CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Hermione continued to the library to again try to study or read or anything but think about Ron. As she sat in her normal seat she wished once again that she had a best friend to talk to. She smirked to herself as she recognized the irony of the fact that her best friend was currently the source of all her consternation. She knew what Ginny and Luna's thoughts and feelings were on the matter, and she was pretty sure she knew what Ms. Stevens the mind healer would tell her again. There really wasn't anyone else to talk to. Harry? No, he was too close to Ron. Ron, who was her best friend but now she wasn't sure he still wanted to be her friend. Oh how she missed just having her best friend to be with and talk to. She missed spending time with him studying and hanging out on the weekends. If this were any other situation Ron would be the first one she'd run to for advice and to just talk.

But she was alone and she'd done nothing but ignore Ron for weeks.

Hermione recognized it had been her choice at this point, but she now knew she had made the wrong choice. Her rational mind that had been so afraid of losing herself and her independence was starting to realize what nonsense that was. Ron had never tried to intimidate or suppress her; he had always been her biggest supporter. Ron had stood up to her that first day in potions, but he had recognized her need to be in charge and was fine with that when they worked together. From the first day in potions until now he had treated her as his equal each with their own strengths. They were far better as partners than they would be working by themselves. She was a better Hermione with Ron than without, and Ron was a better Ron with her. Her emotional side rejoiced and agreed and wondered why had she been so stubborn? Why had she denied herself the joy of being with Ron and being loved by him?

But she owed it to Ron to talk to him and try to explain. With a peace she hadn't felt in weeks, she headed to her dorm to sleep, probably for the best sleep since the 'breakup.' Tomorrow she'd find him and they'd talk, and she knew exactly where to find him. Tomorrow they would talk and sort it all out.

The last thing she did before bed was look at that funny birthmark on her left shoulder. She knew she wasn't born with it but had no idea when it showed up. The more she looked at in in the mirror, the more she was convinced it looked like a potions cauldron. Could it be?

That Saturday was the first Saturday of December and it brought the Gryffindor vs. Slytherin quidditch match. Ron was ready and focused and determined to beat the snakes. As he walked toward the pitch with his team he noticed Hermione standing in the corridor looking for someone. Godric she looks beautiful, he thought as a surge of jealousy ran through him as he thought she might be looking for another bloke. He set his jaw and gripped his broom even tighter and resolved not to look at her as he walked by.

But then he heard her call out, "Ron, Ron, over here, Ron, please, Ronnie, please can I talk to you?"

Ron stopped and grimaced at her, "not now Hermione, I have a match to focus on," and then continued his march to the pitch. He was still annoyed that she had run away from him earlier that week.

Hermione ran and grabbed his arm. Both he and her stopped and looked at each other. "Please, Ron, I just wanted to wish you luck today, and to give you this," she said as she reached up on her tip toes and kissed his cheek, then blushed and looked up at him hopefully and said softly, "I would really like to talk to you after the match, would that be ok?"

Ron stood there stunned and reached with his free hand to touch the place on his cheek where she had kissed him. A big smile came to his face as he nodded. "Yes, absolutely."

Ron ran to catch up with his team feeling a surge of confidence and determination and with a much lighter heart. Hermione had kissed him, albeit on the cheek, but it was a kiss! She kissed me! And she wants to talk finally! Please God let Harry find the snitch right away so I can go be with her, but dammit she's got to explain what in Godric's name has been going on, and then she has to apologize!

Ron took a deep breath to calm himself just as Bill had taught him to. Once again he silently thanked his brother for teaching him how to control his emotions and stay calm. He took a second breath just to make sure and he felt at peace like he hadn't in weeks. Ron mounted his broom and gathered around Harry with the rest of his team as they talked last minute strategy. After saying his final words, Harry looked at Ron and noticed his smile. Harry could feel the confidence radiating from him and gave him a questioning look.

Ron leaned in and whispered in Harry's ear, "Hermione kissed me on the way here and wants to talk after the match. Find the bloody snitch now so I can go be with her, ok mate?"

Harry laughed. "Yes, sir!" Harry immediately flew over to catch Ginny. Ron saw Harry whisper in her ear and then saw a big smile erupt on her face. Ginny looked over at Ron and gave a thumbs up. Ron smiled back and flew up to take his position.

The match began and sure enough, ten minutes later Harry had caught the snitch right from under Malfoy's nose. Ron had played great, having blocked all of the Slytherins' shots. As Ron flew down from his spot towards the stands he noticed the final score at 190 – 0 in favor of Gryffindor, but all he cared about was finding Hermione amongst all the Ravenclaws.

It wasn't until he heard her voice from the Gryffindor section yelling, "Ronnie, Ronnie, over here!" that he found her standing and cheering next to Neville and Luna. Ron turned his broom and quickly found his way and hovered right in front of her. He hopped off his broom and took her hands.

"You were brilliant Ronnie," exclaimed Hermione as she beamed at him with a big smile. "Brilliant!"

He pulled her into a hug wrapped his arms around her.

"Sorry, if I'm too sweaty, but I am really glad to see you, I've missed you so much, Maya, thank you for coming to the match, I wasn't sure you would, but I'm glad you did. I told Harry not to waste any time finding the snitch cuz I wanted to talk to you as soon as I could, and the Chosen One came through."

Hermione held onto him and buried her face in his chest. "Oh, Ronnie, I've been so foolish."

Ron stood there and just looked at her. "Foolish? I don't know about that Maya, but I do know that you and I have a long overdue conversation to be had. I can't believe you've been ignoring me for weeks and I really want to know what you were afraid of. Can I meet you in our spot in about thirty minutes? I have to listen to our captain do his post-match bloviation when he explains all that we need to improve on, and then I really need to shower. Would that be ok?"

Hermione blushed and looked sheepish. "Perfect Ron, I'll see you at 11:15, and I'm really sorry."

As Ron flew off both Neville and Luna turned toward Hermione with unmasked glee. Luna was beaming. "Can you feel it? The universe? Doesn't everything just feel more right? Oh Hermione, you are so doing the right thing and blessing the universe and in return the universe is blessing you and Ron. Oh, I just love when all things are in harmony. I can't wait to tell Ginny!"

Neville looked confused at Hermione then back at Luna then back to Hermione. He asked Hermione, "do you know what she's talking about?"

Hermione laughed and said, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but yes, I do understand what she's saying and I feel it too."

About thirty minutes later Hermione walked over to "their spot," the alcove in the Great Hall where they'd talked before. Nervously she sat down and waited for Ron, trying to keep her knee from bouncing she was so nervous.

Why am I so nervous? she asked herself. It's just Ronnie, your best friend. You don't have to be nervous! But what if he's changed his mind about me and has moved on? But what if he has a soul mark too that looks like mine, what would that mean?

A short three minutes later Ron ran up to where Hermione was sitting. She rose up, walked toward Ron and extended her arms as if to give him a hug, but Ron stopped and held up his palms in a motion to get her to stop.

"Hold on there, Maya, I think we're getting ahead of ourselves."

Hermione dropped her hands and looked at Ron confused. "I don't understand?"

Ron smiled to reassure her then replied softly, "You will, I hope in a few minutes, first I want to understand what has been going on and what you were afraid of. I hope you're not afraid of me," and he then sat down about four feet away from her.

Hermione moved back to her seat and wiped a tear that had formed in her eye and nodded.

"Yes, you're right, I'm really sorry and I do need to explain."

"Damn right you do," interrupted Ron and then he gave a small chuckle. "Oops. I'm away from you for a while and I'm starting to swear again, sorry."

"It's ok, Ronnie, it's fine. Anyway, first I want to say I'm really sorry for ignoring you and running away. I shouldn't have done that. Next I want to say that unequivocally I am not afraid of you. I've trusted you from the beginning and you've done nothing except make me trust you even more."

Ron leaned back and ran his hands through his hair. "Ok, that's good, I was worried. So what are you afraid of?"

"When I heard you talk to Harry that night I felt wonderful, so loved and everything, but you sounded so sure, so final, so always, and so forever. I was thrilled at first but after thinking about it I was afraid of losing myself to you, of being overshadowed by you and losing my independence. I promised myself I wouldn't date until I was 18 and had my NEWTS, so I wasn't prepared for you to be here now. I was afraid of being in a relationship with you because I've never been in one before and I was afraid of the intimacy and physical affection that comes with being in a relationship, so I was just overwhelmed by it all, so I ran away, and I had to stay away from you because I would fall more in love with you if I didn't, and I was afraid of that as well."

Ron leaned back as Hermione leaned in. He brought his hands to his face and rested his head as he contemplated what he had just heard.

Several minutes passed before he looked up, "Ok, so you're not afraid of me, right?"

"Definitely not"

"But being in a relationship with me scared you?"

"Yes, because I wouldn't know what to do or how to do it."

"Let me ask you a question, Hermione. Does my intelligence intimidate you?"

At this point Hermione laughed, "no, of course not. You're not smarter than me."

Ron laughed too. "That's for damned sure! Oh bollocks, I swore again. Crikey I did it again. Forgive me, Maya? I have to get out of the habit, sorry."

"It's ok Ron. Uh, uhm, do you now understand?"

Ron stood up and began pacing around. He quickly lost the amused look on his face. "No, Maya, I don't understand. I don't scare you, my intelligence doesn't scare you, and I'm not the bully do-it-my-way kinda bloke. I've always tried to be supportive of you in every way, so why are you afraid that you'll lose your independence? Why can't you see that I would do anything to help you succeed?"

"I don't know Ronnie, I just don't know. It all came so fast and sudden, it was overwhelming. Half of me can't believe that an amazing guy like you would want anything to do with bushy-haired, bookworm, bossy, know-it-all me, because you are an amazing guy. I look around and see all the other girls watching you, especially Lavender Brown. Do you ever notice all the looks you get when we're in DA class with Harry?"

"No!" shouted Ron. "No, of course not. How could I when I'm only looking at you the whole time?"

"Oh Ronnie."

Ron stopped his pacing and brought his left hand to his chin. "I just noticed you used the phrase 'was afraid' earlier. Does this mean it is now in the past, and you're not afraid anymore?"

Hermione looked up hopefully. "Yes. Ms. Stevens and I worked hard on all this and she made me realize that with you, I don't need to be afraid. With you, I will still be able to be me, and I won't lose my independence. With you, I don't have to be afraid of intimacy. With you I don't have to be afraid of being in a relationship because we already are in one, we just haven't called it that yet, and it has been the best part of my life so far."

Ron sat back down and smiled, the first real smile since their break up. "Ok, then, ok. I guess I don't have to convince you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me, and that I'm the same for you."

"No, Ronnie, I know it, I know it very well."

"Ok, I'm glad we've got that sorted," Ron said as he stood up and looked right at her. "Does that mean we can go back to being friends like we were and you won't ignore me and stuff?"

Hermione sighed deeply and replied, "yes, please, I've missed being with my best friend, and I'm really sorry. It all sounds so stupid now, I should have talked to you right away, I wish I had."

"Ok then, I'm glad that we are friends again, you're my best friend too, only don't tell Harry that, he might get jealous."

Both Ron and Hermione laughed at this but then Ron got serious. "Now comes the hard part, and you have to stay right there for now."

Hermione also stood up looking directly at Ron but she looked confused, "The hard part?"

"Yes, the hard part. As I said before, and it's still true, I want to be more than friends with you. I feel connected to you like no other person in the world. A force I don't understand draws me to you but it feels so very right that I can't fight it. But I understand that you might not be ready to go there, that you may not feel the same now or even ever. I'm ok with that. No matter what happens, I will be your friend Maya, always. Right now there's nothing I want more than to hold you and even kiss you, but I need you to understand that this will never be just a fling. This is now and this is forever. This is the kind of love you never recover from, ok?

"Uhm, Ok Ronnie, you really mean love?"

"Absolutely, but I won't say it until we are both ready to hear it, understand?

Hermione silently nodded her head.

"Ok then, I want you to imagine there is a line on the floor just in front of your feet. Ok?"

Hermione looked down and shrugged. "Ok?"

"Now imagine there's line in front of my feet as well, got it?"

"Ok"

Ron took a deep breath and continued. "Now, ok, now here's the hard part. I want you to think hard about this before you do anything, just as I'm going to think about it as well. I want you to think for a bit before responding to what I'm about to say, ok, you have to really think before you respond ok?"

"Ok Ron, I understand."

"Ok, here's the deal, now you can't move until I say three, sorted?"

Hermione looked skeptically at Ron. "I can't move until you say three?"

"Right, three, no moving until I say three. Oh, ok, now remember when I was talking to Harry and you weren't asleep like I thought you were?"

"Of course I remember"

"Ok, then you remember I talked about when you and I got together for me it would be like walking through a door and there was no walking back, right?"

"I remember, no going back."

"Ok then, I want you to imagine that line on the floor is that door, that door that you can't go back through. Once you go through it's you and me for always and forever, once you step over that line there's no more being afraid, there's no more being apart, it's just you and me forever, whatever that may be, ok?"

"Uh, Ok"

"But you can chose whether to open that door. You can turn and walk the other way if you choose. You get to choose whether you step through that door. If you choose not to go through that door we will always be friends. I will always be your friend Maya so don't worry about that. You do have to realize though that I don't come from a well to do family, I don't have a lot of money. You have to realize that my best mate is Harry Potter who has a target on his back from you-know-who and all his supporters, so that means I have a target on me too, so being with me might be dangerous, ok?"

Hermione nodded again.

"Now another thing. If you cross that line I will be even more protective of you than I have been. I know that you can take care of yourself. I know that we are equals and that you are my partner, but if you cross that line there will be times that I go full caveman to protect you, and you need to be ok with that, understand?"

Hermione looked slightly put out for a moment and then replied softly "I understand."

"Now I want you to take a moment to think about all this. I want you to think long and hard about what you want to do, ok."

"Ok Ron, I understand," Hermione said as tears were forming in her eyes. Am I ready to really do this? Hermione thought. He will always be my friend, but only my friend if I walk away, but he will be my best friend but only that, but it will be better than what the last six weeks have been like, but it feels so wonderful to think that he loves me, even though he hasn't said it yet.

"Ok, let me know when you're ready."

Hermione hesitated just a moment then looked at Ron and nodded, "I'm ready, I know what I need to do."

Ron wasn't sure he liked that response, but he shook his head and carried on. "Ok, I'm going to count to three, when I say three we are free to move anywhere we want. We can step through the door or we can walk away, but we have to wait until three, understand?

"I understand"

Ron took a deep breath and began to count, "one…"