Tinkers were had! See ya Monday.

29
- brutal hearts -

Edward POV

"One drink," Emmett tries again, once Bella's SUV pulls away.

I watch until her tail lights are out of sight, not even trying to hide my fucking disappointment.

When she's finally gone, I look over and find Rose watching me.

I bet she fucking knows. She's not stupid. Em's not stupid either, so I'm not sure how he hasn't picked up on my feelings by now, but maybe he just doesn't want to believe that I could be so low.

"Babe, it's late. Let's just go home," Rose suggests, pulling on Em's arm.

I'm so fucking grateful for my sister-in-law at this moment. Even if she suspects Bella and I were just together, she's not pushing. Not accusing. Her expression lets me know she's not fucking thrilled, but tonight will not be the night we address this. Tonight will remain one of the best nights of my fucking life.

I was half awake when Bella fell asleep on me. I could've woken her up and let her leave instead of setting an alarm that ended up backfiring on me. But she felt too good in my arms. I let her sleep because I'm selfish, and I wanted a little more time. Because I'm a greedy fucking bastard who wants someone who isn't his.

But she is, isn't she? After tonight, it feels like she's mine more than ever. Every second we spend together we get closer and fall deeper into this. And she's risking everything to be with me. Would she really do that if she weren't willing to be all in?

I'm all in. I'm risking everything for her, too, and everything I do is with her in mind.

Buying the house next door.

Enrolling Seth in the same preschool.

It's probably sick how grateful I was that my brother hit it off with her best friend because from then on, I knew Bella would always be in my life in some capacity.

It's fucked.

I'm fucked.

We're fucked.

I don't even care as long as it means one day she'll really be mine.

Rose orders an Uber that's ten minutes away, and Emmett's bitching about having to take a piss. Before he walks into the alley and gets arrested for public indecency, the three of us are going up to my hotel room, so he can use the bathroom.

I'm not thinking straight. I can't be. Or maybe I am, and this is the part where everything blows up, and I just don't care anymore.

We walk into the room, and Emmett immediately ducks into the bathroom. Rose walks further in. And then she stops. Takes in the space. Sees the bed undone, the sheets every-fucking-where, the heavy scent of sex and Bella in the air.

She knows.

She fucking knows.

Her eyes lock with mine.

"How long has this been going on?" she asks.

"What?" I'm buying myself time, trying to weigh the pros and cons of coming clean. On one hand, I trust Em and Rose. On the other, despite how good and real this thing is with Bella, I know the way we're handling it is shitty and I wouldn't blame them if they disapproved.

"Edward," Rose says sharper. "How long have you and Bella been doing… this." She waves her hand in the direction of the bed.

I could continue lying. But what's the fucking point?

"Not that long," I say honestly, evenly. "Just a couple of weeks." Our emotional affair has lasted longer, but the physical one… yeah. Around two weeks.

Rose sighs. She's looking at me all fucking disappointed, and I guess I feel disappointed, too. But for other reasons.

"This will kill Jared," she says, and it doesn't go unnoticed that she doesn't mention Gianna.

"Yeah, I know," I agree, sitting in the plush chair that Bella straddled me in earlier. I honestly don't care if it kills Jared. I know that makes me an asshole, but he's a shitty partner, and he doesn't deserve her. That doesn't mean he deserves this. I fucking know that. But still, he's not the one I'm worried about. I'm worried about Bella and the effect everything will have on her. The toll it will take.

We hear the toilet flush, so this conversation needs to be over soon. Or maybe it doesn't. Maybe Emmett needs to know all of this, too. I can't expect Rose to keep this from him.

"What are you going to do?" Rose pushes, looking pissed. "Go on, tell me your plan, bad boy. Because I care about Bella and I need to know what the fuck you're going to do about this mess."

"I'm not going to hurt her, if that's what you're worried about," I promise Rose.

My words don't appease her. "Please indulge me. I want to know how much of this you've thought out."

I already know what I'm already going to do. I'm going to leave Gianna and I'll wait for Bella for however long I need to.

But then uncertainty sinks in when I worry Bella won't follow through with eventually leaving Jared.

When I've yet to speak, Rose continues.

"Look, dude. You need to end it with Gianna. Talk to Bella and have her end it with Jared. Be honest with them and yourselves. Or… stop completely. Both of you move on. Forget this happened. That would be the least messy and painful route to go."

She's wrong. That route would be the most excruciating.

"I'm not expecting any of this to be painless," I say seriously. If we leave our spouses, it's going to be fucked for a while. And if we don't… that would hurt worse. "All of this is easier said than done, Rose. I don't know if Bella can do that yet."

Rose quirks a brow at me. "You don't know if she can do what—stop having an affair with you? Or end it with Jared?"

I give her a look, hoping she understands I mean the latter.

But how can I even be sure that Bella wants that?

Tonight we said one day. So I'm hoping for one day. But I worry she just said it because when we're together, nothing else matters. I worry that when she walks through her front door tonight, and Jared gives her shit for not answering her phone, she will falter. Guilt will consume her. And one day will become a distant thought. But I'll still be here waiting.

"Do you really want her to leave Jared?" Rose wonders, not shying away from the hard-hitting questions. "Do you want that? You and Bella… like, actually together?"

"Yeah, I do. More than fucking anything," I admit, and Rose's disappointment shifts to sadness. "I'm planning on telling Gianna I want a divorce."

I was expecting shock but I'm just met with a neutral stare.

"I think that should probably happen regardless of whatever goes down with Bella," Rose agrees.

I sigh. "I know."

"So, it's more than just sex?" she confirms, and my expression says it all.

I'm in love with Bella.

It's fucking real.

But what we're doing is not enough.

It's not sustainable.

I sleep beside another woman every night when the one I want is next door. And I can't fucking do it anymore.

"It's more than just sex," I tell Rose. "I love her." It's fucking bold to admit out loud to Bella's best friend, but fuck it. I might be dishonest and immoral, but I refuse to be any of those things when it comes to how I feel about Bella.

Rose's jaw drops and her eyes grow wide, mouth open from shock. "Does she know that?"

"No. Maybe? I mean, not with those exact words." There's no way Bella doesn't know how I feel. Every look, every touch is heavy with how much I fucking care for her. She has to know.

Rose brings a hand to her forehead, and Emmett walks out of the bathroom.

"This place has a fucking bidet," he says excitedly, but his face falls when he picks up on the vibe of the room. "What'd I miss?" he asks.

Rose sounds resigned when she says, "Yeah, Edward. What'd he miss?"

I don't know what to say, so I go for honesty.

"Everything."

Em looks confused by my reply, but then his gaze shifts toward the bed, his eyes widening. "Oh… fuck."

XXX

I confide in Emmett and Rose.

It just fucking spills out of me.

Everything.

Even the parts that I should be ashamed of.

Well, maybe I don't tell them everything. Not the intimate details. Those memories are only for us.

But they know I'm in love with her.

They know we're fucked.

Emmett doesn't even act all that surprised when I come clean. Just kind of has that same sad look on his face as Rose did. Or does. Her expression hasn't changed.

I know what it is—it's pity. They pity me maybe because they know how this will end, or they think they do, anyway.

I wish I knew. Fuck, I wish I could see the future and how this all plays out. Or maybe I don't want to know. Maybe it's better that I stay in the moment and just enjoy my time with Bella.

Rose cancels their Uber.

Emmett raids the mini bar and finally has that drink he wanted.

I do, too, because now that someone knows about us, this entire affair feels real, and I need something to take the edge off.

"I always knew you two were close," Rose says absently, pacing. "But I never thought… I mean… this is big. This is fucked up." She doesn't sound judgemental though. Just stating a fact, I guess.

"I know. Trust me, I fucking know."

"I'm not condoning this, but like, yeah, unfortunately, I think I get it," Rose adds. "Both of your marriages… and I can see you two… you make sense…" She's not finishing her sentences, but I can fill in the blanks for myself. "And Jared just… he's not…"

I wish she'd tell me more about how Bella really feels about Jared but she keeps it to herself like the good friend she is.

This situation isn't black and white. It's gray. Messy. This isn't just Bella and me using each other for sex. It's more, and it's deeper. We're filling a void, supplementing what we aren't getting with Gianna and Jared. The thing at this point is that there's nothing Gianna can offer me. She's not Bella, and she never will be.

"I just really can't believe it," Rose mumbles, sitting at the desk. She refuses to sit on the bed for obvious reasons. "How did she not tell me this?"

"It's not exactly something you want to get around," I mutter, and I wonder just how pissed Bella is going to be at me for confiding in them. But I don't know. It felt good. And Rose fucking knew. Once she saw that bed, she knew. There was no lying my way out of it then.

"I'm her best friend," Rose says softly. "She should know she can talk to me."

"Actually, I think Edward's her best friend," Emmett points out, sipping whiskey from a paper cup.

"You're taking this surprisingly well," I say dryly.

He shrugs. "I'm drunk. And you don't love Gianna. It's wrong, and fucked, but how can I not be a little happy for you?"

If I had it in me to smile, I would.

I just can't though. Knowing Bella's probably home now, and Jared might be giving her hell.

Is she going to lie?

Is she going to tell him the truth?

Did he notice my car was gone all night and put two and two together?

Or maybe he's not confronting her. Maybe he's sleeping. Maybe he texted but doesn't actually care that his wife was out later than she planned to be.

I scrub a hand over my mouth, my knee nervously bouncing. I want to text her so fucking bad and make sure she's okay, but I can't. If he sees her phone, or if he hears a text at this hour, wouldn't he wonder? I would. I'm not trying to fuck this up anymore for her. So I decide I'll call her tomorrow, and tell her everything. I'll confess that Em and Rose know and that I'm so fucking sorry.

"Fuck," I sigh, fisting my hair in agitation.

"What?" Em asks.

"I'm fucking worried. I don't want Jared to give her shit for not answering her phone and for being out so late."

Em nods. "What does he think she was doing all night?"

My eyes shift to Rose.

"Oh, my God," she mutters. "Seriously? She told him she was out with me?"

"I guess, yeah…"

"I don't want to be brought into this mess," Rose says adamantly. "Like, really. It's too much. I'll keep your secret. I understand even if I don't necessarily agree with it. But please, don't bring Emmett and me further into this."

"I'm sorry," I say, genuinely meaning it.

"Are you, though?" Em interjects, his tone neutral. Like he's honestly curious if I'm sorry about all of this.

I don't even have to think about it.

"I feel like shit for involving you two and telling y'all about this without making sure Bella was okay with it. But am I sorry for finally being honest with myself and for wanting to be with the woman I love?" I ask, not waiting for their reply. "Nah. I'll never fucking be sorry for that."