Chapter 53
Octavia stood outside of Lexa's hut. She didn't know what to do but to follow Echo's instructions. She knew that Echo would care for Clarke, but she was worried about Lexa. Anya hadn't even hesitated at Echo's words. She was already barking out instructions in a mix of Trigedsleng and Gonasleng. Octavia understood that Echo had called for a bathtub and hot water.
She watched as the handmaidens moved around the village to do as asked. She looked around again and that is when she saw Raven standing just outside of her hut. She was watching Octavia, and she knew that Raven was going to have questions. She still had questions herself, but she knew that she was going to have to wait to ask them. Indra came up to her then and asked what Heda's orders had been. She explained that the orders came from Echo and not Lexa. Indra might have been surprised, but she hid it as she watched the handmaidens moving into Heda's hut.
"Who is set to the watch?" Anya asked as the other orders were being followed.
"I don't know," Octavia answered.
"Gustus and Ryder have been working on preparing the pyres and bodies with some of the guards," Indra added.
"Echo asked for the Royal Guard as to guard Heda's privacy," Anya replied.
"I'll set the watch," Indra told them.
"You're sure?" Octavia asked her.
"I've done this before, Octavia. I know Heda's guards. I will take first morning watch for them. Did the Azpakstoka say anything else?" Indra asked her as she looked at Octavia and wondered what else her sekkon wasn't saying.
"They aren't to be bothered until after breakfast, no matter what is happening."
"I shall see to it. Go get some rest," Indra told her but still saw the indecision in Octavia's eyes. "The camp is secure. The watch has been set. Gostos has dealt with the dead. Find Linkon if you need to talk, Oktevia, but rest. Tomorrow is sure to be long day, sha?"
"Sha," Octavia replied and nodded.
She reached out for Indra's arm and shook. She didn't know why, but it was like she needed the contact from Indra to settle her mind. She took a quick glance around the camp. She knew where Lincoln was, or she knew where she could find him. Unfortunately, as she was scanning the camp, she saw Raven and Luna standing outside their hut. When their eyes met, Octavia knew that she wasn't going to see Lincoln until Raven was satisfied. She resigned herself to the conversation that she was about to have. But, before she could move, Anya moved towards her.
"Go talk to Raven, but send Luna to me. I need to update her on things. She's in charge while Heda is..."
"Indisposed?" Octavia asked, hoping it was the word that Anya was looking for.
"Sha," Anya replied.
Octavia crossed the camp. She kept her eyes focused on Luna and Raven as she did. She saw Raven's brow furrow, but Luna looked slightly amused.
"What are the orders?" Luna asked as soon as she was close enough.
"The watch has been set, but Heda's hut is to be guarded until after breakfast. She is not to be disturbed until then as well. Indra is selecting guards for first watch while also taking it herself. Anya stated that you were in charge while Heda is indisposed with Klark en Eko," Octavia replied.
"Stay with Raven, then. I'll put Lincoln on first watch as well. You can speak with him after. Both of you try to rest a little," Luna stated. "I'll be back as soon as I can."
Luna reached out for Raven and caressed her cheek. Octavia smiled at the small but gentle gesture. She was glad that Luna wasn't afraid to show emotion like Anya was. She knew that the warrior had to be hard because of her profession, but she knew that it might hurt Raven in the long run. Having both Luna and Anya, as different as they were, was perfect for Raven. So, she was glad to see this for friend. She deserved to have people around her that loved her, supported her, and genuinely cared for her.
After Luna walked toward Indra, who was still in front of Lexa's hut, Raven reached out and grabbed Octavia's hand. She pulled her younger friend into the hut. A finger to her mouth let Octavia know that they had gotten Madi to bed again. Looking around, she saw the small girl asleep in a bed, but she was covered with some of Luna's old armor. Octavia smiled, knowing that the weight of it was comforting the girl as she slept.
Raven moved through the hut to the small kitchen area and started to make some tea. It was all so domestic, but Octavia wasn't going to comment on it. She also wasn't going to ask who taught Raven how to make the tea, because she figured that it was actually Luna. She nodded when Raven pointed to the table for her to sit. She walked over and sat down, her back to the wall and her eyes on the door. She knew that Raven was watching and she knew partially why.
"Are you still worried about us being attacked again?" Raven asked as she sat down beside her, handing her a cup of the tea.
"Not really, but we can't be too careful."
"Do I need to move Madi?"
"No, she covered where she it. Let her sleep. She's been through enough without having to keep moving her."
"What's wrong?"
"Clarke is breaking and I don't know if we can stop it."
"Can you blame her?" Raven asked her.
"Well, no, I can't. I know that she's been through this more than I have, or even, Echo, but I don't know that we can actually help her. She has so many memories running through her head. She's watched Lexa die so many times, I'm not sure that she'll survive it again. I have to make sure that Lexa doesn't die."
"None of are going to die, O."
"You don't know that, Rae. You just don't. I know that," Octavia stated. "I know that we are all going to try to survive all of this and then get through Praimfaya. But, the truth is that we don't know that we'll all make it. I know that we want to believe that we will, but we don't know that it will happen. We don't know that we'll..."
"Stop it. You can't think like that, Oketvia. We will figure this out. We are all together and working towards the same goal. I know that we are going to have our moments out doubt, but you cannot give up so early," Luna stated as she walked up to them both.
"Luna..." Octavia started.
"Look, I get it. You're scared. We all are. We saw what happened to the Earth after Praimfaya. At least those of us that made it back to the surface after it all. I understand why you are frightened. It is a big thing to deal with, but then there is also the fragility of Clarke. Do you not think that we aren't all worried about her? We are."
"But, why?" Raven asked her.
"We might have lived through all the lives that they have, Little Bird, but we've lived through one. I know that when I remembered what happened when I realized that I was reliving this life again. It was hard at first. I knew things that were going to happen. I knew that I had to still run away from the Conclave. I had to leave Lexa, but she came to me and told me to run. She helped me. She knew that I had to go in order to start Floukru, or rather bring them into the Kongeda. She knew that I would be a good ally to her and I was...am. When Titus was killed in Costia's place, I came back to Polis. I cemented the fact that Floukru en Trikru would act as one. I knew that even thought Anya knew things, too, I couldn't leave Lexa alone," Luna explained. "So, you have to understand that as each of came back together, we knew what we were fighting for. I know that this is the first rebirth or whatever it is that you call it, but we have been trying to pave the way for you all and to make it easier for us to move into the bunkers. We've also been looking for the others among us that were like us. We've done what we can to keep us all together, as I am sure that you and Raven have."
"We have."
"I also know that you made a pact to make sure that Clarke doesn't feel alone and burden in this venture. We have as well. Lexa has been leading us to our fated future. To listen to you and Echo speak of it before you both left..." Luna started.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not. I can't imagine the amount of pain that you were suffering for losing your friend again. But, you also knew that the sooner that you died, the sooner you would be reborn to live this over. It would give us the chance to see what would happen and how we could prepare for it without too much influence from you. I am not sure if that was a good or bad thing, but we learned what we needed to do. We knew how to react. We reacted, but it still wasn't quiet enough for all to stop the cycle. The world moves in cycles, Octavia, and this is just another one for us all. So for you to believe that we aren't worried about Clarke in the same way that you are, is just poor thinking, but I understand," Luna told her.
"You understand?" Octavia questioned.
"Sha, I understand," Luna answered switching back to Trigedasleng.
"What is it that you understand?"
"I know that you are worried what the lives are doing to her mind. So are we. Leksa fell for her last time and doesn't really know her. We know that their souls talk to each other, but that is no different to how our souls talk to each other. It may not be as deep, but it is there. I know that you feel the connection between us all. I feel whole now that Reivon and Onya are with me. I know that you are still seeking out Linkon. Leksa calls for Klark the same way. We all know, especially from your stories, that they are meant to be together. But, even Leksa is afraid for her. She has all the commanders in her head, but none of them know any more about us being reborn over and over. Trust me, she's asked them. She's begged for guidance from them on how to stop the cycle, but while Leksa remembers, the Flame doesn't. She feels useless somedays because she doesn't have the answers, and neither do they. She knew that Klark would suffer with the same. Klark punishes herself when things are either worse or don't happen how they have in other lives. She has so many memories in her head, it is actually amazing that she hasn't completely broken."
"It isn't in," Octavia stated, bowing up in Clarke's defense.
"Easy, O. Easy. She doesn't mean anything bad about it, but you know that it is true. It is amazing that none of you have," Raven countered. "I know that it can't be easy watching Lincoln die over and over again. We aren't going to let her suffer in silence or alone. We swore that to each other before we left the drop ship, and we aren't. We'll stand up to her if we need to. But, for now, we need to let her work out whatever she needs to work out with Lexa and Gaia."
"Gaia's teaching is helping her," Luna stated. "She's helping her bridge the gaps between the lives. I don't know what it is that Gaia is doing with her. I won't even speculate. She's a priestess of our Order, but she is more than that. Gaia has dedicated her young life to the mission. She's been doing research and finding things that not even Lexa or I have ever had access to. She's helping Clarke, and we will continue to allow her to do so. But, we will all be there to pick her up as needed. Agreed?"
"Agreed," Octavia replied.
"Then, for now, stand down and go rest. You know that Indra and Anya have set the watch and prepared a rota for the guards on Lexa's hut. Echo is with them, and we both know that she isn't going to leave either of their sides. For now, we all rest and prepare for what tomorrow may bring us."
"The storm!" Octavia replied.
"By all accounts it should hit the day after. For now, go rest. We will have to help sure up things tomorrow in more preparations. Tonight we will celebrate our victory over the invaders. Tomorrow we will deal with the dead. Rest for now, Gona. You have served Heda well," Luna told her.
Octavia nodded. She knew what Luna meant. She understood. It was time to focus on what was to come, not what had happened. They were changing things. They needed each other, and that meant that they all had to look after each other.
"Reshop," Octavia replied.
She walked back through the hut. She stopped and looked down at the still sleeping Madi. She was so young. She'd never really spent a life with her when she was this young, but she knew that Echo had. She could see in her eyes when she tracked the youngling and Clarke through the village. It was unconscious, Octavia was sure, but nevertheless, Echo cared for them both. Octavia did as well. She knew that they would need each other, all twelve...thirteen of them to make it through and hopefully end the cycle this time.
She knew that first watch wouldn't be over just yet. She went into her hut and gathered her things for bathing. She went the bathhouse and washed off the battle. She felt better. She stayed in the hot springs longer than was probably prudent, but she was letting the heat seep into her bones and help her relax. This is one of the things that she'd missed not only in the bunker, but on the Ark every time that she woke.
When she finally got out of the water, she realized that she'd been in there long enough for the watch to be changing over for the next shift. She quickly dressed and gathered her things. When she exited the bathhouse, she saw Lincoln heading across the village.
She knew that he didn't have any family in TonDC. Nyko had been caring for him since his family died in whatever war. She knew that was why he knew so much about healing. Nyko was like a brother to him, or a slightly older uncle. And, maybe he was. Octavia had never asked. She didn't think that it really mattered that much.
She followed him to his hut. If he knew that she was following, he didn't say much or even acknowledge it. She was quiet, but she wasn't that quiet. And, while they hadn't really spent that much together, she'd seen the looks that he gave her. She also knew that Lexa, Luna or Echo put the fear of Clarke into him should he hurt her.
They'd worked together on their travels. They'd shared meals together. Clarke and the rest kept pushing them together and trying to give them alone time to work on their relationship. Lincoln didn't comment on it, because he didn't really see it. Octavia did, and she was somewhat thankful for it. They were still coming together on their own, even if they were being afforded a lot of time together.
She watched as he closed the door to his hut. He'd probably dismissed her steps as someone just moving through the village. The threat was over and the watch was set. He knew didn't feel threatened by him. She moved closer to the hut and knocked on the door. He opened it and just stared at her. She looked around to see if anyone could see them, and there was no one.
"Lincoln," she stated as she pushed him back into the hut.
She kicked the door shut with her foot as she kept her hands on his chest. She looked him over from head to foot. He was in the beginnings of removing his armor. He cocked his head at her and she smiled. He didn't ask her any questions. She didn't offer him any answers as she moved up on him. She grabbed his face and brought it down to her own. She kissed him and heard him slightly gasp as she was a little more aggressive and assertive than she was sure he was used to.
But, she squeaked when he simply bent down and picked her up. Carrying her bridal style back to the bed in his hut. He didn't question why she was there. He could tell, and she knew that he wasn't disappointed.
"Stay here. Let me clean up and I'll be back," he told her as he gently laid her on the bed.
He reached over and handed her a white lily. She couldn't help the smile that crossed her face. She remembered all the flowers that he'd given her. These were his favorite to give her.
"Don't go," she told him as she pulled her shirt over her head. "I want you as you are."
"As you wish, Oktevia kom Skaifaya."