Chapter 23
January 10, 1978
The walk to the common room was slow and painful, and it took a lot of strength to haul myself up the stairs toward the Gryffindor tower. But I made it in the end. Without thinking about who might be inside, or what I must look like, I trudged through the portrait hole. Inside the room was warm and quiet, lit by the familiar orange glow of the torches on the wall and fireplaces. I let the warmth wash over me, easing the aches and pains of the beating I'd just taken as I limped toward the staircase desperate for my bed. I didn't look toward the usual grouping of chairs and couches that our crew normally occupied, and I might have made it past them undetected if it weren't for an over-ambitious step on my right foot that had me audibly whimpering and catching the attention of the only other person in the common room.
"Ginny?" Peter's shaggy blonde head popped over the back of the couch, fixing me with a wide-eyed stare that made me realize how awful I must have looked.
"Hi Peter," I tried to smile at him but it turned into a grimace.
"Are you alright?" He stood and slowly walked over to me, taking in the split lip and bruises that must be forming along my face.
"Peachy." I took a step toward the stairs and my ankle nearly gave out. Peter was there to catch my elbow and save me from a fall. "Sorry."
"You should sit," he murmured, watery brown eyes taking in the expanse of my face with caution as if I might lash out and attack him at any moment. "I can help."
"Are you secretly a healer?" I tried to joke as he led me to the closest chair. He helped me sit slowly with a shrug and crouched at my feet making me a head taller than him as he reached for my rapidly swelling ankle. Without answering he muttered something softly at the injured joint, a purple light encompassed my lower leg and instantly the pain ceased. I let out a sigh of relief as the throbbing gave way to stiffness, Peter grabbed the toe of my shoe gently and rotated my ankle in a soft circle.
"Better?" He asked softly, peaking up at me through the shaggy blonde fringe. I nodded softly.
Next, he looked up toward my lip and cautiously pointed his wand toward it, "Episkey." It burned slightly as the skin stitched itself back together, but I paid it no mind as I took in the boy crouched before me.
He was softer than I thought he would be - more gentle…kinder. I'd hardly paid him any mind, he was always just around - James's shadow, Remus's student, Sirius' audience, but as I met his watery brown eyes I wondered if there was something I was missing. This boy looked sweet. He was healing me. He was helping me. He wouldn't betray me. Would he? His clammy fingers brushed back the hair that had fallen from my ponytail and trailed along my neck hesitantly.
"I don't know a spell to heal the bruising."
"I'll be okay."
He nodded and brought his hand back to his thigh where the fingertips began to tap against it nervously. His eyes flicked toward the stairwell. "What happened?"
"You should see the other guys," I teased, the smile not quite reaching my eyes.
"Avery and Mulciber?" I nearly gasped at his perfect guess and looked at him with wide questioning eyes.
"I didn't say that." His eyes flashed with something I couldn't name before returning to their previous innocent-eyed gaze.
"Who else would it be?"
"Heard Hufflepuff's had some bullies." Peter scoffed and rocked back on his heels.
"Sirius will be livid."
"What Sirius doesn't know won't hurt him." Peter's brow knit together in confusion as he took me in.
"Won't it?"
"Thanks for your help, Peter," I said with an air of finality as if to close this strange chapter of the book and move on from it, but the boy before me flashed with something wild for a second.
"No."
"Good night." I tried to stand but a hand caught my recently healed ankle with a tight grip and I whimpered. He let go of it immediately, an apology flashing in his eyes as their intensity softened.
"Sirius would want to know."
"Sirius is not my keeper," I replied firmly, feeling anger bubbling up in my gut at the suggestion that I needed a man for protection. "I gave as good as I got."
"Well, I look forward to seeing the two of them limping into breakfast tomorrow." His sarcastic reply shocked me for a moment until I remembered that this was a marauder too. He quirked his eyebrow at me looking suspiciously like Remus.
"It'll just make it worse. For Mary, or Lily, or someone else. If we tell Sirius he'll just fly off the handle - probably march down to the Slytherin common room and try to fight them both on his own, and then James will get involved. Then Remus." His eyes flashed again. "You," I added as an afterthought.
"We're Marauders, all for one and whatnot."
"I thought that was the Three Musketeers," I replied. He chuckled and blushed slightly.
"I was 11." I let out a soft laugh of my own. Bewildered that I had found myself alone, laughing with Peter Pettigrew of all people.
"Yes well, we all did stupid shit when we were 11." My memories flashed back to diaries, and chambers, and fear.
"How did you fight them off? They're twice your size."
"I didn't," I murmured as I stared into the fire across the room. It cast us in orangey shadow, flickering light and darkness across the red-adorned room.
"Who-"
"The last person I expected."
"Snape?" I snorted.
"Sure."
"Barty Crouch?"
"That's a bit far-fetched don't you think," I snorted as I turned my eyes back on him. He tapped nervously against his left thigh as he furrowed his brow. For a second I thought he'd drop it until realization danced across his face.
"It was Regulus, wasn't it?"
"Where are the rest of your lot?"
"Why would Regulus-?"
"Don't you have something you should be doing?" I sneered at him, but he didn't take the bait instead straightening up a bit to watch me closely.
"Regulus is a death eater. Sirius told me-"
"Of course, he's a death eater, Peter."
"So why is he helping you?"
"I should be getting to bed."
"Sirius will be back-"
"I don't want to see Sirius tonight."
"He'll want to know why Regulus was talking to you."
"Why would he want to know that?" I raised my eyebrow at him. "No one's going to tell him what happened. Are they?"
"I don't know what happened!"
"Exactly. You keep this conversation to yourself." I crossed my arms and fixed him with my most Molly Weasley-esque glare.
"When Sirius comes back-"
"I'll be asleep." I flashed him a hard look, taking in his pudgy face and anxious glance as I wondered if he was going to rat me out. Rat I snorted.
"What?"
"You'd better not rat me out." He cocked his head slightly to the right, brow knitted, eyes narrowed as if to say 'what do you know?' His fingers, which were anxiously tapping at his thigh seconds ago, had stilled as he studied me. For a second he wasn't just the pudgy, watery-eyed, spare of the marauders - he was formidable in his own right…intimidating as he sized me up. I studied the way his shoulders tightened and noticed how his hand rested firmly against his right pocket like he was prepared to reach for his wand if need be. I knew what man this boy would become - no matter how unbelievable - he would sell out his best friends. He would lead them to their deaths…unless I stopped him.
"And what if I do?"
"You won't." He raised an eyebrow at me, the slightest provocation behind it.
"Better get to sleep if you don't want him to find you."
"Right." I stood slowly, my muscles aching from the fight, head still a little fuzzy but able to bear weight on both ankles without too much pain. Peter stayed crouched before the chair as I moved toward the stairs. "Peter, please," I murmured with my back toward him. "He'll just make it worse. Leave it be."
"I hope you're good with glamours," he spat at my back, and I turned my head to flash him a look that spoke of the revelation this conversation had brought me.
"People underestimate you… don't they?" He looked taken aback by my statement, his anger melting away to confusion. Slowly he stood from his crouch his fingers once again tapping nervously against his left thigh.
"All my life."
"I'm sorry you feel as if you have to prove yourself." A quick flash of anger danced across his eyes before it disappeared to watery-eyed apprehension. "I'm glad it was you tonight."
"Ginny-"
"You're a good friend to him, Peter," I smiled weakly. "I hope that never changes."
I turned to start my journey up the stairs, leaving behind me Peter Pettigrew the boy who would ruin it all for the friends he called family unless I put a stop to it. Call it a new layer of my mission, or absolute insanity, but I wouldn't let him lead Lily and James to their deaths. I wouldn't let him destroy the boy I loved, nor ruin the lives of the friends I had made here. I would save him. And if I couldn't, then I would kill him myself. There are some things worth dying for, and the little family I had found for myself amongst the Gryffindors in 1978 was one of them.
January 15, 1978
"You're late." The smooth drawl of Severus Snape set my teeth on edge as I made my way to our usual table near the back of the Library. I'd skipped last Sunday - not wanting to see him so soon after Christmas Eve - and had spent most of this morning contemplating whether or not I should even come today, but my promise to the Potion's Master of my youth brought me here. I'd do what I could to save him, no matter how much he hated me.
"Miss me?" I smiled tightly as I found a chair across from him. He didn't bother looking up from the Potions Textbook he was scribbling in and only responded with a snort.
"Can one miss a thorn in their side?"
"I have it on good authority you can."
"Noted."
"How was your Holiday?" For a moment his fingers tightened around his quill and he paused his scratching.
"Let's not pretend we're friends here."
"Aren't we?"
"Are we?" Snape looked up with his beady black eyes boring into mine. He glared at me in a challenge, daring me to contradict him.
"My holiday was pleasant, thanks for asking." Snape rolled his eyes before returning them to his textbook.
"Given any thought to the assignment?" I shrugged, even though he didn't look up to see it, as I pulled my potions text out of my bag. Professor Slughorn wanted the class to brew an apprentice-level potion in preparation for the N.E.W.T.S. we were meant to be choosing one before next class.
"Polyjuice?"
Snape scoffed without looking up.
"So you've already chosen."
"Drought of Peace."
"Why bother meeting up here, if you'd already chosen our potion," I sighed, tucking my book back into my bag. Snape looked up to glare at me, and his scribbling ceased.
"Why were you there?" There it is.
"Where?" I lied. Snape sighed and his glare turned into a look of condescension.
"Brunch with the queen."
"I love a scone."
"He asked me about you."
"Who did?" An eye roll.
"The queen."
"And what did you tell her majesty?"
"That you're not nearly as stupid as your boyfriend." He tapped his quill lightly against the parchment as he eyed me.
"I'll take that as a compliment." Something glinted in his eye, but his face remained the neutral mask I was used to seeing.
"He wants to meet you."
"The queen?" Snape rolled his eyes in irritation.
"The Dark Lord."
"Was he at brunch too? Must have missed him."
"You're insufferable."
"Why does he want to meet me?"
"Lucius Malfoy and Evan Rosier sang your praises: smart, powerful, charming - tell me does Black know how much of a whore you are?"
My palm that was laying flat on the desk tightened into a fist.
"I've been asked to extend an invitation to you."
"An errand boy?" I chuckled as I leaned back in my chair letting my arms cross. "Your first mission for the Dark Lord is to invite me to another party."
"It's not a party."
"But I had such a great dress picked out."
"He's invited you-"
"Where? To Nott Manor again? Or is it at Rosier's place this time? I heard he's got one hell of a dungeon." Snape seethed across from me, his eyebrows stitching together in rage as I mocked him.
"I'm sure you know all about what Rosier's manor has to offer. If the rumors are true." I bristled at his suggestion and watched a gleam of victory shine through his eyes.
"It's funny," I glared. "I always thought there'd be less gossip amongst death eaters."
"Gossip amongst purebloods is like filth amongst mudblood's - rampant." I stood quickly, ready to dive across the table and throw a punch toward the hateful boy across from me, but his wand was directed at my chest before I could start my attack. "Now, now, Cole, take a seat. Wouldn't want a repeat of your run-in with Avery and Mulciber, now would we?"
"How do you know about that?"
Snape scoffed and raised an eyebrow at me, "They've bragged to anyone who'll listen. Surely you don't think that's a secret do you?" He waited calmly for me to return to my seat, and once I was back in the chair he lowered his wand. It rested innocently on the table, still clutched in his fist in the event that I might make another move. "Though by their accounts you left looking a bit roughed up, and yet you look perfectly fine now." He eyed me wickedly. "I wonder - finite!"
I gasped as the cool trickle of magic washed over me, canceling my glamour charms to reveal the still healing bruises that Avery and Mulciber's fists had left behind. Without looking, I knew what he could see. A harsh mark from a backhand that left finger-like marks in red and purple across one cheek. The hard-line of a bruise across my neck. I knew that if I were to remove my shirt, my back would be littered with scrapes and bruises from where I'd been thrown against the wall. Snape looked on greedily as if this were some sort of sick fantasy he'd been imagining for ages - it turned my stomach.
"You know I always found those two to be a bit hyperbolic, but it seems they were telling the truth this time. Lovely."
"Fuck you." Snape darted his tongue out to wet his lips.
"And have Black's sloppy seconds? I'll pass." Rage bubbled up inside of me and I reached for my wand, but Snape raised his in warning before I could pull it from my pocket. "Don't move."
"Are you going to curse me? Not sure if your Dark Lord taught you, but it's bad form to invite a lady to a party by hurting her."
"If you don't want to go, Cole, all you have to do is say so. It would save us a lot of time." My stomach twisted again, but I fought it. I had to keep him talking, I had to find out where the party was. If we could find him, maybe it could end sooner, maybe it could save more lives. We could catch his followers, stop more attacks, change things further - but only if I knew where they were hiding.
"Where's the party?"
"Sometimes I forget you're a Gryffindor," He sighed in irritation. "He would never tell you, not until you're one of us. You'll meet me in Hogsmede on Friday at 7."
"And if I don't show?"
"Then the Dark Lord will know whose side you're on."
"I thought it was obvious at this point."
"Is it?" He quirked his eyebrow and tilted his head to the side. Confusion washed over me, replacing the rage and humiliation Snape's words and actions brought on. "You lapped up everything the Dark Lord had to say on Christmas Eve, and yet you curse Avery for calling a spade a spade. He's unsure of where you stand."
Realization washed over me. "He's testing my loyalties?"
"Yes."
"And that's all? He wants to see if I'm on his side?"
"He's offering a gift. A chance to prove yourself."
"The mark?" Snape smirked wickedly and nodded. "Does your Dark Lord know that you're withholding information from him?" Snape stilled. "Why would he want to meet me after what I said to you before the holiday? After I tried to stop you from taking the mark."
Snape regarded me silent but curious.
"Unless he doesn't know." I cocked my head to the side. "Tell me, when did you become such an accomplished Occlumens Severus?"
"You know nothing."
"I know lying to the Dark Lord will get you killed," I smiled tightly. Snape gritted his teeth and glared at me from across the table. His greasy black hair hung in matted curtains around his alarmingly pale cheeks giving him the effect of an angry ghoul.
"Why do we sit here every Sunday pretending we're anything other than enemies?" I didn't have an answer for him. He sighed and shook his head. "If the enemy of my enemy is my friend, then what is the friend of my enemy?"
"We're not your enemies." He made a move as if to jump the table and attack, but I whipped my wand out and had it pointed toward his chest within the space of a second. We were both standing now, him, leaning forward across the desk, and me, squared up to fight him. He laughed humorlessly.
"You look like my enemy." He removed his palms from the desk and righted himself calmly, careful not to move suddenly and provoke my attack. I didn't lower my wand. The moment was too heated, the fear of him too real. "And yet you talk as if you're my friend."
"We are friends." He quirked his eyebrow, calling my bluff. "It's not too late."
"Dumbledore's army?" He mocked me.
"I can help you."
"What makes you think I need your help?" His fingers twitched against his side, itching to move and betraying what he was actually thinking.
"He'll punish you when I don't show up on Friday, won't he?" Snape's lips twisted into a hateful sneer, and I sighed in exhaustion and did something stupid. I lowered my wand. I picked up my bag and shouldered it slowly, eyeing him the entire time as if he might attack at any moment. "7:00 on Friday?" I asked again. His eyebrows stitched together and he nodded. "I have dinner with my uncle every Friday at 7. I won't be able to get away. While I'm still here, I'm under his thumb. He likes to - to look into my mind - sometimes." Snape's eyes widened. "I'm a shit occlumens, if I go with you he'll know. Give the Dark Lord my regards."
Snape stared at me bewildered before realization washed over his face. He knew what I'd done. When he showed up alone on Friday Voldemort would look into his mind and he'd be able to show him this memory - this piece of it. I'd just saved him from something awful, something that would end in horrible pain for him or worse. Then he fixed me with a glare, it was hateful and cruel, sending a chill up my spine.
"The enemy of my enemy, right?" I shrugged. "Your move, Snape." Then I turned to leave him behind.
XXX
The corridor on the seventh floor hid far more than just a secret room that would only appear if you asked it to. For me it hid secrets, it hid memories, and it hid a haven that once offered me a place to become the best version of myself. In my sixth year, Hogwarts had turned into a savage place. The Carrows tortured us all in ways far darker than anyone had anticipated. Whether it was on order's from Voldemort, or just for some sick fucked up game, they saw to it that the student body of Hogwarts was kept under their thumb and watchful eye - but they were unsuccessful.
Neville was the first of us to rebel, and I think I'll forever be jealous that it was him and not me. He was the first student to refuse to use the cruciatus curse on first years. He suffered a beating in front of the entire seventh-year Dark Arts class because of it. When he limped into the Great Hall for dinner, face bloodied and bruised, he refused all healing and help. Instead, he stood tall while glaring toward the head table at Amycus Carrow. When he spat on the floor, a mix of saliva and blood, it was like a rallying cry. Suddenly we all had the courage to fight him.
I was next. Muggle Studies with Alecto was less about the truths of the muggle world and more about how Muggles were inferior to us. My skin had been crawling with anger as I listened to her drone on about the horrors of Muggle society when I snapped and raised my hand. Luna eyed me with wide blue eyes as if she knew what would happen next.
"Wasn't your mother a muggle?" I asked calmly. I heard my screams before I felt the cruciatus rip its way through my body.
And then the rebellion began.
Neville, Luna, and I became the defacto leaders of a movement that did little more than destabilize the then regime within Hogwarts, but it was enough. Soon even the professors were defying the Carrow's - sending them on fool's errands while pretending that they'd seen Dumbledore's Army on the other side of the school as we helped first years escape from their detentions in the dungeons. Even the house elves refused to do their laundry for a time. But every act of rebellion came with a consequence. For the professors, it ended with more acts of violence toward the students. For the house elves, it ended in several of their deaths. For Luna, it ended in her being taken by the Death Eaters when she was home on Holiday. Neville bared the brunt of the Carrow's rage - there wasn't a week that his nose went unbroken that year. And me - well I made it out unbroken, no matter how hard they tried…and they tried.
It was around Christmas that we made the Room of Requirement our full-time base of operations. It was Luna's idea, but Neville was the one who figured out how the room actually worked. When we needed more beds, suddenly they materialized. When Parvati or I wasn't able to heal the deepest wounds, a door appeared that led us straight to Madam Pomfrey's office. And when things grew dire, and we thought we might starve, the doorway to the Hogshead showed up.
The seventh-floor corridor held more than just a room that appeared when you asked it to. For me it held safety. It was hope. It was the place where I came into my own. And I found myself flocking toward it for the first time since I'd arrived.
I stared up at the stone wall, not asking for what I wanted because I knew it wouldn't be able to give it to me. The faces of Neville, and Luna, Seamus, and Lavender, even Cho Chang flashed through my mind. A year ago I would have walked through the door to find them. Neville and Luna would have been huddled together, pretending they were just friends and that their conversation revolved solely around our revolution. Seamus would have been charming something new and wicked to let loose on the Carrows. I would find Lavender huddled with a group of younger years, helping with homework or distracting them from what went on beyond the room. Cho would have been healing Vincent Crabbe's latest victim. And I would have been at the center of it all, planning, leading, fighting. But I knew if I asked the room to morph into somewhere safe, I would be alone. So I stood in front of it unsure.
I couldn't be sure how much time passed, or when I'd sunk down to the floor, but the wall remained unchanged before me as the torches flickered on. Despite the warm glow they cast about the corridor, a deep chill had sunk into my bones that showed no sign of going away and yet I made no move to cast a warming charm nor did I pull my jumper tighter around me. I kept my back to the icy stone, my knees in front of me, and my arms circling them in thought. What's next?
I made a list:
1. Find the book - done
2. Figure out how the fuck we're going to track down and destroy the Horcruxes - to be determined.
3. Save Snape - a painful, stupid, tedious work in progress that was going to give me grey hairs or get me killed. Or both.
4. Save Lily and James - which was really just:
5. Stop Pettigrew - kill him if I must. This would lead to the ultimate goal of:
6. Saving Sirius
Pepper in changing an entire timeline, saving countless lives, and ensuring that Voldemort never gets the opportunity to make it back, and then I could happily and comfortably say that my time here was worth it and that, if I die, I can die without any regrets. Well mostly without any regrets. There was still so much that I couldn't remember, so much that I could change if only I knew what needed changing. They should have sent Hermione, she'd have been better at this. Or Ron for that matter - he would have had a strategy on day one, able to play the long game to save as many lives as possible. But they sent me. And while I didn't have the encyclopedic knowledge that was housed inside of Hermione's bushy head of hair, nor Ron's brilliant mind for strategy and near-perfect ability to anticipate his adversary's next move, I did have something to offer this timeline - these people. I had power. Have power.
The seventh child of the Weasley clan, daughter of Arthur Weasley, the seventh son of his family, and the first girl born in seven generations. The seventh, of the seventh, in the seventh. There was great power in it - power I would use to my advantage when it came time. Maybe. If I can figure out how the fuck to use it.
"There you are!" A voice from down the corridor stole my attention. "Marly I've found her." I turned to find Lily Evans standing at the end of the corridor, her hands on her hips as she looked down at me. "You're an absolute menace!"
"Where the hell have you been?" Marlene asked as she turned the corner and made her way toward me.
"Right here," I shrugged.
"You're lucky it's us, when you didn't turn up at dinner Sirius and James wanted to send out a search party," Lily sighed as she sat down next to me. Her shoulder bumped mine playfully as she settled with her legs crossed in front of her.
"Why didn't they?" I asked.
"I told him you were having lady troubles," Marlene shrugged as she found a spot on my other side. "Shut him right up." I laughed quietly, envisioning the look of shock that must have crossed Sirius' face. "What the hell happened to your face?" Her fingers caught my chin as she angled it to better see the bruise there.
"Nothing," I shook her hand off.
"It looks like you went two rounds with a grindylow," Lily gasped.
"Believe it or not this is the best it's looked all week." I tucked my chin into my knees, shielding the bruises from view.
"All week?"
"Is that why you asked me about glamour charms?" Marlene seethed.
"Yes."
"Who did this?" Lily sounded like the head girl, determined to track down my aggressors and bring them to justice.
"It doesn't matter, I'm fine."
"It was Avery wasn't it?" Lily asked.
"It doesn't matter, Snape just removed the glamour to prove a point."
"Is that why you're hiding in a corridor, staring at a wall?" Marlene drawled.
"It was one hell of a point," I shrugged.
"What did Sev- Snape say?" Lily murmured.
"I'm being recruited." Marlene scoffed at the idea, and Lily and I both turned to her.
"What? You-know-who must be really fucking daft if he thinks you'd join him," Marlene was the only one chuckling as Lily and I continued to stare at her. When she realized she was alone in her joke the laughter died down. "Why would he think you'd join him?"
"Well she did go to his party on Christmas Eve," Lily pointed out.
"YOU WHAT?" Marlene shouted.
"It was for Dumbledore, just a little undercover work," I shrugged.
"He sent you on an undercover mission where you partied with YOU-KNOW-WHO!" Marlene was spiraling her eyes wild, and breathing ragged.
"Yes," I grimaced as I remembered that awful night. The feel of hands on my shoulders and back, breath on my neck, flashes of green. "Anyway, he invited me to a meeting-"
"Friday at 7?" Lily asked quietly. Now it was her turn to be under the radar and Marlene and I looked at her with wide confused eyes.
"Yeah." Lily nodded slowly and reached up to run a tired hand through her hair.
"He's invited me too."
"Well this is the development of the bloody century," Marlene chuckled without humor.
"James too."
"Fucking of course. Why not?" Marlene threw her hands up in exasperation.
"He invited you too?" I breathed. Lily nodded and turned her attention toward the blank wall before us.
"He said that he told you-know-who all about me and that he was excited to meet me."
"Did you tell Snape to shove it?" Marlene asked.
"I told him no," Lily sighed as she leaned her head back against the stone. Silence settled over us as the revelation of Snape's invitations set in. Marlene shook her head next to me but made no move to break the quiet, but my mind was reeling. Snape had invited Lily and wanted her to join his movement so severely that he even extended the offer to James.
"Did you tell James?" I asked her. She shook her head.
"I always thought he might have a change of heart," Lily murmured.
"James?" Marlene asked.
"Severus."
"There's still hope," I told her, remembering the man who sent me here. "We can't give up on him."
"I think I have to," Lily sighed. "I've begged him for years to tell his stupid friends to piss off. I've given him a million chances, I've listened to him say horrible things about my friends, about people who are just like me. I can't be here waiting for him anymore. I won't." The gravity of her words hit me as she washed her hands of Severus Snape. I was alone in my mission to save him, the only one who would fight for that horrible, insufferable boy. It was a mountain of a task.
"I hate this," Marlene muttered.
"War?" I asked her.
"All of it," She shrugged. "It just feels so bloody ridiculous. We're supposed to be kids. Studying for N.E.W.T.S, but instead, I'm thinking about Severus Snape. I know he was your friend, Lil, but gods the guy just sucks. He sucks. He's mean and dirty, and his stupid little posse of friends is just the newest model of bully, not just bullies: fucking psychopaths. And now I also have to worry that one of them is going to assault me or you in the corridor, or corner Ginny after detention, or join up with a sociopathic Dark Lord who wants to destroy the world as we know it. This is shite."
For a moment there was silence, so quiet we could hear the torches crackling around us, silent enough that I could hear my heart beating softly in my chest. Then Lily started to laugh. Her soft giggle tore through the silence and the dam broke. Soon I joined in, then Marlene, and then the giggles turned into hysterics, loud raucous laughter. Marlene snorted which sent us into another wave of cackling louder than the first. Marlene was doubled over, clutching at her sides as Lily tried to slow the flow of tears that fell along her cheeks. My head was thrown back in riotous laughter, unable to take in a breath as it racked my chest.
The cathartic release opened the floodgates of hysteria as the three of us howled into the silent corridor. Lily caught her breath first, hiccuping on the residual laughter and using her sleeve to mop up her tears. Marlene righted herself, resting against the stone wall behind her to catch her breath. For me the laughter died slowly, stealing the breath from my lungs and leaving me empty in its absence. The silence spread over the corridor as the echoes of our laughter disappeared.
As I stared into the wall I thought over what Marlene had said. We were supposed to be kids. Children. Students turned soldiers in a war we had no business fighting in, a war we held no fault in starting, and yet we were supposed to clean it up - and we'd fail. These child soldiers would perish to make way for the next generation of child soldiers, and who fucking knew if they would be able to do it. Not me. My stomach turned in anger at the adults of this world, of my world, who couldn't be bothered to do the job right the first time, and whose mistakes I was left to clean up. How dare they make me their janitor? How dare they give me a sword when I should have been studying for my N.E.W.T.S. When would it end?
Marlene reached for my shoulder and jostled me out of my thoughts until I looked up at her. With a murmur I felt the warm wash of a glamour brush over my skin, I gave her what I hoped was a smile but was sure was a grimace and she nodded in return.
"You know I always thought my seventh year would be different," Marlene murmured. "I thought I'd be worried about boys, or exams, or apprenticeships and jobs, but all I can think about is whether or not I'll die. Isn't that sad? I can't even think past next week, let alone plan a whole career."
"I think I'll be a healer," Lily replied. We both turned to look at her with surprise on our faces but she hadn't torn her attention from the stone wall in front of her. "I not great in a duel, I'm awful at it, but I'm brilliant with potions, and charms, and fair in herbology, and I can be useful."
"Lily, you're brilliant in every subject," Marlene scoffed.
"Yes well, if you two can get me close enough to you-know-who I can simply transfigure him into a cockroach, and then we can all stomp him," Lily shrugged. I couldn't suppress the snort that escaped my mouth.
"Or maybe we can arithmancy him to death," Marlene added. I brought my hand to my mouth trying to suppress the laugh that threaten to break through. Marlene and Lily eyed one another conspiratorially as they continued.
"Has anyone tried trapping him in a lecture with Professor Binns?" Lily asked. "I'm sure death by boredom happens." Laughter bubbled into my chest again and I felt tears start to well in my eyes.
"We could always Wingardium Leviosa him and then just never stop," Marlene suggested. "When he gets high enough he'll just run out of air, right?" Finally, the laughter burst out of my mouth, overtaking the anger and replacing it with another wave of hysteria.
"Let's read his tea leaves to death!" Lily half shouted and it sent me to the moon. I clutched at my sides, laughing hysterically as they threw the Hogwarts curriculum at the most powerful and evil wizard to ever exist. Lily and Marlene failed to grasp the hilarity of the situation as they only chuckled quietly at my sides.
"Oh god, have we finally sent her over the edge?" Marlene asked with wide glee filled eyes.
"Half a term with us, and she's gone 'round the bend!" Lily replied.
"Write to St. Mungos. See if they offer triple suites, if I'm being committed you lot are coming with me," I joked and finally they grasped the comedy of it all. Lily clutched at my arm as she wheezed while Marlene threw her head back laughing wildly.
"Gods, being locked up with you two can't be so bad," Marlene huffed.
"Might as well bring the whole gang, I'll see if Dorcas and Mary want to join," Lily said. At the mention of Mary, Marlene's laughter caught in her throat which left her coughing as she tried to cover it up. Her coughing sobered me and I was finally able to catch my breath, panting into the corridor as I wiped the tears from my cheeks. I turned to catch Lily's eye and she only raised an eyebrow in response. "Just Dorcas then?"
"Just - no, no, of course not. Mary can come too, of course." Marlene shook her head vigorously as she tried to set the mood back to right, but something was off. Something had been off since New Year's Eve if I'm honest, but no matter how many times we'd tried to bring it up with either of the two they'd played it off like it was nothing or avoided the subject altogether.
"Right," I nodded.
"Mary can come," she assured us with more bravado this time.
"Alright," Lily replied.
"She can."
"So you've said," I smiled.
"I never said she couldn't."
"Of course not," Lily shrugged.
"There's nothing going on with Mary."
"We never said there was," I replied skeptically.
"Good because there isn't."
"You know if there was something going on between you and Mary," Lily began, "which we all know there isn't - but if there was…it would be okay." Marlene stared at the stone wall before us without making a sound, her fingers playing with the hem of her jumper.
"For what it's worth, we all love Mary, and we all love you. So, even though there's nothing going on there, if something ever did happen, I think we'd all be quite happy for the two of you," I added slowly. When Mary tensed up next to me, I rushed to say, "but of course, nothings going on, so it doesn't matter."
"And we're not entitled to either of you telling us if there were something happening," Lily added. "I just am always happy to listen, with no judgment, not ever."
"Thank you," Marlene whispered.
"So I guess you got your wish," I murmured.
"What?" She asked.
"You wanted to worry about 17-year-old things," I shrugged and turned to face the dark-haired girl. "This feels very 17 to me."
Marlene rolled her eyes in response but couldn't hide the grin that slowly spread across her face. "Very 17."
"We could always talk about James," Lily suggested.
"BOO!" Marlene howled at her. As I shouted, "Piss off!"
"I happen to love talking about James," Lily sniffed.
"Has since first year," Marlene quipped as she stood up from her spot against the wall.
"I have not," Lily protested. The dark-haired girl moved to stand between us, extending her hands out toward us.
"She has, only now it's worse." Lily and I reached for her hands, and let her haul us to our feet. "The first 6 years it was, 'Potter's insufferable! Potter's a terror! I could kill James Potter!" Marlene had on her best Lily Evans impression, it was rather spot on. " Now, all I hear, all day long, 'Potter did this excellent thing with his tongue last night!"
"I have never said that in my entire life!" Lily howled, reaching toward Marlene to give her a shove but the other girl danced out of her way.
"Potter wrote me a poem all about my tits!"
"It was not about my tits!"
"Then what was it about, hmm?" I asked her, and she turned scarlet and silent.
"Potter shagged me in the restricted section of the Library last week!"
"I told you that in confidence!" Lily screamed and started to chase Marlene down the hallway. I ran to follow them, hoping to save Marlene from Lily's wrath and hoping to hear more of Lily's exploits with one James Potter, feeling very 17 for the first time in a long while.