Chapter 3

Confidences

"To love is not to look at each other,

but to look together in the same direction."

(Antoine de Saint-Exupery)

- § -

Terrence would have liked to hug all the people he met that morning: finally she had written to him and finally he would see her again after so many years of separation. He couldn't believe it! He read the contents of the letter over and over again, deliberately ignoring the seed of doubt that some words were trying to instill in his heart:

"Dear Terry,

How are you? I was very sorry to hear the sad news of Susanna's death. I'm sure you suffered enormously: she was just an unfortunate woman in love. Your tact in waiting for more than a year before writing to me proves that, and now the time has come for us to meet face to face so as to understand where we stand. If it's not a problem for you I would like to come to New York next week, but I need to know if you'll be on a tour or I'll find you at your apartment. I'll try to stay nearby, so we'll be able to meet right away and talk.

See you soon,

Candy White Ardlay"

Everything was obscure. The joy that he would see her again. The lack of a phrase that would answer him: "Nothing has changed for me either." The omission of any words of affection and of the word "yours" before the signature. Even the tone of the letter itself was obscure. It seemed more like an official announcement than the promise of an encounter between two lovers.

But he loved Candy and everything would be fine. She couldn't help reciprocating; their bond had been so strong!

Thanks to her vision in Rockstown his career had picked up.

He had sacrificed his happiness for her and he had got up when he only wanted to drown in pain.

She couldn't let him down.

Who knows how much you have suffered too, my love!

He had been a fool to doubt her. Now he was more convinced than ever that Candy had simply wanted to wait for the right time after Susanna's death.

Certainly, if he thought about it, he felt sorry for Susanna, especially when he remembered that hope was born again inside him just a day

after her death.

While her body still waited to be buried.

God forgive him; He alone knew if he hadn't cried bitterly over her unjust passing.

But now he was free to love the woman he had always dreamed of, and nothing would change that reality.

How many times have I been tempted to write to you or even take the first train and rush to you...

But he had waited. And waited.

Eighteen months, eighteen more months without seeing you, hearing your voice, touching you...

Her answer had remained suspended in time and despair had gripped his heart.

Candy in love with someone else. Candy having forgotten him. Candy angry with him. The evenings he had spent looking at the ceiling or drinking in some pub.

Today her answer had come and Terrence felt alive again.

Candy had written to him that they had to talk. "So as to understand where we stand," he repeated in a low voice as he went to the rehearsals that misty morning. He knew perfectly well where he was standing.

He would immediately ask her to marry him.

And she would accept.

- § -

"Candy, keep still, please!" Annie scolded her as she was trying to tighten the corset around her waist.

"Oh, I hate these things. Aren't they out of fashion?" Candy complained, looking at herself in the mirror.

"Actually the young ladies of high society still wear them, so you..."

Candy stood up, took off her corset with a decisive gesture and threw it away. "I am an Ardlay and if there's one thing Uncle William has taught me is that I have to be free. Today I'll be free to wear my beautiful dress without that trap! I don't think I've gained any weight, so I don't need that."

Annie opened her mouth and eyes wide and imagined Albert encircling her back and touching her skin without the hindrance of that additional garment. She got goosebumps and felt her face blushing. "It might not be that bad, right?"

"Candy!" Annie screamed, shocked.

"Well, don't tell me you wouldn't like to dance with Archie without a corset!" Candy teased her with a mischievous expression.

"Candy!" repeated Annie louder, causing her to burst out laughing.

"All right, all right, don't blush like those lovely red roses! By the way, he has sent them, right?" she asked, looking at the inlaid vase which

contained fifteen splendid red roses.

"Yes," she said as she brought her hands to her face to hide her blushing. "He said that he's looking forward to seeing me again after his last trip and that in a few months we'll be traveling together as husband and wife."

"Of course you will, dearest Annie, at least until the time you'll be expecting a baby and you'll have to stop."

"Candy!" This time the young nurse saw it coming and both made the exclamation almost together. Even Annie laughed.

"Candy, you are always the same. But you deserve to be happy too. Don't you think it's high time you settled things with a certain famous actor?"

Her expression changed and suddenly turned serious. As their meeting approached, she felt more and more oppressed by uneasiness. There was nothing of the expectation that had made her shudder a few years ago, when she had had to join him for the premiere of "Romeo and Juliet" and everything had gone horribly wrong. There was not that emotion and that trepidation typical of a woman in love. It was as if her doubts were vanishing just at the thought of seeing him again. I'll do it soon. In a few days I'll be leaving for New York.

Annie approached her cautiously. Evidently she had caught her sad tone. "You should look happy but you look as if you are in a pillory. What's the matter, my friend?"

Candy sighed, looking in the mirror and starting to brush her long loose hair. "I'm afraid I'll have to give him some bad news. I'm going to him to drive away all doubts but also to talk to him. Annie, I'm almost certain my heart has belonged to someone else for a long time."

Annie's eyes widened again and she brought a hand to her mouth. "Who?"

Candy just looked at her as if to ask her why she couldn't understand, and saw her lips forming that name: "Albert."

"Yes, him." She put a hand to her chest where her heart had already begun to beat faster just by hearing his name. "My Prince on the Hill who has always been my friend. I've been so blind not to notice before! The meeting with Terry was a sweet and painful interlude, but things have changed."

Annie shook her head vigorously. "Candy, you are his daughter! And that's how he sees you. How can you think..."

"We are ten years apart, and I am his daughter in name only. It would be physically impossible, don't you think? Call him my guardian if you like, but not my uncle or father. And about his feelings...I know nothing certain but I don't want to expose myself now. Not until I've

cleared things up with Terry."

"Candy, you may be disappointed, and above all alone if you eventually leave Terrence. Have you thought about that?"

"And what am I supposed to do? Stay with him even if I don't love him? I'm sorry, Annie, I won't do that. If Albert doesn't want me I'm going to suffer. Maybe I'll even have to get away from him. But I prefer solitude to a union without feelings."

Annie stood behind her to help her with her hairstyle. "I can't blame you, Candy, but think about it. Maybe there's a little place left for him in your heart."

"Of course there is. I'm still very fond of Terrence. He's very dear to me. But that spark in my heart...I don't feel it anymore," she concluded sadly.

Annie shook her head, and they were silent for several minutes as they tried to arrange their hair in different ways. "Why don't you let it down? I'll put that ribbon on it and you'll look wonderful."

Candy nodded pleased. That evening she would look simple, just as she felt. And if Albert was destined to notice her she wanted to look natural and genuine.

- § -

Albert looked at himself in the mirror for the umpteenth time. He had never been vain, he who preferred to wear comfortable trousers and an old T-shirt with rolled up sleeves, throw a knapsack over his shoulder and travel with Poupe.

But that evening he had to declare himself to the woman he loved and wanted to be impeccable. He had chosen a very simple black suit because it was a charity reception and he didn't need to be too elegant.

He wondered once again if he was doing the right thing.

His heart had already moved on and screamed at him to take the leap but after much thought he was still afraid of getting it all wrong. He might have misinterpreted her treating him as a brother, or worse, he might have frightened her and made her run away from him.

He had made a crucial decision within a few days, and if he waited any longer, just to be sure he was doing the right thing, he would never get over it. He was tired of waiting. He might as well get rid of that thought immediately and stop pining away like this.

Either for better or for worse, he would find out.

He checked the buttons of his shirt and noticed that his hands were trembling imperceptibly. It was as if he were preparing to climb a canyon. He hadn't been so tense even when he had faced the lion that had attacked Candy. At that moment it had already been clear to him that he would give his life for her.

Now he trembled at the possibility to lose her.

"Come on, my boy, you can't let her wait!" The sudden voice startled him, and when he turned around he saw George's smile. "Nervous?" he asked, having noticed his exaggerated reaction.

"Next time you get behind me while I meditate, remember to bring Aunt Elroy's smelling salts. You scared me half to death," he joked as he walked towards the door.

"With all due respect, Sir William, I have saved the smelling salts for Madam Elroy just in case your declaration is successful," George replied wisely.

Albert stared at him for a moment with an amused expression, and then concluded: "Come on, they're waiting for us."