Chapter 32: Explanations

It took Harry a few seconds to understand why he felt so good when he woke up, even though he remembered perfectly well that he had collapsed the day before following his break-up with Charlie. His heart that had been aching the night before now seemed to be in a cocoon of love. Something fresh, but very pleasant was pressed against him... "oh shit" he thought as he put the pieces together. He opened his eyes to Jasper who was looking at him lovingly while stroking his hair.

"Hi," said the vampire.

His voice made Harry shiver with well-being, but it wasn't enough to remove the apprehension he felt about the discussion ahead.

"Is it because I came without an invitation that you're stressing out like this?" whispered Jasper.

"I thought you couldn't feel my emotions when you touched me."

"We have a lot to discuss."

Harry looked at his soul mate, not sure if he was mad at him or not.

"I'm not mad at you, but I'd like to understand what happened and where we stand."

The dark-haired man looked at him suspiciously, wondering for a moment how he could have guessed exactly what he was thinking.

"Is Edward here and telling you what I'm thinking?"

Jasper laughed, a laugh that echoed through the rest of the house.

"Well yes, Edward's here, Carlisle's here too, but no, he didn't tell me. It was just obvious."

Harry grunted, unhappy to have listeners for the upcoming conversation he grabbed his wand and cast a silence spell which also kept Edward out of the room.

"You're going to stress them out," laughed Jasper softly.

"Why?"

"I might have lost control yesterday while you were having sex."

Although he didn't do it on purpose, Harry could sense the bitterness and jealousy in the vampire's voice at that moment. He could also see the pain in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," the dark-haired man whispered, lowering his eyes.

"Harry, I told you, I'm not mad at you, but I would like to understand," the vampire reassured him in a soft voice.

The wizard took a deep breath, motivated by the words of his soul mate.

"You felt the change in our connection at the lakes, didn't you?" Harry asked, knowing he had to elaborate a little so Jasper wouldn't misunderstand what he was about to say.

The vampire nodded.

"It was obvious to me at that moment that I could never leave you, and I knew my choice was made."

The smile Jasper gave him and the love he felt in his heart did him a lot of good. The vampire was eager to know everything, he needed to know that Harry would not let himself go into the redhead's arms again if they ever met again. He nodded to Harry to encourage him to continue as his hand continued to play with the ebony hair.

"There's a chance he'll be arrested and questioned by the English government," Harry continued. "If he is, they'll give him a potion that will force him to reveal everything he knows, which would put Teddy and me in great danger."

Jasper grunted, he didn't like what he heard, but his hand was still relaxed in the brown locks, showing Harry that he could continue.

"He told me that the solution was to either disappear ... or be obliviated. It's a spell that removes certain memories"

Harry took a breath, tears streaming silently down his cheeks.

"He asked me to have sex one last time before he forgot me."

Jasper didn't know what to say, he understood now what had happened between them, that there was almost no risk of it happening again, but Harry's sadness prevented him from reacting other than by tightening his arms around the dark-haired man. He was sure that his sadness over the breakup would go away if they completed their bond, but he also felt that now was not the right time.

"Say something, don't act like you don't care," Harry finally reproached him, pulling away from him a little.

"It's not that I don't care, but I'm... I'm relieved to hear that."

Harry looked at him surprised, he really didn't expect this reaction.

"Yesterday, leaving you alone with him was physically painful for me. With the strengthening of our bond, I am able to sense your emotions from a distance. My vampire was desperate to find you as he felt your sadness, it was like a thread pulling at my heart... My family's emotions were strong and mixed with yours, I started to lose control. When I felt that you were making love with him, I lost control. The others had to restrain me on the floor, but the pain was getting stronger and stronger. When you came, I thought my heart was being trampled by a horse. It took me feeding and several minutes to recover and be able to stand up."

Harry looked at him horrified, realizing what he had done to him.

"Hey, you didn't know," Jasper whispered to him, sending waves of calm and love.

"Is it still painful?"

"It's bearable now, like it is for you, right?"

"I feel a tugging at my heart, but it's okay."

The vampire drew his lover back into his arms, he needed the contact, he supposed it was to calm their bond until it was complete. He kissed the forehead of the black-haired man, his temples, his cheeks and kept his mouth a few millimeters above the luscious lips he craved. The tension was strong between them, they both wanted it, but Harry turned his head away.

"I hope it doesn't hurt so much if I wait until he's lost his memories," he murmured apologetically.

Jasper held back a sigh and rested his forehead on the wizard's, closing his eyes. He inhaled deeply, breathing in his scent, relieving himself with it to compensate for his disappointment. He was tired of waiting, but he wouldn't force Harry to do anything.

"When would it be?"

"In theory, tomorrow."

"I hope you'll accept me at your side until then." Harry nodded, making him smile against his skin. "How will you know?"

"Hermione will let me know."

Harry didn't know how, but he knew. He understood Jasper's need to stay with him after how he had felt the night before. He himself didn't want him to walk away from him. He gently pushed him onto his back and lay on top of him. The vampire closed his arms around him with a sigh of contentment. He sent love through their bond again and Harry fell back to sleep, feeling better than ever.

Jasper watched him sleep for a good hour, his heart and mind at ease. He was reassured that he could be patient, he had been patient for weeks, he could wait a few more hours.

When he woke up for the second time, Harry was much more serene. He got up this time, hungry, keeping Jasper's hand in his to go downstairs once they were dressed. He was surprised to find all the Cullens in the living room and breakfast ready on the table. His companion explained that after what had happened at home, they had all needed to be with their respective soul mates.

"We were worried about you two, too," Esme added, handing Harry a plate.

Carlisle offered a bag of blood to Jasper who accepted it without thinking, he knew he was unstable.

Once full, the wizard took his son on his lap to play with him. The Cullens fetched several boxes of Christmas decorations from the trunks of their cars and everyone set about putting them up in the cottage. Harry was happy to do this with Jasper and Teddy, he had never had the opportunity to do this growing up. Love, good humor and laughter filled their day. Naoil and Kreature spelled some of the decorations to everyone's delight. At the end of the day, exhausted but happy, Harry curled up in his vampire's arms by the fire and listened to their family members take turns telling Christmas stories. He fell asleep without realizing it, lulled for the first time by a deep sense of happiness. He knew that soon this one would be complete and he was looking forward to it.