The room fell silent again as Henry's words hung there in the small space between them. Henry hadn't meant to say them. His lips had betrayed him and although it was exactly how he felt, the look on Elizabeth's face was starting to tell him it hadn't been the smartest thing to have done. Her eyes were wide open and Henry had no clue whether she was upset, angry, happy… She had no expression whatsoever. And the silence was starting to weigh down on him.
"Elizabeth. Say something, please?" His arms were still wrapped tightly around her naked body, holding her close and he could feel her heart beating fast against his chest and her breathy pants against his skin. "Tell me what you're thinking."
She didn't utter a single word as she studied his face, looking deep into his eyes. It was as if she were trying to find the answers to all her questions there. She stared at him for the longest time and then wriggled out of his embrace and off his lap, picking up her shirt and pyjama bottoms as she padded through to the bedroom and shut the door, leaving Henry worried and confused.
A few moments later, the bedroom door opened and a fully dressed Elizabeth approached Henry with a certain amount of trepidation. Her eyes were fixed on the floor and Henry could tell she was struggling with her emotions. It was written all over her face.
"I need to get some air. I'm gonna take a walk." She didn't dare look at him, not right now.
"Please don't go. We've had such a lovely day together and being with you right then was incredible. It was so passionate and intimate, please don't just run away now. I want to hold you, not watch you as you walk out on me again." Henry pulled his jeans on and moved closer to her.
"I promise I'll come back. I just need to clear my head. I'm not walking out on you, I'm just getting my thoughts straight. Can you let me do that Henry?" Elizabeth wanted so badly to stay right there in his arms, but her head was full of static and she desperately needed to think.
"It's freezing cold and dark out. I respect that you need some time to think but if you won't let me come with you, please just take my car. Go for a drive, blast some music but for god sake stay safe." The keys were passed from his hand to hers and Henry held on just that little bit longer than needed, reluctant to let her go "I'll be waiting up for you."
As Elizabeth drove aimlessly around the quiet streets of Charlottesville, the snow was starting to fall again and as beautiful as it looked, the darkness and icy chill that surrounded her suddenly made her feel very lonely and afraid. Meeting Henry had been unexpected. Sure, there was an instant physical attraction there and the sex had been a very welcome distraction. But in just a few short days she had gone from being completely alone and closed off to having this potential lover or boyfriend.. Hell, she had no idea what he was, and he was so sweet and kind hearted and understanding… And god he was hot. But it was all so overwhelming.
Elizabeth didn't do all that well with relationships of any kind, be it with family or peers and certainly not any of the romantic sort. It was something she was abundantly aware of and had accepted it to a certain extent, although she had spent many a night trying to figure out what was actually wrong with her and why she was so flawed. She wanted to blame her parents' untimely death for becoming so guarded, but if she was truly honest with herself, she had always struggled to get too close to anyone. The fear or rejection and ridicule were always present which never made it easy for her to allow anyone in.
Elizabeth pulled the car over and stepped out into the chilly evening air. Driving around was getting her nowhere. She needed to unscramble her thoughts before she could go back to Henry, and she was some way off of doing that. As she put one foot in front of the other, it dawned on her just how used to being on her own she had gotten. It should have been glaringly obvious before this point, how had she not even realised how isolated she'd become. It had taken someone actually wanting to break down her walls to make her face it. She was alone because she was too frightened to be any other way.
Closing her eyes, she replayed Henry's words in her mind. He was falling for her. He could even get to a point where he could actually love her and as those words had left his lips, her heart had wanted to burst clean out of her chest. It was Euphoric. Exhilarating. Beautiful. But as usual, fear had clouded all judgement and negativity had taken over. Her protective instinct had kicked in and it was time for her to shut down and push him away.
And then there was the other problem to address. How did she actually feel about Henry? It had all come at her so quickly, she'd barely had a chance to consider her own feelings. She sat herself on a frost covered bench and allowed her mind to wander. She thought back to the first time she'd looked into Henry's eyes as he'd caught her. The warmth and kindness radiating from them. He had looked at her and seen something nobody else had ever managed to see. He actually saw the real her. Everything about him brought her to life in a way she'd never experienced before and the more she got to know him, the more she wanted to discover. She wanted to let him in. Let him fall in love with her and she so desperately wanted to allow herself to fall right back. The only problem was… She had no idea how.
Henry was trying to keep his mind occupied but no matter what he tried, nothing was helping. This beautiful, clever, opinionated, batshit crazy girl had come crashing into his perfectly acceptable life and had turned it upside down in the most amazing of ways, and for him, there was just no going back. Every thought in his head made its way back to her. She was like a drug he just couldn't get enough of and as ridiculous as he'd told himself it was, he was in love with her. He wanted her to be a part of everything he did. Share all that he was with her. Be everything she deserved. He just wanted Elizabeth in every possible way.
His eyes landed on the books piled up against the couch and he couldn't quite comprehend how someone as remarkably intelligent and strong willed as Elizabeth Adams could be riddled with such self doubt. He saw it in her eyes as he'd uttered those words. She genuinely couldn't seem to accept that someone may actually be interested in her. In everything she already was and everything she could become. And she'd run away again rather than let him in.
He respected that she needed time to gather her thoughts and the last thing he wanted to do was come on too strong and smother her, but the thought of her out in the dark and cold all alone was driving him a little crazy. He tried convincing himself that she'd gone back to her dorm but it wasn't really working and it's not as if he could even go and look for her as she had taken his car.
Henry settled himself on the couch with a beer and the complete works of Shakespeare to muse through while he was waiting for Elizabeth to return. It didn't manage to take his mind off of her for a single minute…. It did however send him off to sleep fairly quickly.
Henry was roused from his nap by the sound of his name being softly spoken. He wasn't sure if he was still dreaming but when he opened his eyes and focussed on the beautiful blonde curling up next to him on the couch, he realised that his reality far exceeded anything he could dream.
"Hey you. Are you ok, you're freezing cold." Henry wrapped his arms around Elizabeth and pulled her as close as he could manage. "I'm so sorry I made you feel uncomfortable. I'll take it back if that will make things better?""
The sweet smile that crossed her lips immediately put Henry at ease. "You didn't make me uncomfortable and I certainly don't want you to hide your feelings from me. I'm just not so good at letting people in. It sounds ridiculous but I find it easier to deal with people hating me than to let anyone get too close. I've learned to expect the worst so I'm not disappointed when the worst happens."
Henry looked at her, trying to comprehend what she was saying "But if you do that Elizabeth, how will you ever experience all of the wonderful things life has to offer? How will you ever be happy?"
"I don't really remember what it feels like to be happy. Not until I met you anyway. And now I so desperately want to let you in because the truth is…. I'm falling for you too Henry and I desperately don't want to push you away." She moved even closer to him so her lips were almost touching his and whispered "So don't let me… Ok?"
Henry smiled and closed the gap, pressing his lips against hers with a heady mix of passion and relief. Hearing her confirm her feelings was a bit of a surprise for both of them and Elizabeth let out an exulting chuckle "Wanna go eat chocolate cake in bed?" She stood and held her hand out to Henry "I promise not to make a mess… Unless you want me to."
Henry took her hand and followed her into the kitchen, lifting her onto the side as he eased his body closer to hers, nestled between her legs as she wrapped them around his waist "You know what…. I don't think it's gonna make it that far." As Henry grabbed the chocolate cake, Elizabeth filled the room with the sound of laughter… Her walls were starting to come down brick by brick.