Lucius stood in the small living area of Narcissa's flat, organizing the things that his house elf had dropped off. Sorting through some of the trunks, he had already tossed out some of the things he thought he would need, like some loose fitting pajama pants, a pillow, and a nice blanket. He really wasn't sure what Narcissa would offer him, if anything, so he wanted to be prepared regardless. Most of the items he had requested were just personal effects, but there was one trunk in particular that he was actually excited to open. Rummaging through everything, he finally managed to spot the worn leather trunk he used frequently during his Hogwarts years. With a small smile on his face, he ran his hands over the canvas, feeling the years of memories come flooding back to him with every imperfection he felt on the surface. Just as he moved to flip open the lid, Lucius heard the most magical sound he had ever heard.
He followed the sound down the hallway, just outside Draco's bedroom. The door had been left open just a crack, but it was enough for Lucius to see and hear everything that was happening. Just inside the room, Narcissa sat on the edge of the boy's bed. Her eyes gleaming with mischief as she inched closer and closer to Draco, who was cornered by the headboard of the bed. He was peeking out from under his blankets, trying to hide his excitement as his mother closed in on him. Suddenly, she pounced, tickling the little boy and making him cry out with beautiful laughter.
"Mummy," Draco managed to yell out in between giggles, "stop!"
"I don't know," Narcissa said as she continued to tickle the little boy, "I don't think you've gotten all your sillies out."
Draco let out another shriek of laughter, "They're out! They're out!"
"Okay, Dragon. If you say so," Narcissa smirked, withdrawing her tickling fingers and helping Draco lay back down under the covers. "Now we've had our story, we've had our sillies, and I've tucked you in tight…." she drawled off, tucking the boy snuggly into bed and handing him a raggedy stuffed dragon to cuddle. "Now we'll have a hug and a kiss," she emphasized with doing both in quick succession, "and we'll say…"
"Goodnight!" Draco shouted excitedly.
"Goodnight! Very good, my clever boy," she exclaimed, kissing him on the head one last time before making her way to the doorway. "Sleep well, my love."
Lucius had been too caught up in the moment as well as his own personal fantasies of bedtime routines that he didn't even think to move as Narcissa tried to exit, causing her to run right into him.
"Oh–" she gasped in shock, not expecting him to be there.
"I want that with him," he said in almost a whisper, not really thinking as his eyes remained glued to the little boy who was now seemingly asleep in his bed. His eyes then shifted to look at Narcissa. She seemed to have an almost puzzled look on her face, almost as if she were trying to figure him out.
Narcissa turned around, quickly closing the door to her son's room quietly. She let out a deep sigh before turning back around to face him. She studied his face once more, "Why now?"
"Why now," he repeated her question, forgetting himself for a moment and raising his voice slightly, more out of confusion than anger, "Narcissa, you left me?"
Narcissa's eyes went wide, a blue blaze alight within them, "I left you?!" As if suddenly remembering that they were right outside her son's room, she immediately closed her mouth, grabbed his arm and led him back out to the living area that was now cluttered with his belongings. Sensing that another argument may be taking place, Lucius took out his wand and cast a quick silencing charm around the entrance to the hallway so that Draco's sleep wouldn't be interrupted.
"I didn't leave you, Lucius! You're the one who wanted no contact with me or our child!" Narcissa yelled freely, having watched him perform the spell.
"No contact? When did I ever give you any indication that I wanted no part in this? When did I ever tell you that I wanted out?" He argued back, feeling very confused and slightly hurt that she would even think that.
"That's just it, Lucius! You didn't tell me! You sent your father instead!"
"My father?" he muttered in uncertainty, trying to go back to that day and remember everything that happened. Walking over to the couch, he plopped down, trying to figure out where exactly everything had gone wrong. Narcissa seemed to pick up on his turmoil and calmly sat down beside him. "What did my father tell you?" he asked after a moment, staring down at the floor so she wouldn't assume that his emotions would be taken out on her.
Narcissa let out a shaky sigh as she recalled the memory, "He just showed up. I didn't go to class that day because of the morning sickness, but I was heading to the kitchens to get some crackers and he was just there in the hallway. I assumed he was probably looking for you, but as I got closer, he stopped me and said he had been looking for me. He said you had told him I was pregnant and that you didn't want anything to do with me or the baby anymore, that you had tried, but everything was just proving to be too much and you didn't want to deal with any of it anymore. He told me that if I tried to contact you, you would have the baby killed."
"And you believed him…" Lucius asked with gritted teeth, still keeping his eyes on the ground, wringing his hands together out of frustration.
"I was sixteen, I was pregnant…and I was scared." Her voice quivered, "I didn't know what to think. I knew you told me that you were going to be there for me, but things weren't easy. I was moody and sick all the time. You were skipping classes, meals, quidditch practices, just to care for me..." Narcissa felt the tears begin the fall as she watched Lucius battle with his own emotions. "You didn't send him, did you," she whispered in more of a statement than a question.
Thinking back to that day had always filled Lucius with a sense of dread and longing. However, now knowing what had actually transpired, the only emotion he felt was an intense amount of fury. If it weren't for his father, he would have been there to help Narcissa through the rest of her pregnancy! He would have been there to witness the birth of his son! He would have been there for every milestone, every holiday, every precious moment! Lucius kept his head down, trying to calm the storm that was raging inside of him. He had already let his temper get the best of him twice already, he would not make that mistake a third time. Gathering his thoughts, he felt his eyes begin to well. He wasn't sure if the tears were forming out of frustration for not being able to see through his father's lies or if a deep sense of anxiety and guilt still lingered within his body from not being able to be with his family.
"He was there to talk to me that day. He found me after class and pulled me aside outside the headmaster's office. He told me that you had gone to the infirmary that morning in pain and had miscarried soon after. He told me that the Matron had wanted to send you to St Mungo's for treatment but you had run off…" Lucius finally lifted his head, fresh tears on his face as well when he met Narcissa's watery eyes, "I've looked for you every day since then."
Narcissa reached over and grabbed his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze as new tears began to streak down her face. "He ruined us," she let out softly.
Lucius gently placed his spare hand on top of their conjoined hands to offer her the only comfort he knew that she would allow, as he nodded his head in agreement, "I only wish I knew why."
They both sat there for a while, both deep in thought. Perhaps they were thinking about Abraxas and the plot he had played in the downfall of their relationship. Perhaps they were imagining how life would have been, had things not gone so horribly wrong. For Lucius, he seemed to be going over everything that had happened in the last few hours. He hadn't planned for any of this and everything felt so out of control, but for some reason, also coming together perfectly. He had gotten the answer to all of his questions and he had found his family. The family he had fantasized about for so many years! Yet with everything finally out on the table, he still found himself with more questions about what had transpired that evening.
"You thought I was here to kill Draco," He asked, knocking Narcissa out of her own thoughts and forcing her to meet his gaze again, "Why did you let me stay then?"
She seemed to think about her earlier actions for a moment and then with a small shug answered, "It seemed like the safest option. You were threatening to take him away. I figured if I let you stay, I could at least keep a closer eye on things and I could still be there to protect him if something went wrong..." She drawled off, glancing down at their hands and slipping her's free from his grasp, "Maybe a small part of me wanted to give Draco a chance at having a relationship with his father."
"I do want a relationship with him," Lucius answered quickly, reaching for her hand again but finding it pulled away. "I want to be a father to him. I want to learn everything about him, teach him things, make him laugh, comfort him when he's upset. Everything I should have been doing for the past four years…I want him to like me."
"That's really up to Draco to decide," she said as she stood, signaling an end to the conversation.
Lucius nodded somberly, as he stood as well, not really sure if they were on good terms or not. "I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused tonight. I didn't mean to upset Draco or you. I thought when I found you everything would just fall back into place but when I saw him, everything just sort of…shifted."
Narcissa gave him a small smile, "I think that's what being a parent does to you. Your whole world changes the instant you see your child for the first time. I know mine did."
Lucius felt himself smiling as well. She turned away from him and began to walk back down the hallway and he felt himself following her as if bound to her by some magical force. Together, they passed Draco's room and stopped at the first door after on the right.
Narcissa gently opened the door and nudged it open, turning back round to face him. "This is my room," she informed in a hushed voice. Lucius stood there awkwardly, feeling slightly embarrassed for following her back to her room and not really knowing what to say. Narcissa walked in, leaving the door open as she grabbed a pillow from her bed and walked back over to stand in front of Lucius, "You can sleep in here. I don't have another room for you to use so I hope this one will be okay."
"Your room? Ciss, I'm not going to kick you out of your own room. I can sleep on the couch."
"I can't ask–"
"You're not asking," he said, cutting her off before she could finish, "I'm offering."
She glanced at the floor again, smiling that shy smile that he loved so much. This was the third smile that he had given him. He hadn't been aware that he had been keeping track in his head until now, but he already knew he would do anything to see her smile at him again.
"Good night, Lucius," she whispered, reaching to close her bedroom door.
"Good night, Narcissa." he turned to walk back down the hallway but found himself spinning back around to stop her before the door shut, "Ciss?"
With the door still open a crack, she was able to hear him and opened the door completely to appear in the doorway once more.
"Do you think it's too late for us?" He found himself asking as he stared into her beautiful blue eyes.
She seemed to think on his words for a moment before softly replying, "I don't know."
"Okay," he replied, a small smile on his face. She didn't say no! "I'll let you get some rest. Good night."
He turned and walked back to the living room. Once there, he swiftly changed into the loose fitting pajama pants that he had sat on top of one of the trunks, grabbed the pillow and blanket that the elf brought and settled onto the couch for the night. With a deep sigh, he closed his eyes and began to fall asleep, the smile he had on his face never fading.