Sirius Black entered the Great Hall, expecting another day of random epic epicness to occur. He saw Andromeda sitting over with her sisters this morning and Amy sitting beside Ted Tonks.
He started walking over to Susan, but stopped when he saw people at the Staff Table. The teachers were back, They looked angry, and several were glaring at him.
McGonagall made a come here motion with her pointer finger.
"Professor McGonagall, I am glad you are back and feeling better, My friends and I haven't pranked anyone since before this happened. And I, personally, have been on my best behavior." Sirius explained quickly.
"Bull!" Came a random cry.
"I have been on my best behavior, and I haven't broken any school rules, that I am aware of!" he defended. "What have I done? I haven't pranked, threatened, or inferred anything while the teachers have been gone. It isn't funny to cause mischief while the teachers aren't here to control the situation."
McGonagall looked stern. "I have heard rumors that you arranged betrothals for your cousins, instigated blood feuds, held secret plots, and arranged the deaths of two classmates!" She growled.
Sirius was quick to defend himself, "I did no such things! My cousins picked their...chosens and brought me the contracts to sign. The only meetings I have had are with my head of house, then with my cousins to relay the head of house's directions, then a follow up with Andromeda. I didn't instigate anything, Lord Arcturus handled an attempted coup and usurptation, I didn't say anything to the two students and they left with an Auror! And family business, is not plotting."
"I heard that Evans and Potter were in this last family meeting." Slughorn chimed in.
"Horace, will you join me? Black, Potter Evans, With me!" They followed her to the closest classroom.
"If you must know, Lord Arcturus requested I look into getting some new investments. I asked James if he had heard of anything to invest in the Wizarding world." Sirius explained quickly.
"I remind you,Sleekeasy hair potion, and I heard a rumor Nimbus is going to be huge by the time our kids get to Hogwarts." James 'reminded'.
"I told him to invest in computer technology. Apple is going to be good choice, and A few companies from Japan called Samsung, and anything involving something called video games." Lily shot out.
"You said those are like smaller versions of those Arcane things you talked about." Sirius joked.
"It is called Arcades." She reminded. "Oh, and music cassettes are going to replace 8 tracks soon."
"And what is a 7-track, Ms. Evans?" Professor McGonagall snapped.
"8 tracks have mostly replaced vinyl records, Professor. The records sound better, but 8 tracks are portable and able to be used in cars." Lily explained.
"And why would you have such a discussion with Mr. Black?" Professor McGonagall snapped back.
"He said he was going to write his grandfather about making these investments, and offered me a percentage of the profits he is going to make. I am just planning for my future, Professor." Lily explained. "And he needed my help because I grew up in the muggle world and Andromeda suggested he bring me to confirm what Ted had hinted to her." She finished.
"I thought that you disapprove of Mr Black and his friends?" McGonagall reminded.
"Oh, I dared him to be nice to my friend and that fixed that." Lily explained.
"And did that work?" McGonagall joked.
"Well, I talked to him for a minute about sitting down and talking out our problems."
Sirius said.
"And, did you work out your problems?" McGonagall snapped.
"We didn't really need to after my cousin decided to get betrothed to him. We just agreed that fighting was stupid and we should keep her happy." Sirius explained.
"Which of your cousins?" McGonagall demanded.
"Bellatrix, but shouldn't you know this? I know I had copies of the contracts sent to The head of house, deputy head, and headmaster." Sirius asked for clarification.
"I have a lot of paperwork to work through from the absences of the staff." McGonagall seethed.
"Again, I am happy you are back." Sirius smiled.
"I am going to be direct. Did you poison the staff?" McGonagall requested.
"Wait, the staff was poisoned, We thought you were sick? Have you asked the elves?" Sirius asked.
"Well no,...MIPSY!" McGonagall called.
"Prossesor Minniekitty, whats can Mipsy do for you?" Mipsy popped in and asked.
"Do you know how the staff was poisoned?" McGonagall asked.
Mipsy began crying, "We tolds the Healy Pompry lady that one of the others makes the mistake of giving the bad juice to the professies. We tried to stops you but you all had drank it already so we popped you to in firmy place. We are ready to punish the one who made the mistake, but he only grabs the wrong pitcher. We has since made sure the bad stuff is kept far away from the good stuffs."
"I will discuss it with the headmaster. Where did the bad stuff come from?" McGonagall asked.
"Um, Minerva, I had the batch of juice tested. It was a calming Draught, that had something switched with nightshade. It seems they checked to see if it was correct before dosing, and poured out the mistake before someone got hurt, but a mistake later and the staff is out several days for mild poisoning and recovery. I noticed the calming draught in my cup after my first sip. And then the after taste of the nightshade. but the elves popped in before I could say anything." Slughorn explained.
" And you didn't tell me this earlier, why?" McGonagall demanded.
"I didn't know that it was related. You didn't mention the poisoning before we came in here." Slughorn responded.
"Well, what happened to the Lestranges and Mr Malfoy?" McGonagall demanded.
"They came in, started demanding my cousins join them, were Interupted by Uncle Pollux saying that their contracts were no good. They then said they would make the contracts work. Lord Arcturus came in, asked me to explain what would happen if someone interfered with a contract by means of rape. Then he called an Auror, and they all walked outside. Malfoy and the Lestranges left with an Auror, and Uncle Pollux left with another after Grandfather hit him with a spell as punishment." Sirius related. "Oh, then Grandfather sent a short note saying something about a couple of blood feuds that he had declared being over."
"So, they did something stupid to the wrong family and their families paid the price with them." Slughorn summarized sadly..
"So, What have you been doing?"
"I have started courting Miss Bones, and just wandering around." Sirius related.
"What about you two?" McGonagall asked.
"We started dating. We just spent time together." James said with a smile.
"Go and don't give me anymore grey hairs!" McGonagall roared out.
Classes were back to normal. Nothing really changed, except now there was less animosity between Slytherins and Gryffindors. Well the ones who were usually antagonistic towards the Gryffindors were keeping their collective heads down.
An hour before lunch, Sirius was called to the headmaster's office.
McGonagall walked him up. "Please stay, Professor. He probably wants to know the same things you did and I don't want to get smart with him because I already explained myself once to two heads of house, and one was the deputy."
"Alright, Mr Black."
KNOCK KNOCK...
"Come in Minerva, Mr. Black...
Would you like a lemonhead? It is a muggle treat that I found...No. Minerva, you may go.Well, is there anything you should tell me Mr. Black." Dumbledore asked with a twinkle.
Sirius had raised his Occlumency shields before he stepped in the office.
"Albus, Mr. Black asked me to stay. To keep him in line." McGonagall explained.
"Do you believe you can't control yourself with me, Mr. Black? Do you think I can't control a single student, Minerva?" Dumbledore Mused.
"If Professor McGonagall leaves then this isn't a discussion about my schooling, And IF that is the case you should contact Lord Arcturus Black, as he is the head of the house of Black and has assumed responsibility for me as I am his heir." Sirius stated.
"There is no need for all that, I am merely curious about a few things." Albus attempted to deflect. "I am worried about you going down such a dark path..."
"Albus! How dare you say such a thing? He hasn't done anything that could be considered dark at all!" Minerva McGonagall shrieked.
"I believe I will write my lord Black. Expect to be called before the Wizengamot to answer for your accusations against the Heir of the house of Black." Sirius concluded.
"I have made no accusations, I just said it appears you are making...ill thought out decisions." Dumbledore again deflected.
"The only decisions I have made recently are to stop being an ass to Snape. And to request negotiations for a betrothal with Amelia Bones." Sirius growled. "And IF dating Amelia Bones is 'going down a dark path' to you, Then you sir, are not any definition of Light I would ever follow." Sirius snapped.
Dumbledore took a deep breath, "These are dark times, We must be wary, Voldemort is making inroads with the darker families, including yours and we must tread with care. What if you make yourself or your loved ones targets for him or his Death Eaters. He will only be brought down with careful planning and a well thought out strategy. The Light cannot afford a misstep caused by a child. It will take many years for the Greater Good to stop the madness of Lord Voldemort. Do you have any idea what kind of damage you have caused? What you have done without thinking about your actions?" Albus orated.
"ALBUS!" a voice called from the fire.
"Minister Bagnold, I am in a meeting at the moment, I can discuss the Aurors heavy handedness with you later."
"Albus, Lord Arcturus Black came into the Wizengamot and declared a blood feud against a bastard of the house of Gaunt and his followers. Then he gathered all of those heavy handed Aurors, you were just talking about. He swore them into his service as temporary vassals, and marched against the dark lord." The Minister related quickly.
"I must go and stop this before such a loss of life destroys everything." Albus declared.
"Albus, Stop. Black left for fifteen minutes, and came back. The Aurors and he Killed all the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord. He won. It is Over." The minister explained.
"I don't believe this is the end. This is just a short time of peace before he returns and starts it all over again. We must prepare for The Greater Good." Albus chastised.
"They brought back all the bodies, including the Dark lord's. He demanded that the Unspeakables check the body. After they confirmed the dark lord was permanently dead, Lord Black insisted we go to the veil and chuck his corpse through to make sure he can't possibly be restored in any way. We just finished that. The Wizengamot voted to Award him the order of Merlin first class. He also asked where you were. Then, he pointed out that being Headmaster, Chief Warlock, and Representative for the ICW are full time positions. You got put out of commission for a week and it could have been a disaster. You have been replaced as Chief Warlock and the ICW representative."
The Minister explained.
"So I guess he replaced me in one of those positions." Albus snarled.
"Well, No. Augusta Longbottom is now the Chief Witch, And Barty Crouch was made the representative. He had to step down as Head of the DMLE. Alastor Moody took his place. But Moody says He won't stay more than a decade or so. He has a replacement with a lot of potential at Hogwarts, He says they will be ready in about a decade or close to that. Moody lost an eye, a leg, and a piece of his nose. The Unspeakables gave him the best replacements possible. And according to the on site Aurors, He was barking orders and firing curses while bleeding on the ground. When he was carried into the chambers he looked at them and said, 'See, Constant Vigilance. If I didn't get complacent this wouldn't have happened. I Have Learned My Mistake. And These Will Make Good Reminders.' Then he told the Auror that he was upping the training for all Auror from Cadets to Seniors."
"But there must be some death eaters that could have been redeemed, there may be some who escaped." Albus tried to reason.
"... Oh, Arcturus just explained that Walburga and Orion Black had gone to swear fealty to The dark Lord..."
"HIS CHOSEN NAME WAS VOLDEMORT. BUT THAT LITTLE BASTARD WAS NO LORD. HE DISINHEIRTED HIMSELF BY MURDERING FAMILY AND BLAMING IT ON HIS HEAD OF HOUSE." Arcturus's voice rang out.
" Well, Arcturus's grandson, Regulus, contacted Arcturus about what was going on. Arcturus took them joining as The..." "Voldemort!" "Voldemort moving against his family and Walburga and Orion as Betraying the family. He filed the papers for the blood feud. Then Lord Black declared them Traitors to the house of Black, removed, disavowed, disowned, disenfranchised, and exiled from the family. He had already filed for Custody of his heir and granddaughters last week. He filed the paperwork to have Regulus placed in his Custody as well. He said he would be to busy educating and raising the children to take any positions in the Ministry." Bagnold finished.
"What happened to Walburga and Orion Black?" Albus asked.
"NO NAME. THEY WERE NO FAMILY OF MINE. I HEARD HOW THEY TREATED MY HEIR! AND THEN THEY FOLLOW THIS PSYCHOPATH WITH DELUSIONS OF GRANDURE..." Came the furious voice of Arcturus.
"They are amongst the dead, Albus." the minister clarified.
"He murdered all those people, even members of his own family. No chance to be redeemed, no chance to fix their mistakes, and no chance to learn from their mistakes. Arcturus has become truly Dark!" Albus declared. "He even killed the Malfoy and Lestrange families. Maybe, he is just a Dark Lord removing a challenger for his power."
"Minister Bagnold, Please come through and Bring Lord Black." Sirius requested as diplomatically as possible. He then continued venomously. If you don't, The Blacks, Their Allies, their Betrothed and All those who would join me will leave Hogwarts and demand a transfer. I believe, Most of the school would Join me after I explain what this old fool has said about the man who ENDED THE THREAT OF VOLDEMORT!" Sirius Roared!
"Are you threatening the Headmaster of this school?" Albus Accused while his eyes narrowed in anger.
"We are coming through!" Bagnold declared.
Bagnold And Arcturus exited the floo. Bagnold stopped to remove the soot. Arcturus walked straight up to Dumbledore while glaring at him.
"You think you can do anything to me? I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. I defeated The Dark Lord Gellert Grindewald." Albus sneered.
" I am Lord Arcturus Black." He stopped for a moment and punched Dumbledore in the nose. "And I just defeated and killed Voldemort, because he was a threat to my family. You don't want me to believe you are a threat ad well, because I have ended 5 families in 6 days and It won't take much effort to have the Dumbledores become number 6." Arcturus responded with just a terrifying hint of bloodlust.
Dumbledore drew his wand, and his wand flew out of his hand and landed in Sirius's hand. Dumbledore paled.
"Minister Bagnold, Albus Dumbledore has said some truly vile things about my family and the actions that we took to Disrupt the plans of Voldemort, and then End Voldemort and his branded chatel. I would like to press charges."
"What charges, boy?" Albus raged.
"Slander against The Lord of The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black. Attempted Legimency Against the Heir Of The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black. Attempted blackmail of the Heir of Black. Attempting to interfere with betrothals of members and heirs of the house of Black, and Conspiracy to commit Line theft of the House of Black." Sirius delivered.
"You have no proof of any of that!" Dumbledore sneered.
"Accio Dumbledore's Plan for the Greater Good." Sirius answered.
Dumbledore paled as it flew to Sirius's hand.
"Merlin's Beard, you actually called it your PLAN FOR THE GREATER GOOD?" Sirius barely stopped himself from laughing.
He gave the book to Bagnold.
Bagnold started reading and paled, "Arcturus call the Aurors, and get them here now." Bagnold pointed her wand at Dumbledore.
"Why don't I cover Dumbledore, and you call the Aurors?" Arcturus asked.
"This one is going on trial. You already killed one madman, let the government deal with this one. We need the good press."
"I thought bringing the Aurors when I destroyed with Voldemort and his army gave you good press." Arcturus grumbled.
Throwing in the floo powder, "DMLE, The Minister needs Aurors at Dumbledore's office at Hogwarts immediately."
Dumbledore made to get up.
"Don't move, Albus!" Bagnold ordered.
"Fawkes, It's over. The Greater Good is just another way of him saying I will sacrifice everyone else to get my way. Can't you see? And what's worse is, by being with him you give him legitimacy to his claims of being the Leader of the Light."
"SQUACK?" Fawkes replied.
"Does him claiming that offend you?" Sirius asked.
Fawkes nodded.
"Do you agree with him trying to hinder those fighting against Evil? Do you Agree with him trying to forgive Rapists, Murderers, and thieves?" Sirius asked.
Fawkes shook his head.
"I know he has been your companion for a long time, Will you prevent the pursuit of justice for his actions, inaction, and plans that sacrifice the innocent for the chance of redeeming the guilty?" Sirius asked one last time.
Fawkes looked sadly towards his companion. He shook his head.
"Thank you, Fawkes. You just wanted to try to keep him on the right path, didn't you? Do you want to help me go follow the right path? Do you want to be my friend?" Sirius pleaded.
Fawkes stared him in the eyes, piercing into his soul. Fawkes then used a wing to cover his beak as he made a strange sound that couldn't be anything other than laughing.
Sirius Black saw images in his mind he looked to Fawkes to make sure he got it right.
"Never" Head shake. "not now?" shoulders raise. "Later?" Nod.
Sirius sounded almost cheerful. "We can be friends later. That sounds good to me."
"First you steal my wand, Now you are trying to steal my Phoenix." Albus sneered.
Fawkes flew over and slapped Albus as hard as he could with his wing.
"Fawkes can't be stolen, He chooses his companion. And I won this wand from you. I plan to return this to the family it belongs to."
"You know who has another?" Albus asked.
"Not anymore, We took that one and will give it back to its rightful owner as well."
"What?" Albus looked confused.
"Forget it. You don't get the joke." Sirius related.
"Sirius, I dare you to free me." Albus looked smug.
"I am. I am freeing you from paperwork and the tedium of repetition. I am freeing you from delusions of conquest. I am freeing you from allowing so much evil in the name of the Greater Good."
The Aurors put him in cuffs and took him out through the floo.
"If you Blacks want to change the world by force anymore, can you wait until I am out of office?"
"No promises." The Blacks replied.
"I wonder...Sirius Black I dare you to be a better minister than I am." Milicent Bagnold challenged.
"It will have to be way later. I still have to Graduate Hogwarts in my top 5, Marry my betrothed, Become the best father to my future Kids, Become the most awesome godfather, Become a better teacher than McGonagall is" She blushed, then paled. " Become A better Transfiguration Teacher than McGonagall, Become the Best Defense Teacher, Become the Head of house for Gryffindor, Win the Quiditch Cup for Gryffindor. I am not on the team, yet. Keep it in McGonagall's Office, till I graduate, which means You can't become the Headmistress yet. Unless you can talk your replacement as Head of Gryffindor into storing it in The Headmistress's office.('Easier to find a new Headmaster Or Mistress.' McGonagall said to herself.) Oh and Become an Auror, Impress Mad-eye Moody, Be FRIENDLY to Severus Snape for a week, make a better potion than Andromeda, Beat Bellatrix in A duel, Beat Bellatrix in a knife throwing contest, Out Lie Narcissa, Out Snob Narcissa, find and teach Narcissa something she doesn't know. It is harder than it sounds, the girl reads everything. And make any one thing better than Dobby.(Who is Dobby?) And he is one Dedicated house elf, And become a better Lord Of House Black than Lord Arcturus." Sirius concluded.
"I never dared you to be a better Lord than me." Arcturus whimpered.
"No, Regulus did." Sirius replied with cheek.
"I remember there being a few more challenges I made out." McGonagall huffed indignantly.
"Minister remember I am 13 and can't register before I am 17." Sirius reminded.
He changed to Padfoot and back.
"An Animagus before OWLs. That is three right there." Sirius told McGonagall.
"How? You and your friends are good but not that good." She asked with a stern glare number 6.
"Accidentally found a ritual, without sacrifice. Don't look so mean. And wam bam animagus." Sirius explained sheepishly.
"Where is the book with this ritual?" McGonagall demanded.
"I found it in this room, copied it down, did ritual burned copy. And I haven't found that room since."
"What about getting an article published in a Transfiguration Publication?"
"Last month's Transfiguration weekly. Noir Padfoot. About Sense enhancements in different Animagus."
"That was you! Not bad." McGonagall admitted.
The Minister looked over to Sirius, "So you can't be Minister. I understand."
Sirius looked affronted, "Who said anything about not doing it? After I accomplish all that, Why couldn't I be Minister, too? And if I do all that I am definitely going to be a better Minister."
"I am not retiring yet." The minister smirked.
"I have all the time in the world to get better and do the impossible." Sirius smirked.
Gryffindor Common room,
"So Grandpa killed voldy, I disarmed Dumbledore, and I introduced McGonagall to Padfoot...are you ready for Dinner?" Sirius stated nonchalantly.
The other marauders and Lily looked stunned... They followed him to the Great Hall.
Great Hall
The group walk up to Ted, Andromeda, Bellatrix, and Narcissa.
"Grandpa killed voldy, I disarmed Dumbles, I showed McGonagall my animagus form, Oh and Gandpa has Custody of us, and Regulus." Stunned Looks again.
Sirius left everyone and walked over to Amy.
"Hey Amy, Join me for dinner?" Sirius asked.
"Sure" Amy replied. They walked back to the others. "Why are they like this?"
"I told them somethings and might have broken them a bit." Sirius explained.
"Neat, so what happened?" Amy responded
"My Grandfather killed Voldemort, I disarmed Dumbledore after He accused My Grandfather of being a dark lord, I got a maybe later from a Phoenix about being his companion, I showed McGonagall that I am an Animagus, Oh, My grandfather got Dumbledore removed from his other offices legally, I got Dumbledore arrested, And talked Fawkes the Phoenix into not freeing Dumbledore. And I am going to kiss you."
Sirius said before laying a good one on Amy.
A few moments later.
"Okay, snap out of it. It wasn't that shocking!"
Bellatrix, Severus, Narcissa, Remus, Andromeda, Ted, James, Lily, Peter, and Hestia all turned to him.
"Got ya."
Sirius got pranked again.
"So, No more Voldemort. What do we do know?" Bellatrix pondered.
"Be challenged, Be challenging, And Challenge Yourself." Sirius Replied sagely.
Andromeda ran off like a shot.
A few minutes later she came back.
"Um, Teddy...I am pregnant." She whispered softly.
"I told you it would come. And it was after we made love instead of banging like bunnies." Ted replied calmly.
"Why are you so calm?" Lily asked.
"My rich wife, from a noble family, just got pregnant after she has been screaming about putting a baby in her, while having sex every free moment of the day, for over a week straight. And back when we started dating she explained that she would try as hard as possible to get pregnant as soon as she could after we got married. Wait shouldn't I be excited or something?" He asked.
"Why did my pumpkin juice taste weird?"
Severus paled.
"Ted drank Bellatrix's Calming draught." Severus explained.
"Don't worry, I haven't really needed it since I got you!" Bellatrix told Severus.
"Why did you have to have it before?" Severus asked.
"My Crazy aunt Walburga hit me with a nasty curse. I can't finish myself. I could get just shy of it and then zap. No release. You would need a calming Draught all the time too if you couldn't orgasm for Six and a half years."
"And considering Lestrange was supposed to marry you, He wouldn't have cared if you enjoyed it. You would have never got one."
Andromeda was floored.
"I doubt if Lucius would have cared to make sure I orgasmed. I would have to have a child and spoilt them rotten just to give my life any meaning." Narcissa related.
"Sirius, anything you would like to share?"
"Nope, My betrothed is in charge of everything. I just try to make sure I don't screw up."
"Damn it." Amy replied.
"What is it?" Bellat1rix asked
"The list heats up everytime he unlocks a reward. I am afraid of how far he may have unlocked." Amy responded.
"Amy just because it is Unlocked doesn't mean we have to do anything near that."
Sirius reminded.
"But they are options." Amy whispered.
"Not until you are ready." Sirius said sweetly.
"The list was to hold me back. I want everything and I want it now, but I don't want us to get bored before we even marry." Amy explained.
"Are we the ones protecting our chastity?" Remus asked.
"Yes." from James.
"Absolutely" came from Peter.
"You heard her." Sirius replied.
Severus thought for a moment. "I want to agree with you all. But, there is a part of me screaming behind a block Saying That you can't protect what you don't have.' But no one would block you from learning that truth, right. I am an occulmens. I shouldn't have secrets locked away from myself."
Severus then asked an important question to him. What is the age of consent in Britain and/or Scotland?"
AN So I think time skips and funny moments before an Epilogue. What do you guys want?