A/N: I know this is pretty angsty, but I hope you'll stay with it and see how it plays out. Thanks for reading! Also, thanks to those who've left reviews – I love hearing what you think.

Rayna

Maddie was with Deacon for a few days, so it was a good time for her to go to the studio. She had 2 more songs to record for her album and then she would be able to wrap that up. She was still struggling a little with the title. She had floated Broken Dreams but both Bucky and her producer had nixed it. I think we can come up with something better, Bucky had said. Too damn depressing, was Randy's take. When she thought about it later, she reluctantly agreed. She needed something that really spoke to the future. But she didn't have to decide it that day.

She was really excited about the album. It had given her something to focus on in the aftermath of what had happened with Deacon. The very first song she'd written was about how she would use what had happened and write about it. And him. He wrote songs about her, it seemed only fair. In fact, that song was one she was going to record that day. The Best Songs Come From Broken Hearts. You gotta dig deep within the well of your soul, to find the will to sing the words that only you know. That's what she'd done. She'd written her truth. She was singing her truth. Not every single song was about the breakup of her marriage, although most were. She'd also written some hopeful songs about the future. She'd even written a little lullaby for her baby. Randy had told her that she needed one more song though.

"Why? I have more than enough, don't you think?" she said. She was sitting with Randy, Bucky, and Watty and they had all agreed. One more.

"You need something fun. Something happy. Something uplifting. Think single."

She frowned. "I thought Best Songs was going to be a single. And This Love Ain't Big Enough."

Randy nodded. "Yes, both of those, but I'd like to see more. With this being your first record in 3 years, I want there to be 3, 4, maybe more, singles."

Watty sat forward. "Maybe someone could help you write it if you don't feel like you are in that space."

She looked at Watty. "You really think I need something else?"

"I think it wouldn't hurt."

That had thrown her a little. She'd thought about it and gone back through what she'd written and decided that, much as she hated to admit it, they were right. She had a big song in This Love Ain't Big Enough. That one wasn't necessarily aimed at Deacon, but the tone of it spoke to her desire to come out stronger. She had ballads. In fact, it was mostly ballads. When she thought about what she was known for it was big songs like Already Gone and Postcard from Mexico, ballads like American Beauty and You Don't Love Me, and the duets with Deacon like No One Will Ever Love You and Surrender. There would be no duets, of course, but maybe something light would be a good idea.

She called her friend Pam Tillis and they had spent a day together having girlfriend time and then writing together. She recalled being frustrated by what they were coming up with and then Pam came up with a lyric that turned into a jumping off point. I could go anywhere from here. I'm having no doubts, I've got no fear. It was perfect. This is you, girl, Pam told her. You can go anywhere from here. She smiled thinking about it. First of all, it had been fun writing with her old friend plus it had given her a lift when she'd needed it. And second, it was a really good song. Bucky, Watty, and Randy were all enthusiastic when they heard the demo. So that was the other song she'd be recording that afternoon.

Tears suddenly filled her eyes and she tried blinking fast to hold them back. In the first few weeks after Deacon left she'd cried every night and many times during the day. It was probably one reason she didn't immediately realize she was pregnant. She still cried, mostly at night, but she also knew she couldn't just wallow in it. Without a tour that year, it was more important than ever to put out an album. A big album. Bucky had told her that it would probably be another top seller because her fans would want to support her during this time. She hated that kind of ghoulish rationale but she acknowledged that it was likely. Although they hadn't talked about it, both she and Deacon were taking the high road with the separation, giving no interviews and only minimal comments, mostly to just say that there was no blame to be placed. Part of the benefit, she supposed, of both of them being so extremely private about their personal lives. Regardless of what the truth actually was, she didn't want to discuss it.

She pulled into the parking lot at the studio. She was grateful for having had this album to work on. During time periods when Maddie was with Deacon, it meant she didn't have to sit at home alone as much. It was hard not having Maddie around every day, but she was glad Deacon was still a very present father. Maddie had finally seemed to adjust to the back and forth without too much crying, but she hated that her daughter had to face that. She looked down and put her hand on her stomach. Her hopes that Deacon would want to come home once he'd found out about the baby had been shattered immediately but it still pained her that they were not doing it together. She was looking forward to the new baby though and Maddie said she was excited about becoming a big sister.

She opened the car door and got out, then walked up to the front entrance. She walked in, removing her sunglasses, and spoke to those she encountered on the way back to the studio she would be in. Only her very closest friends – and Tandy, of course – said anything to her about her situation and she was grateful. It was hard enough to have to live with it every day without having to explain it to someone or listen to their concern or condolences about it, she'd told Tandy. Whatever chatter had gone on in the beginning seemed to have died down and she was glad for that.

When she walked into the studio, she saw that Watty was also there. She smiled. "Hey, Watty," she said as he stood and hugged her. Watty had been there from the beginning and had been instrumental in her getting her start. He'd also become a mentor and a friend, and she appreciated him being there.

"Hey, yourself," he said with a smile. "How are you doing these days?"

She chuckled. "You act like you haven't seen me lately."

"I'm always thinking about you."

She put her hand on his arm and squeezed it gently. "And I appreciate that, Watty. More than you know." She smiled again. "I'm doing well. Taking care of myself, eating right, all those important things." She paused. "I'm really glad you're here. I'm looking forward to getting your input, especially on Best Songs." Watty hadn't heard it, although he'd seen the lyrics.

"I think it's gonna be great," he said.

Randy popped his head out of the sound booth. "Hey there, Rayna. You wanna go ahead and get started?"

She smiled. "Let's do it."

After she had finished at the studio, she and Watty went to get coffee. Or more accurately, he got coffee and she got tea. After they sat down, he looked at her intently. "How is all this going for you, Rayna? Really," he asked. "I know it was a little...sudden."

She dipped the tea bag over and over, then finally looked at him. "Not really. You remember when I came and talked to you about what was happening with Deacon wanting this solo career." He nodded and she sighed. "It was that, but it was more than that." She took the tea bag out and added sugar and a touch of milk to her mug, stirring it absentmindedly. "He told me I was controlling everything. He felt like I made all the decisions." She sighed again. "Which I don't think is completely wrong. But you know how things were, for years. I had to make the decisions and then I guess it became the norm. I don't think I realized how much it bothered him and then when he told me, I really didn't handle it very well."

He looked at her with curiosity. "Is that something you could change?"

"Perhaps, but I don't think that's all it is. I don't think it's all on me."

"What do you think it is?"

"I think this was him wanting to leave. I'm not really sure the whole why to that. I thought we were solid but it's clear we weren't. I don't think it was just his desire to pursue this solo career or my worry about him doing it." She felt tears and breathed in deeply. "If it was just the two of us in this maybe it was inevitable. But we have a family. We have a daughter. And another baby on the way. It just makes it all the harder to understand."

He reached across the table and took her hand. "You're going to get through this, no matter what the end result. I think you know that. Maybe he needs time and he'll figure things out. Maybe he won't. But no matter what, you'll land on your feet. This record is gold, Rayna. It might be the best one you've ever done. And you did it all on your own. So you know you can do this. No matter what the future holds, you will prevail."

She felt a tear roll down her cheek and she let it. Then she smiled. "What would I do without you, Watty?"

She laid back on the exam table and pulled her top up under her breasts. Dr. Hamilton put the gel on her stomach. Even though she knew they warmed it, it still was a little chilly and she sucked in her breath. The doctor started the ultrasound, running the wand over her stomach, stopping periodically, and letting her know what she was seeing. Everything was fine. The baby was growing appropriately. The heartbeat was strong. She couldn't help but remember doing this before Maddie was born, when Deacon was with her. She'd asked him if he wanted to go to her prenatal appointments this time, but he'd said he didn't need to, that she could just let him know how things were going. It had felt like a knife to her heart. But as time had gone on, she had decided not to do more than the basics. If he doesn't want to be involved with this baby, then he doesn't have to. I won't force him.

Dr. Hamilton looked at her. "Do you want to know the sex?"

She nodded. "I do." In her heart she was sure it was a boy. She didn't know why she was so sure, but everything felt so different than it had with Maddie. She'd had horrible morning sickness this time and had surprisingly still gained weight – more than with Maddie.

Dr. Hamilton stopped and turned back with a smile. "It's a boy," she said. Rayna raised herself up a little more. The doctor pointed and she saw what looked like a huge penis. She gasped. Dr. Hamilton laughed softly. "Oh, I'm sorry, that's the umbilical cord. Right here" – she realized the doctor was pointing a little to the right – "is his penis."

She had her hand over her heart, and she tried to laugh too. "Oh, my word. I was afraid he was going to be the laughingstock at his school." Then she wiped away a few tears that had rolled down her cheeks. "I was sure it was a boy this time. Maddie will have a little brother." She couldn't help but think how perfect it was, except that it wasn't. Deacon wouldn't be doing this with her, with them. It was all wrong. But she willed herself to keep it together. "Thank you."

Deacon

He liked Caroline. A lot. But not too much. It was easy and uncomplicated. He thought it was good that they were generally only out on the road on the weekends, which meant that his time back in Nashville was his own. It didn't confuse things by making it seem like there was more to the relationship than what it was. The road's not real life or real love. She'd said that and he'd known that was true. But the road sure helped him to forget some of that real life and he appreciated it. He knew everyone on the tour was aware he wasn't with Rayna, but no one really said anything. Except, of course, for Luke.

Luke had walked up beside him the first weekend they were out and they were on their way to the buses to head to the next stop. "So I heard about you and Rayna," he said. He just looked at Luke and didn't say a word. "Sorry to hear it. I have to say I never expected that to happen." He just looked straight ahead. This was not something he wanted to talk to Luke Wheeler about. "I'm guessing it's tough for both of you, especially with a baby coming."

He looked at Luke and frowned. "I ain't interested in talking about it."

Luke nodded. "Okay, I get it." He clapped his hand on his shoulder. "Just want to say again I'm sorry."

The hell you're sorry, he thought, as he walked up the steps on his bus.

Caroline had alluded to it, but she hadn't specifically asked him anything about it or brought it up. Until they had a day off before an unusual Tuesday show. They were in Cleveland, where they'd driven to from Columbus after a Sunday show. She had come to his room in the early afternoon.

"You up for a little sightseeing?" she asked. It was early May and the weather was pleasant.

He shrugged. "Sure. What'd you have in mind?"

"Well, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame isn't too far. I thought that could be interesting."

He nodded. "I like that idea. Let's do it."

It had been a fun afternoon. The museum had been interesting and they had talked about all the exhibits they'd seen. She was not as ingrained in country music as he was and so she had been more knowledgeable about some of what they saw and those who had been inducted into the Hall. Listening to her had been an education and, as a byproduct, had made her more of a real person to him as opposed to just a woman he had sex with. She was both interesting and smart. He wasn't exactly sure how he felt about that, but he knew he wasn't interested in some serious thing. As they walked back, they stopped and got burgers at a small restaurant.

"So when did you first come to Nashville?" she asked, as they dug into their burgers and fries.

"I came with my older sister when I was 18. We had this idea we'd make it in the music business as a duo. When the money ran out, we went back to Natchez, which is where we were from. She ended up staying there and I came back when I was 19. And never left. What about you?"

"Just a few years ago, really. I had done the LA thing, done the New York City thing, trying to catch on as a backup singer, but it's hard. Not that it isn't hard in Nashville, but it's like anything else. You're hoping someone sees you and thinks you're great and wants you to come on board with them. I actually was in LA when I auditioned for Brad Paisley and got hired for his tour, which is what brought me to Nashville."

"How'd you end up with Luke Wheeler?" he asked, with a smirk.

She laughed. "He was at one of Brad's shows and saw me and made me a better offer to come join him. He was losing a backup singer and liked what I did and I guess the rest is history."

He wondered what it was she'd 'done' that Luke had liked, but left that alone. "So which do you like better, Brad or Luke?"

"There's not a lot of difference, really, but Luke's tours have a better…camaraderie, I guess I'd say." She chewed thoughtfully on a French fry. "So, you mentioned coming to Nashville with your sister. Are y'all close?"

He shook his head. "I wouldn't say that. I didn't come from a close family. She stayed in Natchez and got married. Had a baby. Not sure she was as happy with her choices in the end, so it sort of makes things tough. I don't go back much. What about you? Family?"

"Yeah. I'm from the Midwest and my family is all still there. I have a sister and a brother. We're close, but I don't get home much unless I'm traveling nearby." She smiled. "Sounds like we have a little in common then."

"Maybe."

They were quiet for a few minutes while they ate. "So, what do you do when you're in Nashville?" she asked.

"Uh, relax mostly. Except when I got my daughter."

Her eyes lit up then. "How often do you see her?"

"Pretty much every other week that I'm home."

"How old is she?"

"4. Just turned 4 actually." He had been in Nashville on the day of her birthday and Rayna had let him spend the day with her, but he missed her party. It had been a little bittersweet, but he supposed he'd have to get used to that. One of the things Rayna always did was to make sure her tour didn't start until after Maddie's birthday.

"What's her name?"

Suddenly it felt like things were getting too close. This was the kind of conversation he'd have in a serious relationship, which this was not. "Um…." he started.

She shook her head. "It's okay. That's too much. I get it."

"Caroline, I'm sorry…."

"No, don't be sorry. I'm sorry that I overstepped." She smiled. "I'm having fun doing what we're doing. I don't want to make things weird or anything. Or change the dynamic."

He breathed in, then nodded. "Thanks."

When they finished eating, they walked back to the hotel. That night he came down and hung out with the others on the tour, wanting to not sit in his room and mope, as Caroline called it. He ended up joining in when others in the group started sharing songs and found himself really enjoying the evening. It seemed to clear the air all the way around and when the group finally broke up after midnight, he followed Caroline to her room.

Sometimes Caroline rode on his bus. His band members were also on the bus, so it was just a casual thing. She liked listening to his music and what he was working on and it had encouraged him to continue to write. They were on their way back to Nashville for a 2 week break, which he was looking forward to. He would be picking up Maddie the next day for a week and then he was booked at the Bluebird the following week for the first time in a while, something else he was looking forward to. He also had a meeting with Rita and would be recording a couple of demos. He liked being busy and was also looking forward to the time off.

He was working on a song and Caroline was sitting on the bench opposite him, leaning back against a pillow and her legs bent at the knees. "Is that new?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Kind of. I been working on it since I started on this tour. Still working on putting together more of a catalog of songs. I want to concentrate on my own music."

"I bought your album," she said.

He looked over at her. "You did?"

She nodded. "I even came to hear you perform one night at Douglas Corner right after you put it out. I was really impressed, so I bought it then."

He smiled. "Well, thank you. You would have been one of the first then."

"It was one of the reasons I was really excited to meet you when I joined Luke's tour."

"But you didn't say nothing back then."

"Well, I was kind of starstruck a little bit."

He laughed. "That's kind of crazy. I ain't nobody." Of course, that was something he was hoping would change, so it actually felt flattering.

She shook her head. "That's not true. You're very well known in country music circles. For one thing, you're a big deal guitar player. And then there's your music. I think most people felt like you were the primary writer on most of your hits."

He frowned. "That's not true. Those were true cowrites." He felt himself bristle a little. He'd heard that periodically over the time he'd been with Rayna and it pissed him off every time he heard it. They were equals. It was true that sometimes one of them contributed more than the other, but they always felt like it had evened out over time. And Rayna had become an amazing songwriter in her own right.

Caroline held her hands up. "I'm sorry. Just what I heard. But I still like the stuff you're writing now."

He breathed in, trying to calm down. "Well, thanks," he said finally. "Actually, when I first came to Nashville, I wrote my own stuff. Several of the songs on my record were things I wrote back then."

She sighed. "I wish I could write songs."

"You probably could if you tried."

She shrugged. "I don't think that's my sweet spot, you know? I like the singing part." After a moment, she smiled. "So, what are you doing with 2 weeks off?"

"Got my daughter for a week. Playing the Bluebird next week. Haven't done that in a while. What about you?"

"I don't know yet. I've got some friends who want to go to the beach, so I may do that."

"Sounds like it could be fun." He was looking forward to relaxing. When Caroline mentioned the beach, it made him think about possibly taking Maddie to the cabin for a couple days. She always loved going there and the weather was perfect for it. He went back to working on his music and Caroline eventually fell asleep on the bench. Before long they were back in Nashville.

As he got off his bus in Nashville, he saw Luke say something to Caroline. She didn't seem to respond to him and walked away. He took his duffle to his truck and threw it in the back before going back to get his guitars. He carried 2 cases over to the bed of his truck, then started back for the rest when he saw Luke approach. He didn't have a particularly friendly look on his face. He stood and waited to see what the other man was going to say, pretty certain he wouldn't like it.

"I know it's not really my business, and I know you and Rayna are separated, I guess, but considering everything, do you think it's a good idea to get involved with someone else?" Luke asked.

He frowned. "You're right, it ain't your business, but just so you know, I ain't involved with anyone. I have friends and that's really all you need to know." He smirked. "Unless the rules are different for me."

Luke scowled. "This has nothing to do with any so-called rules. But Rayna's pregnant. Seems like you'd want to consider that, no matter what your status is."

"Again, it ain't your business. At least not what I do." He took a step back towards the bus. "I'll see you in 2 weeks." He walked to the bus and picked up his other guitars. When he turned back to head to his truck, he saw Luke walking back across the parking lot. He shook his head, then put the guitars in the back and got into his truck. As he drove out, he considered that there was nothing in his contract about hanging out with anyone else, so in his mind Caroline was fair game. He supposed Luke could tell her to stay away and, if that was the case, so be it. He wondered if he'd hear about it from Rita when he met with her the following week.

He really had no intention of bringing Caroline into his personal life outside of the tour. He liked her, but she was there at a transitional time in his life, and he had appreciated her friendship. He had to admit, though, that it made him stop and think. He'd thought of the whole thing with Caroline as not real life, the way she'd described it. Maybe I need to put a little distance between us. As he got closer to home, he put it out of his mind and started thinking about picking up Maddie the next day. He was looking forward to spending some quality time with her. He smiled as he thought about that.

Rayna

Deacon was on his way to pick up Maddie. He rarely came inside the house, preferring to stand on the porch until their daughter came down with her overnight case and some sort of doll. She'd gotten to that time in her pregnancy where she felt vulnerable and needy, which she hated, but it had happened again. She had decided she was going to make him come inside. She wanted to talk to him. She hated the idea of begging him to come back, but she was willing to humble herself. She just needed him so much.

When he knocked, she opened the door. "Hey," she said with a smile.

"Hey. Maddie ready?"

She fought the urge to sigh. "Almost. Come on in."

"I'm okay."

"Please." He looked slightly perturbed, but after a moment he stepped into the foyer. She had thought about what she wanted to say for days, but it didn't end up coming out quite how she'd planned. "Deacon, I just wanted to ask you, well, you know. We're having this baby – and it's a boy, by the way – and I just wish you'd think about, you know, doing it together."

He looked surprised. "A boy?" She'd found out weeks earlier but had deliberately kept it to herself.

She nodded. "Yeah."

He smiled a little. "Wow. Well, that's great." Then he frowned. "I told you I'd be there. At the hospital when he's born. And I'll take him like I do Maddie."

"That's not what I meant." She paused. "I wish you'd come home. We can work through this. I promise we'll do things differently. But...don't you want to be with us, do this with us? With me?"

He'd breathed in deeply. "Rayna, I can't."

She felt like he'd kicked her legs out from under her. "Why not? I mean, we're having a baby."

"I know we are, but it doesn't really change nothing. I need to make my own life, not just stand on the side of the stage. I done that our whole lives together, you making all the decisions. This would just be one more decision you make. I'm making my own decisions now. And I'll be a father to both our kids, so don't worry about that."

She was fighting not to cry. "I wish you'd give us another chance."

He looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry." Just then Maddie came running down the stairs.

"Daddy!" she shouted, running into his arms. He picked her up, hugging her close, and kissing her on the cheek.

"Hey there, sweet girl," he said to her. He looked back at her. "I'm sorry," he said again. Then he turned and walked out with Maddie, leaving her in tears.

She opened the door to see Tandy standing there. "Hey," she said. "Come on in." She stepped aside so her sister could walk in and then, after she closed the door, she burst into tears.

Tandy put her arms around her. "Oh, sweetheart, what's wrong?" she asked, concern in her voice.

She stepped back and tried to smile, waving her hands in front of her face. "Hormones. You know."

Tandy smirked. "Well, actually I don't know, but I understand." She put her arm around her sister and started leading her down the hallway to the den. "But there's something going on. What is it?"

She walked towards the kitchen. "You want some tea? Because I think I need some." Tandy nodded and she busied herself making tea for the two of them. Tandy sat on one of the stools at the island.

"So, what's going on?"

She sighed. "Well, Deacon just picked up Maddie a little while ago. He's in town for a couple weeks and so he's got her for a week. And I, well, I ended up making a fool out of myself." She could feel the tears bubbling up again and she breathed in. "Which hormones can make you do," she said, giving her sister a little smile.

"How do you think you did that?"

"Well, I just thought that maybe, since I'm obviously not touring this year, that maybe that would take away some of what got in the middle of us and that, with the baby coming, that we could try to put things back together."

Tandy frowned. "And that's what you said to him?"

"Well, sort of. I did ask him to consider coming back home so we could do this together."

"And I take it he didn't give you the answer you were hoping for."

She shook her head. She took the tea bags out of the cups and slid one over to her sister. She added sugar and a touch of milk to hers and then passed those to Tandy. "No, he didn't. He said he couldn't. That he needed to do this...whatever it is...on his own." They both picked up their cups and went into the den, settling in on the couch.

Tandy set her cup down and sighed. "Why would you even ask him, sweetie? He hurt you so much. Always has, as you know. He responds to everything by walking away, so it's not surprising he'd do that now. Maybe you should just let him go."

"I know I should. But he's Maddie's father and the father of our son. He has a responsibility, to them anyway. I just don't want to give up."

Tandy took her cup and set it on the table, then took her hands. "You're not giving up. You're moving on. I'm sorry this is causing you so much pain, but I think you're better off without this drama in your life. You'll have this baby, and you'll raise your children and be a good mom. A strong mom. And you'll keep moving forward. The 3 of you."

She squeezed her sister's hands, wanting to cry again. "I told him it was a boy. That we were having a son. I thought that would make a difference." She looked down, willing herself not to cry.

Tandy looked thoughtful. "Have the two of you sat down and talked through what's next?"

She shook her head. "Not really. I mean, I asked if he wanted to go to doctor appointments with me and he said no. He said he'd be at the hospital, but you know, he's still on tour in September, so who knows."

"I think you probably need to do something. Does he want this to be permanent? Maybe you need to have some formal plan for Maddie and the new baby."

She breathed in slowly, trying hard not to cry. "Maybe we do. I just don't know what I'm going to do."

"It's going to be okay, Rayna," Tandy said, her voice soft and filled with compassion. "You have so many other people who will be there for you. Especially me." She smiled gratefully at her sister. "We'll get through this. At least it sounds like Deacon is still taking his responsibility as a father seriously and hopefully he stays the course. But you'll be fine. I just know it."

"I hope you're right." How did we get to this place? How did things go wrong so fast? This was supposed to be forever and now it just feels like he's thrown us away. She had so many different feelings. Anger – lots of anger – and sadness too. She was finally at a point, though, where she was angry at how he'd done all this, as though he didn't care at all. She knew she'd have to be strong, for herself and for her kids. If Deacon wasn't going to be there, she'd have to figure out how to do this on her own.

Deacon

He didn't feel quite as dazed as he had when Rayna told him she was pregnant but finding out they were having a son was a big deal. He got Maddie situated in her booster seat and strapped her in. She had seemed to adjust to the changes in her life, if not with ease, at least with a minimum of drama. Because of his schedule and the fact that Rayna wasn't touring that year, it meant that she was spending most of her time with her mother. Sometimes at drop off she'd get a little teary but overall she handled it well. When he'd rented his house, the landlord had given him permission to paint Maddie's room, and so he'd let Maddie pick out a color and also to decorate the room the way she liked. It had ended up looking very similar to her room at Rayna's and so he'd arranged for a mural on one wall and a line of music from A Life That's Good to be painted in the room to make it a little different. Maddie loved it.

He generally picked her up after lunch, so she would often doze a little on the drive across town, even though it wasn't far. As he turned onto Franklin Pike, he looked in the rearview mirror and saw that her head was tilted to one side and her eyes were closed. He smiled a little and then focused back on the road. He thought again about what Rayna had said – it's a boy, by the way – and felt both excited and terrified. She knew about his complicated family life, all the dysfunction and volatility, so she knew he had a very conflicted relationship with his own father. Gideon Claybourne was somewhat of an enigma. He was an alcoholic and could be a violent one, lashing out at his wife and children physically. Some of the scariest moments he'd had growing up had centered around physical violence. And yet Gideon could also show flashes of being a loving father. His father had been the one to teach him how to play guitar and he remembered loving those times and feeling close to his dad. Eventually though the bad times outweighed the good, which was why he'd left Natchez and settled in Nashville.

Back when he and Rayna would talk about a family, back before Maddie even, he thought about having a son. He would tell Rayna he'd had a difficult childhood and that he didn't get along with his father, which was true, but it was a relationship that he somehow wanted to experience the good side of. So when he thought about having a son, he thought about what he would have wanted. Someone to guide him, nurture him, be there for him, not be someone he was afraid of. He wasn't ever sure he could do that though and so it had seemed like a gift that when he and Rayna did have a child that it was a girl. He glanced quickly at his sleeping daughter and thought how lucky he'd been to have her, to get to be her dad. Now he'd have a son too and he felt a little nervous but also a little excited. He vowed to himself that he'd be a good dad to his son, that he would be a dad who nurtured and loved him the way he had Maddie.

He turned onto his street and drove slowly until he found a parking spot on the street, just one house up from his. He pulled in and parked the car. Then he looked over his shoulder. "Maddie?" he said. "Sweetie?" He reached over and touched her knee with his hand. She slowly opened her eyes and stretched a little. He smiled. "We're here. You ready to get out?" She nodded. She was always a little foggy when she first woke up, even from a short nap. He patted her knee. "Okay, I'll come get you." He opened the door and got out of his truck, then came around the other side and got her out, setting her on the sidewalk. He grabbed her overnight case and then, taking her hand, they walked up to the porch and then up the steps.

He had just dropped off Maddie and was headed back across town. Rayna had been quiet when she'd met them at the door. He had thought he ought to say something to her, after the awkward exchange they'd had when he'd picked Maddie up. He hadn't been able to get her face out of his mind the whole time. The way she'd looked so hopeful when she'd asked him to come home and the crushing devastation he saw when he'd told her he couldn't. She had no idea how hard it had been for him to do that. It would have been easy to say okay, to just toss aside what he was working towards and go back home. As she had stood there at the front door, wearing shorts and an oversized t-shirt that still hugged her belly, with her hair pulled back into a ponytail, the thought swept through his mind, unbidden, that she still looked incredibly sexy when she was pregnant. That scared him.

He couldn't go back though. And he couldn't think of anything to say other than to remind her he was back out with Luke after the next week and that he'd see Maddie again when he was back in town. She had asked him if they could get together, just to talk about what was next. It doesn't have to be a big deal, Deacon. I'm not asking you to come back. I just want us to have some ground rules. I think that's fair, don't you? He had told her he'd let her know. He wasn't sure if that's really all she had in mind, and he wasn't sure he was completely ready for whatever she wanted to talk about. She had closed the door and he had practically run to his truck. He felt conflicted, but it would be too easy to go backwards.

Now his emotions were starting to overwhelm him and he was starting to have trouble catching his beath. He pulled off onto a side road and put the car in park, then leaned his forehead against the steering wheel, trying to breathe. She was pregnant with their son but it made him feel like he was wrapped up in a hot, wet blanket just thinking about going back to that. He would be the best father he could be to that baby boy but that's all he could do. He was moving forward and he had to stay the course. He finally was able to breathe normally but he felt tears on his cheeks. It was the best thing and the worst thing but he had to keep going.

He was surprised when he went to his regular meeting to find Cole there also. Once he'd left Rayna, he'd told Cole he needed to find a new sponsor, feeling like Cole's ties to Rayna would make things uncomfortable for both of them. So Cole had not been attending his meetings since. He didn't say anything to his former sponsor and sat across the room from him during the meeting. Once the meeting was over, he quickly left and walked outside.

"Deacon!" He heard Cole calling out for him. Slowly he turned around and watched his old friend approach. Cole held out his hand and, after a moment, he took it. Cole smiled as he shook his hand. "I hoped I'd see you."

"Why?"

"Just wanted to see how you're doing. How things are going."

He frowned. "I don't understand."

"Look, I know I'm not your sponsor anymore and that things are...strange, but I do care about how you're doing. Not just with this" – he jabbed his thumb back towards the building – "but in general." He paused. "How about a cup of coffee?"

That had been their routine, ever since he'd gotten back from his last rehab. After the Monday morning meeting, they'd go for coffee. He wasn't so sure it was a good idea these days. "Um, I don't know, Cole..."

Cole smiled. "Come on. For old times' sake."

He thought about it. If things got too contentious, he could leave. "Okay."

"Great. I'll meet you there."

He turned and continued on to his truck. He drove to the diner where they had always met and, because he was the first to arrive, got a booth. The server brought coffee and just as she left, Cole walked in. He watched as Cole poured himself a mug of coffee.

"So what do you want to know?" he asked.

Cole looked a little confused. "I'm not here to interrogate you, Deacon. I just wanted to see how things were going. I know you're out on tour..."

"It's going good." He took a sip of coffee. "There's a regular meeting for anyone who needs it."

Cole nodded. "That's good to hear." He folded his hands. "How's Maddie?"

That surprised him. "She's good. I had her at my house last week. I see her most every time I'm back in town."

"I'm glad to hear that. I know how important she is to you." He cleared his throat. "You don't have to answer me, but how will you handle things with the new baby?"

"Same as with Maddie. That's my plan."

"And what about things with Rayna?"

He scowled. "I don't wanna talk about none of that."

"Okay. I just hope the two of you are sitting down to talk about all these things."

He looked out the window for a second, then back. "She wants to do that. Meet to talk."

"I think that would be a good idea."

"I ain't changing my mind."

Cole shook his head. "I'm not saying you have to. But the two of you should clear the air, make a plan. At least for your children."

He took another sip of his coffee as he thought about what Cole had said. Maybe that's what we need to do. Make a plan. Make things clear.