Chapter 17: Suspicions
Meredith fidgeted nervously on her bed. Her heart hadn't stopped pounding and she couldn't think about anything except her almost kiss. What the hell happened? She couldn't wrap her head around it. As Derek sat on her bed revealing pieces of himself, she almost felt like she knew what was coming next. Like she heard everything being said once before. The only explanation she had come up with was maybe she read about his interests in one of the medical journals, but that thought was quickly dismissed. Medical journals never disclosed personal information about the published doctors.
She knew whatever came over her, he felt it too. He almost kissed her. Why would an amazing doctor like Derek want to kiss her? It just didn't add up. She knew there had to be rules against those kinds of behaviors towards patients. That's what was making her so confused. None of the doctors here seemed to play by the rules. Most of them treated her like an old friend.
Then there was that look that Derek gave her. Just thinking about it gave her chills and made it hard for her to breathe. Something strange was going on and she was determined to get to the bottom of it.
"Hello there! Look who I've brought." Izzie interrupted Meredith's thoughts, entering the room without even bothering to knock.
Meredith's face immediately lit up when she saw her timid daughter walk in cautiously behind the blonde doctor.
"Carwyn!" Meredith exclaimed and held her hands out to her beautiful girl.
All reservations left Carwyn's face when she saw her mom and she hurried across the room and climbed up into Meredith's arms. "Mama!" Was Carwyn's only muffled response as she buried her face into her mother's neck.
Meredith held her daughter for a moment and stroked her beautiful curls. Izzie stood quietly to the side of the room, letting them have their moment. Meredith finally released Carwyn from her embrace and sat her back a little to take a good look at her.
"My goodness Carwyn! What have they been feeding you! You look so good!" Meredith had to blink back the tears that were quickly forming. She was struggling with a mixture of emotions. She had missed her daughter tremendously and was so happy to finally get to see her and hold hey. Those were the other emotions causing her to choke up. Carwyn looked happier and healthier than she could ever remember. She hated everything she had put her poor baby through and hoped those cold hungry nights were forever in the past.
"French fries!" Carwyn exclaimed as she bounced a little next to her mom on the big bed. Meredith could only giggle at her sweet girl's enthusiasm.
"I guess she really is okay." Meredith spoke to Izzie for the first time since she entered the room. "Thank you. For bringing her, I mean. I'm sure you have a lot of more important things to do, but thank you. It means a lot."
Izzie shook her head and waved off Meredith's sincere appreciation. "Are you kidding me? I'd much rather be hanging out with you guys than actually having to work." Izzie smiled at the two on the bed and Meredith knew she was telling the truth.
"Look at my owies mama." Carwyn held out her arms and proudly showed her mom her various Hello Kitty band aides and needle marks.
Meredith's eyes went wide. "Wow sweetie. You sure are a brave girl." Meredith would have never predicted her daughter to be the brave warrior type. She always was so shy and scared. She couldn't help but wonder what caused her sudden transformation.
Carwyn slid down the side of the hospital bed and began to explore the room. Izzie chatted energetically to Meredith about the latest hospital gossip she kept her informed about. Meredith listened to Izzie, laughing at the latest insane story of some nurse who had the hots for Alex and was completely oblivious to his current relationship status. Meredith couldn't take her eyes off of Carwyn. She investigated the hospital room with an air of confidence. Something she had never seen in her daughter before.
When Izzie finished her story, Meredith was finally able to tear her gaze away from Carwyn long enough to ask Izzie a question. "So, does Carwyn get along with her doctor's and nurses? I mean, she feels comfortable enough around them to let them take care of her?" Meredith turned back to Carwyn, who was now studying one of the disconnected monitors that stood to the side of the room.
"Well ya, sure!" Izzie answered lightly. "She's great as long as.." Izzie forced her mouth shut before she said as long as Derek's there. Izzie cursed herself for having such a big mouth. "You know, as long as… everyone's… nice?" She tried, hoping Meredith didn't notice.
Meredith turned back quickly to Izzie and furrowed her brows. "That's not what you were going to say." She accused.
Izzie straightened up from the wall she was leaning against, "Sure it was. What do you mean?" She faked confusion but didn't meet Meredith's eyes. "Hey Carwyn, do you want me to show you what that does?!" She hurried across the room to Carwyn but was stopped halfway by the beeping of her pager. "Oh. Darn. Big emergency. I have to run. Um, I'm sorry Carwyn, looks like I'll have to show you next time. And Meredith," Izzie let out a nervous laugh, "It was nice talking to you. One of the pediatric nurses will be down to get Carwyn before lunch. Um, bye." And with that Izzie scurried out of the room.
Meredith could only look on in suspicion. That was the second time in the short period she knew Izzie, that she'd said something she obviously wasn't supposed to. Meredith could only shake her head puzzled. Something was going on and now that it involved Carwyn, it made Meredith uneasy.
She tried to shake off the unsettling feeling and focus on her daughter. It wouldn't be long before the nurse would be taking her away, and she wanted to enjoy it all she could knowing her next chance to see her wouldn't be until tomorrow.
Derek paced the short space of his office. He couldn't get Meredith out of his mind. He had almost kissed her. He wanted to. He could barely remember their last kiss and being so close to her had just been too tempting. This was turning out to be a lot harder than he had imagined. Pretending that he didn't know her, that he didn't love her. What was he thinking?
He stopped pacing and took a couple of breaths. He could do this. Meredith was slowly getting better, and he had faith that it wouldn't be too long before she'd put the pieces together and awaken that part of her memory that was lost. He could do this, he repeated again. With renewed determination, he ran a hand through his hair and left his office. He'd just have to be careful and avoid any closer calls with Meredith.
Derek finished his consults for the morning and headed towards the elevator, eager to grab a salad and meet his miniature date for lunch. Just thinking about Carwyn put a smile on his face and made him walk with a little hop in his step. He saw the door open to Meredith's room and tried to quickly walk by unnoticed. But he stopped when he heard a familiar young voice whimpering softly, crying for her Mama.
Derek quickly ducked behind the wall, not letting himself be seen, and listened to the commotion going on inside the room.
"Carwyn, honey. The nice nurse is just going to take you back to your room so you can eat your yummy lunch. It'll be okay Carwyn, I promise. We'll see each other again tomorrow." Meredith was pleading with her daughter, and he could hear a nurse talking as well, trying to coax the terrified little girl away from her mom.
Derek hated hearing Carwyn cry. He hated it even more that she was so scared. He knew it would be a real bad idea to go in there now, especially after what had happened this morning, so he tried to think of another solution.
"Nurse Debbie!" He stopped the nurse who was hurrying by him down the hall. She gave him an odd look, wondering why he was stalking Meredith's room instead of going in. "Have you seen Dr. Stevens?"
Nurse Debbie shook her head, "She's in surgery, Doctor."
Derek thought again, "How about O'Malley?"
"He's also in surgery doctor, with his wife."
That took care of Callie. "How about Karev? Or maybe Dr. Montgomery or Sloan?" Someone had to be here to help him.
The nurse shook her head again. "I'm sorry sir. Karev is off today, and the Sloan's already left for lunch. Is there something I can do for you?"
Derek shook his head discouraged and the Nurse hurried on her way down the hall. He didn't have a choice. He couldn't let Carwyn get all worked up and panicked. He had to do something.
He stepped into the doorway and cleared his throat, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. "What's going on?"
He noticed Meredith's face flush when she saw him standing there but did his best to ignore it.
Meredith shifted her clinging daughter on her lap and tried to get her to unbury her face from her neck. "I'm sorry we're causing so much noise. It's just that it's time for Carwyn to go back to her room for lunch, but she's incredibly shy and doesn't want to go with the nurse." Meredith went back to talking softly in her daughter's ear, trying to get her to loosen her grip.
The nurse took a step back defeated, and Derek took a breath. He needed to do this without causing any more suspicion in Meredith and he just wasn't sure how. "Maybe I can help." He took another step inside the room and waited to see what Meredith would say.
She let out a little laugh towards Derek. "No offense, but when I say shy, I mean she's terrified of people she doesn't know. Especially men. She's been like this her whole life…." Meredith was going to add, there's nothing you can do, when she noticed Carwyn release her grip from her neck and look up slowly. She watched as her daughter looked to see who was talking by the doorway and felt her breath catch in her chest as recognition and delight replaced the fear that had been on Carwyn's tear streaked face.
Carwyn wiggled out of her mother's arms, climbed off the bed, and hurried across the room. Derek swooped her up in his arms and gave her a quick hug.
"You know, I'm headed that way anyways. I'll just take her back on my way. It's no problem." Derek didn't know what else to add to make this less shocking for Meredith.
Meredith just stared from her spot on her bed. She was too stunned to speak. She mumbled something that she hoped sounded like okay and gave a small wave to her daughter and watched the two heads of dark curls disappear.
She was too tired to even acknowledge the pediatric nurse who hurried out after Derek and Carwyn. Her head was spinning with the strange events of the day running through her mind. If she could just stop the turning in her head, maybe she could make some sense of it. If she could just stop her hands from shaking and her heart from pounding, maybe she would figure everything out.
Her eyes grew heavy, and her fatigued mind refused to cooperate. She needed to stay awake and think. She didn't want to sleep right now. Her body wouldn't listen, and the familiar calm blackness claimed her as its victim, the last image playing in her mind was the dark haired man swooping up her dark haired daughter, sharing a look together with their identical blue eyes.