A/N: Welcome back to the next batch of chapters! Hope you enjoy them, and please R&R!
I do not own Super Mario.
Chapter 44: The Great Honeybloom Bee Chase
I ran away from the Bee, who yelled, "Get back here, buzz-ter!"
Why do all the creatures I encounter on my galactic adventures come up with the dumbest insults? I mean, seriously! This "buzz-ter" nonsense. The Penguins from my first space adventure, who called anyone who was pessimistic a "sour quack." Star Bunnies, who curse by saying "boiyoing!" It's ridiculous.
I leapt over a gap, but the Bee chasing me called down the gap. "Dude, someone dizzzrespected our queen! Let's get him and sting him!"
Oh great, so this Bee wasn't one of those idiots who wants to have a one-on-one duel with his nemesis, sacrificing a clear chance for the dozens of other bad guys around to swarm the hero. No, this Bee knew that swarming me would make it easier to take me down!
Ahead was another Goomba, who I jumped over and then wall-jumped up the shaft above him. The Bee buzzed, "Get out of my way, vermin!" followed by a sound I could only guess was him stabbing the Goomba with his stinger. Come to think of it, why have I never thought to do that? There's a bunch of decorative swords all around Peach's Castle. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I borrowed one on one of my quests to cut through the Koopa Troop with.
At the top of the shaft the path leveled out again, followed by another short shaft to jump up. And at the top of it was a Bee Mushroom.
Sigh.
I mean, those things let me fly, which is all good and well, but I fly So. Damn. Slowly! If anything, that was gonna make getting away from those vengeful bees even harder. But, in my first galactic adventure, both of the honey-themed galaxies would have been impossible to traverse without the Bee Mushroom, so it would probably prove vital here too.
Again, sigh.
I dashed towards the Bee Mushroom, and only when I was right next to it did I notice another Bee hovering above it. "How high can you fly?" he buzzed.
I prepared a load of on-the-fly B.S. "Help, your brethren are traitors!" I said. "I walked in on them plotting to assassinate your queen, and now they want me dead!"
"Dammit, I told them not to talk about that in the open!" the Bee said. "And I can't have you telling any of the loyal Bees about that."
Are you flippin' kidding me?! There really was a plot to kill the Honey Queen and this guy just happened to be a part of it? Just my stupid luck!
I grabbed the Bee Mushroom, ducking past the Bee's attack, and started flying up the short cliff ahead of me. The third Bee looped back around and barreled straight for me, but the idiot obviously forgot that I now have a STINGER, and flew right into it.
"Ow! You stung me!" he buzzed.
Um, no, you were stupid and got yourself stung! There's a difference!
I snagged a checkpoint flag at the top of the cliff and dared to take a quick glance behind me. The first two Bees had caught up to the stung Bee, and the three were conversing. I called down to them, "The Bee who's stung is a defector! He's trying to assassinate the queen – that's why I stung him!"
"That's a lie!" one of the first two Bees said. "You dissed the queen, buzz-ter, so why the heck would you want to protect her!"
"Look, it's perfectly possible to find someone annoying and yet not want them dead!"
"He told me you guys were trying to assassinate the queen," the third Bee said to the first two.
"Oh, gosh no!" the other Bees replied.
"He's clearly playing us all against each other here – we can't trust a word out of his lying mouth. Let's sting 'im, boys!"
Why? Why does my lying always come back to bite me in the ass?!
Before the Bees could head after me again, I turned and flew to the right, grabbing another Bee Mushroom. Above me was a cloud, which I figured I'd have to be Bee Mushroom to walk on, like in the Gold Leaf Galaxy from my first galactic adventure. And hovering next to the cloud was another Bee.
Dare I…?
It just backfired….
I'll be more vague this time….
It still might backfire….
Nobody cares what you think….
"Help!" I yelled. "Those Bees are trying to kill me!"
The Bee turned to me. "Why?"
"Because…." Regicidal plots are always fairly small, right? What were the odds I'd run into two conspirators one right after the other? "Because they're planning to kill the Honey Queen and I tried to stop them. I stung one of them but then they swarmed me and I had to run."
"Kill the Honey Queen?" the Bee said. "I'll muster the Royal Guard. Hold them off as long as you can, brave Bee!" With that, he flew straight through another cloud and vanished over the top of the planet.
What the heck was that?! He was supposed to stay around and guard me, not run away!
"There he izzz!" one of my pursuers said. "Let'zzz get that buzz-ter!"
Do they ever get tired of saying that word? I mean, if I said a word as much as they say "buzz-ter," I'd get completely sick of it.
I flew onto another cloud, then a set of wooden platforms. Near the highest platform was another cloud, but interfering with my ability to easily access said cloud was some bizarre-looking creature.
Basically it was a light green Koopa, with a cap like a Spike Top's shell, a chubby face and limbs like a Monty Mole, a stinger on its bottom, and a set of wings rotating around its midsection like a propellor that let it move up and down.
So, time for me to make up another name. How about…Spike Caps? I know it's a bit derivative, but when did a bit of…derivativeness (?) ever hurt someone?
I quickly jumped under the Spike Cap and then flew towards the cloud on the far side of the Spike Cap from my pursuers. Upon landing on the cloud, I saw that above me and to my right was one of those purple flowers from my first galactic adventure that I can walk on in my bee form. Next to it were two more Spike Caps, another cloud, and….
You've got to me kidding me.
ANOTHER STAR COIN!
Yeah, no way was I bothering with that stupid thing when I was being chased by three pissed-off Bees and going after the Star Coin would get me boxed into an area with no way out except past a Spike Cap that the Bees could easily amass on the other side of, then swarm me and sting the living crap out of me once the Spike Cap moved and before I could even try to escape!
Sorry; my thoughts have a habit of rambling when I'm panicked.
I flew onto the flower, ignoring the Star Coin, as the buzzing behind me drew ever closer. Then again, that was probably being exacerbated somewhat by being right next to the buzzing of the Spike Caps. Next I flew to the cloud, and then onto another set of wooden platforms. It seemed that I was now at the top of the planet. Ahead of me was a vine taking me to the next area of the planet, which was…a bunch of bouncy fruits? Not sure why that really surprised me, given all the other bizarre stuff on these adventures….
And…wait a minute, what the flying flip?!
Quite a ways to my left, hidden behind the roots of a tree, was a Power Star! But…that was on the other side of the planet, and I'd already made two 90-degree turns around the planet's edges, so I'd already been over there! How the fudge had I missed it? And if the Power Star for the mission was actually all the way back there, then where the heck was I being tricked into going?!
Not like there was any turning back no – OW!
One of the Bees stung me right in the ass, making me lose a wedge of health and sending me hurtling off the edge of the platform. I just barely managed to grab onto the vine and swing along it. All the while, that stupid Power Star glittered in the background. Mocking me…mocking ME! That thing had the audacity, the AUDACITY, to mock ME! Up yours, you piece of cosmic trash!
By some miracle, I made it through the bouncy fruit area (which was as lame and weird as it sounds), which was inhabited by more Spike Caps, without getting stung by any of my pursuers. And that's saying something, since the vine I took to get there wound around in a bunch of contorted shapes, while the Bees just straight-lined it across the gap, so I lost quite a bit of time there. One of the Bees actually got stung trying to slip past a Spike Cap, so that bought me a bit more time too.
After the Land of Bouncy Fruit was another wooden platform, followed by a checkpoint flag. Then ahead of me was an orange pole hanging from the top of the cave. And beyond that was another pole, inhabited by-
Oh COME ON! A Fuzzy?!
Side note here – I don't know why the heck the BOMKS named those things Fuzzies. As someone who has been hit by them time and time again, they are NOT FUZZY! In fact, they are rather spiky! I actually tried to convince the BOMKS to change their name to "Spikies," but they stupidly refused, saying that, and I quote, "Well, on living creatures, sharp protrusions called 'spines,' not 'spikes.' So we'd have to name them 'Spinies,' but as you know, that's already the name of a creature. Apologies!"
I wrote back, demanding then why they deemed "Spike" a suitable name for a creature, but not "Spiky." Twenty-four years later, I'm still waiting for a reply.
The buzzing of the Bees was drawing closer again. I jumped onto the other pole, just barely landing above the Fuzzy, then shinnied up the pole as fast as I could.
At the top of the pole, I saw that to my left now was another pole, once again inhabited by a Fuzz – screw it, as far as I'm concerned, they're Spikies. I leapt onto the pole below the vermin as it was on its way back up. I got ready to jump off the pole to land on a higher ledge just as the Spiky started its way back down, but blocking my way was another gosh dang ever-loving Spike Cap! Come on! I flew to the left of the pole, just beyond the space occupied by the Spike, waiting for it to move back down and the Spike Cap to fly out of the way.
And then, to my horror, the three Bees flew up past the previous pole.
"There he izzz!" the lead one said. "Let'zzz get that buzz-ter!"
Stop.
Saying!
BUZZ-TER!
The Spiky had moved far enough down the pole that I could safely land on it, but the Spike Cap would still be a problem. I landed back on the pole as the Bees shot towards me in a V-formation. At the last second, I fell back off the pole, and the Bees flew past me towards the top of the cave area. I landed back on the pole yet again. The Spike Cap was now out of the way, but in a few seconds would become problematic again, so I hightailed it off the pole. I landed on a platform beyond the Spike Cap, and ahead of me was a pair of swings, followed by another dang vine.
I flew towards the swing, daring a quick glance behind me as I did so. The Bee leading the charge made the stupid choice to continue straight for me, probably assuming he'd make it past the Spike Cap. But just like you don't try to beat the train in Kalimari Desert, you don't try to beat a creature that basically has a rotating propellor around its midsection.
The Bee ended up flying straight into the Spike Cap's wings and was ground up into a disgusting spray of Bee guts and blood…which I guess are yellow. The things you learn in the strangest ways, I guess.
The other Bees shot up and over the Spike Cap. "You killed Bee-njamin, buzz-ter!" one yelled at me.
Oh, sure, blame me for everything! Blame me like that small but vocal minority in the Mushroom Kingdom who blame me for Peach's kidnappings. Not Bowser, not her chronically incompetent guards, not the chefs who obviously didn't check her birthday cake for Koopalings back in 2009, me.
And for that matter, what sort of name is "Bee-njamin"? I'm getting sick of all the A-minor characters I meet on my quests having first names that are just lame puns involving the name of their species. At least Toads relegate that pun stuff to last names only.
I leapt on the first swing and just barely leapt off it before the other two Bees caught up to me. I then leapt from the second swing directly to the vine ahead of me. I swung up in a loop-de-loop on the vine, and the first Bee sped right underneath me. But the second one barreled right into me, stinging me in the gut. I fell off the top section of the loop and, in a stroke of luck, grabbed onto the vine again below it.
At the end of the vine was a short section of more bouncy fruit that was basically just a landing pad before a turn around yet another corner of the planet. Ahead of me was a section that seemed to be made of different sections of colorful wood. Come on, how much longer would this planet drag on?! There had already been four 90-degree turns, so logically, there couldn't be another one. Then again, I know for a fact that I never saw sections of colorful wood on the side of the planet to the left of the area where I started either, so…something ain't adding up here!
I grabbed another checkpoint flag, considering for the first time just letting myself die. I mean, that mad rush two days ago to try to get to Bowser's Lava Lair before Lubba freed himself taught me, if nothing else, that I don't regenerate right away after I die. Maybe enough time would pass that the Bees chasing me would think I'd gotten a Game Over or returned to Starship Mario or something, and they'd call off their chase.
Then again, maybe they wouldn't, and they'd just sting me to death as soon as I respawned. Didn't really want to risk it.
On the far side of the checkpoint flag was a platform with some strange-looking plant on it. It almost looked like a Stretch Plant, but darker green, with a longer stem, and with a bunch of strange red spots all over it. What did it, have…Stretch Plant Pox or something? Yeah, I was steering well clear of that thing. I flew well over it towards another platform behind it.
The two Bees flew right after me, and as soon as they tried to get past the plant, I knew I'd made the right move avoiding it. The plant's stem extended and its "head" slammed into the first Bee…just as spikes erupted from the red spots on it.
Geez, was everything in this madhouse out to get me?!
The Bee was mauled on two of the spikes and flung backwards like a ragdoll, landing right next to the checkpoint flag. "Avenge…me…," he buzzed.
I landed on another platform as the lone Bee followed me. At the bottom of a depression in front of me was another one of those plants, and on the far side of it was some sort of pink-and-yellow flower I could probably land on. I flew across the gap…but didn't see the other plant lying in wait on the ceiling like a lowlife scumbag that knows it wouldn't win if it attacked me fair and square.
The thing hit me right in the head, knocking me onto the floor. I quickly got back up and flew over the other plant. Meanwhile, that cost me the tiny lead I had over the Bee, and now he was buzzing along barely a yard behind me.
I quickly dropped out of the air onto the flower, and the Bee flew right by over me. Once a bit of my Fly-O-Meter had replenished, I took flight again, onto another platform. Man, how flippin' long was this section gonna drag on?!
Up ahead was another one of those spiky plants, so I decided to pull my stalling in midair trick again. I buzzed into the air again as the Bee looped around the top of the platform. As soon as he did, I ground-pounded back to the platform I had been on. The Bee flew by me, only to get punched out of the air by the next plant.
That's what I'm calling these things. Punch Plants.
Welp, now that all three of my pursuers had been dealt with, I continued through the section. Aside from more Punch Plants (as well as a few more of those pink-and-yellow plants, which it turned out actually tried to eat me if I stood on them too long), the place wasn't too bad. Maybe the galaxy wouldn't have been so bad if not for those gosh dang Bees, because there wasn't one area that even resembled any of the stuff I hated about the honey-themed galaxies from my first galactic adventure: no annoying honeycombs I had to crawl on, no honey on the ground slowing me down if I landed in it, no Mandibugs.
Eventually, the wooden section ended with a string of clouds leading into the sky. And what's more, there was no other side of the planet around the corner that led back to the starting area, so…I'll say it again, something ain't adding up here! This place was somehow defying the laws of physics, and I didn't know if I really cared how or not.
And…what the heck?
Atop the final cloud was a Power Star! I'd forgotten all about the Power Star earlier in the level. So was that a fake? Like, just a Power Star hologram the Bees set up for some strange reason? Or was this one a fake?
Or was that other one a Secret Star? Hungry Luma galaxies never had Secret Stars in my first galactic adventure – and, for that matter, Secret Stars could never be glimpsed from anywhere in the main level – but then, the Hungry Lumas back then didn't seem to have any sort of unique personalities either. They were all cookie-cutter whiny brats who just liked screaming about Star Bits and TRANSFORMing.
It would seem that this adventure has thrown all the old rules straight into the woodchipper, and I'm not too fond of it.
And when I returned to Starship Mario, Banktoad and Mailtoad were gone. Instead, the only one waiting for me on the helm was Lubba.
Oh no.