Chapter 17

Iblis laughed heartedly then.

"I'm shaking in my boots…"

With a sharp move of his left arm, he pawed at the sword, disarming De Soto effortlessly.

"You don't have a clue who I am, do you?"

De Soto shook his head slowly then, wishing Azrael would have been more explicit, and explained it a bit better.

"I have no frigging idea," De Soto said, pushing back the frozen, scared stiff Diego so they could retreat a bit, away from that guy. "And frankly, I don't give a damn."

"You should," Iblis said, annoyed as well as amused by De Soto's feistiness and insolence, like a buffalo could be of a fly landing on his ass. "Never mind, I'll tell you my story."

Head down, he wandered then in front of De Soto, walking from side to side, explaining the facts while evoking better times.

"Once upon a time, I was an Archangel. One of the best, by the way, and the closest to God. I loved God back then. I still do, actually. But the Almighty, a long, long time ago, ordered us to do something rather outrageous: we should all kneel before Adam, the first human ever created. In my book, a truly inferior being, like you are. Like all humans are, compared to us, and specially, compared to me. I was created from fire, while you were created from…"

He paused then, lifting his head to look at De Soto, taking a while to say the word, with a grimace of disgust.

"…barro. Can you believe it? Come on! Mud? Seriously? Of all things? Mind you, some humans would say they were created from clay, as it sounds slightly better, but no: it was plain, filthy, disgusting mud. You could as well have been created from excrement! Kneeling before a human made of mud? What a travesty! I didn't want to disobey God, but I honestly thought that request was extremely unfair, ridiculous, and totally unnecessary. So, I didn't, while all the other ass-kissers up there without any self-respect did. All the Archangels kneeled before that naked ape called Adam, all except me. As a result, I was charged with rebellion, the same as Lucifer and all the other fallen angels, but for different reasons, and they sent me down here with them, to this sickening place. But I belong in Heaven, because I will only ever kneel before The One True God, not before any of his inferior creations, humans included. See? I don't belong in hell. All the other bastards down here hate God, but I don't. I love The Lord, and I can only hope I will be welcomed in Heaven again at the end of times."

After that long elucidation, De Soto thought Iblis might be related to Metatron, as he loved talking so much. A brief moment of oppressive silence followed then, until De Soto felt the need to say something to break it.

"That's a very sad and pitiful story, Señor, but it has nothing to do with us."

"Oh, no, it does. You are human, after all." Iblis came closer then, in a rather intimidating way. "And I hate humans so much, it hurts. A lot. So I hurt them back to get even. Every chance I get."

"Look, for what you said, I understand your predicament," a conciliatory De Soto said, choosing to ignore the deep resentment that supernatural entity oozed towards humans, and the impending threat of his anger. "You have every right to hold a grudge on us humans, but if you really love God, as you said, you should know The Almighty has a special consideration for us, specifically for this one."

He turned to grab Diego's arm to bring him forward a bit, so the fallen angel could see him better, unaware of the multiple times Iblis himself had tortured Diego mercilessly, with a cruelty impossible to describe. Right then, if discorporate human souls in hell still had any bodily functions to maintain, when Iblis sent Diego a severely hostile look, he would have shit himself.

"If you really love God, as you said, I could intercede and put a good word about you, as long as you let us go free and unharmed," De Soto carried on with the bargaining.

"What are you talking about? Do you take me for a fool? I'm pretty sure God doesn't talk to you personally!"

"No, you are right, God doesn't. But Metatron does. He's my best pal, and he can help you. But only if you help me first."

"Metatron? That pompous, opportunist, sycophant prick? He was the first on the line to kneel, and after God sent me here, he took my position as the Herald of the Almighty and the Voice of the One True God!" Iblis said, increasingly angry. So much, De Soto pushed the paralyzed Diego down to the ground, out of the way, preparing for the impending strike, now certain of the reason why Iblis talked as much as Metatron. "That's bollocks! Nobody can help me, even less a lousy human! You know what? I'll strike you two into oblivion right now instead!"

Iblis hands threw then a bolt of gamma rays that hit De Soto's bronze breastplate full on. He felt backwards, hitting the ground, but to his amazement, he wasn't really hurt, protected by the Armour. He stood up quickly then, with his white hair raised wild with electrostatic charge, and summoned his inner-shield. When his hands glowed again, he replied with a continuous blue beam that hit Iblis forehead, trapping him in a powerful energy field, one so strong he could not get away from it, no matter how hard he tried. For a while, De Soto's hand kept radiating that beam, frying the will of that fallen angel with such intensity, his knees started to bend slowly, eventually contacting the ground, until Iblis effectively kneeled down. In front of a human. Of all things.

De Soto killed the beam then, and the stunned Iblis lowered his head, shaking it, panting while trying to recover from the eye-opening experience.

"See? It wasn't that difficult. You have knelt in from of a human now. So what? No big deal. If that's the only reason why you ended up in this horrible place, your case should be reviewed by the bureaucrats in heaven."

"How…?" Iblis started, with great difficulty to articulate words correctly, the first time ever. "How… did you… do that?"

"I don't know… Magic?" De Soto said with a shrug, collecting the discarded sword before he helped Diego up one more time, dusting off his ragged clothes. "Are you all right?"

As Diego nodded, stunned by the events, De Soto couldn't help himself and carried on taunting the fallen angel in his characteristic, scoffing way.

"I got the power now, mate. I may be a mere human to your eyes, but to God, I'm the bee's knees!"

That statement put a half-smile on Diego's face. Humility had never been De Soto's forte, and the afterlife had not changed that.

"What?" Iblis said. He had been so long in hell, out of touch with other realities, he didn't have a clue what he meant, lost in translation.

"The dog's bollocks."

"What?"

"Tío, que soy la hostia! The bomb!"

Still a blank stare.

"I kick ass now, including yours, or Satan's!" he carried on, a little bit exasperated by then.

"Really? I like that, because the enemy of my enemy is my friend," Iblis finally said, standing up. "Will you really put a good word for me in Heaven, human?"

"Yes! Listen, by don't you go ahead now and make your case? We'll be up there soon, but before we go, we have to meet with Azrael first."

"The Angel of Death? Is he here?"

"Yes, at the palace, dealing with Satan and his associates," De Soto said cautiously, not sure if that would be good or bad news. It was a 50-50 chance. "Why?"

"I like him. He's the only one who fully understood why I did what I did, and he was kind to me. Besides, he was the last one to kneel before Adam, with great reservation, and he only did it because he adores God so much, he could not challenge Him with disobedience, no matter how upsetting that request was. If Azrael is here, I'll go with you. I don't think any Archangel can fight against that evil gang on his own, despite God's Armour. Too many of them."

"Why do you trust this demon?" the still terrified Diego whispered to De Soto then. "Don't believe a word he says. He tortured me! He's the worst! Even worse than Satan!"

"I'm sorry, human. No hard feelings. I didn't know any human being would be capable of… kicking my arse?" He looked at De Soto then to check that was the right choice of words. The alcalde just gave him a thumbs-up. "You're not as inferior to us as I thought, after all."

"Are you for real?" Diego said then, recovering some of his usual aplomb. "Do you think a simple apology would do for what you did to me?"

"Look, if this is what I have to do to go back to heaven, I'll do it. I'll kneel before you too."

He walked to stand before Diego, who stepped back, still unsure of his intentions. For Diego, the two months of torture he had endured could not be to erased in a second, but for Iblis, who had been kicked out of heaven for eons, that time was nothing, the blink of an eye, and it didn't matter.

Iblis kneeled down before Diego then, head down, taking a fist to his chest.

"I humbly ask for your forgiveness, human."

"After all this time, you should know my name: I'm Diego de la Vega."

"Will you forgive me, Diego de la Vega?"

Unsure, Diego looked at De Soto, who encouraged him with a nod. This was surreal, too much to assimilate in one go. His former nemesis had now mystical powers, he had come to rescue him in Hell, and now one of the demons who had been tearing him apart for months, truly enjoying his suffering, was kneeling in front of him asking for forgiveness. It was mind-blowing. Nonetheless, Diego's charitable good nature made him accept what it looked like a sincere apology.

"Yes, I forgive you."

De Soto smiled then. All sorted!

"That's very nice, guys, but we have to go," he said, producing the soul compass. "Come on, this way."

He started walking in the direction the glowing needle pointed at, but Iblis got up quickly and got in his way, startling him. For a moment, Diego feared Iblis had tricked them, but it wasn't the case.

"You said Azrael is at the palace? In Pandemonium?"

"Yes."

"Forget the compass. I'll take you there. This should be much faster."

He grabbed both men by their arm, one on each hand, and they took off, disappearing in an instant as Death had done before.

ZZZ

Despite God's Armour, Azrael was in trouble. That palace was a nest of demons, and hundreds of them kept attacking him mercilessly, taking turns to recover when he let them momentarily out of action, either with his sword, the spear, a bolt of energy from the shield, or sometimes, even his naked fists. Like right then, when he punched Asmodeus's mouth as if he wanted to break all his ethereal teeth. Unfortunately, as they were all supernatural, energy beings like himself, he could not kill them in battle, no matter what he did; and, no matter how much damage he inflicted upon them, they would always recover to attack him again with the renewed Dark energy they absorbed directly from the suffering of all the human souls trapped in that horrible place. On the other hand, every blow, every push, every kick, every discharge of energy the archangel received on his armour, depleted it from the Light, little by little. And the blows had started to hurt. Quite a lot.

After Azrael punched Asmodeus, a furiously enraged Moloch, (one of the meanest, most dangerous demons in hell, best known for eating kids), tackled him down from behind, with a brutal move that would have broken his ethereal back if he wasn't wearing the Belt of Truth. After that tremendous charge, that ugly beast carried on hitting Azrael's back with both fists like a crazy gorilla, until the stunned Archangel retracted his wings and triggered a luminous shield dome to take a short break and recover under its protective, energy field. In the meantime, the scary Moloch kept banging on its surface, screaming obscenities, and blowing fire from his mouth like a blowtorch. Encouraged when they saw Azrael down, looking hurt, Abaddon, Acab, and a bunch of others, joined Moloch in the banging, attacking the already debilitated shield.

"That's it, guys!" Satan said then from a distance, while recovering from the last time Azrael had managed to run the sacred spear through his abdomen. "Keep going. That shield will give up soon; it won't last forever."

That was true. God's Armour was very powerful, and it seemed indestructible, but only for a short while. It wasn't designed to sustain a continuous, brutal attack like that one, because no archangel had ever ventured into hell alone. This was the first time ever, and the strength of the combined forces of all the fallen angels and demons together, was too much for the Armour's original design if going solo.

When Azrael started to doubt if he could carry out his rescue mission, La Catrina returned to the throne room. When she saw how the savage and coward demons from hell took it out on her fallen boyfriend, like a bunch of bullies, she transformed into the huge Grim Reaper and used the scythe to slice open all the evil creatures she encountered around her, including Moloch, Abaddon and Acab, who let out horrific screams as their bodies got hacked in two.

After that blow, as the demons lay in a hodgepodge of legs, guts, and demonic blood, with their torsos shouting and fighting with each other viciously while they tried to find their own lower parts to put themselves back together, Death changed her physical appearance to look like La Catrina again.

"That's my girl," Azrael said proudly when she helped him up. "Thanks, love. Always good to see you so feisty, kicking ass."

"Oh, my goodness, Az! Are you all right?"

Despite recharging his energy levels while under the shield, the Angel of Death didn't look too healthy, as he was losing a portion of the Armour's protection with each clash. Soon, if he carried on like that, attacked mercilessly by the iniquitous, the shield would be depleted of celestial defensive energy all together, and he would be as vulnerable as the first time he stepped into hell unprotected.

"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry. Did you help De Soto? Did he rescue Diego?"

"Yes, he did."

"Where are they then? Did they go back to heaven already? Did you show De Soto how to get there?"

"No, that poor guy is so lost… He doesn't have a clue!"

"I know, está más perdido que un pulpo en un garaje."

"Exactly. I told them we could all go together from here, if you don't mind. They should be here soon… Oh, look: here they come!" Death said, excited when he saw them at the door.

De Soto and Diego stepped into the throne room, coming from the hall. They halted for a moment at the entrance, impressed by the horrific, gory scene of sliced demons all around. Then, they carried on walking towards Azrael, trying to avoid any or the diabolical body parts, especially Diego, who was barefoot.

As they approached the archangel, they walked past Satan, who stood up behind De Soto, fully restored again, and ready for action.

"You! You are the human who dared kicking me!" he cried when he spotted De Soto's distinctive white hair.

"For the love of God, where is your helmet?" Azrael cried then, looking exhausted, and now also exasperated. "I told you to wear the helmet so this bastard would not recognize you!"

"Sorry, I left it at that cave. I had to remove it because Diego didn't recognize me, and then, with all the excitement, and meeting Iblis and all, I forgot to put it back on."

"You guys met Iblis? And you survived?" La Catrina said, incredulous.

"Yes. He is…"

"Look out!" Azrael interrupted De Soto, pointing at the draconian figure growing spectacularly behind him. When the alcalde turned, Satan the Evil Dragon send him a ball of fire, that once again, hit his breastplate, and he fell on his back without any major damage, only that his still spiked hair got toasted. La Catrina stepped out to help, intend on transforming again into the Grim Reaper, but before she could do that, Azrael held her arm.

"No, I got this."

To fight the massive draconian demon, Azrael also transformed into a huge, winged dragon of roughly the same size, although he was white and beautiful, and his throat emitted jets of ice instead of spitting fire. The two dragons engaged then in battle, hitting each other by any means, in what could be described as the dragon equivalent to a furious dog fight, or even better, a cock fight, as they flew around the immense hall in short bursts, brawling with a kind of violence never witnessed before.

ZZZ

When he finished his business in the adjacent chamber, where he had arrived with the humans, Iblis also stepped into the main room, in time to see how the white dragon smashed Satan's throne in pieces when he hit it with his massive tail in a sweeping, circular movement destined to hit Satan's abdomen. The Evil Dragon got hurled to the other side of the room, where he hit the wall, leaving a huge dent in it before he fell to the floor, stunned.

As Iblis approached Diego and De Soto, Death got in the way, transforming into the Grim Reaper again. As she wielded the already blood-stained scythe, Diego cried before she could use it:

"No! He's with us!"

"What? How could he?" the Grim Reaper said, holding back.

"Yes! Iblis doesn't belong here," De Soto said. "He kneeled before me, I mean, us, and now he will try to get God's forgiveness to return to Heaven."

"Is that true?" Azrael said, returning to his human-like shape, in the archangel's uniform. He was bruised and hurting after that draconian fight, taking a hand to his hip, where he had a large, bleeding laceration.

"Yes, that's the only reason why these two humans got back here in one piece, because I let them," Iblis said. Then he added, sheepishly: "I want to go home, Az. It's time."

"Yes, you're right; it is time, my friend," Azrael said, smiling kindly while placing a hand on his shoulder. "Can you please take them to Heaven while I finish things in here?"

"Let me help you. You can't fight this bunch of losers all by yourself."

"Oi! I'm helping here!" Death complained, showing him the blood-stained blade.

"Yeah, but look at him! He's not doing very well despite that, is he?"

"It won't be long. Please, take them up now, and I'll follow," Azrael said, hiding a grimace of pain. More blood was dripping from an abdominal wound, under the belt, but the others hadn't noticed it.

"All right, if you really don't need my help, let's go then, guys."

Iblis, De Soto and Diego disappeared in an instant. Right after that, Leviathan, a colossal, demonic Sea Serpent, came to help Satan.

"For Goodness shake, this is never-ending!" Azrael complained, regretting his quick dismissal of Iblis's help, while healing himself with his glowing hand, restoring the integrity of his abdominal muscles and his hip with his last reserve of celestial energy. But then, before he could face that new threat, Death stepped up in front of him.

"Please, allow me. I got this," she said, keen to protect Azrael in the same way he had done before, returning the favour. The dreadful Leviathan attacked, but the Grim Reaper had no trouble slicing him with the scythe, as a butcher could chop a long sausage in tiny pieces.

Death shape-shifted back to La Catrina then to check on Azrael, worried about his declining health. The Angel of Death didn't look as good as he should after healing himself.

"Why did they send you to the Dragon's den on your own, Az? Even with God's Armour, there are too many bad guys to deal with over here. You can't possibly win this war without help. Even Iblis said so!"

"Well, The Almighty knew you'd come to help me."

"Really?"

"Yeap. It's called all-knowing omniscience."

"Don't give me that crap! You should have brought along a whole legion of Angels, and not only that poor chap De Soto, a rookie who doesn't know shit about his new powers, and doesn't know por dónde le da el aire!"

"I couldn't bring anyone else."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not coming back."

"What? Are you turning your back on God? Seduced by the Dark Side? No, I can't believe that for a nanosecond. Not you!"

"No, I'm not joining Satan's brotherhood of sadistic psychopaths, don't be silly. I came here on my own so I could collide with you."

"Az! Aren't you the cheeky kind?" Death said, suddenly excited, because she found him irresistible right then, so handsome and alluring in that uniform, with the titanium breastplate, the red cape and the huge wings of full display, and at the same time, he looked so vulnerable she wanted to comfort him in her arms. But shortly after, she frowned, having second thoughts. "In here? Colliding in Hell will be too dangerous. If all that pure Light energy merges with the Dark matter of this place in an explosive combo, it could blow a considerable portion of the universe into oblivion, including all the lost souls, the fallen angels… and you, very likely, despite God's Armour."

"Precisely. And that's why I should do it."

"No! You'll die if you do that, disintegrated into millions of tiny particles!"

"I don't mind the sacrifice. It will be worthy if we can destroy this horrible place once and for all. All the souls trapped in here are already corrupted and lost to the Light, so the kindest thing would be putting an end to their senseless, everlasting suffering right now. I know you will be fine if we do this, my dear, because as Death, this kind of thing won't affect you. And if God's Armour doesn't hold, and I cease to exist, like all the fallen angels surely will, I'll do so happily, in your arms, loving you one last time, knowing I fulfilled my duty."

"Oh, Az!" La Catrina cried, deeply moved, stroking his cheek. "You don't have to."

Satan started to recover from the last blow then, stirring. And so did most of the sliced demons, already glued back together.

"Come on, let's do this. It's God's Will; She asked me to do it, and I willingly accepted."

"I love you," La Catrina said, coming closer to her lover as Satan stood up, enraged, ready to engage Azrael again. And so did Asmodeus, Abaddon, Moloch, and the rest of the demons and fallen angels, all raising up slowly to surround their nemesis again.

"I love you," Azrael said, starting to glow.

They embraced then, blending for the second time into a luminous, brilliant ball of white light.

"What are you doing?" Satan cried when everything around him started to vibrate, shaking like in a violent Earthquake, as the light ball released a high-pitched, deafening sound. "You can't do that in here! Are you crazy?"

Realizing what was about to happen, Asmodeus, Acab, and the other fallen angels and demons howled in desperation, panicking, scrambling to get away as fast as they could, in a totally hopeless and pathetic attempt to save themselves. Instead of running off with them, Satan tried to halt the collision, but he couldn't get between the lovers, because once that it had started, it was like an unstoppable, nuclear chain reaction.

"Stop it, Azrael! Please! Colliding with Death here will liberate so much energy this whole place is going to…"

The tremendous, indescribable wipe-out explosion that followed when Death and Azrael consummated their collision, instantly blew Hell and all its inhabitants into oblivion.

Including the Angel of Death.

ZZZZZ