A/N: I do not own any of these characters. I think there's only going to be one more chapter after this one. As always, read and review, thank you!

Elliot POV

While I was relieved that Tucker wasn't Noah's father, at the same time I was slightly miffed that she was with Tucker at all. I knew I didn't have a right, but I still felt it. It dug at me that he was there and I wasn't. That after all the crap that man did to her, did to us, that something like a relationship could form. It was him and not me. Not that I could really do anything about it. I was married. I just-

"You look like you're about to blow a gasket over there, Elliot." Was it really showing on my face? Damn. Not that she wouldn't have known to begin with. Most of the time, she knows me better than I know myself. I flashed her a smile-weak I know, but it was all I could muster. I couldn't stop now, I had to know. I had to know how the hell this happened. "I'm good Liv. I'm just waiting for you to tell me."

"There was this one time that I was taken hostage, it happened at another home that my sitter also sits at. Some time after I'd become lieutenant. There were three- a brother, a sister, and the sisters boyfriend. The boyfriend was strung out, and the brother had been sent out with the mother to have her withdraw money. Father unconscious. There was the little boy and a teenage girl. Strung out boyfriend ends up raping the teenage girl, and I was powerless to stop it." I understood exactly what she was feeling- like I was feeling it myself. "Tucker was there?" She nods.

"He was acting negotiator. The girlfriend ended up surrendering, and the boyfriend- gun on me, was leading us out. I got him to let the kids go, and they took him out. But after that, Tucker and I, we started to get to know each other. And, surprisingly, we worked really well. It was the healthiest relationship I'd had. And I cared for him- deeply. And he cared for me." I felt a 'but' in there somewhere. "What happened?" I needed to hear the rest.

"He was talking of retiring. And he wanted us to retire together, and be together. But this job- it's a part of me. And I wasn't ready to walk away. So, we walked away from each other." She looked down at her hands, clasped together in her lap. "Later, he found out that he had cancer, and he told me. He told me he had no intention of doing chemo, and it was his goodbye. He killed himself. It hurt, but I understood." I nodded. The jackass- asking Olivia to quit the job is like telling her to give up her heart. Crazy. "I'm sorry, Liv. I'm sorry things ended like that. But, he was crazy for asking you to give it up. It was wrong." She looked up at me with straight fire. "At least he gave me the courtesy of a goodbye." Ouch. I may have deserved that. "Liv, just let me-" she got up from the couch and stood.

"No, Elliot. I know we had a very short explanation when you first came back- just reappearing in my life without so much as a warning. I think I deserve to know why, as so much as a little thought for our 12 year partnership, let alone our friendship- why and how you could leave without so much as a word? I can't even begin to tell you what that alone did to me. And now that you're back- ok." She breathed in and out a couple of times, regaining her composure.

"Liv, I told you that I had to leave, and I told you that if I would have spoken to you- I wouldn't have been able to leave." I was waiting for her to see it. She crossed her arms.

"Yes, I remember this conversation. I believe- no, I know that I deserve an explanation. I deserve to know why. Why I wasn't even worth a text from you. Not even a "K, Bye." Why, Elliot?"

I was standing now. I marched right over to her and looked straight into the brown swirling pools of her soul. "Not worth- don't you get it?!? You are worth everything. I couldn't call or text you. I could not face you. I had to leave. Not just because I had shot a girl. Not because of IAB and stupid Tucker wanting to drag my ass through the fire and bury me. No. I had to leave because of two reasons. One, I refused to drag you with me. And two- because I cared for you too much. Liv- don't you see? I couldn't stand the idea of destroying us. And I would've. And you would've gladly stood by me. We were partners in almost every sense of the word. Except one. And I couldn't do that. I had to make my family work. I wanted Eli to know his family together. And I couldn't hold you back. This- we've always had this between us. This push and pull, the knowing with a single look- the ability to connect on almost a molecular level. This is what made us close friends and good partners. But it was a tightrope. And I had to balance ever so slightly." She put distance between us, walking over to the bar and sitting in one of the stools. "And your balancing act was just for me? Not the other women that you've had flings with? Because there was clearly no balance or thinking there." Really?

"Really, Liv? Angela Wheatley was just- we were dealing with grief and briefly connected. It wasn't anything." She laughed. This wasn't going to be good.

"Oh, so much of nothing that it was brought out in open court in front of your kids? And I'm not just talking about her. There was Dani Beck back in the day, and I'm pretty sure something happened with the Madam- Flutura. You always go running into the arms of others. And then even your ex-wife. Kathy. She was so relieved when I had confirmed that you had ghosted me for ten years."

"There was no balance there, you're right. But you're missing a key component. None of them were you!" I kinda yelled the last part. She's still not getting it. I walked over to her, and put both of my hands on her shoulders. "They weren't you. And Kathy- she was always afraid that I'd fall off the tightrope. I cared for her, I loved her, she was the mother of my children. And I'll always carry her with me. But it will always be you and I." Damn Wheatley. Hated the man, but he read me like a book. I took her face in my hands, caressing. She looked surprised for a moment, and started to push me away. "Olivia Benson, you have always been my other half. The other half of my soul. And I have always loved you. I never stopped. That's what I've been trying to tell you. I left to protect you from me. I know now, after hearing everything I missed, it was the biggest mistake of my entire existence. And I'm sorry."

A/N: I hope you guys like this latest update. Please don't hesitate to read and review. I appreciate the feedback immensely!