All too soon, exams were drawing nearer, and Peter found that everyone was taking more time out of their schedules to sit and study.
Even James and Sirius had stopped playing as many pranks to allow the 5th years to study and focus on their O.W.L.S. It was surprising, and Peter was still finding it rather suspicious as the Marauders spent more and more of their time outside sitting by the trees.
Remus and Peter would be studying. James and Sirius joined in sometimes– which was new– but mostly they just worked on the map, or prank projects, or just practiced throwing useless spells around.
"How do you create a spell?" wondered James one day, as Peter and Remus were quizzing each other on History of Magic. James and Sirius had been charming random birds flying nearby.
"What do you have in mind?" Remus asked wearily, looking up from his notes about Goblin Rebellions.
"Nothing really. I just thought it'd be fun to experiment with."
"That does sound cool," agreed Peter.
"I don't know how," admitted Remus. "I've never really tried. That's really advanced magic, especially if you're trying to do it on purpose. Everyone makes up spells by accident–"
"Like the time I sat on my wand and singed my backside?" put in Sirius. "That was awful."
Peter snorted. "For you."
"Hey!" Sirius lunged forward, but Peter quickly dodged out of the way. Sirius ended up slamming head-first into the wall.
James and Remus laughed.
"But, back to the point," said Remus quickly as Sirius growled, rubbing his forehead, "it can be really dangerous if you do it wrong. A lot of people have died while trying."
"Isn't that the fun?" countered James.
"No, not really," he said as he highlighted something on his scroll. "When was the wildcat Gargoyle Strike again? 1912?"
"1911," said Peter. "And the wildcats were winning until this gargoyle, I dunno his name, switched sides and squealed to this old wizard named Donnec…"
"Yeah, got that."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "How do you guys even remember all that?"
"How are you expecting to on the exam?" shot back Remus instantly, not even looking up from his notes.
"I'm not," said Sirius. "History of Magic is a course I couldn't care less about. I'll ace Transfiguration and Charms and Potions."
"You are good at Transfiguration," agreed Peter.
"I'm a god at Charms," mumbled James. "Baubillious!" A bright jet of yellow lightning struck out of James's wand and lunged to hit the nearest tree, striking it down.
There was a moment of silence before Sirius– and some of the other students nearby– roared aloud with laughter. "Good one, Potter!" someone cried.
Peter's eyes widened. "Woah. What was that?"
"I… did not know it was going to do that," admitted James. "It was carved onto a desk, and I wanted to try it out… That's why I shot it at the sky…"
Peter grinned. "That's pretty cool."
"Hey, wait," said Sirius, perking up. "I just got an idea. You know Bombarda, right? The spell?"
"That's pretty strong," said Peter. "It can blow down walls and floors."
"Bombarda only makes holes, actually," corrected Remus. "Bombarda Maxima can blow down walls."
"Ah, exactly my point," said Sirius. "If you add maxima onto a spell, it makes the effect bigger, correct?"
"That's what it seems like," mumbled James, twirling his wand around in his fingers. "It might not work for everything."
Sirius shrugged. "Boo that. The opposite of Maxima is Minima. Right?"
"Yeah… OH!" Peter understood, nodding. "You want to try putting Minima on Bombarda?"
"Close, but no cigar," said Sirius.
The other three stared at him blankly.
"It's a saying," said Sirius. "A Muggle saying, actually. I picked it up this one time when my parents took me and Reg to this party, right. It was a pureblood party, but they'd invited these Muggle-borns and even their parents… so Muggles… and they were just telling us all about their culture and stuff. My parents were furious! You should've seen the look on my mom's face. The moment they started talking about microed-wavies, she just marched out of the place. She point-blank refused to stay any longer! So my dad was really mad too, and he marched out too, and so Regulus followed. I stayed for a bit longer though, and it was really funny too, cause, see, this one guy–"
"Microed-wavies?" asked Peter, struggling to contain his laughter. "Sirius… It's a microwave."
"Oh. Yes. Same thing."
"Sure," said Remus, who was also clearly trying not to laugh.
"Anyway, so this one guy was like, Yo, where's your fam at bro? And I was like what are you saying, 'cause I have no clue what that means, right. So then I'm like huh, and then this other guy– half-blood, apparently–"
"Okay, we get it," said James impatiently, cutting into his rambling. "You were saying? Minima and Maxima and Bombarda?"
"Oh. Right." Sirius nodded sagely. "So the spell you just used, Baubillious, try Minima to make a smaller jet of lightning."
"Sure." James raised his wand and aimed it at one of the remaining trees. "Baubillious Minima!"
A smaller jolt of electricity burst out of his wand and shook the tree slightly, but not pushing it over fully.
"That's great," said Peter. "Now we can use it on people."
"That could do a lot of damage," said Remus softly. "I don't think we should try that out."
"Oh come on, Remus. It didn't kill the tree."
"I know. But trees are strong and made of wood. That could seriously shock some humans." Remus finally looked up from his notes, sighing. "It's electricity. It's okay to play around with hexes. Electricity can be really dangerous. It's what lightning is made of, and lightning can kill people."
"Isn't electricity a Muggle thing?" Sirius asked, frowning.
"It's a natural thing, Muggles just use it for things like computers and stoves," Remus answered patiently. "Can we get back to studying now, and then hexing later? Our exams are in two weeks."
James and Sirius exchanged a look.
"Okay," said James. "I'll try out the spell later. You want us to quiz you?"
"Sure," said Peter. "Can we do potions now? I think I've got History of Magic."
"Ickle Pete's got something?" cried Sirius, his eyes widening. "This is a new thing for all of us, I say we celebrate!"
"Easy for you to say," mumbled Peter. "I never see you studying."
"You see me acing tests though, don't you?"
"Not actually," said Remus. "I remember helping you correct your essay that got a T about the Goblin Barricade."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Essays and History are not my thing. You see me ace Transfiguration–"
"We just went over this!" cried Peter. "Let's go back to studying now. I really want to do good on these exams."
"Sure thing, Pete," said James. He grabbed a random sheet of notes, and the four of them studied their way through the day.
All too soon, the exams were over. While everyone was pretty jubilated about this– no more studying!- it also meant that the school year was over. The older students were used to this, but the first-years were clearly more subdued than usual about it. Hogwarts had become their homes after all, and they were going to miss all the friends they had made.
All the first year Gryffindors were sitting in their Common Room, spread out across the floor.
"We should do something fun," suggested Marlene. "You know, we'll probably be packing starting tomorrow. This is our last, like, free night to all be together."
"And we all do love being together," drawled Sirius sarcastically.
Every eye in the group turned to look at Lily.
She frowned. "Why are you all looking at me? I like being together. I'm sad today's one of our last free nights. You're all, like, my extended family."
"Your extended siblings," suggested one of the other girls– Peter thought her name was Mary– said.
She hesitated for a second. Something in her expression flickered. "Yeah, that. My extended siblings."
"I was under the impression–" started Sirius, but cut off hastily as Remus jutted his elbow into Sirius's ribs. "Ow!"
James gave him a stop-talking-stupid look. Peter grinned.
"You were under the impression of what?" asked Lily. She didn't look as angry as she normally would. Maybe it was just the last few days of Hogwarts feels. Everyone was being a lot nicer. Peter could've sworn that even the Slytherins that tripped his shoelaces on "accident" and called him dork had done it with more of a grudging smile today.
"Nothing," grumbled Sirius. "Now that Remus seems to have drastically injured my rib cage–"
"Oh, don't be dramatic," said Remus. "Don't you remember the time you threw me off the tree?"
"I remember that!" said Emmeline. "It was earlier in the year, and we were all on the grounds, and then we just heard a scream…"
"A pretty girlish one, too," muttered James, who had been rather quietly toying with his wand at the other end of the circle. Peter shot him a questioning look, and he just shrugged. He decided to let it go for now, but check up on him later. Peter didn't want his friends to be sad.
Remus scowled. "It wasn't girlish."
"It kinda was," admitted Peter. "Not that I blame you… You were just sitting and then all of a sudden you're pushed off."
"Must've been dreadful," commented Lily, causing all of them to laugh.
Well, except James.
Peter really wondered what was up with his friend.
"You guys want to play Gobstones?" offered Marlene, plunging a hand in her robes. "I got a set for Easter, though I haven't used it much. With all the exams and what-not."
"Oh, I get what you mean," said Sirius, nodding. Peter worked hard to not laugh, seeing how mature and charming Sirius was acting. He was always like this around girls.
Typical Sirius.
"Yeah, I'm sure you studied really hard," commented Mary loudly.
Sirius shrugged. "My results will tell us that, won't they?"
Mary shut up.
Peter felt kind of bad. Sirius could be really mean sometimes.
"James too," put in Izzy snarkily. "I bet he didn't study."
Everyone turned to James. He didn't say anything, just continued fiddling with his wand.
"Did he go deaf?" muttered Sirius to Peter. "He's not saying anything."
"No idea," Peter whispered back. "Maybe just end-of-year emotions?"
"Okay." Sirius didn't look convinced. Peter couldn't blame him. He had no clue why James was acting so… isolated.
Based on everyone else's faces, they were all noticing it too.
"Are you okay, James?" Remus asked quietly.
He nodded, his eyes on the ground. "I'm fine."
Remus looked over at Sirius and Peter, clearly confused. They both shrugged.
"Do… you guys want to play Gobstones, then?" Marlene interrupted the silence.
"Sure," said Peter, jumping on the chance.
"Yep," chorused the others.
Mary and Remus helped Marlene set up, adding extra stones since a lot of people were playing. Then they all took turns shooting the stone through the rings. Lily seemed to be really good at it, she'd knocked out almost six of the marbles in two turns.
"How did you do that?" asked Emmeline.
She shrugged, turning a little pink. "I don't know…"
"You've never played this before," pointed out Mary.
"I mean, yeah, but it's kind of like marbles, isn't it?" she said. "Except it shoots pus at the loser… And like it skips a little more, but that's because they've put a Repente jinx on it. So it'll just be more bouncy, but the flicking is still the same… So… I don't really know, honestly."
"You're sounding like Remus," noted James quietly. Peter couldn't tell if it was a joke or not, but everyone laughed, so he decided it was a joke.
Lily looked like she wanted to argue. However, everyone's faces looked like don't-make-him-even-sadder, so she just gave a forced laugh and let the next person take their turn.
"Mate, wanna play?" Sirius asked James.
"Nah. Not in the mood," said James. He was changing the color of a spot on the rug. Green, blue, purple, green…
"What's wrong?" Sirius asked, frowning.
"Nothing." He seemed to realize that Sirius wasn't convinced, so he sighed. "I'll tell you later."
"No, tell me now," said Sirius. He didn't sound mean, though. On the contrary, he sounded really kind. It was weird how immature Sirius could be one second and then how respectful he would be the next. It was like he was two different people.
James sighed audibly. "Fine. Come up to the dorm with me?"
"Of course."
Both of them stood up abruptly. Peter frowned. He wanted to go along with them, but he didn't want to intrude or overstep. Remus seemed to be thinking along the same lines, for he was just fiddling with one of the Gobstones that had rolled towards him.
"We're going to the dorm," said Sirius loudly.
"But the game isn't over," pointed out Mary.
"I know. But we're calling it an early night."
Remus gave him a questioning look. Sirius shrugged.
"Okay, c'mon, James." Sirius walked upstairs, James trailing slowly behind him
There was a moment of silence in the Common Room.
"Did James seem a little off to you guys?" asked Lily quietly.
"Why do you care?" replied Izzy, raising her eyebrows. "I don't think it matters much."
Peter scowled. He could understand when Lily was mean to James– he could be a fair prat around her– but Izzy? He didn't even know her. Most girls were in love with James.
Stupid Izzy.
Lily shrugged. "I dunno. We don't really like each other, but that doesn't mean I want him to get hurt."
Remus smirked a little, clearly thinking of how James would react if he heard that. He would probably start a "I Heart Lily Evans" theme song.
"He seemed fine. Sirius will take care of him," said Marlene confidently.
"You sound sure," muttered Peter.
She flushed the tiniest bit of pink. Oh, what was it with girls and blushing? Could they not keep their skin normal-colored for once? "I was just, ah, saying."
There was another awkward pause.
"Let's just finish playing," suggested Remus. "Then we can all just go back to bed and pack."
Everyone agreed– what else was there to do?– and they continued playing Gobstones into the night.
When Peter and Remus had gone upstairs, James and Sirius were nowhere to be found. Peter wanted to go after them, but they were both exhausted after all the exams and gaming, so they both decided to sleep it off and find them the next morning.
When Peter woke up, James and Sirius were both in the dorm, sitting on James's bed and talking.
"Hey," greeted Peter, walking over to where they were. "When did you guys get up?"
"Ah," said Sirius, glancing over to where Remus was still asleep. "We… never really slept."
He raised an eyebrow.
"We were out exploring all night," explained James. "We wanted to go to the Forbidden Forest, but then Mr. Filch found us at the door. He was going to take us to Dumbledore, I think, but then somehow a butterfly bit him in the backside and we ran for it. It was dark– and late– so it was all confusing and he doesn't really have any evidence."
"He's a Squib, anyway," put in Sirius, and then he snorted.
"He is?" Peter asked. "How do you know?"
Sirius just shrugged, still grinning.
"So then we just spent the night trying to break into the Ravenclaw Common Room," James continued promptly.
"It's really easy, actually," said Sirius. "It asks you a question that anyone can solve. Just, like, riddles. But the entrance changes each time, that's the tricky part. We've been trying to charm it down on our map. It's not really working, though…"
"We got awfully close once," continued James. "We found the eagle, and we were going after it, then someone tripped on an invisible stud–"
"Oh, that's not my fault. If you hadn't been running so fast–"
"Me, fast? Please, you were plowing around the corridor like a basilisk!"
"You were acting as if you were on some kind of Nimbus broomstick! You were speeding so much–"
"Okay, okay," interrupted Peter. "That's really nice. We can try breaking into the Ravenclaw Common Room next year."
They both grimaced.
"What was up with you yesterday?" he asked James. "You were really sad, and we all know it– even Lily noticed–"
"Lily noticed?" Sirius and James asked simultaneously, their eyes widening.
Peter rolled his eyes. "I'll tell you all about it when you tell us what you were upset about yesterday."
James looked at him for a moment, thinking, and then he sighed. "It's my grandparents. They died."
Peter's mouth formed the O shape, but no words came out.
"I'm not even sure how it happened," continued James, his words coming out rather quickly this time. "My dad says it was probably just a peaceful– old age– but I'm sure it's not. He sounded a little off when he told me– He sent me the letter, see, then he asked to Floo me. He'd gotten permission from Professor McGonagall and I went to her office after exams yesterday and she left the room while I talked to him through her fireplace, and he sounded really really sad and scared. You shouldn't sound scared when people die, you know? You sound sad. But he sounded scared, and kind of mad. Not at me, no, just, like, mad in general. And that makes me think it's murder. I'm not trying to be some kind of Auror or detective, no, I just know my dad well enough to be able to tell what emotions he's feeling. And my grandparents have been writing to me a lot, and sending pictures and I met them just before school started, and it's really really suspicious that they passed away peacefully because they weren't that old and they were really fit and acted totally normal. Like they didn't even have walking sticks or wheelchairs and they had never been sent to St. Mungos and they didn't have any diseases so it just doesn't make sense and it's also not fair because they were amazing people and I loved them so much and I was really excited to see them over the summer and if it's a peaceful death that's good because they didn't feel pain, but if it's murder that just is ten times worse because they didn't deserve it. They'd done nothing wrong. And that probably hurt a lot more, and they definitely saw it coming, and they couldn't do anything about it."
He stopped to take a deep breath, and Peter could've sworn there were tears in his eyes. He tried to process James's words. They'd come out in a really fast blur, but he could get the jist of it. James's grandparents had died, but James thought it was murder.
"Wow," whispered Peter. "I'm so sorry, James."
He just shrugged, wiping the corner of his eyes.
"That must've been awful," he continued, not really knowing what to say. "When you get home over the summer, you can ask your parents about it. I'm sure they wouldn't hide anything from you."
He wasn't so sure, though. His parents would definitely hide stuff from him. Especially his dad, who was probably in jail again. He really needed to control his drinking habits. Back to James, though. This was about him, not Peter. Peter needed to stop being so selfish.
"Yeah," said James. "Thanks."
"James?" asked another voice, a quieter one. They all turned around to see Remus there, furrowing his eyebrows.
"Yes?" James called back.
Remus walked over sleepily, rubbing his eyelids. "I'm so sorry you have to go through that. It's really brave, the way you handled it. When did you find out?"
"Yesterday morning."
"Before the exams," whispered Peter. "That's awful."
"It's okay, Professor McGonagall knows. And my parents will be fine if I get bad marks. They know why."
Sirius patted him on the head. "Aw, Jamesie."
He scowled. "Shut up, Sirius. And you guys, stop looking at me like that. I don't need anyone's pity."
"No one is giving you pity," said Remus. "We just hope you're okay."
"I'm great," snapped James. "Okay? Stop worrying about me. It's fine. I'm fine. You don't treat me any differently."
Peter wanted to shrink under James's tone, but Remus didn't seem bothered at all.
"We're not treating you any differently," he said. "We're your friends. We'd always be like this. You don't need to be mad at us."
James sighed. "I'm not mad at you guys. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap, I just–"
"It's okay, James. You don't have to justify yourself. I get it."
"Do we have to pack now?" asked Peter. "This is our last weekend."
Sirius snorted. "That'll only take five minutes. Watch me."
They all watched as Sirius pulled off all the posters from the walls by his four-poster. He then pulled out his wand and muttered something. Everything that had been lazily sitting around on his desk and bed neatly flew into his trunk. "See? Done!"
"Can you do that for me?" begged Peter.
He laughed, his eyes twinkling. "Sure thing, mate. It might be better if I just teach it to you, though. So you can use it when packing back for school in the summer."
"You can't use magic outside of school," sighed Remus.
Sirius laughed dryly. "You think the Ministry will do anything if underage magic comes from the House of Black? They're too scared for that."
James grimaced. "I'm coming to rescue you from that house, Sirius. If it's the last thing I do."
"Don't bother. I wouldn't want you dying." Sirius flopped back against his bed. "My dad will kill you if you show up at my window with a broomstick."
"I'd like to see him try," grumbled James, trying to contain his toy broomstick that was zipping around the dorm at light-speed. He lunged for it and missed it by a centimeter, crashing onto Remus's bed instead.
"Hey," moaned Remus, as all of his clothes he'd been folding tumbled over the ground.
"Sorry," said James sheepishly, already preparing for his next lunge.
"You can come over to my house for a bit," offered Peter. "My parents can organize something."
"Yeah, maybe!" Sirius seemed to brighten up a little. "My parents don't like the Potters much, but they're cool with your parents. I'm not sure why."
"Probably 'cause my dad's been chucked in Azkaban more times than I can count," grumbled Peter.
"Maybe," said Sirius. "My parents have a thing for that kind of stuff."
"My dad isn't, like, a bad person," said Peter quickly. He didn't want people thinking that. "I know Snape said he was crazy, but he's not. He doesn't have a mental issue. He just drinks a lot and then gets into bad spats. He's not prejudiced against blood types, either. No offense to your parents."
"No, plenty of offense to my parents. They suck."
Peter smiled. "If you say so."
"Sorry about your dad, though. That must suck."
"Thanks. It does."
"Why'd he start drinking?" Sirius asked.
"You know my sister, right?"
"Olga?" Sirius asked, the corners of his mouth twitching. Peter was reminded of the day they climbed that building in Italy, and Sirius had had the same reaction. He was surprised that Sirius remembered. Honestly, out of the three of them, Sirius knew the most about his family. And that was weird, because Peter and Sirius were the most different in the group. They weren't even the better friends of the four. They were just… close. To Peter, at least.
"Yeah, Olga. She went to Russia for college–"
"So she's a Muggle?"
Peter nodded. "So is my mom. My dad's a wizard, though."
"Oh."
"Yeah. So she was coming back home after a long time. She got into this plane crash– it's like a car that flies in the air– and then she got in this horrible accident. She'd never really been the same after that. And… stuff happened, and my dad just started drinking, and Olga hasn't really been… okay after that."
"What do you mean by okay?" asked James, who had been listening the whole time.
Peter shrugged, hoping they would realize he didn't really want to talk about it. "Just not the same. That's why my dad drinks, and my muggle mom has to take care of everything. Without magic. I try to help, but, you guys know how clumsy I can be."
"I'm sorry, Peter," said Remus. "That sucks."
Peter turned pink and started fiddling with his pillowcase.
"Your turn, Remus," Sirius said, crossing his legs and looking at Remus expectantly.
"My turn for what?"
"We all just spilled some of our family secrets we've never told each other," said Sirius.
"Yeah!" said James. "It's bro-bonding time."
Peter tried to hold up a peace sign.
"I don't… Uh…"
"Go for your deepest, darkest one," suggested James. "Like, I dunno, something you've never told us. But means a lot to you."
"I guess I have one," he said softly. "You guys know about my illness, right?"
"The unnamed one that isn't contagious and pops up around once a month," said Sirius. "Yep."
Remus rolled his eyes. "So when I grew up, we didn't really live in the city. We were more on the outskirts of town. Almost in the woods. We moved around a lot, but normally in the woods or on the border."
"Ouch," said Peter. "Did you get bitten by mosquitos?"
"Shut up," said Sirius.
"Yeah, no one interrupted you!" James said.
"Yes you did!" cried Peter.
"Let Remus finish," said Sirius, glaring at both of them. "Go on, Remus, my boy."
Remus cringed. "Ew. Anyway, so I was pretty young when I got my illness, and that's actually around the time we started moving around a lot. We lived in this… like, old wizarding village before that. It was near West Ham, around that area."
"Was it a coincidence?" Sirius wondered. Peter wanted to call him out for being a hypocrite.
"Yeah. Like I said, it happened around the same time."
"Hm."
"So my parents weren't really educated, and my dad was trying to find some sort of cure because he didn't know, and we weren't in a community of wizards who could know. And my mom couldn't really help either– she doesn't know much about wizarding diseases– so my dad would always go and find a cure. One day, I'm not sure what happened, but after a few months he just started to become so paranoid. Like he had a third eye. He was always twitching, and being protective, and it was just so scary."
"Like a bodyguard?" James asked.
"I guess. It was just so freaky. He would storm into rooms at night in like, a sleep-trance. I think he'd been having nightmares, and he would just grab me from my bed and shake me to make sure I was okay. He locked the windows and barred them and everything," Remus continued. "But then the next day he had no memory of it. And it kept happening– not the nightmare thing, but just random instances of paranoia. And it would just go away. It would stop, longest for like a month or two, and then he would just relapse back into it. And I can't help but feel like it's my fault. He was trying to help me, and he just became… so protective. He cried a lot. I cried a lot. Everyone cried."
Remus said it so matter-of-factly that everyone was watching him in awe. Looking back on it, Peter was sure that Remus's were the only dry eyes in the room. James was full on sobbing (post birthday seemed to make him very emotional) as he launched himself into Remus's arms.
"Remus, you're so brave!" he cried.
"Ow!" cried Remus.
They went crashing down into the four-poster, ripping down Sirius's posters and smashing into the bedframe.
"That's such a tear-inducing story," said Sirius. "I have a lot of questions, though."
"Save them," groaned Remus from the ground. "James just gave me another illness."
"James!" snapped Sirius, and flipped off the bed to join the group tackle.
Peter did not want any part in the awkward reunion on the floor, so he backed up on the bed. "That was a really sweet story, Remus. I'm glad you trusted us enough to tell us."
It sounded pretty sappy, but it was true. In their entire year of living together in the dorm, this was the closest, most deep conversation they'd had. Their friendship felt very deep, but most of it was just pranks and boys being boys.
Peter was glad that maybe, just maybe, this conversation might have changed that.
good news: im back!
bad news: it's been a long time, and this chapter is boring and sad and blah
double good news: summer starts next chapter and ive written it up AND COMPLETED IT so we'll be getting that one soon! i actually like next chapter a lot so if this one bored you please stay tuned, i wrote this one on a whim.
thanks so much for reviewing! please review!