Chapter 12: Mechonholy

Nistalgia Critci just got done reading Sans fanfction. He was in his room crying and wangsting with a small cut on his forearm. Critic was all emo and his suit was black, his shirt was black, his goatee was black as night. He had a beatbox on his bed playing Emo songs like "Heartbeat in the brain." His hat was replaced with a baseball cap that reads : "True Wangster." He realiszed his horribel fashion mistake and corrected it immediately.

Nostalgia Critic: "Waaaah!"

He fell back onto his bed and turend off his boombocx. He than egarly smoked a green cigar and sat up.

Nostalgia CRITCI: "I MUST FIX THIS."

The tanfic was about Nostalgia Critic trying to capture Sasquach and failing becuase he was to fat and slow. He needed to portray Eggman to have the neccisary soeed to catch him but than he got his ass beat. (But doesn't Doug Walker seem like the kinda guy that would do a good live action Eggman?) At first it was funny becuase it reminded him of the first time he tried wine. The second time he tried wine he tried to capture the Lockness Minster and sumbit a theory to film theory that Dorie form SM64 Dort from finding Meemo and the Monster were the same people. Good times. So to fix this problem it Hand, he would capteure Sasquach. So the Crtic needed to do that. He waited for the day to end. He than waited until everyone went away so hopefully no one would see his emo clothes.

However, when he got downstairs from the boat to the docking station, he saw Santa and the two guardsmen talking. Critci noticed Sans was also wearing similar emo clothes.

Santa: "Like I said, I needed a male mushroom."

Sans: "Sorry we failed u."

Santa: "No u did a good job see the corpse has a winer."

Santa pulled the mushroom cirpse out of no one and revealed its stamen or male plant rreproduction part I DONT KNOW. Red looked at Sans. She blinked a few times, wondering wat this meant.

Santa: "Im sorry red. It often uses pollen to seduce its female enemies and can affect monsters. Did the mushroom make you uncomphortable?"

Sans began to sweat.

Red: "Ummm… Yeah it was a hard battle."

Santa: "Im surprised u cilled it and not Sans, because he should be immune."

Sans sweat a little more. Red decided to evade gender assumptions from noW on, especially based of color. The Critic decidded this was not his buzness. He got out a map from under his hat and they had direction to the Jungle. The Critic eagerly fallowed them.

Nostalgia Critic was driving around in his family Volstwagon and stopped at the parking lot. There was a sign that said "don't go past this line if u don't want to get screwed by Jungle animals." He walked past it. He than realized he could bring his car and got back in. He drove into the jungle. After two minuites of driving he got to a giant rocky waterfall. He looked at it in awe, stepped out, and cried some more. He than stopped. He got out an elephant gun from his car and stepped close to the edge. He smirked.

Nostalgia Crtic: "Hahahahahahahahahaha! Now I'm gonna go and dapture big-foot. Or savagesquash. Maybe I shoudlve gotten a net."

The nostalgai Critic lost his nalence becuase he was pushed off the waterfall.

Critc: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Critic managed to steady himself but he was pushed again and did a flip. He saw the culprit…

IT WAS BIGFOOT.

Critic: "Fuk u Bigfoot!"

The Nostalgia Critic plummeted into the water. He forgot how to swim and breath for a moment but managed to paddle to the surface. He than swam to the rocky shore. He wiped water out of his eyes. He shoulve brought his swimming goggles. He kooked ba k and gigfoot was GONE! He had to get back up there. The Critic began to walk. He went through a dirt path with a bunch of trees kinda like a Forrest. There were some Monkey's screeching at him so he whipped out a pistol and shot one Minkey swining. It collapsed to the ground.

Nostalgia Critic: "HAHAHAHAHA!"

The Nostalgia Critic suddenly felt pain in his head as the dirt rose up to meet his face. He put away his pistol. He than got out his elephant gun and turned aeound. Bigfoot swung at Critic, sending him sky high. Nostalgia Critic flew to one of the trees that were 4000ft high and landed in his back. He slid down and his his crotch on a nranch. Suddenly, a snake came down from the same tree and began to fly down from the tree and into another.

Nostalgia Critic: "What up with that triply snake?"

Nostalgia Critic jumped down to the ground and broke every bone in his body except his skull. But he regenerated after 2 hours and got up. The sky was purple at this point. He stood as high as he could and stretched. He shook an ant off his ahoulder and ran forward. He continued his journey the next day.

The Critic than saw himself behind a bush while Bigfoot was drinking from a freshwater stream. There was 5 cranes behind him that were drinking. Bigfoot slouched over and brought water to his face. He than bent over, doing a plank as he drank hurridly. He stood up quickly.

Critic: "Nows my chance."

The Critic got up and fired from the elephant gun but he missed or the primate barley dodged.

Nostalgia Critic: "Aw man."

The cranes than flew at the Critic and than flew upwards. The Critic angrily shook his gun and roared furoously. The primate had almost disappeared by the time the Critic had looked back. The Critic said a no-no word. The Critci fallowed where they went. He fired a bullet, but Horambe dodged and dlimbed a tree. Critic went to climb the tree as well. He took a jump and slowly chimmyed up. The ape than suddenly took a shit.

SPLAT!!

Nostalgia Critic: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW!"

The Critic dropped from the tree and landed on his back like he had been shot in the head. He panicked.

Critic: "I'M HIT, I-I'M HIT!"

Critic wallowed around for a bit. The ape accended higher and higher and higher and higher and higher and higher and higher and than lower becuase a twig broke and higher and gphigher and higher. And higher and higher and higher and higher and higher and higher and higher and than lower becuase a twig broke and higher and gphigher and higher and higher and higher and higher.

…AHE,! THE Critic washed off the crud from his face in a stream. He than angrily looked at the midday sun.

Critci: "I WILL FIND YOOOOUUUU BIGFOOT!"

Critic than started to walk and found himself in a town. He than saw a tall Manchild and a shorter, slimmer guy walk around.

???: "Heya George why does that guy look like a monkey took a crud on his face and humiliated him?"

George: "Don't say that Lenny. They could hear you."

The Critic frowned. He than walked away from them and went to a store. He found a wierd beard and bought that and some weird official looking cloak. He than bought two bullets and a small beef stick. He payed and left. He smiled as he walked out in Judge clothes.

Critic: "Wouldn't want anyone to think I'm emo, of coarse."

Nostalgai Critic than walked into a barn and saw anoter strangely dressed guy who's head looked like a (cursing) murder weapon. The Critic looked at him.

???: "ausgegeben?! Udgey, I thought you were in 2020?"

Critic: "Wat? It's 2019."

The suited man showed him today's date. It was 1934."

Critic: "Aw man."

???: "Udgey, lets go inside. The court is waitinfln!"

"Mr. Weight" or whatever guilded him inside.

Critic: "Uuuuhhhh…Court in session? Opening statement."

A weird midget walked to the stand. He than realized he was the witness and stepped down. Some other crippled black guy walked up.

Crooks: "Yo yo maaaaan. Y'see Lenny face o'ver here walk like maaaaaaaan I'm gonna kill this lady and did that by snpaping her neck. He than ran out and this strange midget found him."

Critic: "…I thought this was before sterotypes? Nevermind."

Phinoex Wright; "I'd like to bring the boss's son to the stand."

The midget stepped up. Before he cludl say his name and occupation…

Phinoex Wright: "Is it true Lenny is your enemy?"

Midget: "Yes."

Phenix Wright: "Ok, testify."

Midget: "Well u c-"

And bolt of lightning hit him in the chest and he died. The court burnt up.

Critic: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHAHAHAAHAAAAAHHHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAA! Pay for ur sins u midget skrub."

The Critic hightailed it out of the court at the speed of sound so no one would queston him. He than ran out of town and saw Bigfoot in a bathtub outside. The Critic shot them but it turns out it was just a hairy guy by the fact they died. The Critic than ran faster. Eventually he saw a tree and Bigfoot was in it, eating a banana. There eyes widened. The Critic shot a bolt of electricity from their eyes into the airs arms and it instantly fell to the ground. The Critic than slung him over shoulder and took him home to tie him up.

Critic: "Haha! HAHAHAHA!"

Author's note: "The previous title and the current one was swapped BY DOCTOR CHIMERAAAAAA!"