"This is the impenetrable wall of Jericho!" The boy nodded with that stupid eyes of his. His gaze stayed at a certain place for a moment then quickly averted as if nothing happened, but she saw it all, with a certain sense of pride. Of course you can't help but gawk at them. "Breaching this wall would result in the death penalty! Go to sleep like a child you are!"

After that Asuka waited. In the dark, gazing intently at the sliding door that wasn't opening.

Not like she was expecting too much. She already gave him a green light. It might have been too subtle, she was aware of that, but for her it was the most concession she could do. She was even somewhat proud of her word choice, especially because it was an impromptu, a spur of the moment thing. A high and mighty wall, but maybe you should have a little faith and try something. Who knows, maybe you'll be rewarded with a miracle.

And it wasn't even too important if that idiot understood her or not. Men are the kind of beasts that would pull down their pants and hump like a dog while their daughter is visiting their hospitalized wife in the next room, if they're horny enough. Even Mr. Kaji must've been not totally free from such degeneracy, or he wouldn't have felled for a woman like Misato. A little bit disappointing, but that was life. And that meant the boy had no chance to restrain himself even if he wanted to, now that Misato wasn't home and they were alone in the house. He definitely would try something.

Unless, of course, he wasn't interested in her.

After an incomprehensible amount of time passed, Asuka sat on the floor. She wondered if it was really the case, him totally not interested. Her excited heart cooled down quickly, but then caught fire again. What did she expect in the first place? Why does she care anyway? That little boy, so pathetic not even enough to be a substitute for Mr. Kaji...

Asuka froze, at her thought at first, then at the sound of footsteps coming from the other side of the door.

She probably made too loud sounds while rushing to her futon, making herself heard, but she didn't have a choice. Anything was better than getting caught waiting at the door. And it wasn't fast enough, it was almost too late, because as soon as she covered herself with the blanket the door opened with a creaking sound. Asuka, suppressing her racing heart, raised her upper body, making a show of surprise, and frowned at the dark shadow on the door. Elbows throbbed, having hit the futon too quickly.

"What the hell? You really want to-" He approached with a blank face, not even waiting for her to finish. As she looked up with her mouth slightly open, paralyzed half by shock and half by excitement, his mouth came down and roughly shut hers. She tried to give at least a token resistance, but the boy grasped both of her wrists with one hand, and lifted them above her head to shove them into the futon. The grip was stronger than she expected, pinning her down completely, which only furthered her excitement. Be gentle, what should I tell Misato if they get bruised, she thought. A moan shamefully escaped from her lips, and the boy didn't miss the chance, thrusting his tongue in. Asuka's body bounced for a moment like a freshly caught fish, then relaxed into the futon. She closed her eyes, her whole body melting away.

Why is he so good? That was the only thought in Asuka's mind at that point. A hand was crawling up like a snake under her borrowed Misato's T-shirt but she didn't even think about stopping it. Does he have any experience? That was impossible. As soon as such thoughts crossed her mind his mouth was gone with a wet noise. He also let go of her wrists. Panting heavily, Asuka took her cramped hands down to her chest and opened her eyes. Her heart stopped at the sight above her.

"Of course I'm good, Asuka. I'm an adult, unlike Shinji. I've done this countless times with Misato."

Mr. Kaji was looking down at her with his rogue smile. Asuka felt sudden coldness on her body, including her groin. She lay there motionless, her body stiff, when he leaned down again, the strong smell of cologne assaulting her senses. "Misato also had some nice tricks with her tongue."

Perhaps because of the anger that his last words roused up, Asuka closed her eyes and turned her head away. Stubbles pricked her chin. "No, don't."

"That's strange. Isn't this" "what you wanted?"

With a gasp Asuka opened her eyes again. Yeah, she heard it right. Where Mr. Kaji was a moment ago, Shinji Ikari was looking down at her, resentment stark in his puppy eyes.

"You didn't really want me. You were fine with anyone." "If you're going to dream anyway, why not dream higher? Something you originally wanted?"

Once again, that deep voice. Doubt overwhelmed Asuka, freezing her body. Unable to move, she closed her eyes tightly. Once again, something sharp pricked her chin.

"Wark!"

Asuka opened her eyes, horrified. The fishy smell was something she realized first, followed by the penguin head that filled her world. The beast looked down at her with a tilted head for a moment, then pecked her chin once again. All the remaining sleep flew away at the sharp sting. Asuka sat up while roughly pushing away the bird, annoyed.

The house was still bright. She turned her head to check the cloak. It was 3:30 afternoon. It seemed her little nap in the living room after an instant ramen lunch went a bit too longer than she planned. Her whole body was wet, including her panties. With an annoyed scoff she picked up the cell phone that was lying next to her, and headed to the room. The penguin stalked along her heel, but she didn't pay mind to it.

She checked her phone while pushing open the door to her room. There were several text messages.

How's it going Asuka? We just arrived in Japan. It was so fun but now that I'm back in town I'm too tired. I was wondering if we could meet tomorrow, but turns out it's impossible on my end! See you at school on Monday! Say hello to Ikari for me too!

Oh, yeah, today was Saturday. She thought, not particularly interested. Next message.

Of course, I remember. My schedule this evening is a little flexible for now, nothing's concrete yet. I'll text you later, hopefully not too late.

A possibility of dinner with Mr. Kaji. That should lift her heart up, but nothing stirred in her mind for some reason. Probably because of the dream. Well, what kind of dream was that anyway?

Asuka opened the drawer, frowning. She pushed away the clingy penguin(she had no idea what the hell was wrong with this animal) with her foot while holding the cell phone with one hand and rummaged through the drawer with the other, only to realize her favorite bra was still rolling in the corner of the room after being roughly torn off and thrown two days ago. Asuka walked towards it, picked it up and sniffed at it. It wasn't that bad. Not like she wore it more than a few hours anyway. Only the scent of lavender subtly rose, reminding her of humiliating memory.

"I must have been crazy," Asuka muttered sourly, putting down the bra. That thing was useless anyway. She already had results to prove it. Twice.

She got up again, picked up the first things her hand found from the drawer, while checking the next text.

Asuka, I don't know what happened between you two, but can't you please reconsider? He was in pain several times since the day before yesterday, and this morning, I was just there for under an hour and saw it three times. Like a seizure, it comes and goes. They got nothing from tests, says it's most likely a phantom pain. Whatever it is they give painkillers to him but it's so strong, he sleeps throughout the day now. I don't think it's right. You're a veteran pilot, I know all these sounds so beneath and silly to you, you're free of all these things I know, but please remember Shinji is new to this. Can you come and help him?

One more message followed, probably because she hit the max text limit. So very eager, Asuka's mouth twitched. I'll buy you dinner. How about that? Something good. To make up for the canceled trip.

Unlike the two previous messages, this one genuinely annoyed her. Just because I don't whine and cry like a kid doesn't mean I'm totally fine, she thought. She even had it once at dinner last night, had to sit still for almost a minute, not touching her dish. Misato was busy staring at her phone throughout it.

I'm busy. Studying. Someone's been pestering me with grades. If you need an unpaid caregiver or something why don't you ask First? I heard she's a professional at getting her bones broken and things like that. I'm sure she could help him.

Asuka walked to the bathroom with loud steps. Penpen, quite persistent this afternoon, tried to follow her in so she pushed him out with her foot. After closing the accordion door she took off wet and clingy panties to throw them roughly into the laundry basket. She found a hair tie Misato placed on the sink after her use to tie her hair, moved halfway to the door to the bathroom proper, then came back to the laundry basket to shove her panties under Misato's shirt. It reminded her of the dream again, making her tremble.

After a short and rough shower, she sat in front of the vanity table. The thoughts she suppressed with hot water returned with a force. There were too many unpleasant elements in her last dream to just brush it off as a silly dream, a simple product of her recent frustration.

Why on earth did she dream about the boy?

Mr. Kaji, unlike that kid, wasn't a first-time appearance (quite far from it, to be honest), but why did he have to mention Misato? That was the first time he did that in her dream.

And the rest of it...

She picked up the hair straightener with a frown. Something pricked her hand. The handle was broken, revealing the inner parts and wires. It looked like something you definitely don't want to turn on while it's in your hand. It must have broken when she threw it on the floor the day before yesterday, after returning from the hospital. Should I use Misato's? She thought, but for some reason the mere thought of it disgusted her.

Snorting contemptuously, Asuka picked up the cell phone. She wanted to advert her attention somewhere else, or the thought of the dream would come back. Misato's reply came during the shower.

Rei has been busy since yesterday, testing something with Ritsuko. Please, Asuka. Just stop by, stay with him for an hour and I'll buy you a nice dinner.

The latter part was barely recognized because the first sentence and its implication grabbed Asuka's thoughts.

So you asked her first, then only came to me because she was unavailable.

A small voice whispered in her mind, that it could be the other way around, that since you were being hard on Misato from two days ago she turned on First for an alternative. But Asuka ignored the voice as she almost always did.

Instead, she turned her eyes to the mirror.

She was pretty. The girl in the mirror. Asuka was vaguely aware of how it looked to judge her own self like that, but still, it was an objective fact.

Then how was this possible? How was she not on someone's top priority? Maybe it's understandable in Mr. Kaji's case, but even that pathetic little boy?

And why was she feeling guilty all of a sudden? And why was she wondering what she should wear today?

By the time her phone rang, Misato was skimming through the reports she got handed over from Hyuga earlier. At that specific moment, the report paper about the current status of Tokyo-3 inner city defense grid. Going back and forth to Geofront hospital every morning and afternoon affected her workflow quite a lot, and she was a busy woman even under the best circumstances(which these days were not). But she also had several contacts that she was expecting a call, so she took her phone out in a hurry, moving the fat clipboard under her arm. It was Asuka.

Just until dinner. I'm not returning anywhere but home after that, so don't even think of begging otherwise. I don't want to hear how visitors could actually stay until 9 pm or something.

As soon as she grabbed the phone with both hands, excited, papers fell free from the clipboard to scatter all over the elevator floor. Her movement pressed the clip, most likely.

"Oh shitshitshitshit..."

To make matters worse, the elevator stopped and the door opened while she was squatting to pick up papers. The opening door revealed shoes with brown soil around the soles. They hesitated for a moment, then moved in just before the door closed. Misato was too busy to look up. The smell of perfume, mixed with a faint odor of sweat stung her nose. It was an oddly familiar feeling, stopping her motions. A large hand came down to her view and picked up a paper that had flown near the door. Misato smiled brightly and reached out. "Thank you,"

"Hey, Katsuragi, I was afraid you'd forgotten that smile for good."

Misato stood up in a hurry, hissing through her teeth. What a ridiculously unoriginal course of action this whole thing was.

Kaji smiled and waved the paper to make a fluttering sound. "I don't mind keeping it, but that would mean a leak from your department."

He watched with a smile while she snatched the paper out of his fingers, put it on the clip, and held the clipboard in front of her like a shield. "No worries. I didn't come here for that today."

Misato turned her head with a snort. "I'll slap you."

The corner of Kaji's mouth went up. "I doubt that."

"You smell terrible. Don't you dare come near me."

She almost smiled as he sniffed his armpit, the smirk on his face instantly gone. It was a bit of an exaggeration, but whatever. "You wash your clothes, right?"

A smile returned to his face. "I wasn't the one who was lazy with that."

That strangely bittersweet tone made her heart ache. She whipped herself for her stupidity. That she shouldn't lower her guard for that blatant trick.

"Then what, the air conditioner broke in your office or something like that? Or did you hit the gym during work hours? I don't think they're even open at this time."

Kaji shrugged. "A man's secret."

"Great conspiracy, eh?"

"You might say that."

So like father. Kind and cool in the front. And there's a line drawn somewhere, to mark the point where things would never be shown nor shared. Misato narrowed her eyes, recalling Ritsuko's 'hints'. She sighed. "You must be very busy."

"Oh, that reminds me," he raised his eyebrows. "Are you available this evening? I found a good place I want to go with you."

So that was the plan from the beginning, she almost said, but instead she stuck out her tongue. "Nope, have to go to Shinji."

"Don't you think you've done enough? You know, visiting him twice a day."

Misato looked at his face with a blank look for a moment, then opened her mouth.

"Have you bugged me? How did you know?"

That smirk again. "That's how they do in movies and such. I'm not saying it's not done in real life, but you'll be surprised to know how far you could go with just the right amount of OSINT."

Misato's heart dropped, a cold sensation all over her chest. He wasn't even trying to hide he was a spy. He was actually expecting her to know. What the hell are you doing, the question came up right to her throat, but Misato didn't say it. "So I guess it's my turn to ask what that acronym stands for and get impressed, huh?"

Kaji burst out laughing. "Well, I've found there's an upper limit of age on such a trick."

Misato snorted. The elevator stopped with a ring, on the floor where Misato's office was located, so she walked out. Kaji followed her as she expected. She smiled at him sideways. "Since I'm an old hag who's too old to be impressed, it wouldn't be too strange for me to refuse your invitation, right?"

Kaji raised both hands in a hurry. Quite a familiar gesture, all the exaggeration included. Misato turned away with a sinking feeling. He knew what she found cute, or what she loved. It was a trap, intended or not, a trap still. Once you step in there was no going back even if you knew the consequence from the start.

"That's not what I meant."

Misato walked in the direction of the office. "And that doesn't matter. I told you I can't, because of Shinji."

"And I told you that you don't have to do that."

Misato stopped, turned around and crossed her arms. "What do you mean?"

Kaji's face was guarded, but there was no hesitation in his words. "There's ultimately one thing he's waiting for and wishes, and it's not you, Katsuragi. It's the Commander. The guy who never visits his hospitalized son. That void in Shinji's heart is not something you could fill."

Seeing Misato's souring face, he hastily added. "I'm not saying what you're doing is bad or meaningless. No, quite the opposite. I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job for him. Really good thing. But, you don't need to lose yourself for something impossible. You shouldn't tie yourself to the lost cause. You can still commit yourself to things you could realistically do, but anything more than that would hurt both parties in the end. There's this thing we call a healthy distance, right?"

So smart. Misato thought, fiddling with her phone. A healthy distance, huh? Something that others can't fill. "I'm not irrationally tying myself or something."

Kaji grinned. The face Misato once loved. There was a time she felt full just by looking at that smile.

"So you mean you could spare a night for nice sushi, right? That one, the place I found I mean, is one of the only proper places in this, eh, nouveau-rich city, or so everyone says. You can imagine how hard it was to make reservations on Saturday night, right? What do you think?"

Misato toyed with the idea for a moment. There were so many reasons to refuse, not just limited to something related to Shinji. Don't do this, don't walk this road, you know what lies down there, her intuition screamed at her non-stop.

"...I'll consider it."

She had no problem getting here from home. Simpler still was the reception desk and the visitor's card. It was a rather smooth journey from home to this door, without any hesitation or roadblock. After arriving at the door to Shinji's ward, Asuka started to feel conflicted, a sense of anger and humiliation that she kept pushing away returned.

The more she thought about it the more ridiculous the whole situation was. Why did she have to accept this humiliating treatment?

It was not until the thought that this door felt more like a wall than a door, that Asuka finally clenched her teeth and pressed the open button.

Asuka strode into the swishing sound of the opened door. She spotted a wheeled stand and an IV bag hanging from it, something that was absent in her last visit two days ago. Below the drooping line, the boy sleeping in the same drooping manner. That thing must be a painkiller, she concluded. It's not like he's amputated or had an actual surgery or something, the pain wasn't chronic. They shouldn't inject him all the time like that, she thought.

They really don't know anything, chewing on her old contempt for plebs, Asuka headed toward the chair by the bedside, opposite the window. Only after sitting she realized Shinji was turning his back this way. That was weirdly infuriating, so Asuka picked up the chair and headed for the windowside. She made rough clatter on the way but Shinji didn't wake up.

Asuka rested her chin on her hand and looked into that peaceful sleeping face. Time passed. Or not. Soon she felt disengaged from the concept of the flow of time itself. Her head was filled with so many conflicting feelings.

Some of it, were things from her past, pulled from distant memories by her current surroundings. The stench of a sick person, subtle under the much stronger smell of medicine. A revulsion. A sense of helplessness. A regret.

Some of it, was a realization that she was at least partially responsible for what she was seeing now. And the rejection against such realization. A disgust. At herself. At Shinji.

The dream she had today. The frustration, constantly built up. Disappointment. Hate. At Mr. Kaji. At Misato. Shinji. At Shinji.

Mixed and confusing emotions. Unimaginable. But already a truth in some parts of her heart.

The corners of her mouth curled up helplessly, making an expression that she could never show anyone. The one who responsible for it was still asleep with such a calm face.

And yes, that was true. Asuka, at this point, was aware that denying it was meaningless. She was at the point where denying it out of pride would produce an even worse contradiction. Considering what she had done to Shinji so far and at the same time assuming she doesn't have a certain feeling for him, would lead to an even worse conclusion. It would make her worse than that golddigger of a stepmother of hers. At least the woman bagged the man, after all. At this point, she thought, she should not ask 'really?' but ask 'why' or 'how'.

But seriously. Why? Asuka searched the sleeping face for an answer.

That delicate jawline, something most girls would envy. Smooth, completely hairless. Slender neck, and from down there, under the patient's gown, a collarbone, so protruded, probably because there's no fat around it. So skinny. How can a boy be that skinny? Narrow frame all around. Short, shorter even than Asuka. It was as if someone intentionally built an antithesis of Mr. Kaji in a form of a boy. So, then, why?

His lips twitched, murmuring gibberish. That sight filled Asuka with a strange impulse.

What will happen if she kisses him? Say, it's a revenge for what happened before. Maybe it was a bit too much, but still, maybe that oaf really needs such extreme means to wake up. Like a sleeping princess and a kiss in a fairy tale. Maybe, with a single move, it would solve all these frustrating ambiguities and doubts. She'll still have to make up an excuse, no matter how ridiculous it was. But it would wake him up, both literally and figuratively.

She found herself leaning forward. Slowly, carefully. Then she remembered the boy's bold move in her dream. That made her angry, so she leaned down quickly. He stank, like he did two days ago, but Asuka didn't mind, like she didn't two days ago.

Shinji frowned. Wrinkles on his forehead. Forgetting all of her previous resolves, Asuka froze with fear. What should I say when he wakes up now? Do I have to say there was something on his face?

Shinji solved the problem for her in some way. His face contorted with pain, and tears pooled in his eyes, soon flooding out to his slightly gaunt cheeks.

"Father... I want to see mother... Don't leave me."

Asuka sat up. Her hand went out reflexively then stopped mid-air. She didn't even know what it was for. Her heart throbbed for a second then chilled down. She watched him crying, with slightly parted lips, then her whole face twisted with disgust.

Why are you being such a child? You're a boy. And not like you have it any harder than I do.

She clenched her teeth. Yeah, that was right. The boy didn't witness his mother die right in front of his eyes. She hasn't heard where his mother was or anything related to her but whatever, it's probably a divorce or something boring like that. And what about his father? What the hell was wrong with this boy? She knew they didn't get along well, she could see that, but the Commander surely cares about the boy. Why would he bestow the boy the greatest honor possible if he didn't? The kid didn't do anything to deserve such a privilege but he still got it through his father's favor. Nepotism at its finest. So disgusting. And he's still complaining.

Her reached out hand shook in anger. Maybe she should hate him, come to think of it. Maybe she should slap him with this hand. Strangle him. She probably had more reasons to do so than reasons to not. No, not probably. She had. The humiliation she felt the day before yesterday came to her mind again. The feeling of betrayal she felt at that time, a hatred, as big as her once hope.

With a swollen throat, Asuka reached out, and wiped Shinji's wet cheeks.

The pain melted away from his face.

"You're just a child," whispered Asuka, sighing.

The cell phone rang at that very moment, making Asuka jump a bit. She quickly withdrew her hand, leaned back against the back of the chair and pulled out the phone. It was Misato's text.

Asuka, I'm really sorry. I got a last minute appointment. I think I can go back before the visit time ends if I try, but I guess it's too much to ask you to stay there until then, right? Maybe dinner should wait until Shinji's discharge. Again, I'm very sorry.

Feeling a cold chill in her stomach, Asuka wrote a simple reply that she understands and sent it.

After a moment of consideration she began to write a new text.

Mr. Kaji, about the dinner, Asuka's fingers stopped there. What about the dinner? Would it be better to ignore this foreboding in her mind and try something that would definitely turn out useless? A disappointment? Or would it be just better to give up early and prevent humiliation? Asuka frowned and continued the text. I don't think I could go, too busy with school stuff! Maybe we should find a better day next week or something.

Asuka had not even turned off the screen when the message came back.

I see. I got a notification I couldn't refuse just a moment ago and was wondering what to tell you, actually. I guess it's all fine then, what a relief. You should eat well, Asuka. Even if there's no Shinji to cook for you.

A bitter smirk came up in Asuka's mouth. To think she, just a few minutes ago, thought she could choose between two dinner appointments today.

She saw something stirring in her periphery. She probably woke the boy up by the constant phone rings. Asuka folded her phone and raised her eyes. He was still lying as he did before, staring at her with blank eyes.

"Asuka? Is that you?"

Asuka raised her chin. "Did they inject you idiot medicine or what? Of course it's me."

Shinji blinked. Asuka crossed both her legs and arms. "Misato begged me so bad I had to cancel dinner appointment and come here. Got anything to say?"

Shinji blinked, faster than a moment ago. His mouth opened with an uncertain sound and closed again.

"I, I'm sorry."

Asuka sighed. Is he really sorry? He's going to have a panic attack if I ask what he's even sorry about, she thought. "Just shut up."