"So," said Lulu, with a hint of sarcasm, ten minutes later, "have you thought of anything yet?"
"Oh, shut up," groaned Robbie.
"I'll fry you with firaga," she threatened.
"Oh, c'mon stop arguing! We need all our heads to think of something, you know?" Rikku said.
"Good idea," said Tidus. "Instead of just sitting here, we should talk about it. Come on, it's just a babysitter. We can do this!"
"Just the babysitter from the black lagoon," Ana muttered darkly.
"Step one is know your enemy," said Kimahri in his low deep ronso voice, making us all jump. I had almost forgotten he was there.
"Kimahri makes a good point," said Auron. "What do you know about this 'Ma'am'".
"She's a…" Robbie said the same Hebrew word as before.
"Was that Al Bhed?" asked Tidus.
"No," answered Rikku.
"It was Hebrew," started Robbie. I cut him off before he could give Rikku and Tidus an informational lecture about Hebrew, and/or tell them what he just said meant.
"She talks to herself," I said.
"She likes milk," Ana put in.
I snapped my fingers. "That's it, I got it! She's a hypochondriac! That's what we can use against her, that's what I used in my first plan!" I jumped up, immensely proud of myself.
"Ya, that's it!" shouted Wakka. "We just make her think she's outta her mind, like the thing you said about the keys."
Yuna finally spoke. "We can make her think she came to the wrong house, or that she's not your sitter, or…"
"I have a plan," I said grinning evilly, "sort of what Yuna said, but this will work! Auron, we need you." He looked at Yuna who nodded. Auron gave a half smile.
"Well I have to follow the wishes of my summoner," he said. "What exactly do I have to do?"
Let's just say Auron was less than pleased with his roll in my plan. Anyone would be. It involved him dressing up like an old man, pretending to be Robbie a long time in the future, and telling Ma'am that Ana and I have been dead for ten years. It had to be Auron, because he was the oldest, and probably the most convincing. Robbie went into my dad's closet and found him a pair of khakis and a button-down shirt. I dug around in my dad's nightstand junk drawer to reveal a pair of giant bifocals that would be perfect. Ana found a cane in the garage from when my mom broke her ankle. To top it all off, we snagged a pair of Ma'am's orthopedic loafers. We hid all of Auron's stuff (including his sword, which worried me slightly) in my closet, and threw some of my old clothes and sheet music on top of it. The sheet music was a nagging reminder of the practicing we should have been doing right then.
"Eew," shuddered Ana. "Those actually fit you? How big are that monster's feet, man?"
We all burst out laughing when we saw Auron, even Yuna and Kimahri. Auron looked scornful for a few seconds, but soon he was laughing too. We were all doubled over, cracking up, gasping for breath. He didn't really look like an old man, just himself in the wrong clothes, which is what was so humorous about it.
Robbie stopped laughing and showed his watch to Lulu, who stopped as well. "We have three minutes."
"Once she comes, no sound," said Tidus. "We should all hide in the living room."
The ten of us trooped in, and all found a way to put our backs to the dividing wall. All but Auron, who sat on the couch, picked up a newspaper and pretended to read it.
"Nice touch," muttered Ana, sending Robbie, Tidus, Rikku, Yuna, and me into giggles.
"ssshh" whispered Wakka and Lulu. The giggling stopped immediately when we heard three rings. I held my breath, praying that we could pull this off.
Auron let her ring it three more times before hobbling off toward the door. We could hear what was going on from our position behind the couch. When he finally answered the door, we heard Ma'am say, "Well, it's about…"
Auron cut into her stupor with, "What do you want? You ring my doorbell six times, never give me any peace!" I tried not to laugh. A doorbell was one of the things Ana, Robbie and I had explained to them. Rikku had named the Al Bhed equivalent for many of the items, and Tidus also knew many of them, but Wakka had continuously muttered about forbidden machina. That was getting on my nerves. I also had to restrain myself because Auron was about as good an actor as Ana or me.
"I'm looking for Rebecca, Robbie and Ana. I'm the babysitter! Are you their grandfather?" she asked in a lower, sweeter voice. "You look very young." Oh my God. She was flirting with him. I bit my lip until it bled, my whole body vibrating, trying not to laugh. Others were having similar problems, most notably Yuna, Tidus and Rikku. Yuna had her entire fist shoved into her mouth, and was shaking so hard that Lulu and Kimahri had to support her. Both Tidus's and Rikku's whole face had gone deep red, and tears were leaking from their eyes.
"I'm Robbie," said Auron. "Ana and Rebecca have been dead for years! Now get out of here!"
"Oh my!" shouted Ma'am, her voice squeaking "What year is it?"
Auron hesitated, and my heart skipped a beat. He had no idea what year it was now, much less what year it would be sixty or so years later. Luckily, he didn't need to answer, because Ma'am started mumbling again. "It's the Alzheimer's, I know it! That doctor." She said louder, "well, I'd better be getting home now, wait, where do I live? Where I am I now? Who are you? Who am I?!" The sound of old lady feet padding down the driveway, and out onto the side walk could be heard clearly in the dead silence of the house. About eight minutes later, we heard the door shut with a creak. "She's gone," Auron said. We all ran over to the foyer.
"Dude, you're my favorite character too," yelled Ana, throwing her arms around Auron's neck. I laughed, and Auron looked uncomfortable.
"Come with me, your stuff's up in my closet." I led Auron up to my room, Tidus and Ana following. "That," I told him on our way up the stairs," was the funniest damn thing I've ever witnessed.
"You know, I'm not that old," laughed Auron.
"Well," said Ana, "we won the battle, not the war."
"What do you mean?" Tidus asked her. "I don't think she'll be coming back."
"Oh no," said Ana, "she won't be back."
"Yeah, Ana, you're right," I sighed. "We may have gotten rid of Ma'am, but there's still so much more we have to do. Like find out how you got here. And eventually, how we're going to get you back."
"I believe you, about the game," said Auron.
"Really?" Ana and I said together.
Auron smiled. "Like Tidus said, I've heard stranger stories."
"Maybe getting the game to work is the key," I said, flipping on the light switch as I entered the room. "We can try that tomorrow." I opened my closet and shuffled around for Auron's stuff.
"When do your parents get home?" asked Tidus.
"A week from Thursday," answered Ana. I handed Auron his stuff, and he headed into Freddy's room to put it on.
"But don't forget, we're not with them because of regionals," I reminded her. "We have practice Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday, and Tuesday. The concert is Wednesday night. Our parents get home Thursday night. We still have to get to all the practices and the concert." Auron returned, looking normal again, while I was explaining this.
"She left her car here," Tidus said. "I think I could drive it."
The thought of Tidus driving me somewhere made me uneasy. From the looks on Ana and Auron's faces, they weren't buying into that idea so fast either.
"Um, we'll think about it," answered Ana, as we headed downstairs to join the others.