Author's Note: This was cowritten by an AI called Dreamily. You can tell I went all out with this chapter. Also Rose goes by all pronouns, so if you see anything else being said for zir it means its all. But ze/zir is her mains.
She's still genderless though.
The walk to Ultra Magnus felt like a walk of shame even though Rose didn't do anything to warrant this feeling.
Rose walked down what seemed to be for an eternity, walking into the same room and heading down the hallways which seemed to repetive to the captains quarters. She knew exactly which door he was in, but as she walked closer she could hear another voice coming from inside.
"You were supposed to stay away, not come here."
She couldn't make out any words, only a few snippets. The other person sounded angry or frustrated at something. It was clear from his tone that they had a fight.
Rose took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
"Go away!" he screamed. "I said I don't want you here!"
"Magnus, please! I need to talk to you," she pleaded through the door.
She could tell Megatron and Ultra Magnus were fighting once again, it wasn't everyday that the two will clash with different ideals. Especially since he was the Decepticon leader, Magnus was bound to be wary.
It took a few more minutes before the door opened.
"What do you want?" Ultra Magnus demanded. His face was flushed and covered in grime. He looked exhausted and worn. Rose could see why. He probably hadn't slept in days now.
Her eyes darted around the room, trying to gauge where he was sleeping. There was apparently no bed in his office, so it could mean that Ultra Magnus has been working himself to the bone.
She sighed and made her way to Magnus and looked him in the optics. "I came to speak to you regarding my schedule."
He looked confused for just a moment before recognition dawned on him. "Oh yeah, we can reschedule it, right now we really-"
"It is important that you take care of yourself. You look terrible. Please allow me to make sure you're alright. I am not going anywhere until we finish this discussion."
Ultra Magnus let out a sigh, and sat down, It was clear she was not going to let it go. He closed his optics and ran his servo down his face before looking back up at her.
"Alright. But you have to promise not to interrupt me again. This is important."
"I will try my best," she said confidently. She didn't think she would actually be able to keep her word.
"Well, there was an incident with Rung, and I wanted to reschedule." Rose said, looking up to Magnus, his faceplates scrunched up and he looked down.
"What happened in that room?" Magnus inquires. Rose agreed not to talk of this, so she sighed.
"I can't exactly say, but I want to make the change. I'm exactly sure Rung would want this too." Rose said, remembering the expression Rung had on his faceplates that night.
His faceplates were stern but there was some kind of sadness lurking in his eyes. She wondered if she should apologize to Rung. Perhaps he'll give her a chance to fix everything? He doesn't have to forgive her...but he must know, right?
"Alright then, consider it changed, I won't notify Rung of your decision. Judging by your schedule its always booked so I might let you have the first few hours to yourself." Magnus said.
"In exchange, would you rest?" Rose asked. Magnus sighed.
"I will rest." Magnus said.
"Alright then, deal." Rose states, shaking Magnus' servo. Her own servo shook as she shook his servo.
There is something off about the interaction. Something isn't quite right about this situation, however, it's hard to put her finger on it. Perhaps tomorrow she will figure it out.
With that settled Rose excused herself and left the room to her own chambers.
Rung couldn't concentrate. He was in session after session trying his best to forget what happened that night, but the thought of it refused to disappear. There was no way of it going away.
He had no one to confide in, nobody who would understand. Nobody but Ultra Magnus, but Magnus would never speak ill of Rose, he wouldn't do that. He didn't think that much of his friend anyway.
He needed somebody to talk to, somebody who would understand, someone who he could trust. But he couldn't trust himself, not after that night they shared.
Guilt was beginning to eat at him, he debated on sending Rose a letter but it wouldn't make an impact.
They had sex that night, it wasn't out of mutual love, but rather panic. He remembered all the explicit details he and Rose got into.
He recalled how it felt being intimate, it still did. It just brought the memories back faster than he ever wanted them to. And when he told Magnus how their relationship turned sour, well, Magnus became angry with him.
He knew Magnus cared about everyone here, yet he chose to ignore what rules Magnus had set up.
Magnus was Roses' adoptive father. And he knew how much Rose meant to him, he told him what happened that night and he took it surprisingly well. But the whole ordeal had shaken him. How many people does he trust?
Rung knew the answer to this question, he trusted everyone here. They were all family and friends to him, he loved them dearly and was very grateful that the crew accepted him into this voyage. It felt strange that he didn't know how to articulate his otherwise easy to keep in check emotions.
A sigh escaped from his lips. He didn't know how much longer he could do this for. How much longer until he completely crumbles?
He wanted to wait until his sessions end today to see if Rose would stop by and talk once more. But she never did.
After his session he went straight to his quarters to avoid seeing anyone. When he entered his chamber he immediately began pacing, unable to sit still.
How did things escalate to this point? How could he have done such a stupid thing? This was all his fault, if he hadn't fallen in love with her.
He kept denying his feelings the more he engaged with her, but eventually it came full circle that night. The cybertronian was too close to him, he didn't fault her for that. But he just wished he'd been better about it all the while. Maybe he could've prevented this entire mess, he shouldn't have gotten too attached to her. Then maybe Rose wouldn't have gotten hurt.
He know she was hurt and he couldn't blame her. She probably had feelings for him as well, but never thought about it.
He thought that he could handle having feelings for Rose. He assumed it was a phase, she'll grow out of it and forget him like everybody else. But after seeing her lose hope that night, he realized that it could never happen like that again.
As the realization sank in, he collapsed onto his berth and buried his helm in his servos, his vents picking up a pace and becoming more labored. Tears began forming in his optics, the pain was overwhelming.
He tried to hold his tears back, but he knew it was futile. His vision blurred and his audio processors filled with static. Soon the sound stopped . Everything turned silent and quiet.
All he could feel was a sense of loss. Loss of someone dear to him, loss of a friendship, loss of something precious. All because he was selfish enough to fall in love with someone who was never meant to be with someone like him. Someone who deserved better. Someone who didn't possibly like him.
He hated it. Hated how weak he was, hated the fact that he let Rose get close enough to make him doubt his decisions.
But above all, he hated how powerless he felt.
It wasn't fair. He never meant to hurt anyone. Never meant to cause pain or distress. He was a therapist for primus sake! He wasn't the type to hurt people.
He was so used to doing his job that when he started feeling the effects of his actions, the repercussions of his actions, it scared him.
He never felt so helpless before. He knew it was wrong, knew it was dangerous, knew that it was going to cost him everything. But for the sake of others and his career he kept going along with it.
Because in the end nothing mattered. Nothing mattered to him except helping people.
That's all he ever wanted, even if he couldn't help everyone, he at least wanted those around him to be happy and well adjusted. To live a life free of worry or stress.
Yet he ended up hurting so many people and he was tired. So tired of fighting alone and afraid. So exhausted of the burden he was carrying.
The weight of it was starting to crush him. It was slowly killing him on the inside. He was suffocating under his self hatred. It's only taken one person to ruin him. One person to bring him down to his lowest point. That's how he felt, he was drowning. Slowly suffocated beneath the rubble of his mistakes and the pain that had become a part of him. It made it harder to get up every time.
He just couldn't move anymore, he didn't dare to get up. Not knowing what was going to happen next. He couldn't do anything, he couldn't defend himself, or protect himself. He was powerless and weak. It made everything seem hopelessly bleak.
It made him feel helpless. Like he didn't even matter.
He just wanted the suffering to end, he just wanted the pain to end. He just wanted the burden to be off his shoulders, he just wanted the crushing guilt to go away. He just wanted everything to stop.
But he couldn't do any of that, he felt like he wasn't in control of his own actions anymore the further he went.
It was like he was in autopilot mode and he couldn't stop it. Couldn't change anything or stop the pain.
He was so lost within the depths of despair that he had no other choice but to accept it. Accept that he would spend the rest of his life trapped in this prison of pain he created for himself. That he would never escape it.
And he wasn't ready for it. He couldn't take it, he couldn't face the reality of what he has allowed to occur.
He laid awake staring at the ceiling wishing that there was something he could do to save himself, to relieve the anguish and pain that was plaguing him. He knew that there were people who could give him solace. People who can help ease the pressure off his chest. He didn't want to bother anybody and most importantly he didn't want to trouble anyone with his problems, he didn't wish to cause them unnecessary anxiety. So he chose to bury them deep inside himself. To lock them away where no one could see.In time it all would fade away. Eventually his worries would leave him.
Eventually he would heal. Maybe not completely, but enough to survive.
Maybe then he wouldn't suffer the way he did right now.
But that wasn't likely. Because deep down he knew that even if he would heal someday everything would still be in turmoil. Everything would be broken and it would never return to normal. And he wasn't sure he was capable of dealing with the aftermath.
But what other options did he have? What else could he do? He couldn't fathom facing Rose, his own emotions would sabotage him. And he wouldn't blame her for that either.
He really didn't deserve her anyway, but he would never tell her that. Never tell her the truth. If anything he had already caused her pain, she may hate him for it. But he was desperate to fix things, to put some distance between them so he didn't have to remind himself of the position they were in, in that room.
A one night stand was to surely cause some hidden feelings to arise. But, it wasn't supposed to go anything like it. He never planned it this way, but now he found himself getting caught up in the moment without thinking.
He knew there would inevitably be consequences, he knew that eventually this was all coming to an end, sooner rather than later.
But he never thought he would ever find himself in this situation. Never thought he would allow something to come between him and Rose, he knew she cared deeply for him. And he was also certain she reciprocated that affection, he could see it. He could see the soft look in her eyes and hear it in her voice whenever she talks about him.
She always looked up to him.
Perhaps thats why she went forward with it that night, he wasn't her and she wasn't him, all he knew was that it impacted their relationship. It was something he would always regret for the rest of his life.
He wondered if she regretted it too, did she resent him? Had she told Skids or anyone about their encounter? Did she cry in the early morning hours? Was she crying now?
He didn't know. He didn't know how much time passed, he didn't know what time it was now. But eventually he felt his systems shut down, signalling him that it was late and he needed to recharge.
He decided that it was time to turn the lights off and head to bed. He stood from his berth and walked towards his door, his digits brushing against the side of his frame as he passed by it, feeling the cold metal underneath his touch.
His mind still remained blank, he was still struggling to process things, still trying to figure out whether or not he was making a mistake in letting his emotions run wild.