Chapter 26: Unending

She stood outside his quarters, haggard. It was the only way out. She couldn't... she couldn't... not alone. She needed him, she tried to reason with herself. She raised her hand and knocked three times on the metal door. It was the only way. She had to... She couldn't go back.

"Sam? Is something wrong?" Daniel was surprised to find Sam at the door of his quarters in the middle of the night. Usually, it was Vala who would show up at this time of night to beg him to spend the night together. But Sam wasn't here for that kind of proposition. She seemed upset, livid and on the verge of tears. "Sam, what's going on?" Asked Daniel as he stepped aside to let her in, understanding that she needed him.

"I need help Daniel." She sighed withe a small voice. He took her in his arms when once the door closed the military collapsed, tears streaming from her eyes.

"Sam... What's going on?" He pleaded, as he helped her sit on the edge of her bed, supporting her as best he could. The pressure had been so great on her since their captivity in the loop had begun. It had been over two months now and she still hadn't found a solution. Was she at her wits' end? Exhausted? Had she given up? Daniel didn't know. He just held her close, supporting her as she showed her pain for the first time in ten years. Sam was suffocating, choking on tears she couldn't contain. It was then that Daniel noticed what she held between her fingers a small object barely longer than a pen. He froze, understanding the reason for such emotion, such grief. The pregnancy test lay on the bed beside them. "Sam... Oh Sam..." The archaeologist murmured as he held her close, trying to soothe the military's grief and pain. "What can I do ?" He asked, wiping away the tears that stained his best friend's face.

"I need..." She hiccupped, struggling to articulate aloud what she had resigned herself to. "I need you to help me..." The tears kept flowing from the Colonel's blue eyes. "I can't do this alone." She confessed, unable to contain her grief. "This" Daniel understood then why his friend was so upset when he saw what she was holding in her other hand. A pill. The reason for her grief and why she was here, hit him hard. Sam could read the incomprehension and sorrow in Daniel's eyes. "I can't... I can't do it, Daniel... I can't figure it out, not for years, not for decades... I can't put him through this... No child deserves to live a life like ours... No child should grow up alone with adults and watch their loved ones die one after another... No child deserves to be alone and have to bury their parents... I can't do this alone, Daniel... I can't do it." She murmured the voice broken by sobs. The archaeologist took her in his arms, caressing her back in a soothing movement.

"I'm here Sam, I'm here." He sighed as he hugged her. "You're not alone." He whispered against her hair. Later, he would wonder if his friend had felt that then, too, he was crying.

(...)

"Not tonight Vala, please." Daniel had opened the door to his quarters barely enough to slip out, causing his teammate surprised. She frowned and let her arm fall back along her body. She guessed that something was wrong. She knew "her Daniel" by heart and she could see from his face that he was angry and sad. The look on Daniel's face told her that he needed to be alone and she didn't push. They had all cracked up already in the middle of the night, she understood that. Daniel waited until she had turned the corner to go back to his quarters. Sam had woken up, she had sat up on the bed, livid with a hand on her empty stomach. Daniel sat at her bedside and gently forced her to lie down again. Tears were streaming down her eyelids again.

"It's okay Sam... It's over." He whispered to her, gently stroking her forehead. "Sleep... I'm here. You're not alone." He brushed away a tear that had rolled down her cheek as she sank back into nothingness. Of all the things he'd witnessed in his life, all the trials he'd been through with SG1, this was probably the worst. Anger, hatred burned in his gut, threatening to engulf him. What kind of man would let his companion go through the worst ordeal of his life alone. What kind of man did that?

(...)

Cameron didn't see the first punch coming, which caught him on the last bend of his daily run and sent him to the ground. If he had to bet on who would crack first in this ship of woe, he would never have chosen the archaeologist. Yet he should have known that this would happen at some point. It was only thanks to years of training, and to his reflexes, that he was able to avoid the second blow that would have caused him damage to the crotch. Of a flexible twist of the legs, he succeeded in making fall the archaeologist on the ground. What he didn't manage to do was to stop the scientist who struggled on the floor with the military. If Cameron had the experience and the reflexes of the field, Daniel had the rage and the anger.

"What the hell Jackson ! What's wrong with you?!" Cameron shouted at him, trying to immobilize him without hurting him. But Daniel was carried by anger. He didn't care about hurting his opponent, on the contrary, Daniel wanted to hurt him. With all his heart.

"Jackson calm the hell down!" Cameron yelled at him as he held him down with a Sodan hold. But Daniel threw his head back, hitting Cameron's nose, which broke under the impact of his opponent's skull. The pain made him see red. He threw all his weight on the archaeologist and managed to keep him on the ground. His blood ran down his chin and on the teeshirt of the archaeologist.

"You bastard! You son of a bitch!" Daniel growled as he tried to escape from him, unsuccessfully. "How could you?! You bastard!" Daniel's rage surprised the military, there was such hatred in the archaeologist's irises that Cameron was thrown off balance.

"What the hell is wrong with you Daniel! I swear I didn't approach Vala!" Because, it could only be about that, couldn't it? It was obvious to the whole team that between these two, it was only a matter of time.

"What about Samantha?! You didn't approach her? You filthy bastard! How could you let her go through this alone!"

"Jackson what are you talking..." But he could never finish his sentence, the archaeologist had opened the floodgates of his rage.

"THE BABY!" Daniel shouted. The shock made Mitchell lose his nerve and loosen his grip. Daniel managed to push him back, but when he saw the look of shock on the soldier's face, he doubted it.

"Carter ... is pregnant?" He whispered.

"Not anymore..." Daniel observed, aware of what he had just done. Betraying Sam. "You didn't know..."

"Daniel ... I never ... Carter is my friend ... nothing more." Replied Mitchell as he put pressure on his nose to ease the bleeding. If Sam had been pregnant and she wasn't anymore ... He closed his eyes, devastated for his friend. Oh God, how could she have had to go through this, after all she had sacrificed in ten years in this program... wasn't it enough?

"So if not you...who?" Daniel's surprise was complete and his rage seemed to have vanished, replaced by sadness and daze. It couldn't be Teal'c, let alone Landry. He had assumed that ... Mitchell saw the cogs turning in the scientist's mind. So Cameron made a decision he hoped he wouldn't have to regret. But, if what Daniel had just told him was true ... Sam needed her friends, her family.

"O'Neill." He let out.

"No...that's impossible." Daniel muttered in shock.

"Daniel ... it's not my place to tell you this ... " Tried to temper Cameron but in front of Daniel's expression he complied, for Sam's sake. "Daniel... Carter and O'Neill... they're married." The shock that painted itself on the archaeologist's face might have been comical under other circumstances. Then his face broke down.

"Oh boy...what have I done!" Cameron looked away as he saw tears beading in the archaeologist's eyes.

"If she came to you Daniel, it's because you were the only one who could help her...let her take it in. She'll talk when she's ready."

(...)

General Landry stared at the archaeologist and the military. He exchanged a look with the Jaffa, questioning. Vala also stared at the damaged hands of the archaeologist, without saying anything. What from her was very surprising. Carter was conspicuous by her absence at dinner. But no one could ignore Mitchell's two black eyes and the bandage on his nose. As well as the tormented look on the two teammates' faces. It spoke volumes, neither of them were proud.

"Do I have to get involved in this story, Colonel?" the general finally asked, breaking the silence that weighed heavily on the table.

"No, Sire, that will not be necessary." Cameron replied in a slightly nasal voice. Landry nodded.

"Let's eat." He ordered.

The meal finished in dead silence, the jaffa straightened up, retrieving Colonel Carter's tray from the table.

"Teal'c?" Daniel had straightened up, concerned.

"I will bring Samantha her meal tonight, Daniel Jackson." Announced the Jaffa with a look of disapproval at the archaeologist's hands. Daniel lowered his eyes, sheepish. When the door of the mess was closed, Vala opened her mouth, but Cameron made her stop with a word.

"Not tonight Vala, please." He asked with an uncharacteristic softness.

(...)

She had heard the three light knocks on her door. But she didn't answer. She knew that it was Daniel who had come to bring her food. She didn't have the strength to answer him, curled up in her bunk, crying silently. The pain in her belly reminded her that she was losing the one thing she had wanted even more than Jack O'Neill. The door finally opened anyway. She whispered, her voice broken by sobs.

"I'm not hungry Daniel. I just need some time alone." The door closed with a metallic hiss. She closed her eyes, relieved. But she recognized almost immediately the footsteps approaching her bed. After ten years with them, she knew her teammates by that simple sound. Teal'c's large hand came to rest on her shoulder, just a gesture, not a word. She bit the inside of her cheeks to keep from bursting into tears. After a few minutes, she finally sat up and let the Jaffa embrace her. Then she cried, struggled, screamed, kicked, over and over again for many minutes, without Teal'c saying anything. Because he knew what she needed. Teal'c always knew what his friends needed. And he understood. He just held her against him, between his arms. And when she collapsed against his shoulder, exhausted, drained.

"I'm sorry, Samantha." The Jaffa then whispered.

(...)

He had been stuck in that bubble for three months. She had promised Daniel that she would come out of her room today. That she would get some fresh air, to use the archaeologist's exact words. It had been almost a month since she had been hiding away from the group, a month since she had been rehashing her pain. They had been so gentle with her, so attentive. They had taken care of her, in spite of her lies, in spite of her unspoken words. And none of them had judged the choice she had made. She sat in the Mess, facing the main window, but she wasn't watching the Ori shot into space. No, she was twisting and turning her wedding ring in her hands. Tears were welling up in her eyes. She couldn't forget. She felt so alone to go through this ordeal despite the presence of her friends. She was sinking little by little in a depressive torpor. How could she hope to get them out of there when all hope seemed to have left her? She felt empty and alone.

"I want to help you." Vala had just burst into the mess hall, filled with an energy that Samantha missed. Vala sits across from her. And for the first time since she had made her decision, a little warmth rose to the surface. She wasn't alone. Someone else had hope. So for the first time in weeks, Samantha smiled.

(...)

It had been almost four years since that day when Samantha had activated the time dilation field. It had been almost two years since they got married on Christmas Eve. They had been through trials and tribulations, but never before had they had such a fierce confrontation. Vala screamed, fought, cried, cursed him but Daniel kept repeating the same thing over and over again. His heart cracked a little more with each refusal that he opposed to the arguments of his wife.

"We can't Vala... My love, it's impossible. Impossible." Vala stopped struggling in his arms, collapsing in tears against him. He took her between his knees, hugging her. She nestled her head against his chest.

"Why Daniel, why?" The pain in her voice broke Daniel's heart but, he had witnessed Samantha's suffering. He knew that making Vala suffer now was better than the torment they would endure later. He knew that his friend had made the only decision possible then.

"Vala... How can we make a child go through what we ourselves are struggling with... This would not be a life for him... We don't know when, or even if, Sam will be able to get us out of this loop... We can't Vala... A child doesn't deserve this, stuck in this tomb in space." Daniel whispered as he hugged her. "Ask me anything you want my love but not this... I can't... I don't want our child to be alone in this loop. Ever."

(...)

Sam sat alone in the darkness. She was gazing at the glittering void outside the ship. She had chosen a vantage point where the Ori's energy fire could not be seen. Tears rolled silently down her cheeks. It had been twenty years today. Twenty years since she said "I do" in this reception hall to the man she loved. Almost twenty years since she had last seen him. Usually she could keep the pain of separation at bay, but not today. She had removed the wedding ring from her identification chain, she had not hidden her marriage for years. Jack should have been there when she broke the news to the team but... she had done it alone. Like so many things in recent years. Like learning to play the cello. An idea inspired by Jack, he so often said she had musician's fingers. Her finger went over and over the inscription inside the ring. The coordinates of the Earth, to always find your way back, he had said when she had asked him about the meaning of the inscription on their wedding night. She wiped away the tears that rolled down her jaw. She missed him so much. Would she ever see him again?

(...)

"It wasn't your fault. We all would have died long ago if you hadn't done what you did." He takes her hand. "Don't give up. These were the last words Hank Landry spoke before he passed away. But how could one not despair when the situation seemed hopeless.

(...)

She contemplated the hologram on her bedside table. If she was right, if her calculations were correct, time would reverse and all that life she had spent without him would no longer exist. She touched the outline of the hologram with her fingertips, it was a picture of their wedding day taken by Cassandra. If she was right, she would have a lifetime to spend with Jack. A lifetime to spend with their child. She was an old woman now, he was the younger of the two. She smiled. But if she was right, they had a whole life ahead of them. A chance, a hope.

"See you soon my love."

COLORADO SPRINGS - SAMANTHA CARTER'S HOUSE - GARDEN

Jack and Teal'c were sitting on the terrace at the back of Samantha's house. Jack stared at the Jaffa, who raised an eyebrow in question.

"It's the white streak, I think I'm going to have a hard time getting used to it."

"Your hair is completely white, O'Neill." The Jaffa reminded him.

"Gray... My hair is gray Teal'c, it's different." The military corrected him. From the house behind them came laughter and chatter. SG1 was back and with technology to rival the Ori. This was cause for celebration. And Jack had of course been invited to the party. As was General Landry.

"I read your report Teal'c..." Jack began after taking a sip of his beer. "It's... how shall I put it... brief," Jack continued. "Well, shorter than usual."

"Colonel Carter told me that the risk of creating a time paradox was too great. I must therefore remain silent." Reminded him the Jaffa with stoicism.

"Oh come on Teal'c, you can tell me something." Tried the military. He turned for a moment his glance towards the house when the crystalline laugh of Samantha reached him. The Jaffa had an amused smile that his companion did not note.

"I must be able to reveal this to you, O'Neill." The Jaffa began. "Colonel Carter was playing cello." Jack turned to him in astonishment.

"Carter? Cello?!" Of course, he'd always said she had musician's hands, but...

"She was very talented." Told him the Jaffa as he raised his famous eyebrow.

"Oh, I don't doubt it!" Jack held up his hands in front of him as if to defend himself from having made any criticism at all.

"I learned one thing, O'Neill. Do you want to know what?" Questioned the Jaffa. Jack could have sworn that the Jaffa seemed a little too "amused," if there was any amusement to be read on Teal'c's impassive face. He nodded. "Life is too short." Jack straightened his head and he read something in the Jaffa's eyes. His head swiveled toward home. He smiled fondly as he heard his wife's laughter. Teal'c knew. Jack stood up, but not without giving the Jaffa a squeeze on his shoulder. Then he walked back into the house, calling for Samantha.

"I am happy for you, my friends." Teal'c murmured before straightening up in turn. Then, as if to himself, he uttered an Asgard maxim. "All good things come to those who wait."

Author's note: You have the right to hate me for the first scene of this chapter, I admit I cried while writing it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter decipte of this scene. I had always wondered what could make Vala cry in the scene with Daniel and then I thought about it, in my thirties ... Vala who had been "robbed" of the choice to be a mother, who had just lost her daughter, Vala who loved Daniel ... What could she have wanted that Daniel would deny her? ... A child. Every time I watch "Unending" I always consider what the characters have missed in the 50 years they have been isolated. I always appreciated that in this episode we never at any point see Samantha and Cameron in a romantic situation, they are just friends. I liked that the only closeness shown was a good-natured closeness (for New Year's Eve). And for me, that could only mean one thing: that Sam was involved with Jack and that Cameron knew about it. Which justifies Cameron being the only one to know that Sam and Jack were engaged in the previous chapters of my fanfic and being the one to reveal it to Daniel to help Samantha.