Chapter Notes: Final chapter! I'd like to say a big thanks to everyone who's read this story! I'm sorry it took so long to finish.

And for the first time what's past is past

~ Begin Again by Taylor Swift

Judging by the silence so, well, silent you can hear a hair drop, what Future Spike means by his words hits everyone at once. Everyone but Xander, who needs a few extra seconds to understand, judging by his delayed wide-eyed reaction. Spike doesn't look surprised, which isn't a surprise since Future Spike probably already told him. Tara doesn't look surprised either and I'm in too much shock to wonder why.

I can't take my eyes of Spike's future self. A soul. Why didn't I see it sooner? He's so subdued, compared to my Spike. He's Spike with the brakes on; Spike with a filter between his mouth and brain. I've known there's something off. I guess I needed it spelled out to me.

Xander's wide-eyed shock doesn't last. "Oh, so you got cursed too, huh?" he sneers. God, he actually sneered. "Wait, how are you guys even together? He'll lose it!"

"He can't lose it," says my future self, "because it's not cursed. He fought for it."

Suddenly there's no ground beneath me. The ground has vacated the premises.

He fought for it? Vampires can do that? Why did Angel never do that? But I can already answer that question. My future self has already made it clear Angel doesn't want to fight for our relationship, and I guess Spike was who she was referring to as the someone else who fought for his soul when Angel didn't bother to.

Spike did what Angel couldn't.

"Now hold on, Spike fought for his soul?" Giles asks in disbelief. "How is that even possible?"

"Because I saw the darkest part of myself and knew I could never be that monster again," says Future Spike. "I had to be better."

"You could have been better without it, I just never let you prove it," says Future Me. "I never let myself see it."

"Buffy, that's insane," says Xander. "You're saying that he shouldn't have one-"

"Because he lost part of himself when he got one," my future self snaps at him. "Because I've lost count of all the times I've had to comfort him when the nightmares were too much. And when I'm holding him as he weeps, I wish he never got it because then he'd no longer be in pain. Does he need his soul? That's up to him to decide, but I think the fact that he decided to go and get it back in the first place should be proof enough that he can be good without it."

Both Giles and Xander look at her like she's crazy. I'm really starting to hate that look.

"Now Buffy-" Giles tries.

But she interrupts him. "You're really not getting it, are you? My Spike's had his soul the entire time we've been here. And not a single one of you fucking noticed. I suggest you think goddamn hard about what that means."

"I noticed," says Tara. "When he came through the portal. I saw it in his aura."

"And you didn't tell anyone?" asks Willow.

Tara shrugs. "It wasn't my place to tell."

"I realised something was off," I admit. "I was thinking that maybe it was because you're older. But guys, she's right. If we can't tell when someone has a soul or not, then that probably means the soul doesn't make too much of a difference and we should stop accepting Angel's bullshit as gospel truth."

"The soul pushes someone more towards good while the lack of one means someone slides towards evil more easily," says Future Willow. "But soulless demons can still do good. And humans with souls can still do evil. Case and point, the Nazis. And every human rapist in history. And more recently, the Initiative."

Giles, to his credit, looks thoughtful if still a bit cautious.

Xander looks like a desperate man clinging onto a quickly collapsing worldview and being too stubborn or prideful to let go. "Buffy, there are better options than Spike. Better options than downgrading from Angel-Regular to Angel-Lite. You watch. He's just gonna pull the same shit Angel did and leave you."

My future self raises her brows. "First off, did you miss the part when I said we've been together for eighteen years? The only time Spike left was when he went out in a blaze of glory saving the world. And the millisecond he was able to, he called me to tell me he was back. We didn't reunite right away because I asked him to spy on Angel. And secondly, he never left, but you did."

"For reasons you've yet to enlighten me on," says Xander, in a tone that really doesn't wanna hear what she has to say. "What, did I say a bad word about your precious Spike? Did I get sent to the naughty corner, from which I never returned, for daring to show concern for my friend?"

"Fine, you wanna act like an immature brat?" says Future Me. "I could have said all of this in private, but you asked for it. You're gonna ask Anya to marry you, but next year you leave her at the altar."

That shuts him up.

And Anya goes pale. "He… what?"

"Some jerk from Anya's past decided to mess with you to ruin her day, but you ruined it yourself by actually listening to him," my future self explains. "You left her, she was briefly a vengeance demon again before turning back, you guys tried to make things work again but it was never the same. Then she died in the battle against the First and you spent some time grieving. But then, after you were done grieving you looked at my grieving ass and decided that you wanted to try and tap that again."

"Buffy, for the last time-"

"You say that now, but it's still in there," she continues. "At first, I was too busy grieving over Spike to notice you. Then Spike was alive again, only I couldn't tell anyone because he was my secret spy. So, I was maintaining a long-distance relationship with him while trying to rebuff your not-so-subtle advances. Then there was a big fight in LA, everyone found out about Spike and we were together again. And you didn't take it well. At all. The things you said to me, Xander… I didn't think you were capable of saying those things to me. What you've called me today? Crazy and insane? It was worse. You were trying to shame me for being with the man I loved and for not waking up to see what a great hunky-dory guy you were when I can only ever see you as a friend. That was when I realised how much control you had over my life and who I dated. So, I finally put my foot down and told you to get over it. And I guess you and Riley are a lot alike, because you decided to try the old ultimatum on me, too. Either I dumped Spike or I lost you. But I wasn't about to give up my only happiness for a guy who tried to control me; for a guy who wanted me to make myself miserable just so he could be satisfied. I said goodbye. And I never saw you again."

It's a good thing I'm clearly not the only one shocked by that story because… wow. Things got that bad between us? I don't even know what to say.

And neither does Xander. For the first time, he's not acting like he's on some kind of moral high-ground. He actually looks devastated. I wonder if he now sees what kind of guy he's turning into.

Anya is very visibly trying to shuffle away from him. It's hard, because of her injuries. Xander notices and goes to help, but she flinches away from him and the devastation on his face only gets worse. Instead, Future Oz helps Anya stand. I don't wanna look closely, but I think those are tears in her eyes.

"I tried to stay in contact with you," says Future Willow. "You were so sure that Buffy would see your way of thinking and take you back. I don't know if you really believed that or if you knew she never would and were trying to make yourself feel better. You were wallowing in your own self-pity, while Buffy looked lighter than she had in years. Like a massive weight had been taken off her shoulders. You were the weight, Xander. And I realised you were weighing me down, too, so I stopped contacting you for my own mental health. You'd gotten so toxic that no one could be around you anymore. I tried to find you again online a few years ago, but I couldn't find anything. Either you just weren't online, or…"

Dead, is what she's wanting to say.

"Sometimes I wondered if you joined up with the Initiative and we just never saw you," says Future Me. "With how similar you are to Riley and how bad you got in those last few years, I wouldn't have put it past you."

Xander looks so… defeated. Resigned. "So, that's it for me, huh? I end up alone and miserable? With no one?"

"No, don't make the same mistake you did at the wedding," says Future Willow. "You were shown a false future that you believed even after it was revealed to be false. We've already changed the future. You can change yours."

"You need to grow up, Xander," my future self says. "That was the problem. We all grew up and you didn't. We started to see the shades of grey in the world while you wanted to keep your black and white views. You were determined to keep seeing Spike as a monster and didn't realise that you were getting close to turning into one yourself. Or maybe you saw it, but refused to accept it and lashed out to make yourself feel better. But you need to let go of your prejudice because it'll do nothing but eat you from the inside out. And if you really think that Anya is the one, then commit to her instead of treating her like a convenience; like someone to fuck when you want to and someone to ignore when you don't like what she says or how she acts. The truth is, she used to be a thousand-year-old demon with a way bigger kill count than the Whirlwind combined. And that hasn't gone away just because she's human now. You need to face it, accept it and embrace it. And if you can't do that, then make it a clean break now. Because she has an entire life waiting for her and she doesn't need to waste it on you if she's not gonna get anything meaningful in return."

It's only when she stops talking that we hear the police sirens in the distance. I guess someone must have called about the disturbance caused by the giant army. I'm surprised anyone hasn't wandered outside to take a look. Though with all the dead bodies, that's probably for the best.

"What now?" I ask. The world's been saved, so what will happen to the Future Scoobies?

"I need a hospital," says Anya.

"I shall drive you," says Giles. "Willow? Tara?"

They both nod. Willow is obviously in shock from the revelations about Xander.

Speaking of, Xander looks like he wants to offer to drive Anya himself. But his girlfriend is obviously avoiding him and maybe there's a chance for him yet, because instead of offering he silently respects her wishes. I guess this means he'll be going back to his apartment alone.

A small part of me wants to invite him to mine. But after the big blow-up, I don't think that's wise. It's probably for the best that he has some time alone to think about his future and what kind of person he wants to be.

"The Dawns will be back tomorrow, after Glory's ritual window has passed," says my future self.

"You guys can stay at mine, if you want," I offer.

"Actually, if my past self doesn't mind, we'd like some time alone in his crypt," says Future Spike.

My Spike smiles. "Yeah, go for it, mate. I'll just…"

"Come to mine," I say. Then, upon realising I'm gonna be alone with Spike and that I don't think I'm ready to talk about our relationship yet, I turn to Future Oz and Future Willow and ask, "Do you guys wanna crash, too?"

"Actually, I think I'm gonna give Xander some company," says Future Oz. "I haven't seen him in over twenty years. It'll be good to catch up."

So Xander won't be so alone, after all. Actually, maybe having someone with him will stop his head from going to dark and lonely places. And Oz, for a man of few words, has always known the right words to say.

Xander nods. "Fine by me, man."

"I need to go and check on the Paradox Stabiliser and get it ready," says Future Willow. She turns to her past self. "Then when you guys are back from the hospital, can I crash with you? There's still so much I want to tell you."

"We'd like that," says Willow.

I look between the Future Scoobies and wonder if they're all conspiring to get me alone with Spike. But I guess we'll have to talk sometime. That's probably something my future self wants me to do differently: stop avoiding my problems.

"What do you need to do to the Stabiliser?" asks Tara.

The Future Scoobies exchange looks.

Future Willow is the one who speaks first. "This machine doesn't last forever. Its purpose was to make sure our presence didn't create a paradox while we were changing the past. But history has been changed now. I need to make sure that the changes are fixed into the timeline, but after that I need to turn it off. And…" She hesitates.

It's my future self who finishes. "And we'll disappear."

Dawn's homecoming couldn't have come any sooner.

It's been a peaceful twenty-four hours. Giles, Anya, Willow and Tara went to the hospital and came back hours later, their injuries only minor. Anya, as I understand it, crashed with Giles and is still avoiding Xander.

Spike and I have spent most of our time sleeping. Not together, I'm not jumping into a relationship that fast. But I was surprised when we arrived back home and he went straight to his cot in the basement, telling me he needed rest while advising me to get some, myself. I was expecting him to start grilling me about what I'd admitted, but instead he was giving me space.

Maybe it was something his future self told him to do. Who knows.

Our future selves showed up this morning, shortly after I'd woken up. And I get now why they wanted some time alone. If I knew when my last night would be, I'd do the same.

I don't know how I feel about what's going to happen to them. They're just going to… stop existing. And they're fine with it. I guess it's not actual death, since they're us and we're still alive. And I guess they're satisfied because their disappearance means they've changed the future for the better.

But still. They won't even go to Heaven. They'll just turn to… nothingness.

Choosing not to think about it anymore, I focus on the road in front of me. My future self and I are waiting on my front lawn for the taxi that'll bring Dawn back to me. The Spikes are inside, because it's sunny again and I guess Future Willow didn't want to waste her energy on another overcast day.

There's so little time before our future selves disappear. I've already learned so much from her, but there's still a question burning in my mind.

"What was it, that made Spike want to get his soul?"

She sighs. "I should have known you'd ask that. Trust me when I say that I really don't want to go into the details. I don't want to taint your relationship with him. But to overview, it was when I was using him. In truth, we were hurting each other. We were both in a dark place and we were taking it out on each other. But one day he… he really hurt me. He hurt me in a way he's never been able to forgive himself for, even after all these years. Even after I forgave him long ago. But that was what made him go and get it. Because he hurt me and he wanted to make sure he never hurt me again."

I won't ask how. I don't think I wanna know what exactly happened. "And he subjected himself to that pain for you. For me. For us."

"He wasn't ready for it," she says. "I don't think he fully understood what he was getting himself in for when he set out to get it. So please, don't pressure him into getting it back. It needs to be his choice; he needs to do it for himself. Because yes, it's amazing that he got it for me, but whenever he cries in his sleep or wakes up screaming or is reminded of what he did and needs to lock himself away for days on end… I can't help feeling guilty. Because he put himself through all of that pain for me. And though he's told me over and over that it's not my fault, that doesn't change the fact that I was technically the reason he was hurting."

I nod. "OK. I'll try. But what happened to his chip, when he got a soul?"

"Oh, that's what I needed to tell you," she says. "My Spike has told your Spike already, I think, but in a couple of years' time the chip starts to malfunction. It was going to fry his brain. I called Riley and convinced him to get an old Initiative doctor to get it out. This was before the Initiative came back – and after Spike had gotten his soul, which I think was the only reason Riley even agreed to it."

"So, is that the deadline?" I ask. "For him to decide on this soul business?"

"Does it matter to you?"

I realise that it doesn't.

Before anymore can be said, a taxi pulls up outside the house. I immediately rush towards it and reach it just as Dawn leaps out. She's no longer wearing her magic disguise, which makes sense since Glory and the Knights are no longer a threat.

She doesn't even have to tell me where they were hiding. The mouse ears on her head are a dead giveaway.

"We went to Disneyland!" she squeals. "Oh my God, Buffy, you need to come with next time! It was so much fun!"

My sister looks so happy and I can't help but smile. "I can't wait to see the look on Giles's face when you tell him that's what you spent all of his money on."

"It was the obvious choice," says Future Dawn. "Dad was always promising he'd take us one day but he never did, and now he never will."

I raise a brow. "We never see him again?"

"The last time I ever spoke to him was during the summer when you were… um, dead," she explains. "He didn't know you were gone since we were using the Buffy Bot to make everyone think you were still alive. Long story."

"But yeah, we lost contact with him," says my future self. "Honestly? We didn't even miss him. And I doubt he ever missed us."

Dawn rummages through her big shopping bag (should I even be surprised that she went on a spending spree in the gift shop?) before she produces two stuffed toys: Donald and Daisy Duck. "For you and Spike. I was gonna get a Mickey and Minnie before I realised that Mickey and Minnie are, like, sickeningly sweet, but Donald and Daisy express their love through fighting which fits you and Spike way more."

I narrow my eyes at her. "And what makes you think we love each other?"

She rolls her eyes. "Don't give me that, Future Me dished out all the dirt on you guys totally being a thing in the future. Or do you not know that yet?"

"Oh, she does, I already told her," says my future self. She's smirking. Traitor.

"Let's get inside," I say. I won't dignify this conversation anymore by responding. "Spike's waiting."

"Wait…" Dawn looks hesitant now. Her future self turns away to pay the taxi driver and my future self pretends to help. "Buffy, I just wanna say that I'm sorry for being a brat. My future self told me that I need to understand that everyone has their own lives and problems and not everything revolves around me and my problems. I'll never take you for granted, and… and I promise I won't bottle up my feelings. If there's something going on with me, I'll talk to you."

I smile and we share a hug. "Thanks, Dawnie. And I promise not to bottle up my feelings, too."

When she pulls away, she starts rummaging in her bag again. "I got Giles a Goofy keychain. Do you think he'll like it?"

It's insane how fast the day flies by, because in what feels like no time at all, it's night and we're all standing outside the high school once more – and Future Willow is preparing to turn off the Paradox Stabiliser.

Dawn is hugging her future self. Willow has already done the same with hers. Spike shakes hands with his future self. Xander gives Future Oz a fist bump and Willow gives him a hug, too.

I'm standing before my future self and I don't know what to say. I want to ask her how she coped with adulthood. I want to ask her how she managed to silence the voice in her head that whispers all the ways I can end my suffering.

But then she smiles and I realise that I don't need to ask her. I'm her and I already have the answers I need. She's the one who initiates the hug.

"Be brave. Live, for us," she tells me.

When I pull back, I wipe away a tear from my eye.

"I think we're ready," says Future Willow. "I just need an object to channel the remainder of the magic into, in order to ground the changes into the timeline."

"What about this?" asks Future Me, holding out her Scythe.

Future Willow shakes her head. "It has to be something that's unique to our time. The Scythe exists in this time too, remember. I was actually thinking we can use one of the iPods. I'd use mine, but it kinda got busted up during my trip into the stratosphere." She pulls out the damaged iPod from her pocket. It looks like it's imploded in on itself.

"Use mine," says my future self. She walks over to Future Willow and hands over her iPod, which gets connected to the machine. There's a glow of magic as it's directed into the device. In no time at all, Future Willow disconnects it and hands it back to my future self, who walks back over to me and hands me the iPod. "Here. Keep it safe, will you? The stability of the timeline depends on it."

No pressure, then. "Does it have, like, a special battery it needs? Because if it doesn't exist yet, then I can't change it when it runs out."

"No battery changes necessary, you just need to charge it," says Future Willow. She passes my future self a wire and plug, who passes it to me.

"Just don't take it out patrolling with you," says Future Me. "I went through about three before I learned that lesson."

"Don't drop it at all," says Future Dawn. "I had to get a new one on account of a bee flying in my face and I threw my first iPod at it in a panic."

"Don't drop it. Don't patrol with it. Got it." I nod.

My future self leans in and whispers, "There's another playlist on there, full of songs that fit me and Spike. London Boy is probably my favourite."

Before I can respond, Future Willow says, "It's time."

The Future Scoobies step towards the machine. My future self links hands with Future Dawn and Future Spike. Future Dawn also links hands with Future Willow, who links hands with Future Oz.

"Thank you," I find myself saying. "What you did won't be forgotten."

"Of course it won't," says my future self. "Giles writes everything down."

Giles doesn't respond. He's trying hard not to get emotional.

"Just don't bugger everything up again," says Future Spike.

They all close their eyes. Future Willow and Future Dawn begin to chant.

The Paradox Stabiliser stops beeping. The magic flowing around it dissipates.

And then, gradually, the Future Scoobies fade away. It's nothing spectacular; there's a notable green tint around Future Dawn and the Scythe on my future self's back seems to turn into magical energy instead of just fading.

I keep watching my future self. Her sigh, like she's finally at peace, is the last thing I hear before she fades completely.

The phone is ringing when Dawn and I get in.

I'm reminded of just a few nights ago – was it really only three nights ago when this all started? – when our future selves were trying to contact us. For a scary moment, I'm worried that it's them again; that it didn't work and they're reappeared back in the future.

I hesitate to pick up the phone, but I do. "Hello?"

"Buffy?"

"Angel?" I frown. "Is something wrong?"

"No, I, uh… I got a letter from you."

Oh. I guess it makes sense that he'd be calling about that. My future self sent it to him the morning before we went to confront the Knights.

"Well, technically it wasn't from me," I say. "Or did my future self leave that part out?"

"No, she mentioned that, I just wasn't sure if it was true," he says. "Is it true?"

"Yeah," I say. "To cut a very long story short, what was going to happen here was gonna have long-lasting repercussions that would eventually lead to the world ending in twenty years. My future self and those who survived came back in time to stop it from happening. Everything's fine now. The world's saved. But if you're calling to ask my future self for more details on what happens to you, you missed her. She's gone."

"Actually, she's told us more than enough," says Angel. "We're already handling the situation. I just wanted to ask about… about the trials. Is it true?"

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he's asking about those. "Yeah."

"Then… we can be together. I'll get my soul secured-"

"No," I say. "Angel, this is about you, not us. There isn't an us anymore."

"But Buffy-"

"If you wanted us to be together, then you would have fought for our relationship instead of turning tail and running," I explain. "You would have searched the world for an answer. You would have found these trials yourself instead of being told by my future self. But you didn't. So tell me, why should I go back to you when you could drop me again at any time when things get too hard for you?"

"Then why did your future self tell me about the trials, if she didn't want us to be together?"

"She wants you to have a life without having to worry about losing your soul." She didn't include him becoming human in her letter, in case events drastically altered to the point that it didn't happen until much later, or if it even happened at all. She hadn't wanted to get his hopes up. "And you can. Angel, I've moved on and so have you."

"Buffy, you don't need to tell yourself that anymore."

Oh my god, it's like talking to a brick wall. I want to yell at him about everything; the lies and the manipulations. But I'm tired of dealing with him. What's the point of getting angry when it does absolutely nothing but waste my energy?

I remember something my future self told me and figure it's worth a shot.

"Angel, I'm going to ask you a question," I say. "I need you to answer it without thinking too hard about it, OK?"

"Buffy, what has this got to do with anything?"

"Just trust me."

He sighs. "Fine. Go ahead."

"What colour are my eyes?"

"Blue." There's a long pause, like he's expecting me to confirm that he got the question right. But he must realise why I haven't responded and follows up with, "No, wait…"

"They're green Angel."

"…I was close."

"Angel."

"I mean, how can you expect me to remember the colour of your eyes when it's hard for me to remember you at all without causing myself so much pain-"

"Angel! It's over and you know it! I think you've known it for a long time."

Silence. And then another sigh. "I know. I'm sorry. It's just… hard. To let go."

"It was hard for me to accept, too," I admit. "But I realised that there's more to life than just waiting for someone to come around when you know they never will. If I kept hanging on, it was going to destroy me. And I think it was going to destroy you, too. We're both better people when we're not together. It doesn't mean you shouldn't go and get it secured. I… know there's someone else in your life. And you should do it for her."

It was weird, when my future self told me about Angel's relationship with Cordelia. Weird because that information didn't come with the burning jealousy that the thought used to invoke. If Cordelia makes him happy, then I have no right to complain.

"OK," he says finally. "Take care of yourself, Buffy."

"I always have," I tell him. I hang up the phone and it feels like I've exorcised a ghost.

Spike doesn't show up until Dawn's gone to bed.

I'm going through bills in the living room with one headphone in when he knocks on the door. I already know it's him by the distinctive tingling sensation at the back of my neck, and for a moment, I hesitate. I still don't know what to say to him. But I'll have to talk to him eventually. And it's better to do it sooner rather than later, because otherwise I'll just keep putting it off and it'll never happen.

I sigh, get up and walk to the front door. He looks so… shy and awkward when I open the door. It's super weird.

"Can we talk?" he asks.

I nod. "Come in."

We sit down in the living room and I quickly shuffle the bills into a more cohesive pile. Spike watches me and asks, "You need help with those?"

"I've already asked Anya and Giles for help," I say. "Anya's gonna organise them into something I can actually understand. Giles says he can give me a cut of his wages from the Council, and when I asked why they can't just pay me my own wage he says it's doubtful. Apparently, the Council has enough money for mansions and first-class fights but don't have enough in the budget to pay their Slayers."

"Wankers."

I smile. "That's what Giles said. I think I'm gonna start teaching my own self-defence classes so I have my own income, because I can't rely on Giles forever. Maybe I'll aim to open up my own dojo in the next five years, who knows. I was wondering, if you need cash, instead of hitting up Giles all the time, you can help out?"

Spike looks surprised and genuinely touched. "You want my help?"

"Sure. You can be my practise dummy, so I get to beat you up during demonstrations. You get cash, I get to hit you. It's a win-win."

He chuckles. "Sounds fun. Sure you aren't just using this as an excuse to get your hot little hands all over my body?"

Oh, so he's gonna play it like that, is he? "I don't need an excuse to do that. I plan on doing it every night."

Seeing his wide-eyes feels so satisfying.

"I… think I might need some exact words here, luv," he says. "I don't wanna do something stupid and make an arse of myself."

Makes sense. I haven't exactly been the Queen of Knowing What I Want. More like the Queen of Mixed Signals. "I wanna give us a real chance. Honestly, I've been tentatively thinking about the possibility since you were tortured by Glory. But I didn't really start to consider it until our future selves got here and I saw what we could be together. Just remember that you'll be getting me for the long haul. I'm as immortal as you are."

His wide smile of pure joy makes him look so boyish. And handsome. I'm gonna have to make him smile more often. "Luv, I stayed with a mad woman for a century. And I only left 'cause she kicked me out. You don't have to worry about me leaving you."

"I'm more worried that you might dust yourself doing something stupid," I say.

"Yeah, that's more likely," he says. "I promise, I'll do my best not to dust. But if the world's on the line…"

"You would be willing to sacrifice yourself to save the world?" I mean, he did it in the other timeline, but it was after he'd gotten his soul.

"Something my future self told me is that I need to learn how to care about what matters, not because you care, but because it's the right thing," he explains. "He said I need to clean up my act and learn what it means to be a white hat. It's not about doing things because it'll get you to shag me. And I want to… but there are some things I can't do on my own."

"I'll help you."

"And if something ever happens to you?" he asks. "Not aging doesn't make you immortal, luv. I should know. I've killed two of your kind already. I think… I think I'd need something else to help me understand."

I know what he's getting at immediately. "You're talking about getting your soul. Spike, my future self said it caused her Spike so much pain. And I… I don't want you to go through that, if you can be good without it."

Spike looks at me with wonder in his eyes. "I'm… glad you think so. And yeah, maybe I can be. Screw that, I know I can be. But I'm worried that… that I might not be good enough. That I might screw up someday and that'll be it between us."

"You sound like you're not sure if you should get it or not," I say. "My future self said that it had to be your choice. And I think you need to be one hundred percent sure about it before you do."

"My future self said the same thing," says Spike. "He also said that the chip's gonna malfunction in two years."

I nod. "Mine told me that, too. Spike, if you're really not sure about this, maybe you should wait until then? Contrary to what you think, rushing into things is a terrible idea. So, we'll see how things go and when we get to that point, you can decide if you want it or not. I'll support whatever you decide, but remember, it's not up to me. It's up to you. This is your body. Your soul."

He reaches for my hand and I let him take it. He looks down at it, playing with my fingers, and says, "I've always done what my lady wants. Not sure I can choose what to do for myself."

"It's not hard," I say. "Let's just take this one step at a time. The future is ours now. Only we can decide what to do with it."

End Notes: I've left a couple of things open ended:

The soul. Everyone has a different opinion on Spike getting a soul. Some think he doesn't need it, others think he does, etc. I'm part of the camp that doesn't mind either way, which is why I'm going to let readers draw their own conclusions on what happens. Does he decide to get one? Does he realize he doesn't need it? Up to you.

Xander. I realized while writing this last chapter that he has a lot of issues he needs to deal with before he can even begin to apologize for his actions, because a quick "I'm sorry" isn't gonna cut it. And I didn't want to drag this story out beyond its natural stopping point just so he can get over his issues. He'll eventually apologize, but it'll take a while.