Trigger warning: BIRTH TRAUMA

You ask yourself again and again: "what did I do to deserve this?"

But never suspect the answer is: "Nothing."

Loud World, Quiet Thoughts by David Jones

Pain was consuming every ounce of her, as Hermione squirmed on her bed, rolling to her side only to cry out with pain as the shift in position didn't nothing to help her. She could hear the frantic movements of someone, but the agony she was in, kept Hermione from being able to register what was happening around her.

"Hermione, I need you to get to the floo," Theo was begging as tears streamed down her face as it contorted with pain of another contraction slamming into her. "We opened up the connection in the bedroom, you don't even have to go far, love." She could feel his hands touch her, but the feel of his touch wasn't comforting, only putting more pressure on her body and causing her to scream out as she tried to move away from him.

"We're going to have to levitate her into the hearth if she can't walk, Theo." She could hear Draco's voice, but she couldn't see her other husband with her eyes shut so tightly. Her body lifted off the bed as she thrashed about in a panic of being so out of control, another screech pulling from her throat.

"I can't, I can't! Something is wrong!" Hermione cried as she desperately reached out, trying to grab at the mantle of the fireplace to keep herself from leaving her bedroom, but it was too late. Her eyes snapped open just in time to see a burst of green light and nothing else. The bright white lights seemed to shock her system when she was levitated from the hearth with nothing more than a few moans of pain. The bustling sounds of the hospital were almost like white noise to her as Hermione floated in the air, her body dripping in sweat from the pain she felt.

Her head rolled to the side, and she found that she couldn't seem to make sense of anything happening around her. Beyond the occasional cries for help from one or both of her husbands, Hermione found that she was completely clueless as to what was happening.

The laps in contractions from the sudden travel came to an abrupt end when suddenly her body felt as though it was going to split in two. She couldn't bear this, couldn't handle the pain. Everything was happening too quickly and in response, her brain felt as if it were going on autopilot and letting her body take full control.

"Sirs, your wife is dilating too quickly, we're not able to give her anything." A female voice sounded, but Hermione couldn't place who it belonged to. Her back settled into a plush bed, but it didn't feel right. Hermione bolted upright, scrambling trying to get to her feet.

"Oh shit, I think I see a head, Marina, the healer isn't going to get here in time." Hermione was pulled back into the bed, her legs being held apart while someone sat looking at her.

"Sirs, I'm going to have to ask you to stand by your wife's head, please. HEALER WILSON YOU ARE NEEDED IN ROOM THIRTY-FOUR FIFTY-SIX!" Hermione's vision blurred as she fought to move away from the loud sounds. The pressure between her legs had her clawing at the bed until she managed to kick her legs free. Once she was mobile again, Hermione rolled over so that she was on all fours.

In the new position, Hermione let out a sob of relief. Though she felt more in control, the pain was still ever present and never ending. Rocking her hips back, Hermione grabbed the headboard letting her body take over when she felt as if she needed to use the bathroom. She knew the baby was coming, and there was no stopping the birth now.

The pressure between her legs began again, causing Hermione to let out a cry as she pushed, unable to stop herself despite the pleas from the women at the foot of the bed. "GET HER OUT!" Hermione shouted, pushing again, gripping a pillow against her face that she hadn't even realised she was cradling.

"The baby is stuck, HEALER WILSON! Hermione, I need you to roll over, love, can you do that for me."

"GET HER OUT!" Hermione cried again, pushing down as another contraction slammed into her body.

"Tess, Astrid, roll her to her back now!"

Firm hands gripped Hermione, rolling her against her will as she cried out as the pain hit her again. "I'm going to have to reach in and dislodge the shoulder," was the last thing Hermione could comprehend before she screamed, and everything went dark.

ooo

Hermione's eyes fluttered open and the sound of people rushing about the foot of her bed was all she could make out. The sounds of voices quickly speaking were too muffled, and her head hurt too much for her to even attempt to decipher what they were saying. The people in the room were blurred shapes, and she was unable to place who any of them were. "Draco? Theo?" She called out, reaching her hands blindly in front of her, "where are you?"

"You promised they would be ok!" Draco's voice cut through her clouded mind, sounding much harsher than she'd even heard him speak in recent years. "You promised we would have all three of them!"

"You act like you are the only one that cares about them, but I love them too, Draco!" Theo's response to their husband confused Hermione. What was he talking about? She was here, was she okay? Yes, the birth had been hard, much harder than Rose's had been, but she was still alive.

"Baby A is going to have to go to the NICU, we can't seem to get her oxygen levels up," the unknown female healer was saying. Baby A? What about the other baby? One of her daughters needed to be in the NICU?

"You go with the baby, Theo. I'm going to stay with Hermione while they take her back into surgery." Surgery? What was happening and why wasn't anyone talking to her or telling her what was going on? Hermione wondered to herself, desperately trying to open her eyes more, but when she did, she had to snap them back close. The pain from the bright light was too much to handle, and her head was already throbbing.

"Draco, oh gods, Draco, what if…there was so much blood." She could hear Theo saying, his voice growing further away. Blood? Who's blood?

"Theo! Draco!" Hermione cried out again, desperate for someone, anyone really to just tell her what the fuck was happening and if her babies were alright.

"Sh, it's alright dear. Your blonde husband is getting ready to join you, we just have to get you prepped for the caesarean." Hermione blinked, her vision finally coming back so that she could see the kind round face and dark eyes of the healer next to her.

"My baby, where's my baby?" Hermione's whispered plea brought tears into her eyes as she realised that she had yet to hold her newborn.

"She's going to be alright, a little fighter just like her mother," the healer informed her, a soft smile gracing her lips. "Now, we just have to get this other little lady out safely into the world as well."

"Why, what's wrong with her? What's happening with my baby?" Hermione asked, clutching her belly as the healer stopped the bed and helped Hermione into a seated position.

"She's not moving around very much, and Healer Wilson is concerned what trouble she might have caused while flipping around in the womb. We're going to get her out and safely into your arms." Hermione looked over her shoulder and watched as the healer smiled, placing the tip of her wand at the base of Hermione's spine, "this is going to pinch, and I'm sorry for it. Look across the room and tell me what you see."

At the odd request, it threw Hermione for a moment so that she turned back to forward facing and looking at the wall in front of her. Instead of the plain white room, she felt like she had been transported into an art museum. Magical and muggle portraits hung on the wall, depicting different scenes in midwifery healing history.

One witch was crouched between the splayed legs of a delivering mother, her hands outstretched waiting to catch a baby that within a blink of the eye came out. The screaming infant was lifted in the air, showing a healthy pink baby, covered in the white vernix caseosa. The mother's cries of joy couldn't be heard, as the portraits were silenced, but it was evident by the look on her face as the baby was placed in her arms.

Another, this time muggle, showcased a mother with her newborn to her breast. Both mother and infant were bare, allowing for skin to skin contact to be had between them. It was a thing of beauty to see, but it stung all the same. Hermione could feel the tightness in her chest as she envied the mothers depicted in front of her.

These were her rainbow babies, after she'd suffered from the horrific loss, and now this was how she'd remember her daughters' birthday. Her husbands had each been worried about this birth, their fears coming from their own losses and misfortunes. This was supposed to be a healing experience where they happily welcomed their two healthy daughters into the world. Scorpius was supposed to come with Narcissa carrying a bundle of flowers that he would have accidentally dropped, destroying most of the stems, but it would still be a perfect bouquet.

The loss of the birth she'd been preparing herself for and spent months envisioning was just too much. And being alone, with this woman she'd never met before today, her husbands not with her to give her the comfort that she desperately needed. Hermione's breaths began coming short and quick, only making the panic in her worsen.

As her chest began to rise and fall quickly, Hermione was suddenly hit with a cloud over her mind. Her thoughts began to fade, though she wasn't falling asleep, no everything was just becoming less clear. The people around her seemingly moved slower and no longer rushed, making Hermione wonder if there ever a reason for them was to have been rushing in the first place. "That's it, let's get you laid back down dear," the kind face Hermione recognized from earlier said as she helped Hermione settle back down. "We're going to get you into the room now and then Draco will be able to join you, how does that sound?"

"Draco's here?" Hermione asked, her voice sounding far away even in her own ears. "He's my husband, did you know?"

"Yes, I met him earlier. What a handsome man he is too," the woman was saying, making Hermione feel elated inside. Her entire body felt as if she were floating on a cloud as her head rolled on the soft pillow.

"My other husband, Theo, did you meet him as well?" She asked, her eyes feeling heavy, though she desperately tried to keep them open knowing there was a reason she was supposed to be awake. "I can't imagine he would let Draco go somewhere without me, unless he's with Scorpius. That's our son, he just turned four. He's a very clever little boy."

"I met Theo, he's here too. They told me that Scorpius is with his grandmother for the day and that they will all be coming to see you very soon. You're doing such a good job, Hermione. I'm going to let Draco in to be with you now, is that alright?" The woman asked, holding Hermione's hand as she rubbed soothing circles on the back.

"Oh, yes please," Hermione said, her eyes closing as the brightly lit room was beginning to give her a headache. "I love him so much," she muttered, rubbing her cheek against the soft material of the pillow.

"Hermione?" Draco asked, and she smiled as she felt him take her hand. "My love, are you alright? The healers said you were awake."

"Oh, I'm just fine, Draco," Hermione said while she let out a yawn, letting her eyes close. "I'm so glad you're here, I've missed you terribly."

"I've missed you too, my darling. Healer Wilson just asked if you're ready to begin, but I don't think you heard him." His voice was low, and he sounded odd. Not his normal overly confident self that she was used to.

"Ready to begin what?" Hermione asked, confusion taking over. Draco's tone and the questions they were asking, she didn't understand what was happening to her. "Draco, what's going on? Where are we?" she asked, opening her eyes, attempting to sit up, only to find that she was being held back by some unknown force. "Draco, please," She begged her husband, tears springing into her eyes as her chest began to rise rapidly, "who are these people?"

"Marina, I'm going to need you to dose her again," her healer's voice could be heard, but a barrier kept Hermione from seeing him.

"Dose me with what? Draco, what is he talking about?" Hermione sobbed, looking up into his silver eyes. Though, when she tried to reach for him, she found that she was unable to, her hand stuck while Draco held the other tightly. "Please, I don't understand, what's happening?" Hermione cried before a cool fog settled over her brain, causing her to blink a few times as she looked up at her husband. She let out a sigh as she smiled up in his direction, tilting her head to the side. His eyes were always so beautiful, even if he looked so sad.

"I hope our daughter has your eyes, they're much more beautiful than mine," Draco said, never looking away from her, tears pooling at the corner of his eyes, making Hermione believe that they were tears of joy.

"We are going to have a baby, aren't we?" Hermione remembered, trying to reach down to cradle her growing belly, but finding she was unable to. "If she looks like you or Theo, that's all I can ask for." Draco held her gaze, not saying another word, but Hermione didn't mind. She enjoyed looking at his beautiful face, the sharp edges, and his perfectly straight nose, with the little bit of blonde scruff that he'd grown on his face. He looked as if the gods had moulded him themselves.

A cry filled the room, finally making Draco look away from his wife and towards the sound. "Draco? What's that?" Hermione whispered, confused about where she was as she looked around to find the source of the sound.

"She's beautiful," her husband whispered, the tears in his eyes falling as he looked ahead. Hermione followed his line of sight and was surprised when she saw a little baby being held over a curtain, thick tufts of white curly hair on full display. "Oh Salazar, she's perfect, Granger," he sounded so proud, so Hermione looked up at him smiling because he was praising her, though Hermione wasn't sure what for.

"She is, her hair looks just like yours and Scorpius'," Hermione commented, and that seemed to be the right thing to say because Draco looked down at her and rewarded her with a searing kiss. "Whose baby is that?" she asked as he pulled away.

"What?" Draco replied, not answering her question.

"Whose baby is that?" Hermione repeated, looking back over, but the baby was gone. "Is that Hannah and Neville's little girl? It's odd, I thought both their hair was a bit darker blonde, but her hair is completely white."

"That's our daughter, Hermione. Don't you remember? You had the first baby, and Theo is with her in the special nursery. Then she was having a bit of trouble and we had to come for a caesarean." Draco explained, his eyes flickering between hers before he looked at the healer behind her, "what is wrong with her?"

"We had to give her two doses of an intense calming draught, it can cause mild confusion–"

"Mild? She bloody well doesn't even know that she's given birth, I'd say that's a bit more than mild." Draco cut the woman off, his voice sharp.

"Mr. Malfoy–"

"No, you fix this, bring her back. She should know what is happening to her body and not be lying here confused and not understanding what is happening to her. Surely you can do something that will allow her to know she's given birth." Draco said, his grip on her hand tightening, but the sound of a baby crying cut through the room again.

"Mr. Malfoy, would you like to hold your daughter?" A different nurse asked, bringing a little bundle of blankets over to where he stood. Hermione saw the curly white hair sticking out the top and was pleased to find that when she reached out, she was able to.

"Could I hold her?" Hermione asked, desperately wanting the little girl in her arms. "Please," she added as an afterthought, not wanting to be rude. The healer, however, paused and looked towards Healer Wilson, as if confirming whether or not Hermione could hold the infant. The elderly wizard nodded his head in approval and the little girl was placed ever so gently on her chest. "Hello, Stella Rose, it's very nice to meet you," she whispered, nuzzling her nose against the soft cheek of the infant. "I've waited a very long time for you, and I'm glad you're finally here."

ooo

Their coming home reception was a subdued affair, as not even Scorpius was home at that moment. Narcissa had offered to keep him another night while they settled into home life with the twins after being at St. Mungo's for a full week. Hermione had declined the offer but told Narcissa that she was welcome to bring Scorpius home so that she could meet the twins at the same time he did.

"I have the potions here; would you like me to run you a sitz bath?" Draco asked, helping Hermione to sit on her donut pillow. From Iris being born so quickly, Hermione had developed haemorrhoids that made moving or sitting extremely painful.

"Not right now, I think I just need a moment," Hermione groaned, rubbing her tired eyes. "Do either of the girls need to be fed?" She asked Theo, who followed behind them wearing both of his daughters on his chest. His normally wild curls had fallen straight, being held down with the natural oil. It had been such a long time since he'd washed his hair, and Hermione had never seen him looking this way. His glasses were smudged with fingerprints from him forgetting they were on his face each time he went to rub the tired from his eyes, but Merlin above, did she still love him.

"I think Iris might," he said, motioning towards his heiress. With wild brown tufts of hair and her deep blue eyes, all the way down to their matching dimples, she was the spitting image of Theo. "She keeps rooting, I think she's jealous that Stella had an extra week to get acquainted with your breasts." He said, pulling the tiny infant from her place on his chest, leaving behind her sister, who let out a soft cry at the loss of her twin's presence.

"Iris Lyra, honestly child, you will have to learn some patience," Theo jokingly chided the tiny squirming girl as he handed her over, adjusting the remaining infant so she was more snuggly settled against his chest.

There was no questioning who had sired either of her daughters, the only quality they each had inherited from their mother were Hermione's curls. Small miracles, or maybe a curse, but Hermione very much anticipated the image of a future where her husbands would be wrangling little girls trying to control their hair the same way her father had done so with her.

Iris instantly calmed as she found Hermione's breast and began to suckle, the sounds of her gulping Hermione's milk filling her ears. Hermione's head rolled back, and her eyes closed as the milk began to drain and the pressure lessened from the sensitive tissue. "I've missed this," she murmured, thinking back to when Rose would feed from her. Her beautiful blue eyes always gazed up at Hermione as she would reach a pudgy hand out to gently caress her mother's face.

Hermione could almost pretend for a moment that she was holding Rose again as her daughter nuzzled even closer to her. Hermione's body felt chilled, but it wasn't a stretch of the imagination that she might be cold. It was February after all, and Nott Manor, while it generally was the perfect temperature, could have succumbed to the winter while they were away.

"Draco, could you bring me a blanket," Hermione asked as her teeth began to chatter and her body began to shake. Iris's gulping hadn't slowed as she still filled her little belly, so when Draco went to take the infant Hermione shook her head to let him know to leave her. Resting her head back again, she felt the couch dip next to her and Draco's scent settled over her, so she knew that he would make sure the baby stayed safe as she drifted off to sleep.

Hermione wasn't sure how many hours had passed since she'd fallen asleep, but she awoke with a jerk, her body trembling as her head whipped around. She was in her bedroom, tucked under blankets and a fire lit in the hearth, but she was so cold. "Draco… Theo…" she croaked out, shuddering before wrapping her arms around herself. "Something's wrong," she coughed before closing her eyes again as sleep took hold once again.

ooo

"She's burning up, Healer Wilson, and she can't stay awake for more than a few moments," Theo's voice roused Hermione as her head rolled, her eyes fluttering open. The beeping of the diagnostic charms hovering over her, the only clue where she might be. Why was she back at St. Mungo's?

"I'm afraid Hermione's developed an infection and has begun haemorrhaging again. We're going to have to admit her for observation, and I need to monitor the potions she's on. I'm not positive what has caused such a reaction from her though, because when we did the caesarean we cleaned out her uterus, so the blood clots she's passing don't make any sense." The elderly healer was explaining as he pushed his glasses up his nose. "I have a few things I'm going to look into, but once I know more, I'll be in touch."

Footsteps were the only sounds she could hear above the charms before the creaking of a door opening, followed by a click, finally indicating that they were alone at last. Hermione let her eyes finish opening, squinting into the bright light as they adjusted to her surroundings. Draco was the first she saw, sitting at the foot of her bed with his head in his hands when a muffled cry pulled her attention away to where Theo stood cradling little Stella.

"I'll take her," Hermione whispered, her arms shaky as she tried to reach out for her daughter. "She might be hungry," her voice sounded scratchy and unrecognisable, even to herself, and it caused both men to jump at the sound.

"Granger?" Draco was out of his chair and by herself brushing the stray curls from her face as he peered into her eyes, looking her over as if she were a ghost. "I'm so sorry, I should have brewed your potions for you, I shouldn't have let Mungo's supply them. I knew they were subpar, but still I let you take them. Never again, never again will I let someone do a task that I should have done all along." He peppered her face with the softest kisses, his hands cupping her jaw as tears streamed down his face, wetting her cheeks.

"Did the healers say that it was the potions that caused me to get sick?" She asked, shakily pulling away from Draco as Theo pulled out a nursing pillow to help support her weak limbs while she held the baby.

"Not in as many words, but–" Draco began, but Hermione lifted a hand covering his mouth to silence his rant.

"Healer Wilson isn't sure what caused you to fall ill, my love," Theo explained as he walked away to gather Iris, who had started to stir at the sound of her mother's voice. "A theory, of many, was the potions, but he has expressed that we might never know the cause." He carried their dark haired infant in his arms and at Hermione's nod of approval worked easily to set their second baby on her other breast as the lactation specialist had taught them.

"Then it's settled," Hermione said, looking away from her daughters so she could look at her husbands. "It's no one's fault, I just happened to get sick."

"Hermione…" Draco trailed off, watching his wife intently, as if he looked away she might disappear before his eyes.

"No, Draco, I won't have you blaming yourself for something that was completely out of your control. Their birth was out of all of our control, and no amount of planning would have made a bit of difference. But look at them," Hermione's voice went soft as she smiled down at the girls in matching rose covered nightgowns they wore. "We've been through so much worse, and it's going to take time to recover from their traumatic births, but we can do it. As long as we do it together."

"Together," Theo agreed, pressing a kiss to Hermione's temple.

Draco let out a sigh as he looked at his partners and his daughters before nodding his head in agreement. "I do have one request," he added when his silver eyes finally looked up at Hermione and Theo.

"What's that?" She asked, glancing at the other wizard, who only shrugged, indicating that he was just as in the dark as she was.

"No more babies, four is enough." Draco sighed, his breath ragged, "childbirth is just too dangerous and I just can't…" He trailed off, wiping at tears that had started to run down his cheeks.

"Draco," Theo breathed and pulled their husband into a tight embrace, whispering soothing words into his ear. "Hermione's going to be alright, and the babies are alright. Everything was going to be fine."

A/N: Hello! Sorry for the long time between updates, but this chapter (well entire story really) takes a lot out of me to write.

So, the births of the twins didn't go as planned. At any turn.

The events are truly just a mashup of the births of my three boys and also of my amazing alpha reader. The after math of an unknown infection is the experience I had, so yes, all the birth trauma.

For the last two chapters, however, we will be looking at fluff, smut, and wrapping this wonderful fic up.

If you are following any of my other works, make sure to check out Time Keepers, as that was updated today as well. The newest chapter clocking in over 20k words, again. Once I have completed this story, I will be going back into If Only and completing that story in the next month. If you like my work and want to see more content faster, make sure you are following me on twitter, sarahfhickman and have joined the Facebook group Dreomione Appreciation.

With the next two chapters being lighter, they will be much easier to write, so expect this story wrapping up within the next two weeks. All my love and appreciation for each of you who read my writing, and I'll see you next week.