A/N:  Rated R.  All pre-existing chapters have been revised/edited.  Complete.

Warning: If you are uncomfortable with suicide, do not read this.

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Charmed' or any of the characters on it.

"Never End" Part I

Sometimes I believe that this pain will never end. Thoughts crawl through my mind, thoughts that tell me that nothing will ever get better. My sister will never overcome her pain; and I will never overcome my guilt. Why wasn't I the one who died? Why did it have to be her? This is my fault; it should have been me.

I know that almost all people believe that the death of a family member is their fault; especially when you are as close as we were. I will never forget the laughs we shared, the fights we shared, and the lives we shared. The three of us had the biggest secret of any sisters you will ever meet. There was no one like us in the world... except for each other. We had each other, and with that, we learned to love and trust each other in a way that no set of "normal" people ever could.

Now she is gone. There should have been more time. We should have had more time, more warning. Something... anything! A potion, a spell, some kind of magical help. No one came. No one was there.

Now I feel as if I have lost both of my beloved sisters; and I'm losing myself, too. All I want now is for it to end, for some demon to come and kill me. Whether that demon is one of the physical realms, or one that I've created within myself. It feels as if that demon does not come and take my life soon that I will take it myself.

I have lost my sisters.

Over the past three years, my sisters have been my life, my hope, and my support. They were the reason that I breathed the way I did and felt the confidence that held my head up so that I could see the world. And now, it feels as if there is nothing. I am hollow. The only thing left in place of my life is the pain of a heartbreak that not even the remaining Charmed Ones can change. No way to fix it; no hope.

I have lost myself.

There is nothing that I want more in this life than to have my older sister alive and breathing. I would give this life to have her back here, on earth, on the physical plain. I would give anything to see my only sister smiling genuinely at the sight of Prue. I would give anything for her to be alive.

The voice that is in the back of my mind tells me that this kind of heartache never ends. I have gone through a family loss before, only one that I can vividly remember, but the pain of losing Grams seems incomparable to losing my sister. Losing my sister... I have lost my sister...

How can I go on? Every breath I take allows more pain to seep into my body. How I breathe is a mystery to me. Every night that passes by, I expect to not wake up the next day, but, somehow, I always seem to open my eyes. The dreams in the night haunt me. They all tell me that it is my fault, that I should end the pain I experience before I drag my other sister into the void with me.

How do I go on like this? How do I go on with this pain?

This pain will never end...