Semper Ubi Sub Ubi
Part 2
Wherein Knives is Not Pleased
Arafel's note: Again, Jaina had nothing to do with this piece of trash. More sophomoric humor involving underwear and snarky quotes from Perfect Blue. Mwah.
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Blue sky, green trees, wine on the table, chilled in an ice bucket. White, of course. Only white wine was chilled.
Knives was waiting.
"The humans treat you well? Did you have fun, dear brother?"
You have no idea, Vash thought, and an involuntary smile spread across his face as the previous night's events, as highly inappropriate as they were to the situation, flashed across his mind. You have absolutely no idea.
"I did, yeah! Best thing that ever happened to me!" Oh yes, oh yes it was. Vash kept his blissful smile and hardened it to meet the situation. The silver gun lifted from its holster and leveled at nearly-identical blue eyes.
Something fluttered to the grass, dislodged by the motion, falling unnoticed by the man in red. The man in white, however, noticed.
"Drop something, brother?" Knives asked casually, stooping to snatch the scrap of cloth off the ground before Vash could react. "More bandages?"
Vash went white. Of all the people to find them... "Yes, that's it! In fact, why don't you just give that back. Here, I'll take it..." He made a desperate lunge for Knives before his brother could take a closer look, but it was already too late.
"What the... what the hell is this?" Sidestepping neatly, Knives held the white scrap of cloth up with two fingers pinched around it like it was something utterly distasteful. His eyes widened. "Women's underwear?! What have those filthy humans been encouraging you to do, cross-dress?"
Impulse got the better of him and he couldn't stifle a retort. "Hardly, you think those would fit me? They don't belong to me, they belong to the insura-" Oh shit. He slapped a hand over his mouth and willed the sound waves not to reach his brother's ears.
Too late. Knives, still holding Vash's prize up in the air, nearly dropped the panties as Vash's words sunk in. "I can't believe you. That's disgusting. I don't know what's worse, your unnatural congress with a human, or that you brought a trophy with you."
Vash made an ineffectual grab for the panties. "Give those back!"
"I'm really, really worried about you, Vash." Knives dodged easily and stuffed them into his pocket. "I had thought, perhaps, that your weak mentality could be rescued. Now, I see it's just too late. You've fallen into the human sin of carnality."
"You should try it sometime," Vash huffed. "It might improve your temper." Knives recoiled in disgust and Vash made another grab for his brother. "Give them back, Knives!"
"Or what?" Knives taunted. "Are you going to shoot me again? I didn't think I'd ever be accosted over a pair of underwear." He deliberately pulled the panties out of his pocket and held them up. "They're almost cute. The little bow is nice. What do you think, Vash?"
His statement was cut short by a flying tackle. "Those are MINE!" Vash growled. "You shut up!"
"No, you shut up! Nngh!" Knives tried to push Vash off.
"Give it!"
"No!"
"Knives, I'm warning you..."
The two brothers tussled, ripping divots into the pristine grass. Finally, Knives threw his brother back with a well-placed boot to the chest. While Vash coughed, Knives dusted himself off and shoved the panties back into his pocket.
"Such nonsense," he said. "What are you really going to do? I can't let you go back to that short insurance woman. If she's that easy, she's a tarnished woman, like a slut. What would Rem say?"
Vash's eyes narrowed and blazed blue behind the yellow lenses. "Say that again."
"Like a slut," Knives replied, almost cheerily.
The silver gun blazed in the suns. "Don't you ever –" bang! "-say that-" bang! " – about – " bang! " – MY INSURANCE GIRL!"
And with that, the gunfight began.
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My my, such foolishness. Dreadful. Whatever would Meryl think?
arafel@oceandreaming.com