Bob read the note a hundred times before it sank in, Linda had left him. His mind flashed back to Friday. His life was perfect, and, in a flash, everything was taken from him. He must have been screaming because Teddy and Big Bob had burst into the room. He could see Tina and Gene waiting nervously in the hallway. He was sobbing uncontrollably by then and struggled to keep his balance. It took both Big Bob and Teddy to get him onto the bed.
"What happened, Bobby? Where is Linda?" Big Bob calmly asked.
"She left. She left me. Maybe forever." Bob cried, handing his dad the note.
"Son, I am so sorry." Big Bob whispered gently rubbing his back.
"But she'll come back eventually, right? She's coming back. Isn't she? She has to come back." Teddy sobbed.
"Teddy take the kids somewhere. Just for a while." Big Bob requested.
"Sure anything." Teddy replied.
Linda held the bottle to her mouth. She felt a degree of guilt for what she had done, but she was so angry. She hated Bob for saying such horrible things to Louise. Only to turn around and say he wished Tina and Gene had died instead. Another swig and she was starting to forget. To forget the accident at least. Plus, here in the hotel she didn't have to look down the hallway and see Louise's empty room.
"Do you think any lawyer's offices would be open now? We really should get a move on this." Gloria wondered.
"I tried; I couldn't reach anybody." Linda sighed.
Bob was now balled up on his bed, sobbing uncontrollably. He just wanted to go back to Friday. To tell Louise she could go with Rudy. It was so stupid of him not to let her go. He knew Rudy wasn't supposed to be out after dark. It's not like she would have been out all night. If he had let her go, if he had found another way to get the buns. The kids wouldn't have been on that street when Jimmy Pesto was speeding down it. If he had just let her be a child. Louise may still be here. She would be running around the apartment trying to find an excuse to stay up longer. Only to be asleep before himself or Linda returned with the glass of water, she needed so bad. He wanted so badly to die but that wouldn't be fair to Tina and Gene. Poor kids had already lost their sister and if Linda went back with Gloria and Al. Well, their community didn't allow children to reside their full time. For obvious reasons. Even if they did Linda's only goal anymore was to drink enough to forget Louise existed. He knew he had to be strong. He just wished it weren't so God Damned hard.
"Is it really over? Does Linda really want a divorce?" Bob wondered.
"I don't know son. Right now, she is just hurting. It may take a long time, maybe even years but she will come around." Big Bob assured.
"But what if she doesn't? What if she leaves? I will be OK in time but the kids. Especially Gene. How are they going to take it?" Bob questioned.
"You are a better man than I ever was. You will get them through this." Big Bob replied.
"Except my last words to Louise was so horrible. She died thinking I hated her. What if Tina and Gene hate me too? What if I end up alone?" Bob cried.
The second night after Louise's death, Gene opted to sleep in his own room. Tina still felt the need to stay in Louise's room. She still held the collectables tight. They were soaked in her tears. She could imagine how furious Louise would be if she were still here. Nothing made sense anymore. Louise was gone and now Linda too. Linda was still alive, at least Tina assumed she was, but she did not believe that Linda was just "out." She heard every fight her parents had. She knew her mom hated her dad. She knew that her mom had left. Her family was broken beyond repair.
Once again Tina awoke at the exact moment that Louise had died. Her heart was racing, and she could not breathe. She collapsed onto the pillow crying. She drug herself out of bed and down the hall. She could hear her dad crying and her grandfather trying desperately to comfort him. She walked across the apartment to Gene's room. She found her brother sitting cross legged on the bed, in his underwear staring at the door.
"Gene?" Tina whispered.
"Mom didn't come in to tuck me in." Gene whispered.
"She will be back tomorrow." Tina lied.
"What if she isn't?" Gene questioned.
"She will be." Tina assured.
Nothing made sense to Gene anymore. Not since Louise died. He didn't understand how somebody as vibrant and full of life as Louise could die. He didn't understand how she could suffer so greatly before dying. He didn't understand why he almost told Mort he was glad that Louise was dead. Was he really that awful? That unwilling to accept a disabled younger sister? He remembered his words at the hospital. How he had said that Louise wouldn't be Louise anymore due to her injuries. What did that even mean? Because she wouldn't have been able to play like she used to? Because she would have needed everything done for her? Because she may have taken up most of Bob and Linda's time. There was no reason she wouldn't have still been Louise. Again, he grabbed the notebook from beside the bed.
"Even broken and scarred would be better than dead. Even different would have kept us the same." He wrote.
Morning had arrived and Linda had still not returned. Bob knew he had lost her too. He let his anger and hurt take over and now he had lost two fifths of his family. Three fifths, because he knew it Linda fought for custody Gene would go with her. Tina might stay, but Gene would go to Linda for sure. He forced himself out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen. He made himself some breakfast and poured a cup of coffee. For just a moment he considered opening the restaurant. Until he realized on top of everything else. He had no buns. His buns had been scattered all over Thaddeus Fishodor Memorial Drive; crushed and covered in Louise's blood. He leaned over and lost his breakfast into the sink. He stumbled to the living room and collapsed onto the couch beside Tina.
"Dad? Are you OK?" Tina asked.
"No" Bob replied.
"Did mom?" Tina questioned.
"She left Tina." Bob confirmed.
On the second day after Louise's death, Rudy returned to school. He didn't want to, but his parents couldn't find a sitter, and neither could get off work. He forgot his locker combination and ended up having to get Ms. Schnur to come open it for him. He got lost on the way to class and had to have Mr. Branca help him find the room. he opened the door and for a moment wondered why he was in the old fourth grade room. Until he remembered that Ms. Labonz had followed them to the fifth grade after the old teacher had decided not to return from maternity leave. He felt sick upon seeing Louise's empty desk. He walked to his own desk and took a seat. He buried his head in his arms and began to cry. Your best friend wasn't supposed to die in the second week of the fifth grade.
By the second day home Zeke's baby sister was back to her happy self. Zeke on the other hand still felt hollow and alone. He wasn't friends with Jimmy Junior anymore. They had tried to press charges but because Jimmy was a minor in a tough situation. There wasn't much that could or would be done. Jimmy basically got away with lying to the police. Because he was sad about justice being served. Zeke knew he needed to get out of his house. He called goodbye to his dad and went to the only person he felt safe with anymore. This time it was Tina who greeted him dressed in a black top and her darker blue skirt.
"Zeke we were just getting ready to see Louise." Tina informed.
"Oh, I can come back." Zeke offered.
"No, I don't know if I feel like going." Tina confessed.
"You sure?" Zeke asked.
"I hate seeing her like that. Seeing her broken." Tina admitted.
"How bad is it?" Zeke asked.
"Bad. Most of her body is gone. Mort did his best to make her look normal, but she lost all her limbs except her left arm. Half of her face is gone. Her skull shattered; her brain swelled. She looks like a monster." Tina sobbed.
"Have your parents made any plans yet?" Zeke asked.
"My dad is going to do that. My mom. Zeke my mom left." Tina sniffed.
"What why?" Zeke gasped.
"She hates my dad. He snapped at Louise before the accident." Tina replied.
"How is your dad?" Zeke asked.
"He's not even himself anymore." Tina cried.
Bob sat beside Mort in the chapel of rest. Today the casket was closed but only because another family had come to see their mother and grandmother. Mort worried about one of the young children accidentally seeing Louise's damaged body. He had offered to reopen the casket, but Bob didn't think he could stomach it. Each time he saw Louise it was like being punched in the gut. He refused to accept that, that disfigured tragedy was his baby girl. He could not wait until this was all over and he never had seen Louise in that state again.
"I am sorry about Linda." Mort started.
"Thanks" Bob muttered.
"Bob? Do you really want the traditional service?" Mort questioned.
"No but it's what Linda wanted, and funerals are for the living." Bob commented.
"While that is true. They should also honor the deceased. Outside of some extreme circumstance they should be celebrated the way the deceased lived their life. If this is not what Louise wanted. It is not how we honor Louise" Mort explained.
"But Linda and her parents." Bob began.
"Bobby there is not a day that goes by that I don't regret the service I had for your mother. She absolutely hated funerals. She hated black, she hated when people were depressed. She hated anything somber. She even hated the word funeral. I wish I could have had a celebration of life for her, but things were different back then. I wanted to break tradition, but you know how traditional both sets of grandparents were. They all insisted it be a sad funeral. Even though they all knew what she wanted. I will not stand back and let you make the same mistake I made. I will deal with Linda and her family." Big Bob explained.
"I just don't want to make things worse. I don't want her to take Tina and Gene." Bob admitted.
"I won't go with her. I want to stay here." Tina vowed entering the room.
"Yeah, and you can fight for custody." Big Bob assured.
"I want the funeral here. I wouldn't mind "Amazing Grace" and the "Twenty Third Psalm," but I don't want it to be too religious. I want everybody to dress in Louise's favorite colors or in clothes that represent Japan. I want the music Louise liked. There's a Boyz 4 Now song that would work. I can't remember it now, but I know Louise liked it. Even before she realized she liked them." Bob explained.
"Die Rhymes with Cry. Griffin wrote it after his grandmother died." Tina recalled.
"Very good" Mort replied.
"I think they should use the poem "Stand at my Grave" I had to memorize it in seventh grade for English class. Louise heard me practicing and really liked it." Tina added.
"That was your grandma's favorite poem." Big Bob gasped.
"I remember. She gave me a copy after my hamster died." Bob recalled.
"OK that is good and if you want to have more songs or poems. Let me know. We can talk again tomorrow." Mort replied.
"I want the funeral to be on Saturday or Sunday. That way all the kids who want to go can go and anybody who has to work." Bob added.
"Sunday works. Would one o'clock be, OK?" Mort asked.
"Louise died at one in the morning. One in the afternoon is perfect." Tina commented.
"Sounds good" Bob added.
"Now comes to the issue of the remains. Would you prefer burial or cremation?" Mort asked.
"Burial is nice but it's expensive plus Louise's body is so broken. We would have to do a closed casket. Plus, I don't think I could settle on a resting place right now. I think that cremation would be best." Bob explained.
"That was my thought too. I think I can even get you a Kuchi Kopi urn." Mort commented.
"She would have loved that." Bob sniffed.
Mort was correct and there was a Kuchi Kopi urn available. There were also necklaces for her ashes. Each family member selected a necklace to carry a piece of Louise with them. Bob selected a small pink bunny, Gene selected an angel, Tina chose a green bear the resembled Kuchi Kopi, For Linda Bob selected a small dog that somewhat looked like bottlecap. Mort said he would take it back and give Linda another for free if she did not like that one. He then offered to make molds of Louise's hand holding each member of the family's hand. Bob knew he needed to call Linda.
Linda struggled to sit up as Mort made a mold of her hand clutching Louise's. She hated Bob for going behind her back, but she also knew she could not really handle arranging the funeral. Maybe he was right, but she was still angry. She would always be angry. The lawyers she spoke too told her they would not take her case until she sobered up and took some time to grieve. She could not sober up. Sobering up would mean remembering and she did not want to remember.
Tina felt sick as she held Louise's hand. It was stiff and rough. She could feel the bones that had been broken and the muscle that protruded from the torn away skin. The doctors were right there no part of Louise's body that was unaffected. As soon as the mold was made, she wiped her hands and ran to the bathroom. She collapsed to the floor vomiting and crying.
Gene held Louise's hand as tightly as he could. Louise would be cremated. This would likely be the last time he held her hand. The last time he touched her body. He would have the necklace and the urn, but this was not Louise's body. He wished his other arm were not broken and that he could have held her with both hands. He knew he needed to be still, but he could feel the tears coming.
Bob held Louise's hand gently. He thought back to the first time Louise took his hand when she was in the NICU. When he realized how much of a fighter she was. He looked down at her shattered body. He recalled the doctors telling him how rare it was for somebody injured that severely to even make it to the hospital. That's just how strong Louise was. She had fought like hell to survive. Despite how horrible he had been to her. She wanted to stay. Louise truly was a hero and survivor.
Much to Bob's disappointment Linda returned to the hotel after visiting Louise. She muttered something about him doing a good job and then she was gone. He was relieved that Tina knew the truth but was dreading telling Gene. He decided it would be best to wait until after the funeral. It would be closer to when Linda was going to leave and if by some miracle Linda decided to stay. It would save Gene from unnecessary heartache. In the meantime, Bob sat beside the casket and focused on Louise's body. Yes, seeing her this broken made him sick, but she would be taken for cremation in the morning. This would be the last time he saw her. He reached out and stroked her hat. They had to shave her head for the surgery. Her scalp was a hideous red. He knew that Louise would not want to rest without her hat. They could not put Kuchi Kopi in the crematorium and for that he was grateful, but he knew that Louise needed to keep her hat on through cremation. It made him sick, but the hat was bloodied and destroyed anyway.
"Mort" Bob called.
"Yes. Bob?" Mort replied.
"Could you keep Louise's hat on her. You know in the machine?" Bob asked.
"Don't you want to keep it?" Mort questioned.
"I do but I know Louise wouldn't want to be separated from it." Bob replied.
"Yes, I can do that." Mort promised.
After a while Tina grew tired of the home movies. She switched back to regular TV. His face was plastered on the screen and Tina was sick again. Out of the corner of her eye she caught the headline, and it made her even sicker. She leapt off the couch and flipped the coffee table on its side. She charged towards the TV wanting to smash it. This was a mistake. It had to be a mistake.
"TINA! What are you doing?" Big Bob cried.
"They sentenced Jimmy Pesto today! we weren't even invited! How can they do that? They can't do that!" Tina cried.
"Woah, Tina take a deep breath. They did sentence Jimmy Pesto today but not for killing Louise. They sentenced him for what he did at the capitol. The judge couldn't even mention Louise. He will serve this sentence consecutively with whatever he gets for killing Louise." Big Bob assured.
"But he only got three years! What if the judge who does Louise's case decided that's enough?" Tina cried.
"They cannot connect Louise to what Jimmy did in DC. Two different cases." Big Bob assured.
After leaving Mort's Bob could not face returning to the apartment. He knew the kids needed him, but he felt claustrophobic in there. He started to unlock the restaurant but was haunted by the memory of that horrible night. He took a seat on the curb and buried his head in his hands. Before long violent sobs were once again racking his body. In just a few hours they would cremate Louise. The idea of his baby being burned made him sick, but her being buried was equally nauseating. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Mr. Fishodor standing in front of him a solemn look on his face.
"I am sorry, Bob." Mr. Fishodor said.
"Thank you" Bob replied.
"Look Bob you don't have to pay rent the next couple of months. After that I will take half or even a fourth of the usual payment until everybody is back on their feet." Mr. Fishodor promised.
"Thanks" Bob mumbled.
"Louise was a great child Bob. She was truly my hero. I wish I could do more." Mr. Fishodor sighed.
"My life is over" Bob sobbed.