The next morning I found myself throwing up in the chamberpot for the second time in two days. It must have woken Jack up because I heard him shift beside, and then he was sat up, holding my hair away from my face and rubbing his hand along my back.
"Y'alright?" He asked quietly, voice still husky from sleep.
I leant back against the headboard, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "I think so."
"I didn't think ye drank that much last night, love."
"I didn't either." I wasn't nearly hungover enough for that to be the case.
"Perhaps ye should stay in here today, love, rest up a bit."
I glanced over at him as I grabbed the rum from the bedside table.
"I know ye thought it was the storm but maybe ye're coming down with summat." Jack raised a hand to my forehead as he spoke. "If ye are it's best to sleep it off before it gets worse." He pulled his hand away, replacing it with his lips for a moment. "Ye want me to stay?"
"Go out onto deck for a bit," I said. "Are we leaving Tortuga today?"
"Nah, we'll stay for tonight and leave tomorrow, I've almost got the map together."
"Then come back around midday and bring me something to eat."
"Aye aye, m'lady." He gave a mock salute and rose from the bed, beginning to dress as I let my mind wander.
-*-*-*
The hours dragged with nothing to do. I tried to read but found my eyelids too heavy, yet when I tried to sleep I was much too awake. It was like being stuck in a limbo between the two worlds, and it was dull to say the least.
I had thrown up again, Jack had been and gone with food, remaining to chat to me for perhaps an hour before he was called back on deck, and then I had vomited up that food too. The oddest thing was that I didn't really feel that ill, other than the fact that I couldn't ingest much without bringing it up again.
In my boredom I let my mind wander to the conversation I'd had with Poppy the afternoon before.
"How far along are you?"
I had thought it strange at the time, but now... Now I thought about it I had only ever heard people say that sentence in relation to...
No...
It couldn't be, I couldn't be, because Jack and I had been careful. We had tried to be careful.
I sat upright in bed, doing a mental checklist of every symptom I knew, which wasn't many.
- Sickness in the morning, yes.
- Unusual tiredness, in a way, but I had thought that was the excitement of finding all the map pieces.
- Increased appetite, yes, not so much that it was noticeable at the time, but when I thought about it...
- Missed monthly courses... I wasn't sure.
I stood, dressing quickly and heading out into the cabin, where Jack sat at his desk.
"Y'alright love?"
"What month is it?"
He thought for moment. "We're somewhere in the middle I think, maybe July?"
Even if my courses were irregular at best, this was too long to go without bleeding.
"Sit down, love, ye've gone all pale." Jack stood up and guided me over to his chair, pushing me into it gently. He placed his hand on my forehead. "I think ye ought to go back to bed, darlin'."
I nodded. "Okay."
But when I stood up I didn't move back towards the bedroom, instead wrapping my arms around Jack's middle. He paused for a moment in surprise before bringing his arms around me.
"What's wrong, love?"
"Nothing, Jack," I lied. "Just hold me for a moment, please."
-*-*-*
As the sun set that evening I stood at the bowsprit, watching the sky turn pink and thinking over my rather unfortunate situation.
I was with child, I wasn't married, I lived on a pirate ship with pirates. The child's father was a pirate.
A little while ago now, soon after Jack and I had gotten together, Bill had asked us if we ever wanted children. Jack had said something about it being too soon, we had only started our current arrangement a week ago.
When I had asked him later, he had said that he didn't think he was cut out to be a father.
"Raising a kid on a ship would be hard, and I sure as hell ain't giving up my Pearl. 'Sides, kids are irritating."
I had laughed. "You'd never want them? Ever?"
"Who's to say? But I doubt it."
Jack Sparrow didn't want children, and yet he had given me the means to give him one. He wouldn't give up the Pearl to raise a child on land, it would be far too difficult to raise them aboard on the ship, and he didn't want one anyway, so none of this even mattered. What was I to do? Tell him? No, then he'd let me stay and keep the child, but he'd never be truly happy. Only he'd never tell me that, so he'd suffer alone. So then what? I couldn't keep this a secret forever, Poppy had clearly known the instant she saw me. There was one other option, and it was looking to be the only option.
I would have to leave the Pearl, the crew, the life that I had made for myself, and Jack behind.
I would have to leave it all behind.
I hate myself for writing this