The stars were quiet.
It was such a strange thought but it was the only accurate one to describe the sky above her. The stars were quiet, they sparkled and lit up the sky but they were silent. Cold. In a way that seemed almost lifeless. Sitting against a dark sky.
The ginger she-cat felt alone staring at that night sky. She was in a place she didn't recognize. She couldn't remember much of anything beyond her surroundings. The forest with towering trees that stretched on endlessly. With dark shadows cast by a moonless sky. She was alone in this empty place.
Her dark ginger fur prickling uneasily, emerald eyes darting about, searching for any other souls in these lifeless woods. Where was she? How did she get here?
Her eyes found their target, in the distance, like a speck of sunlight moved another figure. Another cat that she could just barely make out. Who seemed to be watching her, before turning and melting away into the shadows.
"Wait!" She couldn't stop herself from crying out, instinctively racing after the vanishing cat. She couldn't explain it, the desperation roaring in her chest. She needed to find that cat, she had to know why the stars had abandoned them.
She needed to find them.
Squirrelkit let out a squawk as the hazy vision of her dreams faded out. A sharp kick to her ribs had been what had startled her from her sleep. She felt indignation spark in her chest as she turned to angrily face her sister, who was still asleep, having accidentally kicked Squirrelkit while stretching.
While still a bit annoyed, she let her annoyance fade at the peacefully sleeping face of Leafkit. Her sister continued to shift about in the makeshift nest, before finally sighing and settling back down to sleep. No longer moving except for the gentle rise and fall of her tabby brown chest.
Squirrelkit let out a slow breath, feeling the intensity of her dream slowly fading away. Barely tangible now, like fog in morning light.
It was just a dream, that's what she told herself. But never before had a dream felt so real. Never had it been so lucid and vivid. It was unsettling. Enough that even in her half asleep state she wanted to throw herself out of the nest and chase that vanishing orange tail.
She shook her head with a grunt and sat up. It was just a dream, nothing more. Maybe she should've listened to her instincts and not eaten that odd looking mouse yesterday, even if it'd been the last thing in the fresh-kill pile.
Now that she was awake, and had brushed off the oddity of her dream, Squirrelkit found her pelt now puffing up with energy and excitement. She couldn't relax, not when today was the day she was finally going to get out of camp.
Squirrelkit scrambled out of the nest she shared with her sister. She and Leafkit were too big to fit in a nest with Sandstorm anymore. Still, their mother was curled up in a nest just beside theirs, and would no doubt scold her daughter if she caught her awake before the sun had even risen.
The ginger kit pressed herself against the ground, fighting off an excited purr as she crept forward slowly, paws sliding lightly across the dirt floor.
This camp was all she'd ever known. A bit cramped with a low wooden ceiling, and bare dirt floors without a patch of grass or foliage in sight. A small space beneath an abandoned twoleg den in the center of twoleg place. It made it difficult to imagine the large forest camp the other warriors often reminisced about.
Said warriors slept nearby, their camp not big enough to have different dens for different ranked clan cats, and there weren't even enough cats for there to be separate dens for those ranks.
Squirrelkit quickly and skillfully snuck past the sleeping warriors. Avoiding Brightheart's twitching whisker's and Longtail's stretched out tail.
She didn't fight the momentary swell of pride as she continued slinking past. Instead she let it lift her head high. She was going to be a great apprentice and an even greater warrior.
Squirrelkit finally got through the throng of sleeping cats and to the small hole that served at the camp's entrance, poking her head out and catching a glimpse of the barely rising sun.
She'd never been beyond this entrance, but she had sat beside it many times, staring out into the open world. Debating sneaking out, and fighting to stay patient for the day she became six moons old.
In truth, the outside world wasn't pretty, at least not where they lived. This was one of many abandoned two leg dens. Decrepit and broken, many not having roofs or walls, broken shards of glass littering the hard dirt floor, so hard that even rain couldn't seem to soften. Broken stone paths that the warriors said grew too hot to walk upon during green-leaf. Along with dozens of pieces of twoleg trash that made no sense to Squirrelkit, like a weird black circle that she'd heard Goldenflower say was chewy and smelled of the thunderpath. Or a long silver snake that was lifeless and made a tinkling sound when moved.
What truly fascinated Squirrelkit though, was the world beyond their home. The one the warriors talked about. A place full of so many trees that they were uncountable. With grass that was soft and sparkled with morning dew, filled with prey in green-leaf. It all sounded so wonderful.
Squirrelkit shuffled her paws beneath her, her haunches wiggling as she imagined stalking a mouse through the underbrush, leaping like a powerful lion and- "I hope you're not sneaking out," came an attempted stern mew, but really was one of amusement and warmth.
Squirrelkit practically jumped out of her fur, puffing up and whirling around to see Graystripe standing there, a smile on his face as he watched the young cat.
"No!" Squirrelkit immediately denied "and I wasn't scared either! I knew you were there! The whole time!" she huffed, nodding to convince herself of the statement.
Graystripe gave an amused purr at that, watching Squirrelkit fondly as he lifted a paw and ruffled her ears, laughing again as she ducked out of the way. Puffing up again indignantly.
"Graystripe, I'm going to be an apprentice soon and apprentices don't have their ears ruffled," she insisted, it seemed none of her words were helping as it only made the gray tom laugh more.
"I'm sure you weren't scared," he said, in that very annoying tone that Squirrelkit recognized as indulgent and very much not believing her "and I'll refrain from playing with your ears once you're officially an apprentice, which isn't just yet."
Squirrelkit pouted, but decided this wasn't a fight she could win. Instead she looked outside, bouncing a bit on her paws as the sun rose higher above the horizon.
"But it's today! Right?" She asked, not waiting for an answer as she looked at Graystripe and back out the window again. Unable to contain her excitement.
"I'll be a great apprentice!" She hissed, kicking away some dirt with her hind paw and crouching down into the fighting crouch Graystripe had shown her before "Ill fight anything that dares to come near our clanmates!"
She puffed up with pride, turning to face Graystripe again, realizing he wasn't quite looking at her anymore. Instead his gaze was solemn and his eyes, while still on her, were unfocused, as if he was staring into the distant past instead of her.
"Graystripe..?" She mewed hesitantly, stepping closer to the tom, jumping as he flinched when she placed her paw on his.
"Sorry... I was just thinking..." he shook his head, forcing a goofy smile on his face, but even Squirrelkit could see the strain in his face "You're right, you'll be a great apprentice... for a while longer though... you're still a kit," he teased, rising to all four paws once again.
The ray of sunlight slanting through the entrance of camp signaled the dawn. Slowly but surely the rest of their clanmates began to rise with it. Stretching and yawning to face another day. Squirrelkit spotted her mother and sister waking up on the other side of the camp and hurried over to them. Graystripe would be too busy organizing patrols now that everyone was awake.
"Squirrelkit, there you are," Leafkit chirped as she spotted her sister racing over, purring as Squirrelkit climbed back into the nest "You weren't here when I woke up."
"That's because I'm not a lazy bones!" Squirrelkit teased, tackling Leafkit onto the nest. Leafkit huffing and trying to squirm out from beneath her sister.
"Squirrelkit get off of me!" Leafkit wailed as she wiggled and squirmed. Causing Squirrelkit to laugh in victory as she pummeled her sister's ears with sheathed paws.
"That's enough you two," came Sandstorm's good natured yet disciplining mew "You won't be kits any longer, you'll be apprentices," she stepped into to the nest, leaning down to lick Squirrelkit between the ears, who was now the one to try and squirm away "And apprentices don't rough house like day old kits."
Squirrelkit ducked her head sheepishly, she couldn't help it, she was just too excited, knowing that as soon as some fresh kill was brought back they'd hold the ceremony.
"Behave you two, I'll be back soon," Sandstorm murmured lovingly, staring at her kits with a look she'd come to recognize. A mix of love and anguish. It was only because of that look, that Squirrelkit held still as Sandstorm licked her and Leafkit's ears again, before turning and joining the crowd around Graystripe.
Squirrelkit couldn't contain her envy, she wanted to go out on patrols. She wanted to bring back prey for her clanmates to eat. She would bring back the biggest and freshest mice the twoleg place had to offer. More often than not her clanmates could only bring back skinny birds and crowfood.
"Why can't sunhigh come fast enough?" The ginger she-cat huffed, flopping down onto the nest.
"Don't worry Squirrelkit, it won't be much longer now," Leafkit tried to reassure her, but Squirrelkit just scoffed.
"Easy for you to say, you're practically Cinderpelt's apprentice already," she grumbled. A part of her was sad, her sister wouldn't be able to join her on patrols or go out hunting with her. But Cinderpelt didn't leave without a warrior escort, so one day when Leafkit was a medicine cat, Squirrelkit was determined to be the one to escort her sister through their dangerous territory.
Squirrelkit's musings were interrupted though by an annoying and grating voice "Leafkit is right, you know. Patience is a key virtue in any warrior, a warrior who pounces too soon will have his prey run out from right between his paws," Brambleclaw mewed as he stepped passed the nest, glancing at the two she cats as he stopped for a moment.
Squirrelflight felt herself puffing up in annoyance. Wishing Brambleclaw wouldn't stick his nose where it didn't belong. She wasn't interested in hearing any advice he had to give, especially when he'd only just been made a warrior, less than a moon ago, and he acted as if he knew more than older cats like Graystripe or their mother.
Leafkit seemed unbothered by the tom's advice, which only made it more bothersome to Squirrelkit, who puffed up angrily "Doesn't matter if I pounce too soon, I'll just be fast enough to catch it before it runs off!" She mewed, sinking her claws into the thin old moss of their nest.
Brambleclaw's amused expression only infuriated her more, especially the way his eyes rolled as if the answer was something she'd obviously missed "Such a common way for a kit to think."
Squirrelkit let out a growl, considering pouncing on his stupid face, but Leafkit, ever the voice of reason and level headedness, stepped in front of her sister "Thank you for the advice Brambleclaw, but I think the patrols are leaving soon."
Brambleclaw flicked an ear, and without another word to the two, padded off to join the patrols. Leaving Squirrelkit fuming in his wake.
"Stupid tom," she growled beneath her breath, feeling affronted by Leafkit's clearly repressed laughter "What?"
"Nothing!" Leafkit purred, though her eyes glinted as if she knew something Squirrelkit didn't "We have till sun high, let's find Cinderpelt, it'll give us something to do."
Squirrelkit had to repress a groan "I'm going to be a warrior apprentice not a medicine cat one, I should practice my battle moves, or my hunting crouch, or-" she ducked to avoid the playful swipe to her ears.
"Or make yourself useful, you're not an apprentice yet!" Leafkit laughed, Squirrelkit was really starting to resent the way cats kept pointing that out, but she conceded and rose to her paws, following her sister across their small camp, to where the gray she-cat was organizing several piles of herbs.
The medicine cat looked up, smiling as she saw the two kits approaching "Good morning you two, you excited for your ceremony?" She asked, twisting a bit so she was facing the kits.
The question immediately set off Squirrelkit's excitement "Of course I am! Sunhigh can't come fast enough!" she was feeling impatient, casting a glance at the camp tunnel "Are we sure it isn't sunhigh yet? Maybe I should go check?"
"Sunhigh hasn't passed yet, no need to go rushing off," Cinderpelt assured with a mew, continuing to sort her herbs. Squirrelkit fought not to curl her lip, the plants looked wilted and old, as lifeless as the rest of the outside world. It made her wonder wear the medicine cat even found them. The expression on Cinderpelt's face didn't go unnoticed either, and it made Squirrelkit's initial distaste shift into huilt, it was one of tiredness and fatigue.
Leafkit stepped forward, nosing Cinderpelt's shoulder and offering a small smile. An attempt at comfort that seemed to perk her up just a bit, as she brushed some of the herbs aside. Taking a deep breath as she straightened her spine.
"We'll have to collect more herbs soon," she tried her best to give an enthusiastic smile "It'll be the first thing we do once you're apprenticed," she said to Leafkit, who seemed to straighten excitedly.
"Which can't come fast enough!" Squirrelkit couldn't help but lament, throwing her head back, which sparked more laughter from the two. It made Squirrelkit feel warm, managing to garner a genuine smile from Cinderpelt.
"In the meantime you two can help me," Cinderpelt said, rising onto three legs, her crooked fourth leg hanging at her side.
She'd heard the story in hushed whispers, and had been told not to talk about it by their mother. Cinderpelt had been a warrior apprentice first, before a monster had crippled her and put her on a new path. Squirrelkit couldn't imagine how devastated Cinderpelt must've felt, being forced to change destinies. But she seemed to enjoy her duties as a medicine cat, and was ecstatic when Leafkit showed a desire to walk that same path.
"I'm going to be a warrior apprentice," she pointed out as Cinderpelt motioned for the two to follow, to the previously arranged piles of wilting herbs "I'm not supposed to be sorting herbs."
"Being a medicine cat is more then just sorting herbs, Squirrelkit!" Leafkit admonished as she set to work, not catching the way Squirrelkit slightly rolled her eyes, following Cinderpelt's lead as they bundled certain herbs together "It's about healing, and guiding your clanmates and communing with Starclan, right Cinderpelt?"
It was the last item in that list that seemed to startle Cinderpelt, stopping what she was doing as she straightened with a sigh, ears flattening against her head.
"It is…" she admitted "But… our connection to StarClan isn't as strong as it used to be…" the way she phrased it, it was clear she was leaving things out. No doubt censoring herself, which somewhat annoyed Squirrelkit but she didn't let it out. The grown cats were always watching what they said around her and Leafkit. It was so frustrating, how was she supposed to help if their clanmates kept coddling them.
"Is it because we can't go to the Moonstone?" Squirrelkit asked, a bit hesitant, but curious to know more. The mysterious stone that allowed medicine cats to speak to their warrior ancestors. All stories that Squirrelkit had heard, stories that were filled with reminiscence and heartache.
Cinderpelt nodded "Since we can't go to Moonstone… since we lost our home…" there it was, a familiar distant look in her blue eyes, a look she'd seen in Graystripe earlier, in her mother, in all the other warriors during their storytelling. An ache, a longing for what once was.
Squirrelkit felt an odd sort of loneliness come over her seeing that expression on her face. Her and Leafkit had been born six moons ago, and this dusty hole in the earth was all they knew. She felt like a stranger among her own clanmates when they talked of their old home like this, a home Squirrelkit should've known too. A home that felt impossible to imagine in their camp of dirt floors and rotted wood ceiling.
Their clanmates had been traveling, searching for a new home when they'd learned Sandstorm was pregnant. They'd been forced to find a place to settle, till they were born and could survive the journey that would inevitably continue.
She twitched her whiskers, unable to fight off the inevitable guilt. She was going to become the best apprentice and warrior her clanmates had ever seen, she was going to protect them and she was going to find them all a new home. One with plump prey to fill their bellies and flourishing herbs for their medicine cat.
It was this determined mindset and the desire to try and cheer up some of Cinderpelt's despondence that had Squirrelkit moving forward to help without further complaint.
The work wasn't difficult, following Cinderpelt's guidance in bundling up certain herbs. Putting them off to the side, on a small pile of rocks to keep them from getting dusty. Listening to Cinderpelt as she rambled on about the herbs and their uses, Leafkit gave her undivided attention. Leafkit was pretty much her apprentice already, the upcoming ceremony was honestly just a formality. Or more accurately, a piece of tradition her clanmates clung to for the sake of normalcy.
It was because she was distracted, working with the two, that Squirrelkit hardly noticed when the patrol returned. Only glancing up when a familiar voice called out to the clan cats.
"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather around for a clan meeting!" Graystripe's commanding voice echoed in the small space. Rousing the cats who'd returned back to their paws, sitting in a semi circle around the gray tom.
It was time! Finally! It was time!
She almost launched herself across the camp, stopping only when her mother appeared in front of her, smiling fondly as she licked Squirrelkit's ears.
"Sandstorm! Not now!" She whined quietly, trying to rush around her mother, who purred gently.
"I just want to show my kits love once more," she murmured, giving Leafkit a similar lick on the head "Walk up there like sensible apprentices now," she firmly told them, stepping back and allowing them to pass.
Squirrelkit reigned in her excitement, enough so she walked calmly, her head high and wide smile on her face. Leafkit purring beside her as the two stopped in front of Graystripe, who had an equal smile of pride on his face. There was also that familiar look of longing, of hurt, but it was gone as quickly as it had been there.
"Squirrelkit, Leafkit, you have both reached the age of six moons, and it is time for you to be apprenticed," his attention became focused on Leafkit "Until you receive your medicine cat name, you will be known as Leafpaw. Your mentor will be Cinderpelt," he stepped to the side as the grey she-cat limped forward, pressing a muzzle to Leafkit's head, who licked her shoulder with a purr "Cinderpelt, you have shown dedication and love to your clan, and I trust you will pass on these qualities to your apprentice."
He turned his attention back to Squirrelkit, she was practically wiggling with excitement. Who would be her mentor? Thornclaw? Brightheart maybe?
"Until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Squirrelpaw, and... I will be your mentor," she could hear the purr rumbling in his chest as he stepped forward and pressed his nose to her head.
Squirrelpaw couldn't stop shaking with excitement, almost forgetting to lean forward and lick Graystripe's shoulder. She was so relieved, he was going to be her mentor! He always believed in her, and she would make him proud. She sat up straighter, she would make them all proud.
"Squirrelpaw! Leafpaw!" She heard her mother's voice, followed by the rest of the clan, all of them chanting, cheering for the two new apprentices. She could see it in their faces, the hope they held in their eyes.
"Squirrelpaw! Leafpaw!"
With one final cry, their clanmates settled down, rising and dispersing, murmuring more congratulations as they passed. Squirrelkit, no Squirrelpaw could hardly sit still, smiling and purring uncontrollably as Brightheart approached her.
"Congratulations Squirrelpaw," her voice was warm as she pressed her muzzle briefly to the ginger she-cat's head, leaning back, her one eye shining brightly "You'll be a great apprentice and an even better warrior," she stepped back as Brackenfur approached.
"She's right," the tom praised, "Just like your parents were."
Parents, plural. Meaning both Sandstorm and…
"Like Sandstorm and Firestar?" she dared to ask, unable to repress her curiosity, to seize this chance caused by the slip of the tongue. Of the elusive parent she had heard spoken of only in whispers and hushed conversation. The kind that instantly went silent whenever she or her sister drifted by.
Alas, she wasn't quick enough, because Brackenfur looked suddenly uncomfortable "Uh…" avoiding eye contact, Graystripe stepping in and speaking up. Allowing the cream colored warrior to quickly slip away, looking almost despondent.
"Well Squirrelpaw, You're an apprentice now," his voice was tight with a slightly forced cheerfulness "I hope you'll wait at least a day or two before insisting you be made a warrior."
Squirrelpaw fought the urge to huff, she recognized a distraction when she saw one, but her excitement at finally being made an apprentice was strong enough to push aside her questions for now. Instead she laughed, bouncing on all four paws "I'll wait a whole moon before asking but only if we can go explore the territory right now!"
Graystripe's faked cheerfulness melted into something more genuine, but he also straightened with a deep breath, her mentor's demeanor hardening from carefree to something far more serious and grave.
"Alright, we'll explore the territory," His eyes glancing between her and Leafpaw "But you both need to listen to me. The place we call home is dangerous, and it's usually only safest at night or early morning. But the faster you're trained, the sooner we can continue our journey and set off for a new home," his muzzle scrunched up "No goofing off, No wandering off, you two must do exactly as we say, when we say it," looking to Cinderpelt who was now balanced on three legs beside him.
Graystripe had certainly been stern in the past, be it scolding Squirrelpaw for attempting to peek her head out of the camp tunnel, or when he was getting between some argument or another amongst their clanmates. This was a lot more unnerving, he sounded grave, as if warning her that if she put one pawstep out of place, she'd die a painful death.
Then again, maybe that wasn't so unbelievable.
Meeting Leafpaw's eyes for a moment, Squirrelpaw nodded to Graystripe, deciding that for once she would hold back on the jokes. She wasn't looking at Graystripe, her friend and father figure, she was looking at the leader of Thunderclan, and his word was law.
A bit of the tension left him, his shoulders sagging just slightly "Good, now let's go," he said, turning and leading the way back towards the camp tunnel. Cinderpelt at his heels, her tail twitching in a motion for them to follow "Remember, stay close," she reminded them.
"And be careful out there," lastly came Sandstorm's voice, who had seemingly been waiting for the right moment to approach her kits, unable to resist nuzzling the pair between the ears one last time. Her face tugged down with worry, which was the only reason Squirrelpaw didn't loudly protest the act reserved for kits.
"We will! We'll keep each other safe," She promised her mother, unable to restrain herself any longer "but right now we need to go!" bouncing back up onto all four paws, she hurried to the tunnel, stopping to let Leafpaw catch up, casting one last glance at Sandstorm.
Their mother looked half tempted to chase after them, but Squirrelpaw remembered idly that she was the Deputy, she'd need to stay behind while Graystripe was out with them. She gave her mother one last smile, one that Sandstorm returned before turning away slowly.
Squirrelpaw took a deep and shuddering breath, turning to face the tunnel once more. Just like this morning she could see the world beyond. Though the sun was much higher and was casting an almost vicious brightness onto the stone ahead.
"Come on Squirrelpaw," Leafpaw chirped, stepping past her sister and crawling out into the light.
This was it, the moment she'd been desperately yearning for for moons. But the habits she'd known all her short lifetime had her halting, having to remind herself she was an apprentice. Not a kit to be coddled, she could go out into the world now. Yet Squirrelpaw was now filled with a strong sense of apprehension she hadn't felt before. Her clan was now depending on her, to not only provide, but to be strong enough to continue the journey they had put on hold. No more, she would be a burden no more.
With one last deep breath, she sank her claws into the dirt and crawled out, feeling the direct sunlight on her pelt for the very first time, and stepping into the cruel and unforgiving world she called home.
--
I can't believe this took two years. Whoops. My only excuse is that the world exploded and with it so did my life haha. Let's hope I can stick to my once a month schedule this time.