Tarapin had been asleep for the pass thirty minutes, but Jadzia still sat on the side of his bed gripping her nephew's favorite book, 'Alice in Wonderland'.

'It's no use going back to yesterday because I was a different person then.' She'd read that line repeatedly. How could this children's story give her such clarity of mind? Could it be this simple, was this the answer to her problem? Should she stop trying to reclaim a life she could no longer remember? A life that science and precedent proved she would never regain. When she had first arrived on Earth, Jadzia had been determined to recapture the person she was, her efforts had been in vain. On top of this, news of the war left her worried about the man she left behind. Things were not going well for the Federation and with the station being ground zero, Jadzia just hoped that she would figure her shit out before it was too late. She'd thought about contacting Worf last week but decided against it; she would only be giving him false hope. As far as her feelings or lack thereof nothing had changed. He was still a stranger to her. Up until now she believed that it was best to focus on who she was before him and work her way forward.

She had spent the last three months with her family looking over pictures from her childhood and listening to how she spent her days on Trill. During one such conversation last week while looking over family photos in Itza's living room, Jadzia noticed a picture of her parents, her sister, a young man of about 20 and herself.

'Who is this?' She asked.
'That is our brother, Elgin." Jadzia's mother answered pensively. The older woman grimaced at Itza.
'I'm sorry mom, I thought I took all of the photos of him out.' Itza gently took the photo from her sister's hand and slipped it back into the photo box. Jadzia looked at her parents who sat on the sofa across from her.
'Brother, where is he? Why haven't any of you mentioned him before?' It seemed strange to Jadzia that not one of them had spoken of Elgin.
'Elgin, he died years ago. He was a Starfleet officer too; he had just made Lt. about two weeks before he...' Jadzia's father started but lost the words to speak. He became visibly uncomfortable and stared off at nothing.
'Let's talk about something else, shall we?' Lorna forced a smile and started to gather the pictures that had been laid out on the table.

Pushing those thoughts away Jadzia stood from the bed, placed a soft kiss on Tarapin's forehead and left.
"Is he asleep?" Came Itza's voice as Jadzia was closing the bedroom door.
"Yes, it didn't take him long to doze off. I mean he tried to make it through the last chapter…"Jadzia smiled warmly as she glanced back at her nephew's bedroom door.
"He's so happy to have you here, we all are." Itza interlocked her arm with her sisters and headed towards the stairs.
"Me too. I mean I know it's been a long time, not that I can remember but something tells me that the person I was missed you all."
"I talked to mother and father; they want to meet for breakfast tomorrow. Is around nine ok?" She asked as they sat down across from each other at the kitchen table.
"Yes, that's fine with me." Jadzia sighed deeply and looked away.
"What's wrong?"
"I…its nothing."
"Jadzia?"
"I was thinking about our brother."

"Elgin..." Itza pursed her lips into a thin line and looked down at her hands that lay in her lap.
"I know he died in combat, and I get why it would be hard to talk about him, but it seems like there's more to the story."
"You're right, I promised myself that I would make things right with you, so I'll tell you about Elgin...you're a lot like him."
"What do you mean?"
"You and he were what the humans would call 'two peas in a pod' I was so jealous of your relationship growing up. He took you everywhere, doted on you, you could do no wrong in his eyes and vice-versa..." Itza trailed off and a smirk came across her lips.
"Go on."
"Our parents intended for Elgin to join the Trill Science Ministry when he came of age. Father pulled a lot of strings to get him early acceptance, Elgin was going to make the family proud. But our brother had other ideas, he wanted to join Starfleet. Unbeknownst to our parents he had taken the entrance exam and he didn't break the news that he had been accepted into the Academy until the night before he left."
"I can only imagine how that went." Jadzia shook her head; she leaned back in her chair ready for the rest of the story.
"Not well, mother swore she'd never speak to him again if he left."
"Well, she got over that right."
"No, she didn't, and you know dad...I mean well dad he does whatever to make mom happy. After some time had passed, they tried to reach out, but you were the only one he would talk to."
"I see..." It was becoming all too clear to Jadzia that her parents, her mother specifically gave love conditionally. 'No wonder I haven't spoken to her', she thought.
"When he died mom just completely wiped his memory from the family home. Not because she hated him or anything. I think she just couldn't deal, things got worse when you joined Starfleet three years later. We all made the same mistake again. We alienated you, barely speaking over the years. When you contacted us a year and a half ago and told us about Worf; I can't tell you how much I regret that moment, my reaction. Mother and I were awful and hateful. We almost lost you too..." Itza reached across the table with an outstretched hand. To her relief Jadzia took her hand and leaned forward.
"Jadzia, I know I've said it before, but I can't apologize enough for my part in your unhappiness. I should've been there for you."
"You're here now, that's what matters." The two sat in silence for a moment before releasing each other's hands.

"Where do we go from here?"
"I've been thinking. Itza, I will never remember my life before and I think I am ready to accept that now." Jadzia replied quite determined.
"Ok…" Itza was unsure of where her sister was going with this.
"I want to try to see this as a chance at a new beginning, a fresh start."
"I see. I must ask, Jadzia. This fresh start, where does Worf fit into this? You said that the last time you spoke he seemed to think that you guys would find your way back to each other."/p
"Maybe we will, I won't lie when we spoke something in me was drawn to him…but I'm not ready to go back to the station. I need to figure out who I am or who I want to be now."
"Ok, how can I help?"
"Well, it's been three months and I can't stay cooped up here in the house anymore. I was thinking about maybe getting a job."
"Oh, great! In fact, Goran told me that one of his colleagues at the academy was looking for an aide. I could talk to…"
"Itza, no thank you. I want to do this on my own. I'll go out tomorrow and see what perks my interest." Jadzia smiled and for the first time since she woke up in that infirmary, she felt hopeful.
"Okay, I understand. Are we still on for breakfast tomorrow?" Itza smiled back.
"Of course."

"Gentlemen, we're home." O'Brien announced and stretched his legs out.
"There should be a law against convoy duty lasting more than ten days." Bashir piped in while doing his own stretching. This trip had been unexpected and nerve grating.
"I can say one thing about guarding convoys, it's usually a lot safer than being on the front lines." Nog had gotten his taste of war and it was a bitter meal to swallow.
"Is that the reason you joined Starfleet, Ensign, to be safe?" Came the somber voice of their Klingon commander.
"I didn't mean that the way it sounded, Sir." Nog felt his stomach twist into a knot.
"In wartime it is the duty of every soldier to fight." Worf added.
"Yes, sir." Yes, Nog was sure he was going to be sick.
"The invasion of Cardassia has ground to a halt while our casualties continue to mount. It is a time for warriors to do great deeds. To triumph in glorious battles, not waste away protecting a shipment of stem bolts." Worf finished and without another word stood and left the bridge.
"I hope Commander Worf doesn't think I'm afraid to fight." Nog worried, he wished he had said nothing. In the last month he had finally felt like he'd gained the Commanders respect and with one ill-timed comment he had managed to make himself look like a cowardly little peon.
"Relax, don't take it so personally. Worf, is just going through a bad time at the moment." O'Brien assured the young Ferengi.
"I think he needs to focus on something other than Jadzia. And I hate to admit it, but a little combat duty might just do the trick." Bashir remarked and proceeded off the bridge.
"Behind him he could still hear O'Brien and Nog talking. Normally he would have stayed and engaged in conversation. Maybe even entice Miles to have a drink at Quarks before retiring for the evening, but the doctor had work to do. This convoy assignment had delayed his research. Shortly after beginning his investigation into his aunt's story, he discovered that Dr. Laren had been killed during a Borg attack nearly four years before and Anka Fel's Starfleet records had been sealed. Bashir's only hope was to find Anka Fel, he didn't understand why Starfleet would feel it necessary to seal her records, they were hiding something he was sure of it. For the last three months he had run into a dead end, and he knew no one with a high enough security clearance to unseal the records. Anka's last known whereabouts were on the transport ship Belgius a week after the Breen conflict. He'd checked for any relatives but came up empty handed. It was as if she had never existed. There was no way to find out what happened to Anka, at least no legal way. Julian now understood that if he was going to help Jadzia and Dax he would have to color outside the lines and he knew just the person to help him with such a task. Bashir just hoped his efforts wouldn't get him court-martialed.