Author Note: Thank you all who bothered to fav, follow or write a review. It truly means the world to me. Thank you so much to all of you. I hope this will not disappoint
Also thank you so much to Maria for your help.
The first gift that Severus had gotten from his father, was a shiner. The following presents were several injuries, a burn mark made by his father`s Albany cigarettes and locked outside the house till the ray of sunlight. All because Severus simply talked. Or was inhaling oxygen.
A familiar taste of bitterness filled Severus´s mouth just by thinking on his boyhood. Murkiness covered the corners of the hallway, while he heard his own footsteps echoed within the gloom. The perspiration, which had clung to him earlier had finally fade, yet his body odor could still be smelt a mile away. Much to his displeasure, as if anyone passed the hospital wing, then they could smell him, which would also ruin his plan. Shattered it completely.
The coldness within the hallway bit his nose tip, despite the warming charms, that had been left in the corners. The darkness almost blinded his senses, but still he felt a bit of calmness, as his hands met the only barrier, that he kept him from earthly paradise. His hands flew over the wooden door until they founded the metal doorknob, and pressed it down. Holding back his breath as he heard a loud shriek came from the door, which was slowly opening. A small drop of sweat formed on his brow, as a second with complete silent passed. Adrenaline was starting to be kicked off inside him, as his hand opened the door.
Quivers ran through his body, as he speed-walked through the first part of the hospital wing. Giddiness filled him for the first time in many years, when his black eyes landed upon a figure laying in a bed. A small smirk played upon his lips, as he looked around towards the other beds. Nobody else where near.
A beautiful ray of moonlight seemed to show Severus the easiest way towards the bed. Absolutely beautiful. Luck was on his side to do, what was needed. He could finally kill McLaggan. He quietly walked across the marble floor. His heart pumped a bit faster by each step he took, and he felt small trembles ran from his shoulders to his fingers. The newborn adrenaline seemed to block his short- handed memory, because before he knew it, he was standing in front of McLaggan´s curly hair and was staring down at his face. But the moonlight seemed to disagree with him and almost illuminate the attractiveness McLaggan apparently possessed. Severus could literally feel an old rage began to bobble beneath his skin.
Flashes of his past danced before his eyes. James Potter's white teeth. Glideroy Lockhart´s morking grin. Sirius Black. All those people which had ruined his life in more ways than one and had been forgiven by society, just because most people found them charming. Or simply because they had pitied them like Lupin. Severus shook his head in a vain attempt to shake the memories off. He could not distracted or else he would be caught by a raging Madam Pomfrey. He rolled up his sleeves exposing his pale skin and placed his hands around Mclaggan´s throat. He could almost feel the idiot's veins beneath his palms and fingertips.
Maybe it was pathetic to kill someone, when they were on the edge of going into of a coma, but Severus knew he only had one chance. Also, his father had never hesitated to beat him, just because he was sleeping. Slowly he began to press his hands together around Mclaggan´s throat. Severus felt his heart up in his throat while as dripped of his skin like a waterfall.
The idiot was still breathing, despite Severus's strong attempt to strangulate the idiot. He released his grip around Mclaggan, rethinking the situation when he heard somebody said "He is not worth it."
The only one that voice could belong to was someone, who cared about him or at least seemed to and since his grandmother were not living anymore, then it could only be Hermione. He turned to see her standing in the hospital's gloom, watching him. Her hair was in complete disarray, and more frizzy than usually. Apparently, she had been able to put two and two together and had sneaked out of bed to stop him.
He still had not let go of Mclaggan´s throat. He should have known that she would have figured out, why his face had gone pale at the evening's suppertime, when Pomfrey had explained that Mclaggan had survive and would be fine again. Slowly, but determined Hermione walked towards them. Severus let go off Mclaggen's neck and placed his hands behind his back. Hermione had walked to the other side of Mclaggan's bed and stared down at him.
"I was checking his well-being" Severus lied, while he stared her down with cold expression. She ignored him, checking on Mclaggan for marks but he could see his lies still got her.
No doubt, that he annoyed her with his lies like she annoyed him by interrupting his assassination attempt on Mclaggan.
"Apparently Mister Mclaggan can survive a lot of things," Severus added cruelly, before he turned his gaze away from her and looked out the window. A cloud covered the lower part of the moon. His fascination with the moon was interrupted by some faint footsteps coming towards them. Severus blood ran cold. He turned around, to see Hermione's face had become even paler;
"What are you doing here?" An older female voice hissed. Severus snapped his head around to see a figure standing and staring at them with an angry expression. Her eyes glowed in fury and her lips were a thin line.
"Good evening, Madam Pomfrey." He heard Hermione muttered in the corner of his eye. He saw Hermione fawn-like eyes picked forward behind her hair of frizziness
"Well, I think the right word is rather like night. Lumos," Pomfrey quipped coldly. Only a second after all candles within the room lit up. The light burned Severus´s black eyes for some seconds and he had to blink several times before he could see properly again. His throat ran dry as he saw Pomfey stared at him with an expression of revulsion. Her eyes told him, that she had taken in his dark circles, his greasy black hair and his odor of sweat. She even wrinkled her nose as the smell had caught her broad nose.
He felt his face became red of rage; "Because of the moonlight? Clearly you are clever then you seemed."
Multiple seconds passed in complete silence, after Severus had drawled those words. Pomfrey was shaking in rage while her brows narrowed, in thought for a clever comeback. Severus just pretended to be bored by the conversation, and looked out the window. The cloud still covered the half of the moon. He heard Pomfrey walked towards him, but he just ignored her.
"Well, it still does not explain, why Mister Mclaggan needed a sudden visit without my notice," Pomfrey hissed, before her fingers began to touch the duvet. Severus felt his mouth ran dry as he heard her finger brushing against the fabric. What if he had bruises upon Mclaggan´s throat? Diziness hit him instantly and his fingertips seeked one of the edges of the window frame to keep him from hitting the floor. A sharp sound interrupted his thoughts. He turned his head to see Hermione had clasped her own hand over Pomfrey´s.
"We are so sorry, that we did not inform you first, but we wanted to help Mclaggan with potions," Hermione said with a nervous smile. Her teeth were nice compared to his yellow ones.
"I insisted upon helping," She added, but Pomfrey hissed back between her painted lips.
"I don´t believe a word or what you are saying. Severus would never help-" Pomfrey yelled on top of her lungs before she stopped herself. A flicker of hurt appeared Hermione's fawn-like eyes, and she looked away quickly from Pomfrey, which face had become colerless. Severus did not know, if it was his anixiety for being caught by Pomfrey or what Hermione would think of him, but he felt his stomach turn.
Why could the past not leave him alone? Why did Pomfrey have to mention that Hermione was a muggleborn? That once upon time as a teenager he had thought less of her, simply because of her blood status. How a fool he had been.
"What?" he barked, as he crossed his arms. Pomfrey seemed to lose her nerve and did not turn around to meet his eyes.
"Nothing," she whispered while she smoothed out the duvet. Coward that was what she was. All cruel words shimmered on his tongue but instead he just muttered.
"Apparently it was not nothing" Usually, he would not back out of confrontations, but he felt stripped bare. Also, he did not want Hermione to think ill of him. At least not anymore.
" Well, we all make mistakes, Pomfrey whispered, as she began to walk towards Mclaggan. The dim candlelight made her even look older than usually.
" I actually would like to know," Hermione's voice cracked. Severus felt his heart tighten, just by hearing that sound. Pomfrey´s footsteps ceased at once.
"It is not what you think, I mean" Pomfrey whispered before she turned her head to look back at Mclaggan. Confusion was written across Hermione´s gentle features but her shoulders became less tense. Despite Severus felt more relieved yet a sense of foreboning began to rise within him. What dit Pomfrey mean then? If his past as Death eater, or blood status was off the topic, then what was it?
"I would never help a what?" He spatted, while his stomach tighten itself together. Pomfrey froze. She gazed down at her old shoes, before she raised it to look back at Mclaggan. Severus felt his fingers became nearly numb because he griped the corner too tight. What was so hard for her to say?
"Gryffindors. Not one from Quitddich or with one with wavy hair. Nobody who clearly oppresses others." Pomfrey replied somberly while her head shook. Severus nearly tasted his own vomit in the back of this throat as he realized what she meant. She knew that he almost died because of The Marauders?
Why had she not done anything to even help him? His black eyes flickered towards Hermione. Instantly she looked away from his gaze. The emotion of loathing filled him. How many knew about that and had never bothered to ask how he felt?
Did nobody even care? One tiny bit about him. Everybody thought that he was really unlovable? Hateful?
"Absolutely beautiful." He spatted at them, as he let go off the window frame edge and began to walk towards the door. Pomfrey´s bumped into Mclaggan´s bed as she cowered in fear for him. He did not even look at her as she passed her. His legs were like jelly by the shoch, so he could not help but staggered a bit
"Bloody astonishing" He spatted quietly to nobody particularly but his own fate
"I am so sorry – but -," Pomfrey muttered before he turned on his heel and hissed at her,
"You knew the entire time, and you did nothing." He felt his eyes burned.
"Sir?" He heard Hermione shuttered behind him, yet he kept his back turned to her. She did not matter anymore.
"Don´t ever speak to me again." He warned Pomfrey, before he turned away from her. The taste of vomit became stronger, the second he turned around and his eyes met Hermione`s beautiful eyes. Her eyes begged him to forgive her. Tears threated to fall again from his eyes, but he just closed his eyes. She did not matter anymore. She never did to him anyway. She was an insufferable show-off.
"Please listen to me. I was a coward and I couldn´t prove that Black had tri-" Pomfrey yelled to him while properly guilt written across over her old face. She never knew when to shut up. He turned around, stared her dead in the face and cut her off before she would dare to speak to him again.
" You did nothing when I came to the hospital wing with injuries on every single Saturdays. Every other school day when I came with a hex burn and you still did nothing to help me. I was hiding in your care, begging you to let me in the hours, they had free. But still I pressed out by you to go back." Severus snarled at Pomfrey who still stood next to McLaggan´s bed. The elderly woman looked defeated. A sense of winning should have filled him, but instead he just felt empty. He turned on his heel and began to walk away. He needed to get away from both of them. To clear his head. But when his hand landed on the door handle, he heard Pomfrey called out to him
"It is not just Black and Potter which gave you those injuries were they? I remember you came to school with a black eye after you had been on Christmas Holiday", Pomfrey realized out loud.
Time stopped for Severus. His heart jumped up in his throat again. This could not be happening. He looked back and saw Hermione, standing shellshock with horror in her eyes. Severus did not know what happened within him, but the look in Hermione was too much for him.
He spung the door opened and ran into the tenebrosity, without looking back at them. Usually he would have obliviate both of them but his mind could not think straight. He did not want to be pitied. He just couldn´t. His steps chimed in the darkness. His heart began to beat heavily within his chest, while the shadows wanted to devour him. Despite his rationality knew, that his father could not come back from dead, his imagination ran wild.
What if his father was there in the shadows? He could just imagine him standing there with a cigarette in his mouth. His father's eyes would gleam in cruelty to see Severus shivering like a small child. Maybe he found a transformed Lupin, who wanted to finish the job to kill him. Or worse bite him. He turned a corner, as his anxiety heighted. What if Black came back from the other side of veil, and would send a full body-biding spell on him, before he could even react. What if Black had found his father´s chain?
His throat tighten itself together. He tried to breath, despite his fast pace but air never met his lungs. He almost fell down the staircase that went down to dungeon`s instead of the main hall with a dead grip over the railway, his steps almost flew the marble ones. His angst pulled the sweat drops out from under his skin, as his feet landed on the dungeon's cobblestones. The flashes of his past became more life-like, he ran towards the one of dungeons hallway . The only place he had been safe. His chamber. He just needed to breath and then he could deny everything that happend tomorrow. He was good at denying things. He could obilivate them. He reached the small hallway, which would lead him the easiest way to his chamber. Not many of the students used the hallway, even when it was school hours.
There was close with no light within the hallway, expect for a bit of candlelight, but still his feet knew the way. He did not know if it was because he had run too fast, yet the world seemed to turned sidewards, despite his mind knew, that he was walking straight. Why did Pomfrey have to mention the night where lupin had tried to kill him? She might as well have mentioned, when Potter had pulled his pants off in front of everyone to see in broad daylight. Nausea hit him like lighting from clear sky, yet he could not stop the memory. The looks of shock and amusing had shined his classmates' eyes. Especially in the girls from Gryffindor. He remembered those, which were most in shock by the action, where named Delilah, and Mary Macdonald, even though they both snickered loudly. He thought at least that were their names. Even Dina which bullied on a daily basis laugh. His chest ached like someone had stabbed him but still nothing could compare to the look of amusement in Lily's shinning green eyes. The old, bitter taste of vomit appeared in the back of his mouth, while his chest burned even more. He hated that memory.
The nausea became stronger. Without thinking it through he walked towards one of the hallway's stonewalls and lend towards it. In a vain attempt to keep himself from vomiting in the hallway, his mind grasped onto another memory. A glimpse of his father dragged a drunk muggle girl, while his mother sat lifeless in a chair. She was breathing, yet a part of her had dead. Something twisted within his stomach. He did not remember why that memory affected him so much, but he felt literally his own vomit crawled out his throat. He tried to swallow it, but instead his own vomit filles hid mouth and touch his lips. But before he could stop himself, he hunched forward and vomited over himself
Tears sprung to his eyes, as he saw his own pants and shoes became tainted by emesis. Even parts several locks of his hair
"Disgusting". One of the paintings muttered. None of the painting knew when to be quiet. Severus just tried to ignore the comment and almost pulled his wand out of his sleeve like nothing had happened, but his stomach had another plan. He hunched forward and threw up once more. Saliva mixed with spew rolled down his chin. Much to his own humiliation he coughed the last drops, when he felt a hand on his shoulders.
"Are you ill Sir?" Hemione asked, while her hand began to stroke him. He just looked down at his own vomit, which also covered the floor. He could not describe the emotion, yet for the closest word was wonderful.
"Should I get someone?" Hermione pressed gently. Wet tears rolled down his cheeks. Why did she pretend to care? He attempted to rise up to stand in full height to scream at her to leave him alone, and she was a liar, but before he could the world turned.
He almost fell forward, and landed in his own puke, if Hermione grabbed him by the arm. Despite her light figure, she pulled him back to stand up. With her cold hands, she guided him towards the wall across their original position. Carefully, she placed him towards the stones, so he could lean up against the wall, so he did not need to stand on his own. The nausea had faded a bit, but still he was thankful, that she placed him there. She smiled sincerely to him without any trace of malice before she turned around and drew her wand from her velveteen pajamas pocket. She pointed her wand towards the mess, he had created, as a warrior protecting him against harm. Nobody had bothered to help him with those things before her.
"Tergeo", she whispered, as she began to move her wand back and forth. It was quite graceful, the way she did it. He knew that he should not have, but his eyes follow her every move. The seconds of awe where abruptly end, as she turned around to face him again. Her smile vanished as she realized that he had been staring at her. She became white in her face, and Severus felt his own cheeks burn. She was properly uncomfortable since what had happened to her, two days ago, and now he might have triggered that memory. He had not even against her if she was alright.
"You know that I won't tell anybody," She whispered, as she met his gaze again. He knew that he should have muttered a thanks yet he just nodded. She raised her wand in a attempt to clean him, but he stopped her
"I can handle that myself" Severus said without his usually snark. Her eyes sadden for a second for his decline yet they lit up again a second. Her eyes were truly pretty, when she was happy.
"Can I follow you a bit towards your chamber? I would not like to leave you in this state" She whispered softly. He felt his face grew hot. He knew that she properly did not mean the undertones in her words, yet the image of her kissing him sensually while her hands began to clean him ran through his mind. He licked his lips. For a second, he was sure that her eyes flickered down towards his lips.
She stepped closer towards him. Apparently, she did not care, if he smelled of sweat or had covered himself with his own vomit. Before he could stop her and tell her no, she took by his arm. Slowly, they both began to walk towards his bedroom.
If luck is on my side, I will try to get the last part out between 20- 23 October.