HOLY SHIT I'M STILL ALIVE AGAIN!

Brace yourselves ya'll. This chapter is gonna have a LOT of angst. I rewrote it a few times, trying really hard to make it seem real. Like, genuine emotions, and not necessarily hammed up. I want the emotions to be real, as well as the actions and responses of the characters.

So anyways, brace yourselves, and I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own the Mortal Instruments characters. All rights go to Cassandra Clare

Chapter 24: Te amo, mi amora

For the longest moment, everyone and everything was silent. The sounds of the war outside had completely faded away, as if time and existence outside this room ceased, all of them deaf to it. The numbness and tension of the atmosphere cut them off from the world in a thick, heavy fog. Time froze, immortalizing the scene before them, an image of destruction, of war, of betrayal, of triumph, of survival.

Of life.

Still together on the ground, Magnus and Alec watched as battered and bloody Kiara struggled to rise to her feet, standing over Helena's lifeless corpse. Neither of them said a thing. The flood of emotions within the room was too palpable. Regret, exhaustion, anger, relief, so many, too many to name. But there was one that stood out, emanating from the opposite side of the room. From her spot near the throne's battered and crumbling stairs, Alyssa managed to stand again, albeit shakily. Whether it was from fear or fatigue no one could tell. Her hair had come free of its braid from that morning, spattered with mud and blood and ichor and dust. Every visible inch of her skin was covered in similar substances, but the overwhelming amount of dust and powder covering her made her pale as a ghost. Or perhaps that due to blood loss, or fatigue, or fear. Her clothes were in a similar state of disarray and damage, ripped and stained and stretched and disgusting. She didn't seem to notice the pain as she stood. Her eyes were locked on Kiara's back.

Magnus and Alec just sat and stared, unsure of what to do. Alyssa seemed to be at the same loss as well. It looked like she simultaneously wanted to run very far away and embrace Kiara, and was stuck debating which to actually do. If Kiara felt the pair of eyes on her she didn't indicate it. She just stood there, staring down at the body of the tyrant, the warrior, the madwoman, the mentor that she had just killed. Now more than ever, she wished to collapse under the weight of emotions and pain she felt, but refused to do so. There was still work to do. She was still the queen, and though the battle here had ended, this war wasn't over.

The only question was what to do next.

Luckily, that question was answered for them. The large throne room doors banged open, and people swarmed into the room as fast as they could, trying to safely navigate around the debris and still hat floor. It was a group of around twenty or so, and Hannah led them along with Jace, Clary, Simon, and Izzy, all of them in varying states of disarray. Alec and Magnus felt relief at the sight of them despite all of them being covered in blood and sweat and ichor. Other than that, they all seemed fine, no one displaying (or covering) any life-threatening wounds. Although, Izzy did have a particularly long cut running down her side, but that was the only major injury either of them could see.

As they surveyed the area, the group took in the sights before them. Helena's body, Kiara's stance over it, Alyssa's silent tears, and Magnus and Alec's position on the ground. Immediately, the four Shadowhunters ran over to the couple, already checking for injuries and vitals.

Hannah had all the others survey the room. She somehow managed to look as though she remained completely untouched by the battle while simultaneously supporting evidence that she had indeed been involved. Her leather jacket was gone, revealing a plain white top beneath that was covered by two crossing weapons harnesses. A leg of her cargo pants had been burned away to the knee, showing the burned flesh of her calf that she either didn't feel or was completely ignoring as she walked. Her hair remained in its braid, with only a few pieces flaying out, though it was nearly brown with the amount of blood and ichor that coated the golden locks. She supported several cuts, bruises, and even bite marks along her arms, but none of it deterred her from her task.

When one of the healers approached Kiara, she gently shooed them away, not explaining why but not cruelly ordering her to leave her alone. Two scouts went to check on Alyssa, who continued to stare at Kiara ahead of her, unable to comprehend anything else as the cuts and abrasions on her skin knit closed. Magnus and Alec were busy being inspected by the rest of their family. Jace and Izzy were already drawing healing runes on Alec, while Clary and Simon were giving Magnus their energy to heal himself. As the two of them slowly healed, Simon opened his mouth to speak, but Izzy placed a hand on his shoulder. When he glanced up at her, she placed a finger to her lips, and then looked back towards Kiara. Simon and the rest followed her gaze. Despite the new hustle around the room, and the slight commotion, Kiara remained unmoving, unchanging, just staring down at Helena. It was like she didn't exist right now, in some sort of trance. When he turned his gaze back again, Simon seemed to understand, and closed his mouth. Now wasn't the time. Not for those questions. But others had to be asked.

"Your Highness," one of the scouts began quietly, glancing at the body at Kiara's feet, afraid to even touch it. "Your Highness, is she…? Did you…?"

"The former ruler and tyrant, Queen Helena, is dead," Kiara spoke for the first time, her voice steady, ringing with authority and regality. "But this battle is not over."

"What are your orders, my queen?" Hannah asked, all business. Though, upon seeing her face, everyone noticed the faintest look of tears in her eyes as she looked at Kiara. Were they for her protegee, who seemed to be hiding a great deal of pain? Was it for the broken body of the woman she once called her sister that laid in the crater on the floor? Were they out of relief that the end to the bloodshed was now truly within their grasp? They all wondered. But, again, now was not the time. There was still much work left to be done. War still raged.

"Spread the word to those inside and outside the city that Helena is dead. Make sure the enemy knows. Reseal the borders, exterminate any demons left in the city, and, if possible, capture any enemy soldiers you can."

"Don't kill them?" one scout asked, almost incredulously. Hannah's sharp gazed turned on her, and the woman had the decency to look slightly ashamed to have questioned her queen's orders. Kiara, though, didn't seem to mind. Or maybe she didn't notice.

"Their leader is dead, they will scatter. If you have no choice but to kill then do so, but the rest shall be put on trial. They shall be placed in the dungeons until that time comes. Perhaps some can be saved. You have your orders. Go."

"Yes, Your Majesty," rang out around the room. Swiftly, the remaining ten or so warriors filed out of the room, some through the door and others through the demolished windows. Hannah hesitated, continuing to look at Kiara and take in the situation around her.

"My queen?" Hannah asked, her firm tone laced with a softness that few had the privilege to hear. "Shall I attend to your injuries first?"

"Thank you but no," Kiara answered, almost mechanically. "My wounds are no longer fatal, and the others will need your command."

"As you say, but, your Majesty, may I inquire about what will be done about…" Hannah didn't have the strength nor the stomach to say the name nor look at the body for long. Though the two of them were estranged, though they were on opposite sides of the war, through it had been about a hundred years since they had even spoken to each other…Hannah felt pain at the sight of her sister's lifeless body at Kiara's feet. After all, at one time, before this madness, before this war, before Kiara, even before Milan, they had been close. They were never only sisters in combat, nor because they shared angelic blood, but because they shared blood since birth. Now there was no chance for that again, though deep down Hannah already knew that. Kiara simply glanced down at the body again.

"She shall be buried, given a grave and such. Despite her evil ways, she was still a warrior and was, by blood, one of our people. However, she shall not be given all the burial rights of our people. Her tomb will be far from our kin. There shall be a statue, but no ritual offerings to Michael. Her corpse shall be respected, but she shall not honored in death."

Hannah nodded at her words, understanding. Still, she did not move to exit.

"I gave you orders, Hannah," Kiara continued, not looking up from Helena's lifeless face. "I prefer if they were carried out sooner. The longer we wait, the longer this conflict will last."

"Are you sure, Kiara?" Hannah asked, worry tainting her features. She looked as though she wanted to take Kiara into her arms and hold her, protect her, like a mother does her child. But she did not give in to temptation, despite the overwhelming urge. Kiara finally looked up, eyes dry and full of resolve.

"Yes, I am sure," Kiara answered in a tone of finality that left no room for questions. "Heed your queen. End this slaughter."

Hannah could no longer argue with her. She slowly turned and began walking out of the room. Before passing them, though, she glanced at the group of six that remained. She stared at them for a moment, then locked eyes with Magnus. The two of them looked at each other for a moment, and an understanding passed between them. A look of question, nearly pleading met one of steady warmth and reassurance. Then, with a firm nod, Hannah left through the doors and disappeared into the darkened halls, her footsteps fading away until all was silent again.

Silence enveloped the room once more, once again they were separated from the world. No one spoke. No one knew what to say, or what to ask. The tension was so palpable it nearly choked them all like mustard gas. Alyssa, still dirty and injured but no longer struggling to stand, now looked at her feet, unable to lift her head. Kiara still had her back to her, once again in that frozen state. It was unnerving, how calm she seemed right now. Like a ticking bomb with no timer, everyone was just waiting for the inevitable explosion that they sensed was to come. And no one, not even those who knew what happened, were sure what would happen now.

"Alyssa," Kiara finally spoke again. Her voice was eerily calm, though not kind nor cruel. It seemed firm and sure, but the softness made it seem like she was speaking in a dream. Behind her, Alyssa lifted her gaze to see the queen, guilt, fear, and regret written all over her face. Through the grime on her face, they could make out tear tracks making small paths through on her skin. Alec felt his heart traitorously reach out to the girl. Her expression reminded him of when he had screwed up by going to Camille for information all those years ago. It had been the worst mistake in his life, because he nearly lost Magnus. But this…this type of betrayal, was on a much grander scale. This type of betrayal…it was incalculable.

"Yes?" the queen's wife asked, her voice quiet and shaking, threatening to break with the slightest push. Another tear leaked out of her eye, though she used all of her willpower not to avert her gaze.

"Is what Helena said true?" Kiara finally asked. "Did Helena lie about some things, or was everything she said true? I want to hear it from you." She didn't turn around, didn't move a muscle. It looked like her jaw didn't even move. Like a statue, she just stood there, cold and unmoving. A lifeless human form.

Alyssa closed her mouth, more tears streaming down her face silently. Her face was full of shame, sadness, and deep, deep remorse, of fear, anxiety, and heavy grief. Even those of them who didn't know yet of Alyssa's deeds immediately understood that whatever they were talking about, and Alyssa's answer, would be a devastating blow either way. Alyssa's face flickered constantly with different emotions, too many to name but none of them pleasant. In a way, it looked like they caused her physical pain. Perhaps they did. The entire room held its breath as she opened her mouth to answer.

"Yes, your majesty." Alyssa's voice was almost like a whisper in the wind, yet clear and true through the decimated room. "Yes, it was all true. Everything." For a few, eternal moments, the entire room tensed. All eyes remained on Kiara as she stood there. After a tense minute, she began to move.

After another eternity, or maybe a few horrible seconds, Kiara finally turned towards her wife, and the entire group felt their hearts ache in pain. Her face remained frighteningly blank, but everyone could practically feel the pain she felt, how it radiated off her like a poisonous gas. Alyssa even took a step back and averted her gaze again, unable to look her wife in the eye, not with the shame and guilt overpowering her. Despite her immobile expression, Kiara's face was pale; in shock or horror they couldn't tell, as her expression remained that same terrifyingly calm and still expression. But it was clear, the response literally shook her. Alyssa just remained silent, tears cascading faster, but not making a sound. Her face was a mask of shame.

"I was sent here as a servant to Helena," Alyssa began, still unable to meet Kiara's gaze. "I…I was chosen, told to infiltrate your ranks. Becoming your lover…was not the initial plan, but it seemed like the best course of action."

"Was it your idea?" Kiara asked quietly. Alyssa shuddered and she hiccupped a sob this time. But she refused to crumble under the weight. She didn't even know how she had the strength to speak.

"Yes…" Alyssa's tiny voice whispered. "Yes, seducing you was my idea…because, well, I was told your heart was your weakness. What would be more devastating and powerful than to use it against you?"

Everyone stared in shock at the scene before them. Jace, Clary, Simon, and Izzy stared in horror and disgust at the scene before them. Izzy, in particular, looked like she wanted to strangle Alyssa and hang by her fingers from the ceiling with her whip. Simon's hand was on her shoulder, warm but now sweaty and trembling, kept her grounded. Jace looked horrified, his eyes burning with rage. Using love as a weakness… it reminded him of Valentine. Clary placed her hand on his, gently uncurling his balled fist to interlock their fingers. Without looking away, he pulled her closer to his side. Clary was also staring at the scene ahead, but with tears in her eyes, though she refused to let them fall. She let herself be pulled to Jace's side and stood there, continuing to watch the scene.

Magnus and Alec sadly watched from their spots, their hearts breaking more and more with each word Alyssa said.

"Your idea?" Kiara repeated quietly, as if in a trance. She was still so terrifyingly calm. Alyssa nodded her head again, but didn't look up.

"Yes. I…I will not lie. Not now."

"Did you allow spies into the city?"

Another pause.

"…Yes."

"Did you know about attacks or ambushes that killed my people."

"…not all of them…but yes."

"Why wait for decades then? Why the long game? Was it Helena's idea for that part?"

"That…that's complicated."

"Explain then." Alyssa looked up at her wife again. Kiara's face remained that same terrifyingly blank expression. It didn't even look like her lips moved when she spoke. The longer it lasted, the more unnerving it became. But Alyssa accepted it. After all, she deserved it, being the coward that she was.

"It was supposed to last a long time…just not this long. I…I was meant to stay for as long as it took for you to trust me completely, and then fall in love with me. Once that was done, I was meant to gain access to your secrets, plans, stuff like that, to destroy you. I could have done it in a decade."

"Why wait?"

"At first, well at first I was disgusted with the act. I'd been trained that love is foolish, it makes a warrior soft and stupid and the like. That love does nothing but bring harm in the end, and that the more powerful the love, the more devastating the pay off."

"So you did it to prolong my suffering?"

Silence.

"Answer me, Alyssa."

"I…I don't know."

"How can you not know?" Jace asked angrily, his voice laced with disgust and horror at what he was hearing. Alyssa did not turn to acknowledge him, but her body recoiled like she's been slapped.

"I don't know because…I don't know. At first, I did want to prolong the suffering, it would be more effective in payoff."

"Did you kill anyone in this city?"

"No."

"Were you ordered to kill me?"

"No. Helena wanted that honor for herself."

"Then why betray her now? Today."

"I…"

Alyssa grew silent once again. Everyone just stared and waited.

"I suppose at some point, something changed."

"What do you mean?"

"Over time, over the months, the years…I didn't have as much trouble with the mission anymore. I…I was no longer revolted or angered by your gaze or holding your hands or telling you sweet things."

She stopped for a moment. Her face displayed pain and confusion, her mouth opening and closing like a fish struggling for air, choking on her own words.

"Then, at some point, I came to…enjoy it, but differently than before. I…I liked having a warm body asleep next to me. I liked training with you. When you worked, I was anxious for you to return, but not so I could continue my mission, but because…I missed your company."

"Your saying you actually started to fall in love with her?" Clary asked incredulously. Alyssa didn't meet their gazes, but her gaze was still full of shame.

"I…I think so? But…was it actual love, or had I come to believe my own lies?"

"…"

"I…I didn't tell Helena about these feelings. I don't know why I did. Maybe fear about how she would react. Maybe I just wanted to find answers for myself. Or maybe I'm just a coward."

"So you stayed with her, married her, just to make sure you weren't believing your lies? Just to understand your feelings? Or did you still want to destroy her?" Jace demanded, fury making his golden eyes burn like fire.

"I…it was…it was both I think. Living here, in this city, with her, I saw new things. New things I hadn't considered. Things that were so…so different from what Helena talked about. But she also taught me very firmly that everything here is built on lies. I…I didn't know what to believe. But…if it was all lies, perhaps living it a bit longer would be nice as well…"

"Do you even know what you feel for her now?" Alec asked.

"…"

"You spent decades lying to her," Alec continued, keeping his tone neutral. "Seducing her, telling her things only to destroy her, yet at the moment you would have accomplished your goal, you turn on Helena…that has to mean something."

"I know it does, but…after so many lies and deceptions, are these feelings even real?"

"Who are you really?" another voice spoke.

Everyone turned to Kiara. Her entire body and expression remained unchanged, but the firmness in her tone was undeniable, and the fire in her eyes were terrifying.

"Is Alyssa Dare even your name? Who are you really?" Her tone made it clear that she wouldn't accept lies or no answer.

"Alyssa Dare is my real name. As for who I am…I do not know. Before coming here, I just merely Helena's servant. I had no purpose other than her needs. Nothing mattered but that to me. My life, my existence, only mattered because of her, and I only lived to serve her. Death was the only other option, and I would have gladly died long ago if I had betrayed her like I did today."

There was a pause.

"And now?"

"Now?... Now she is dead…and my lies are exposed…and I do now know who I am. Perhaps I never did…"

"What do you think about Kiara now?" Magnus asked. Everyone else turned to look at him, but his eyes were locked on Alyssa. He wasn't sure what to feel for the girl, pity or rage or disbelief, but how she answered this question would help him.

"Now?" Magnus narrowed his eyes, his gaze as serious as death.

"Yes, now. You betrayed Helena for a reason. You betrayed her, risked your life, nearly died, because you couldn't kill Kiara. Tell us how you feel about her then."

"I…I suppose I find her quite beautiful…"

"So just physical beauty is enough to convince you?" Magnus continued.

"NO! NO! I mean, yes, physically she is beautiful but…her gaze is beautiful…and the way she fights when we train, it's graceful and deadly. And how her gaze softens when she is happy, her eyes shine brilliantly. And…and she is horrible with deadlines, she procrastinates on many things, and ends up working all night and is grouchy all day because of it. And her heart is kind, it's not just an act. And she's fiercely protective of those she cares for, and is ruthless when need be. She is an honorable and skilled fighter, and her skill is amazing! But she can show mercy when fighting, but can also be ruthless and cutthroat when she had to be."

It was like a switch had been flipped. Now she looked up, at Kiara, tears streaming down her face, but unable to stop her mouth.

"She loves sweets. She—she loves children, but she says she won't adopt any of her own because with all her responsibilities she wouldn't be a good parent. She says that it's alright since she sees all the children in the city as her children by extension, since it's her job to help protect them, but I know that a part of her is always sad because of that. And she hates waking up in the morning, and has terrible morning breath. She also loves to learn, not anything specific. If something catches her interest, mundane, magical or otherwise, she wants to learn about it that she can. She loves intellectual discussion too. She has many scars from her torture that she keeps covered because she think's that they are ugly a lot of the time, though she's not ashamed of them, but I think they are still beautiful. They show she's a survivor, how strong she is, to not break under that horrible pain and trauma. She's…she's the strongest woman I've ever met. And I…I am a coward."

"Silence," Kiara spoke softly, but still commanding authority. Alyssa's mouth shut with an audible snap, and she dropped her head in shame.

The group just watched the couple, none of them moving or even breathing at the confrontation. It seemed so emotional, so intimate; it felt wrong seeing it happen. Yet they couldn't look away. Finally, under their gazes, Alyssa's resolve finally broke. She began to full out sob, her body heaving and her face turning red as she struggled to breath. She collapsed to the ground with the weight of her sobs, struggling to breathe. No one moved to help her.

"I'm so sorry," she cried, placing her face in her hands as she sobbed. "I am nothing but a lying coward…I see that now. This sin I've committed…it is unforgivable. And whatever punishment is dealt to me will never be enough. But I will accept it."

Kiara stood there, staring at her wife with an unreadable expression as she continued to spew out apologies. Then, she slowly began to approach Alyssa with silent steps, and stopped when she stood directly in front of her. Slowly, Kiara raised her hands and removed Alyssa's from her face, holding them gently. Alyssa looked up at her wife, her face red, eyes swollen and wetness all under her nose. Then, gently, Kiara placed her fingers under Alyssa's chin, tilted her face upwards, and kissed her.

Alyssa's eyes widened in shock for a moment, but then closed, which caused more tears to leak out. Her arms latched around Kiara's torso, gripping her shoulders hard from under her arms. Kiara's arms wrapped tightly around Alyssa's waist at the same time. The kiss was passionate, not overly so, but also had something else tinged in it. There was a sense of urgency, like they were trying to take in all they could of each other, and were afraid to let go.

Finally, Kiara pulled back, resting her forehead on Alyssa's. Alyssa had her eyes closed, unable to look at the one she loved and betrayed in the eye. Kiara tightened her grip on Alyssa a bit, her eyes closed. When she opened her mouth again, her voice was softer than a gentle breeze.

"Te amaré por siempre, mi esposa," Kiara whispered softly. Alyssa let more tears fall at those words, lowering her head further. Then Kiara drew her arms away, and Alyssa unwrapped her arms from Kiara's torso. Kiara then stood taller, in a regal stance, staring directly at her wife. Any sympathy emotion within her eyes vanished. Her eyes were empty as she opened her mouth to speak.

"Alyssa Dare," Kiara began in her regal voice, unwavering despite the clear pain they must've caused her. "For your betrayal to your people, to your queendom, and for your role in the countless murders and atrocities committed by the tyrant queen Helena, you are hereby exiled. You may never set foot in Krymméno Florr or any werecat stronghold for the rest of your days. Any contacts you know of the werecats will be notified that you are no longer welcome to their services. If you are seen by any cat or any ally of our kind, you shall be killed on sight. You will leave the city immediately and never return. This is my one act of mercy."

Everyone was shocked by Kiara's declaration, eyes wide and jaws dropped. Well, not all of them were. Alec and Magnus were the only ones who weren't astounded. Their expressions were full of sorrow. Alyssa looked like the world had been ripped out from under her feet.

"Kiara," Alyssa began softly, but Kiara interrupted.

"Enough." Kiara then turned away from the other woman, her back to all of them. Her body was tense, like she was holding something back, probably tears. But she refused to crack or show weakness now. She was queen. This was her duty. And Alyssa, (her wife?) was a traitor. Yes, she traded sides during the war, but the sins she committed before doing so far outweighed her last acts on the battlefield today.

"I'm sorry," Alyssa continued anyway, her voice tiny. "What I did is unforgivable. I just beg that you'll not allow my actions to cause you to change who you are." Her words seemed genuine. But none of them knew if they could believe her. Perhaps even Alyssa herself was unsure.

"LEAVE!" Kiara bellowed, her voice rocking the room like an earthquake. All the others were shocked by the force, and even stumbled a bit. However, Alyssa was immobile.

"I have committed great sins out of cowardice," Alyssa continued, almost to herself, seemingly forgetting everyone else was in the room. "I have lied, cheated, stolen, betrayed people. This…I suppose this is a merciful punishment all things considered. Though, it doesn't feel like a mercy.

"Kiara…your highness…I thank you for this act of mercy. I know I am not worthy of it, but I hope one day I shall be. I know you have no reason to believe my words now, but they're the truth."

Kiara didn't react, just remained still as a statue. Alyssa stopped a few inches behind Kiara, staring at her back with tears streaming down her face. Then, slowly, she reached to her left hand and pulled off the golden band on her ring finger. For a moment, she stared at it in the palm of her hand, as if it were the most precious thing in the universe. She smiled at it sadly.

"I don't deserve to be called your wife," Alyssa whispered. Then, kneeling down, the immortal cat gently placed the ring on the floor between them. At the sound of metal hitting the cold tile, Kiara tensed a bit more, her shoulder's rising an inch. When Alyssa straightened up, fresh tears were in her eyes, but she did not let them fall.

"You were, are, and always will be too good for me. I am not worthy of your love. I hope you find someone who is worthy of you."

"GET OUT BEFORE I TEAR YOUR HEART OUT MYSELF!" Kiara screamed, her voice full of pain and anger. But Magnus and Alec registered the slight tremble in her words, as if it was hard for her to say. Alyssa then turned away and began to walk to the shattered windows, climbing up onto the railway, the shards of glass marring her feet. As she stood on the railing, she turned back to Kiara, her face was shadowed, but her tears glowed.

"I believe…I love you, Kiara," Alyssa said finally, a small, guilty smile on her face. "And I believe that I always will, for all eternity."

Kiara didn't say anything this time. Alyssa turned back sadly and jumped over the railing, disappearing into the dark, cold night.

Once Alyssa was gone, everyone just looked at Kiara, who remained unmoving from her spot. None of them knew what to do. Should they ask what happened? Apologize? Try to comfort her?

The silence was immediately broken. Kiara finally began to cry, at first softly little gasps and it gradually increased to full out sobbing. Still facing away, she covered her face in her hands, gasping for sufficient air as she cried. She slowly sank to the floor, clawing at her head as she shielded her face from the others. On her knees, she shakily extended her hand behind her, enclosing her grip around the abandoned wedding ring of her now banished wife. For a moment, she silenced and just stared at the delicate jewelry in her hands before she broke down again. Kiara clutched it close to her chest, curling around it as if to absorb it into herself. It was the most heart wrenching sight out of everything they had witnessed.

For a few moments, the remaining group just watched the sobbing queen, too scared or unsure of what to do. Then, despite his beaten, healing but sore body, Magnus slowly began to stand. Clary and Izzy tried to stop him, worried that he would injure himself further. However, Alec held out his hand, giving them a firm shake of his head, which caused them to hesitate. Alec's gaze was full of determination and even desperation, as if he was begging them not to stop Magnus. Izzy and Clary hesitated, and then stood still, just watching the injured warlock, gripping their boyfriend's hands tightly as they watched as well. Slowly, Magnus made his way to the center of the room, to his sister's curled up position.

When he reached the sobbing woman known as his sister, he slowly knelt to the floor beside her. Gingerly, tenderly, Magnus placed his arms around her, pulling the heartbroken queen into him bit by bit until she was against his chest. For a moment, she froze up at the contact. As she remained unmoving, Magnus slowly placed a gentle hand on the back of her head, resting it in the center of his chest. Seconds passed, Kiara remained frozen in her state of shock, while her older brother tenderly rubbed her back. A sign of comfort.

After a few more seconds, the whole situation seemed to hit Kiara harder than before. She began to cry again, immediately sobbing, this time harder than before. Her head buried deeper into Magnus' chest, and her limbs moved from her chest to gripping Magnus' ruined shirt. As she cried, Magnus didn't care about if his clothes would be ruined, as they were bloody and torn anyways, or that she was getting snot and tears and spit on the exposed skin, or how her nails dug into the skin on his chest so hard he was sure they drew blood. Magnus just held his little sister to him, rocking her gently, stroking her hair softly as she soaked his skin and shirt with tears. It was all he could do.

"Alyssa," she whimpered pitifully through her sobs. Magnus didn't say a word, just held his sister tighter, continuing to gently rock her as she cried her shattered heart out. She sobbed on, continuing to whimper the name over and over, unable to register anything else. The sounds reverbed throughout the throne room, echoing the noise endlessly, ever going for hours on end.

Woo boy! That was a doozy. SO it took forever for me to find a drive to write this chapter out again. I rewrote it so many times, tyring to get it right. I can't say when I'll do the next chapter, but hopefully it'll be up soon.

So yeah, the hardest part about this was actually writing for Alyssa. I didn't want to make it sound like "Oh you changed me, you saved me with your love" because that's not how love works. People change on their own, intentionally or not. And also, I don't want her to be forgiven immediately, but also sympathetic. I don't want her to be all like "I deserve this" in a way that sounds forced or pathetic. I want it to sound real, and like she knows what she did was wrong, and so bad that she may never be forgiven, but she will live with it because it was the choice and action she made. As for Kiara…I've writing for her this chapter I really based her reactions after my own experiences with trauma and stuff. The blank face, the no emotion, and then the crash and breakdown afterwards…those are all things I do. Not often anymore, but I'm very familiar with the feeling.

Also, I opened at ao3 account, so I may post this story there, try to spread it to a wider audience since (according to my sister) this website isn't as widely used anymore. DON'T WORRY, I won't be taking the story off of this website at all! I'm just gonna post it somewhere else as well…eventually, lol

But yeah, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Hopefully I'll post the next one soon. Officially, I have three chapters left, and then a sort of epilogue, which will be split in three parts.

Leave comments please! Have a great day!

-KiaraBaneTMI