It was foolish and irresponsible for Frostmask to even think about meeting with Paledusk, considering the fact that the last time she'd snuck to Fourtrees she'd almost been caught by a ThunderClan warrior, and by doing so, she might have single-handedly sparked a war between their clans.
But, Frostmask still found herself creeping towards Fourtrees on the night of the waning half-moon, since she also needed to talk to him. With ShadowClan facing so much hostility from the other Clans, Paledusk's insight into the other Clans was more valuable now than ever before, and his influence in SkyClan could be the lifeline ShadowClan needed if things got worse.
As it was right now though, things were tense, but not dire. In the quarter moon of time since the gathering, a ShadowClan patrol had returned to camp once with scratches on their pelts after getting to a scrap with a WindClan border patrol when hostility boiled over. But, the ThunderClan border was quiet, although it remained strongly marked.
Frostmask wouldn't risk stepping into ThunderClan territory tonight though— she knew better than to repeat her mistake there. She would take a longer path, using the tunnel to cross over into WindClan territory and then enter Fourtrees. Although tensions with WindClan were high as well, Rabbitstar had always disliked ShadowClan, so Frostmask cared far less about accidentally provoking him than she did about Morningstar.
Of course though, her goal as always was to remain undetected. She'd disguised her scent as thoroughly as she could this time, and she felt confident that she'd be able to use her training in stealth to avoid any WindClan cats.
But, paranoia did still have her checking ShadowClan's border with ThunderClan before she even turned her paws towards WindClan territory. Of course it had been patrolled earlier in the evening, but it didn't hurt to check again. Frostmask sniffed down where the tree-line bordered the edge of the thunderpath, making sure ShadowClan's scent markers remained undisrupted, and she tensed as a waft of fresh ThunderClan scent entered her nostrils when she brushed past a clump of ferns.
ThunderClan has been here?!
The fur on her shoulders rose. If there were ThunderClan intruders on their territory right now, then her meeting with Paledusk would have to wait. This clearly took priority.
Frostmask crouched down, slinking after the scent. She strained her eyes and ears for any hint of intruders, but the dark forest surrounding her was still. The scent meandered a bit down the border before finally turning back towards the thunderpath. There the scent vanished, masked by the thunderpath's reek as whoever the intruder was crossed back into their own territory.
Frostmask straightened, her tail lashing as she glared across the quiet thunderpath, but there was sight of movement or flash of reflective eyes on the other side.
What is this? A ThunderClan cat just wanders onto our territory… for what reason? Just to mock us?
Frostmask's lip twitched in irritation as she restrained a snarl, but she gave her ears a shake, knocking away her anger. After all, she should try to give ThunderClan some grace if this aggression from them was ultimately caused by her, right?
I'll keep this border crossing to myself for now. Maybe it was just some kind of reckless apprentice coming over here on a dare. One scent barely over the border with no trace of prey-stealing isn't such a grievous crime… but we should definitely still keep a close eye on them.
Determining that there was no more traces of ThunderClan scent that she missed, Frostmask finally left the border to approach closer to Fourtrees. There she entered into the musty smelling tunnel, padding through puddles in the pitch blackness until she could feel heather scented air stirring her whiskers. Cautiously poking her head out, she emerged onto WindClan territory.
Frostmask had never had any reason to use this part of the tunnel before, so she was careful in assessing the new territory it brought her to. The tunnel opened up under a low gorse bush, which seemed effective in hiding the entrance from WindClan warriors, but it meant Frostmask had to scramble out from under it with her belly pressed flat against the ground and biting back curses as thorns snagged on her pelt.
Once she was outside the bush, the open moor sprawled out in front of her, long yellow grasses swaying in the breeze. But, she turned away from the heart of WindClan territory, instead looking over her shoulder to where Fourtrees loomed not too far from here. Frostmask glanced back at the gorse bush a final time, and reassured that there were no clumps of her fur clinging to the bush and acting like a beacon to tell WindClanners where the tunnel was, Frostmask started slinking towards Fourtrees, hiding herself among the tall grasses.
She successfully made it to the lip of the hollow, and when she peered down into Fourtrees she spotted Paledusk's white coat among the undergrowth as he waited for her. Still sticking to the shadows, she crept down the slope before finally emerging from the undergrowth as she padded up to where Paledusk was crouched under a dense patch of bracken.
Paledusk dipped his head to her in greeting.
"Hello Frostmask. I was sad to miss you at the last gathering," he meowed.
Frostmask flicked her ears as she took a seat nearby him, ducking under the fronds.
"I had other things going on," she murmured, her mind turning to Mistkit and Newtkit.
It had also been a bit more challenging to leave camp since she had kits now. Luckily there were Dewleaf, Larkfoot, and Autumnleap there to take care of them, and they hadn't questioned her too much when she excused herself from the nursery to take a 'walk down the borders.' But, she would still have to keep her meeting with Paledusk tonight short, or else they would start to wonder what was keeping with her.
"So I heard," Paledusk responded, arching a brow meaningfully.
Frostmask shifted her weight from paw to paw. She knew that this was Paledusk's way of asking about the kits without seeming too pushy. Although of course Paledusk was smart enough to figure out that the kits weren't hers by blood, it still made Frostmask a bit uneasy to admit to anyone outside of ShadowClan that the kits were rogue-born, especially with the current situation with the other clans.
But, Paledusk doesn't care about rogue-born cats joining the clans! He'll keep the secret.
"You want to know about Mistkit and Newtkit, right?" Frostmask asked, blinking at him.
"Are those their names?" Paledusk's green eyes glinted in the faint moonlight. "Sedgestar just announced that you had a litter of two."
Frostmask nodded in response.
"Mistkit is a fine name," Paledusk continued, tilting his head to the side thoughtfully. "But 'Newt?' Those are all slimy and poisonous, no?"
Frostmask couldn't stop an affectionate purr from rumbling in her chest as Paledusk's words conjured up an image in her mind of Newtkit's small, fiercely mewing black-and-ginger form.
"Being poisonous fits her. She's feisty, although more fluffy than slimy," Frostmask said warmly.
Paledusk studied her with a curious blink. "It sounds like you've already got your paws full then."
"They're still very little though," Frostmask pointed out. "Their eyes haven't even opened yet. But, I'm sure once they can walk, stars, I can't imagine the trouble they'll cause."
Paledusk's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly, his brow arching again.
"It is a funny thing though…" he said in a falsely casual tone. "For a queen to give birth to kits when she was never pregnant."
Frostmask gave a brief sigh. Paledusk had apparently run out of patience with her for not answering his real question already.
"Alright, I'll tell you what happened," she said without anymore delay, flexing her toes anxiously into the damp ground. "The kits aren't mine by blood. Do you remember Sedgestar saying at the gathering that ShadowClan found a dead queen and kit at the thunderpath between our territory and ThunderClan's? We found them there. The kits needed someone to care for them, so Autumnleap and I took them in. But, we told the other clans that they were born to me because everyone has their tails in such a twist about ShadowClan having a 'rogue' as deputy. We didn't think bringing more rogue-born kits into ShadowClan would be taken well at the moment."
Paledusk nodded slowly.
"I see," he said, his brow furrowing in thought. "Well, I admire your compassion for these kits in need. I know your mother would be proud of you too."
Frostmask blinked, her chest warming slightly at the praise.
"Thank you," she murmured, dipping her head, but after a moment she lifted her eyes again to meet his so she could search his bright green gaze. "But, I do need you to promise to not tell anyone else about this. The kits' true parentage needs to remain a secret to everyone outside of ShadowClan."
Paledusk bowed his head.
"Of course. You have my word," he meowed solemnly.
Frostmask nodded, a bit of relief prickling her. She trusted Paledusk, but it still brought her some reassurance to hear his promise out loud.
"I can't imagine the amount of stress you must be under," Paledusk continued, his voice low and vibrating with sympathy. "You are now surely so busy as a new parent, but your duties must also consume so much of your time. And, adding the other clans' hostilities on top of that… I noticed that ThunderClan and WindClan especially still seem to be on ShadowClan's back."
Frostmask sighed again, he tail swishing behind her.
"Yeah, it does worry me," she admitted. "The news I heard about the gathering… did not sound good to say the least. The warning you gave me last meeting seems to be entirely accurate."
Paledusk dipped his head.
"Although I wish that weren't the case," he muttered down at the ground before glancing back up at Frostmask. "And, how does ShadowClan fare against these threats? Have you given my offer from last time about an alliance between our clans anymore thought?"
"I have," Frostmask said with a blink. "But, I think Sedgestar wants to wait to see what Morningstar or Rabbitstar will do, if anything."
Frostmask angled an ear towards Paledusk. "I brought the idea of an alliance with SkyClan up with him, but he doesn't trust Fennelstar, and I doubt my other clan-mates will either. Honestly, I can't blame them for that. But, I also couldn't tell him that I've been talking to you about the alliance, not Fennelstar."
"Indeed," Paledusk said in his deep rumble.
Frostmask shook her head, anxiety trickling into her. "So, I fear that unless something escalates, Sedgestar will not look for an alliance."
Paledusk's brow furrowed.
"One can only hope that by the time he decides ShadowClan is in need of an ally, it's not already too late," he muttered darkly.
Frostmask bowed her head, his words stirring up the worst-case scenario in her mind.
"Exactly," she said in a low voice.
Paledusk exhaled a long breath.
"Well know that SkyClan is here, if anything changes," he said.
"Thank you," Frostmask said, blinking at him gratefully. "I really appreciate that."
"Of course." Paledusk gave a gentle blink in response. "It sounds like you and ShadowClan need all the support that you can get. Especially since you don't just have your own safety to worry about now, but your kits' as well. It must be difficult."
Frostmask's ears angled back.
"They've barely been here a quarter moon, and it's already been hard," she agreed with a sigh. "Even convincing ShadowClan to keep them was hard. Not all of my clan-mates loved the idea of it."
Paledusk nodded.
"I suspected as much. That one warrior…" Paledusk's gaze narrowed thoughtfully. "It's 'Dampfang,' right? Is he still causing trouble?"
Frostmask rolled her eyes with a bitter huff of amusement.
"When isn't he?" she meowed drily. "He was the biggest in favor of getting rid of the kits by dropping them off at ThunderClan, or with twolegs, or something…"
Paledusk's ears flicked uneasily.
"That is concerning," he muttered. "And, others agree with him?"
Frostmask's brow furrowed.
"Maybe a few?" she said as she tried to recall who else spoke out that day.
She was pretty sure Marshnose had agreed with Dampfang, but she was having trouble remembering other names.
"Although, none were as vehement as him," she continued with a dismissive flick of her ears. "Dampfang has a particular hatred for me. But, most of my clan-mates seem fine with it. Or, they just don't care much either way."
Paledusk stared at her, his face still creased in a frown.
"So, you think that the kits will be safe there?" he asked, his tone deep and serious.
Frostmask's ears started to flatten down against her head, and her stomach twisted uneasily at the implication in Paledusk's voice. He couldn't be saying what she thought he was, right?
"My clan-mates, for the most part, are good cats," Frostmask insisted. "Not even Dampfang would attack or injure a kit."
"Of course," Paledusk muttered, dipping his head slightly in concession. "I did not mean that. But… a misplaced word at the gathering. Or, a rant in a voice too loud on the border patrol… After all, a clan is an awful large group of cats to keep a secret."
Frostmask's eyes widened, surprise hitting her as she finally understood Paledusk's meaning.
"You think one of my clan-mates could deliberately let it slip to the other clans that Mistkit and Newtkit aren't clan-born?" she asked, staring at him in shock.
Paledusk was silent for a moment, his tail swishing as he deliberated.
"Maybe unintentionally, but maybe not…" he murmured finally. "But, it certainly seems possible, doesn't it?"
Frostmask chewed on her lip nervously as her mind whirled, playing out the scenarios.
"No…" she muttered, but the word didn't sound as certain as she wished it would. "None of my clan-mates would put the kits, and the entirety of ShadowClan, at risk like that. No one would do it on purpose."
Paledusk arched a brow.
"Well, how much does Dampfang hate you?" he asked simply. "How much does he want your kits gone?"
Frostmask's stomach clenched, painful and cold like she'd swallowed a huge block of ice.
Dampfang does really hate me, and he doesn't want my kits there. And, he's angry right now since Pineshade dumped him… Could that make him so reckless that he'd do something like this? But, he cares so much about ShadowClan, or, at least, he claims to, and provoking the other clans into attacking wouldn't just hurt me, but everyone.
Paledusk gazed at her as Frostmask silently argued with herself in her mind. He must have been able to read the torment in her expression because he blinked at her sympathetically.
"I just worry about you," he murmured, dipping his head. "You're a kind cat, and it seems like you try to see the good in others. But, others have taken advantage of that goodness before. How could we forget what Sedgestar did to you— betraying you when you'd been nothing but a loyal warrior to him in return?"
Paledusk sadly shook his ears.
"If your own leader could do such a thing, who's to say that Dampfang, a cat who by your own attestation hates you, or any one of your other clan-mates, could do the same? Or something worse?"
"I don't know," Frostmask muttered in an unsteady voice, her claws flexing in and out of the damp earth beneath her.
She'd like to think that Sedgestar was truly regretful about his actions, that he'd put it all behind them and wouldn't do something like that again. But, how did she know that for sure? And, Paledusk was right about Dampfang. How did she know that he wasn't capable of doing something even more terrible than what Sedgestar did?
Frostmask found her mouth suddenly dry when she tried to swallow. Nausea rose in her gut, but she did her best to push it, and her mounting anxiety, back down, screwing her eyes shut and inhaling a deep breath. A moment later, Frostmask felt the plumy touch of Paledusk's tail against her side as he brushed it against her flank in gentle support.
"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I didn't mean to upset you so much. I just hope that you know what you're doing. That the kits will be safe in ShadowClan, around cats like Dampfang, and that you've chosen well to raise them with Autumnleap—"
Frostmask jolted in surprise, her eyes snapping open.
Autumnleap?
"What?" Frostmask meowed suddenly, cutting Paledusk off. "What does Autumnleap have to do with anything?"
She lifted her gaze back to Paledusk's, her brow furrowing. Paledusk blinked down at her, and one of his ears twitched in uncertainty.
"Autumnleap is your mate, isn't he? And, you're raising the kits with him?" he clarified.
Frostmask nodded in response.
"Yes, well," Paledusk continued, glancing away from her. "All I was saying is that I hope you judged his character well."
Frostmask set her jaw as the nebulous feelings of deep anxiety and distress that had been swirling around in her stomach and chest crystalized into a more concrete emotion of upset and offense.
How could Paledusk question Autumnleap's character like that?
Frostmask drew away from the touch of his tail.
"Autumnleap is already a good father," she said, bristling a bit as she came to her mate's defense. "He wouldn't ever do anything that could put our kits at risk."
Paledusk bowed his head.
"I'm sorry," he murmured again. "I don't want to upset you anymore. I do not know him that well. It is certainly possible that I misjudged him and spoke out of turn."
You did.
But, Frostmask bit her tongue against the words. Paledusk just seemed concerned; he probably didn't mean to insult her or Autumnleap.
"It's fine," Frostmask muttered, glancing away from him. "I just don't know why you would have said something like that without any proof."
"Well…" Paledusk began slowly, but his voice trailed off a moment later.
Frostmask turned her gaze back over at him, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.
"'Well' what?" she asked.
Paledusk shifted his weight from one paw to the other. He sighed deeply.
"I don't wish to continue to upset you. We don't have to keep talking about it," he meowed.
"You keep saying that, and yet here we are, still talking about it," Frostmask said, a scathing edge creeping into her voice.
Paledusk stiffened suddenly, his ears half-folding back, and a stab of regret pierced through Frostmask's irritation.
I shouldn't have spoken so rudely to him.
Frostmask sighed, trying to expel her anger in her breath, and the taunt muscles in her neck and shoulders loosened.
"I'm sorry. Just tell me," Frostmask said in a much more even tone.
Paledusk stared at her, hesitating for a few moments.
"…Very well," he said finally. "It's just that… Autumnleap doesn't know about me, right?"
Frostmask's brow creased in confusion.
"No one knows about you," she muttered.
Paledusk angled his head towards her.
"Yes. But, you do have clan-mates who at least know that your father is a SkyClan cat. And, Autumnleap is not one of them, right? I just find that curious. So if Autumnleap was told that secret, you don't think that could change things for him?" Paledusk asked, blinking at her solemnly. "You don't think that it might cause him to start… questioning things about you?"
Frostmask's tail began to twitch, and she swallowed hard. Her mind was churning, old doubts being dredged up from the depths and brought to the surface.
She wanted to reject Paledusk's suggestions, but truthfully… he wasn't wrong. Back when she'd first found out about Paledusk, she had decided to keep it a secret from Autumnleap because she'd been scared of how he'd react— if he would stat to doubt her like Sedgestar had. She couldn't risk losing him.
"I… Autumnleap… He isn't…" Frostmask stuttered, trying to defend herself and him.
"It's been seasons since you learned about the truth," Paledusk continued, not giving her the chance to fully form her thoughts. "And, yet you still haven't told him. Something must be holding you back, right? Do you see something deep inside him that you cannot fully trust?"
Frostmask shook her head helplessly.
"No!" she protested. "It's not that. Autumnleap is wonderful. He's so kind, and caring, and he's always stood up for me…"
Paledusk leaned forward, his suddenly very intent green eyes seemingly boring into her very soul as he loomed above her.
"So what is it? What holds you back?" he pressed.
"I— I don't know!" Frostmask gasped, her ears pinning back.
Sedgestar, Redclaw, Emberflower, Beeclaw, Swoopstrike, and Grovepelt had all known that her father was a SkyClan cat. Out of them all, Redclaw, Emberflower, Grovepelt, and Beeclaw had seemingly never treated her any differently for it. Swoopstrike had been hard on her in the beginning, but he'd come around eventually. And, then of course there had been that disaster with Sedgestar… but, still, no matter how spectacular that was, all-in-all it was still five successes to one failure. Was she really just scared of Autumnleap's reaction or was there something more keeping her silent?
But, how could I tell him now, after it's been so long? Would he be able to forgive me for keeping it from him? And, if I tell him that my father is a SkyClan cat, that's still only a half-truth. Wouldn't I have to tell him everything? That it's Paledusk, and I've been meeting with him? That ThunderClan is angry because of me, because they picked up my scent on their territory when I went to meet him?
Frostmask dug her claws into the ground, her shoulders hunching as she stared down at her paws. Misery swirled in her as fiercely as a storm.
"It's not him! I'm the problem!" she growled, the words bursting from her throat. "I've messed everything up by lying so much! And, I can't tell him the truth now because if I do, everything will be ruined!"
She ground her teeth together, biting back a wail of despair. She wanted to bury her face into her paws and just disappear— sink into the earth to never be seen again.
"You've only been trying to protect yourself. There's no shame in that," Paledusk said, his voice now feather-soft, in stark contrast to the almost demanding tone he'd used only a moment earlier. "If anyone is to blame, it is the culture of the clans themselves. That is what has cultivated such hostility towards non clan-born cats like yourself."
Despite Paledusk's reassurances, Frostmask's belly still clenched in guilt. He was right that the attitude of the clans made things hard for her, but it had still been her decision not to tell Autumnleap. How could she blame that choice on anyone else? And it had also been her decision to meet with Paledusk, and continue to meet with him despite the risks, digging herself deeper and deeper into her hole of lies.
Had this finally gone on long enough? Should she stop now before she ended up even deeper? Especially since ThunderClan's hostility was because of her scent on their land… It had been one thing when she only put herself at risk, but now her actions could threaten all of ShadowClan as well.
Frostmask forced her eyes back up to Paledusk.
"Maybe we should stop meeting," she rasped in a low voice. "Maybe it's causing too much trouble for me."
Paledusk's eyes flashed in brief moment of surprise.
"Are you sure?" he asked, his face screwing up in consternation. "You think this arrangement no longer benefits both our clans? Even though ShadowClan could soon be facing a war?"
Frostmask's tail fidgeted uneasily, and she didn't immediately respond.
"You know, stopping our meetings isn't going to change the fact that you haven't told Autumnleap the truth," Paledusk pointed out gently, lowing his chin so that they were at eye-level.
His dazzling, confident green gaze burned into her soft, fragile blue. "It won't alleviate any of your guilt— just perhaps make it easier to ignore, by ignoring me. That might make you feel better for a time, but it is not the solution to your problems."
Frostmask lowered her eyes back to the ground, her neck fur prickling.
He's right. I caused this mess, so I'm the only one who can solve it. And, meeting Paledusk doesn't have to provoke ThunderClan further— I could go through WindClan territory like I did today, or change our meeting spot to some place else that doesn't involve me crossing ThunderClan land. So driving Paledusk away won't really fix anything...
"…You're right," Frostmask sighed, closing her eyes for a moment as she spoke her thoughts out loud. "It won't solve anything."
They were both silent for a few heartbeats. Frostmask spent the moments trying to shove down her guilt and misery with little success.
"I should leave soon," she murmured finally. "I have kits now. The queens and Autumnleap will notice if I'm gone too long."
"I understand," Paledusk said in a deep rumble. "Do you still wish to meet again in a moon? At the next waning half-moon?"
Frostmask rose to her paws, exhaling a long breath.
"I'll try," she said. "But if tensions continue to rise between us and ThunderClan and WindClan, it may become more difficult for me to get to Fourtrees unnoticed."
Paledusk blinked hard, his ears perking up as if he was suddenly reminded of something.
"Speaking of…" he said in a low voice. "Before you go, I have another warning for you."
Frostmask clenched her jaw.
Another warning? As if I need more stress and bad news!
Frostmask took a deep breath, bracing herself.
"What is it?" she asked.
Paledusk's brow was troubled as he gazed at her.
"It's something that I heard last gathering whispered between Wheatfur and Acornear," he rumbled. "I couldn't catch it all, but it was doubtless some kind of an agreement… I think an alliance may have been forged between WindClan and ThunderClan against ShadowClan."
Frostmask's heart dropped down to her stomach. That sort of alliance was exactly one of the things that she feared most.
"And, you're sure you haven't misheard?" Frostmask demanded a bit desperately.
Paledusk shook his head sadly. "I don't believe so."
Fear and anxiety raged in her like a hurricane, but Frostmask inhaled a trembling breath, doing her best to steel her will and mind.
At least Paledusk has given us some kind of warning. Frostmask told herself, grasping for the silver-lining. Now I can prepare ShadowClan for war.
Paledusk gazed at her sympathetically, rising to his paws as well to dip his head to her in farewell.
"Remember, my offer still stands if Sedgestar changes his mind," he rumbled. "Good luck, Frostmask."
Author's Note: Thank you all for reading as always! :) I don't want to comment on too much about this chapter, but I continue to be excited about us entering the story's endgame!
Reviews: Brian.H.H: Thank you so much! Yeah, the web of lies can only hold for so long, and although it brings Frostmask much stress, I am personally excited to see things finally start to unravel lol.
Shadowhunter474: Sadly a lot of chapters just make Frostmask stressed lol, my poor anxious girl. And, as her lies start to finally catch up to her, things aren't going to be easy for her right now :( (Also sorry for the Paledusk-heavy chatter lol.)
And, to address your other comment, I think Pineshade is definitely not planning on rushing into another relationship yet! I think she probably wants to just hang out with her friends like Frostmask, like you said, and sort herself out before pursuing other romantic options. Especially since after being in a relationship with Dampfang for so long, she has realized that she doesn't have a great idea of what a good, healthy romantic relationship looks like for her, and so I think she has some introspecting to do.
Cactopus: Your comment on Dampfang absolutely killed me lol, I love that so much. And, Oooo I really love reading your theories, although I can't confirm or deny any of their accuracy!
Avalanche: Hey, it's great to hear from you again! I am so honored that you enjoy the story so much, even enough to reread it all! :) Now onto the other parts of your comment: I also rejoiced when Pineshade and Dampfang finally broke up lol. I would've loved to have done it sooner, since I didn't like putting Pineshade through all that, but sadly the plot demanded it be dragged out lol. Also, having Frostmask and Pineshade just hanging out really brought me back too. Although I am really excited to have all these big plot points that I've been building up to come to fruition, I definitely also miss writing about those simpler times. (And also Frostmask and her friends being happy. The poor girl has been so stressed recently!) Oooo your instincts are pretty on point about Paledusk and Sedgestar… But my lips are sealed about what attacks may or may not be in store right now. I can tell you though how many chapters are left though! There should be around 11. I say "around" because I have 11 chapters plotted out in my outline, but sometimes as I'm writing a chapter it gets too long for it to be its own chapter, so I have to split it in two. I'll also be sad when this story ends, since I've been working on it for so long! But it is also nice to finally see things starting to come together after years of writing and planning.