna have to clean this up y'know"
Patrick grinned while patting his pocket "I'm telling ya…this is gonna work"
Spongebob started lighting a cigarette as Mr. Krabs barged back in. His face looked defeated and back slumped over.
"Ay…they're all gone…and cleaning this shit up will take a while anywho…I guess we gotta shut down for the rest of the day."
Patrick nudged Spongebob and shot him a smile. Spongebob chuckled and Squidward rolled his eyes. Mr. Krabs went to a corner to grab mops, brooms, and towels, soon throwing them at the insufferable trio.
"Get cleanin and then fuck off…I'll be in me office"
—-
The three got the kitchen cleaned up in around two hours. Then another half hour went by to handle other closing procedures such as counting money and storing food. Patrick was sitting at a table sipping on a soda waiting for the others to finish up. Squidward came up to the table and took a seat. The sound of kitchen clanking and banging filled the room along with texting clicks from Squidward's phone. He looked up at the spaced-out starfish with curiosity ravaging his mind.
"Are you…tripping now?"
Patrick stopped slurping and laughed "No no Squiddy, trust me you would KNOW"
"So…what's it like anyways?"
The starfish pondered for a moment "It's like…swimming in Candyland"
"What?!"
"Yep"
Squidward didn't know if he was more intrigued or repulsed at the moment, but his thoughts faded as Spongebob came out with a grin on his face.
"So, where we gonna drop? I was thinking jellyfish fields would be perfect…"
"That's a good idea…kinda wanna start at my house tho"
"Fine by me…you joining Squidward?"
Squidward started getting up "I need to look into it…"
They all got outside, mounted the car, and drove off. Squidward really wasn't comfortable with trying new things. However, he was very curious and really enjoyed the other night with his neighbors and wanted to continue this gravy train.
"C'mon Squid…" pounded Patrick who was hitting on the headset.
Thun thun thun
"Ya c'mon Squiddy! You'll love it…" Spongebob started hitting the dashboard
Thun thun thun
"I don't know…"
The two started hitting faster and louder
Thun thun thun thun thun thun
"Do it do it do it do it"
"C'monnnn"
Thun thun thun thun thun thun thun thun
"Dooooo it dooooo it:
Squidward hit the brake hard in his driveway causing his two dingbat neighbors to slam into what's in front of them.
"Ok yes holy hell I'll do it! God you both are real fucking annoying sometimes…."
Patrick and Spongebob high fived each other as they exited the vehicle, and they all temporarily went their separate ways.
—-
After changing and freshening up, the three met up at Patrick's rock. Spongebob brought over some snacks and water bottles while Squidward just a pen with a journal.
"I don't know…I heard you think of some insightful stuff"
The three sat around the television again. This time Pulp Fiction was playing with the scene of the couple sticking up a diner.
"I love you…"
The three laughed as the couple started pulling their guns out, yelling, and looking around for people's wallets and purses.
"Kinda like you Spongebob!" Patrick laughed
Spongebob blushed a smile and threw some chips right back at him.
A lot of thoughts were running through Spongebob's head again. Mainly about Sandy, Bubble Bass and money. No matter what he was doing his mind always wondered back to the pressing issues as of today. Can't he just enjoy being with his friends for one night? He shoots the shit, plays the games, acts free and careless. However, it all felt like a mask to him.
"You ok?"
Spongebob snapped out of his dead stare and turned to see Squidward tilting his head.
"You kinda spaced out for a minute"
"Ya…I think i'm just a little high haha"
The squid shrugged his shoulders and turned to Patrick
"So, are we gonna do this?"
Patrick stretched his arms before getting up. He went over to his room and then came back with the tinfoil.
"Alright here we go come gather around"
Spongebob and Squidward came to their pudgy friend as he unraveled the foil. A strip of the perforated blotches was laid out in front of them. Squidward was a little uneasy while Patrick was picking three of them apart from the rest.
"Ok, try not to touch the middle, your sweat will fuck with it…hold it by its sides…here"
He gave Squidward a tab to carefully pinch and then his porous friend.
"H-how long does it last?"
"Eh six to eight hours give or take…we're gonna be up for a while"
Squidward turned to Spongebob
"What about work?"
The fry cook looked up from the acid tab and shrugged
"Fuck that place, what is he gonna do, fire us?"
Squidward looked down at the drug and then back to his neighbor
"Well…I guess if both of us are out we can't get too much in trouble"
"Good enough reason for me"
Patrick spoke up "Alright so now just place the tab on your tongue for like fifteen minutes and then swallow…it's to absorb the LSD faster"
Patrick was about to place the paper on his tongue before Spongebob interrupted
"Wait wait…I kinda wanna get take a photo…place it on your tongues and stick it out with me"
Patrick and Squidward peered at each other then back at their friend
"C'mon! I seen it in a movie once…just one selfie"
The three all stuck their tongues out and put the tabs on. Spongebob pulled out his phone and wrapped his arms around his buddies. Patrick on his right and Squidward on his left.
With his tongue out Spongebob counted down
"Wohn..oooo…oree!"
Snap Snap Snap
Get a life vest, it's time to turn on, tune in, and drop out.