Chapter: Ten: The Golden Braid
Ch. Summary: Obi-Wan realizes that even things that end in tragedy can still be wonderful. Ben finds true hope for the future.
After the contract was finalized, Ben, Obi-Wan, and Cerasi lead Mand'alor Jango Fett, Pezmah the young contract writer, and three other True Mandalorian warriors back through the city and into the sewers. When they came to the center for the Young, Nield was waiting for them.
He stood at the head of a gathering of curious wary younglings with his arms crossed and an expectant scowl on his face.
"Well," he said, abruptly, "Are the Mandos going to help us?"
Ben was amused and he could tell that Jango and the other Mandalorians were as well. Obi-Wan and Cerasi on the other hand were an exasperated mix of frustrated and embarrassed.
"Mand'alor Fett," Cersai began stepping forward shooting Nield a sharp look. "This is our co-leader Nield of the Daan. Nield this is the Mand'alor, Jango Fett."
Helmet impassive but leaking a smirk into the Force, Jango nodded his head respectfully, "Well met, Nield of the Daan."
"You too," Nield responded somewhat cautiously. "Gotta say, never met a king before," then he shrugged unconcerned and gestured for them to follow. "Come on, let's go to the war room."
Cerasi let out an almost inaudible sigh, then flashed Jango a smile, "Please follow us, we can look over the final contract and sign it there."
Fett made a few sharp hand signs to his men before he and Pezmah followed Cerasi.
Ben placed a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder before he could go as well. "Stay here," he said, earning a confused look from the teen. "Fett ordered his warriors to speak with the children, to investigate their situation. Stay here and supervise, smooth things over. I'll be at the signing to make sure everything goes well."
Looking around, Obi-Wan did indeed spot the three other Mandalorians trying and failing to interact with the wary children. "Alright, Master."
"Good," Ben released his shoulder with a light squeeze. "We'll talk more this evening. I'm sure you have questions."
That earned him a pointed, deadpan expression from the padawan, before he left to go facilitate Mandalorian-child relations.
Ben released a deep breath and boxed away his reluctance and his fear. If he wanted this to work with Obi-Wan he would have to be honest. As honest as a time traveler could be, he'd already decided that. It was just that near twenty years of hiding and lying made for hard habits to break.
But Obi-Wan, the bright, clever, neglected boy deserved all the honesty and consideration Ben could give him. Ben hadn't received it when he was still Obi-Wan. He knew now, as a jaded, old man, that he'd been treated unfairly by a great many people in his early life and that had colored his interactions with the galaxy and eventually with his own padawan. Never again. He would do better than his masters and mentors did for him and set a better example for Obi-Wan, the boy he once was long ago who would, Force willing, never be him.
The signing of the contract went without much fanfare. Ben signed in his temple trained ostentatiously ornate script as Ben Kenobi. Cerasi and Nield, with little formal education, printed their names in shaky unpracticed Basic. Jango signed in Basic and Mando'a as Jango Fett, House Mereel with handwriting almost as frivolous as Ben's. Apparently being the adopted son of the previous Mand'alor entitled you to just as many tedious, impractical lessons as a Jedi.
After Pezmah, the apprentice notary, had stamped the Mandalorian seal of a finalized, sovereign approved contract and the seal of the Galactic Republic exchange of services on the flimsy, they repeated the process on the datapad with the digital version of the contract. With a few codes typed in and a thumbprint scan, Pezmah had sent off the contract to be stored on the True Mandalorian servers, should the Republic ever come asking.
When they stepped out of the war room and into the main common area, they were met with the sight of two of Jango's Mandalorians sitting on the floor in a circle of children with their helmets removed and clipped to their belts. There was a small girl walking around the circle tapping each person's head and labeling them a tooka.
When she got to one of the Mandalorians, a large muscular Togruta with green hued skin, orange face markings, and cream and brown striped montrals, she hesitated for a moment before she hurriedly tapped him on the head and exclaimed, "Nexu!"
On cue the Mandalorian jumped to his feet and made a show of chasing the squealing little girl around the circle before she lunged into his abandoned spot giggling breathlessly as he just missed tagging her. The other children were all smiling and laughing as well, and the Togruta pouted and slumped in a display of exaggerated loss. Then he gamely began his way around the circle gently tapping the children with playful, "tooka"s, starting the cycle all over again.
Off to one side the third Mandalorian, a kind faced Chalactan had a cluster of children around her all patiently waiting their turn to have their hair combed and braided into as many different styles as she knew. Apparently they'd never seen braids as elaborate as hers.
Ben focused on their group to hear what a little boy with shaggy, knotted brown hair was saying as he gently played with the woman's long braids.
"Are you a um- palawan, Ms. Sheeva?"
Humming curiously, the Chalactan, Sheeva, flicked her eyes towards the boy for a second before turning her gaze back on her nimble fingers working through the blond hair of the little girl in front of her. "What's a palawan, ad'ika?"
"Like Obi-Wan," the boy said, like it should have been obvious. "He had a braid when he first came here." Then he frowned in thought. "Then Master Jinn left and he didn't have a braid anymore."
From the mouths of babes, Ben thought in a mixture of exasperation and sadness.
Unfortunately, Obi-Wan was only about three feet away, apparently in charge of distributing scrounged up pieces of string to tie off the children's new braids with. He'd tensed up at the little boy's question, then went completely rigid with his last unintentional revelation.
Sheeva it seemed was experienced with children and perhaps traumatized teens, because she didn't bring any more attention to Obi-Wan, she just gave the little boy a kind smile. "I think you mean padawan, ad'ika. And no, I'm not a Jedi. I'm a Mandalorian."
"Oh, okay," the little boy said and nodded unconcerned, completely oblivious to the sight of Obi-Wan's face blanching then rapidly reddening in shame.
If his padawan's distress wasn't issue enough, Ben was acutely aware of Jango Fett's tightly controlled anger from the man's place standing next to him. Apparently he was familiar enough with Jedi customs to understand the implications of the little boy's innocent observation.
"Cerasi, why don't you go rescue Obi-Wan. I'm sure Mand'alor Fett would like to meet some of the children as well."
He could tell the Mand'alor did not like being handled, but he would like Ben's reaction even less if he pushed the issue. Smart man, he just gave the Jedi a sharp scowl silently promising to get his answers sooner or later before following after Cerasi. Ben returned the look with a bland smile.
Having traded off string holding duty with another child at Cerasi's arrival, Obi-Wan hurriedly moved toward Ben. His eyes were fastened on his feet and his shoulders were tight when the older man placed a soothing hand on one.
"Come, my dear," Ben murmured quietly, gaining a quick glance of Obi-Wan's eyes before they avoided contact again. "I believe I promised you some old history."
"Yes, Master," the teen muttered and gratefully allowed himself to be lead away from the commotion of children and Mandalorians, toward their quiet alcove.
"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Obi-Wan," Ben said when they'd settled into their customary sitting positions on the cool concrete floor.
Obi-Wan sighed. "You say that, Master, but I have a hard time believing it."
Sighing himself in sympathy, Ben nodded, "I understand." When he didn't get anything more from the teen other than sullen staring at the ground between them, Ben gritted his teeth and made a decision. His history with Mandalore would just have to wait.
"You've never asked me more about my padawan."
Jerking his eyes up to the Jedi Master's, Obi-Wan blinked in surprise. "I didn't want to bring up anything that would cause you pain."
Humming in agreement, Ben still continued on, "It was painful, young one. But I have had some years to come to terms with what happened." He tilted his head to meet Obi-Wan's eyes again, "And I think if you heard more of the story it might help you."
Obi-Wan felt humbled. Master Ben was willing to tell him about what was surely one of the most painful moments in his life, all because it might help him. How could he deny such a gift? Even if he doubted it would do much good for him.
"I will listen, Master," Obi-Wan said, giving the Jedi Master his full respectful, attention.
Ben took a deep breath and thought for a moment on where to begin. At the beginning, he figured, wryly.
"My padawan came to the Order later than most," he started. "He was older and had already experienced much of the worst of sentient nature. He was a slave."
The teen sucked in a sharp breath, and Ben was reminded that this boy in front of him had been a slave at one point as well. It was something he'd have to address more later.
He continued on. "The circumstances of his coming to us were such that his mother was left behind still in slavery." An old wave of guilt swept through him there and gone again not even leaking into the Force. "That, I think, was the first instance of the Order, and myself, failing him."
A half curious, half protesting sound came from the teen, but Ben just forged on explaining, "That his mother was still in danger, still a slave was a source of great fear and anxiety for him. He could never let his attachment to her go like every master, myself included, advised him to. Looking back, I realize that it wasn't just insensitive of us, but cruel as well."
"What do you think would have helped him?" Obi-Wan asked, sounding worried though he knew the events were long over and done with.
"Nothing the Order or the Code taught would have helped," Ben said with a grim confidence. "Only knowing that his mother was free and safe would have eased his mind."
"Did she ever…" seeing the look on the older man's face, the teen trailed off. It wasn't a leap to guess that her story didn't have a happy ending either.
"Despite this, though," Ben continued, lightening his tone a little as he allowed the good memories of training Anakin to float through his mind, "he was a brilliant student. Even as behind the other children in his age group as he was, he caught up fast. He was very smart and very stubborn. I think he demanded the very best from himself even more so than I did."
"So it wasn't all...," Obi-Wan hesitated over the word.
"Bad?" Ben finished for him with an eyebrow raised, then his face softened. "No, having him as my padawan was a privileged. A trying, challenging, exasperating privilege, but even knowing how it ended, I wouldn't give those years up for anything."
It was curious, Obi-Wan thought, the vast difference between how Master Ben and Master Jinn responded to the same experience. Master Jinn swore never to take a student again and repudiated both of his padawans, even his first who was a successful knight by then. Then he never looked at another youngling or initiate again without examining them for signs of darkness and character flaws.
On the other end of the spectrum, Master Ben mourned his Fallen padawan. He claimed partial responsibility for his padawan's Fall. Tried to understand how it had happened, what he could have done differently to maybe help his student. And he hadn't once looked at Obi-Wan with disapproval, or suspicion, or a hint of rejection.
There was a painful lurch in Obi-Wan's heart when he realized that he wished desperately that Master Ben had been at the temple when he was about to be aged out into the AgriCorps. Maybe he would have considered taking him on as a padawan if they'd met then.
"I wouldn't give those years up, but if given the opportunity I would change them," Ben admitted, breaking the teen from his regretful thoughts.
"How so?" he asked curiously.
"Because of my padawan's life experience before joining the Order, he didn't see the galaxy the way the vast majority of the Jedi do." Ben rubbed at his bearded chin thoughtfully. "A lot of the Jedi philosophy and culture was stifling to him. He struggled trying to conform, to fit himself into the mold of a good Jedi. I didn't realize it then, but I can acknowledge now that much of what we- I tried to impose on him would have seemed oppressive. In hindsight, that he felt a distinct absence of freedom as a Jedi should not have come as a surprise."
It was a sobering concept. That anyone could look at the Jedi and see repression, possibly even to see another, different form of slavery.
It was even more sobering that Obi-Wan realized he couldn't actually disagree. The memories of never being good enough, never fitting into the expected mold of a model initiate, always being looked at with disappointment and even a little suspicion, were stark in his mind. He didn't feel quite as stifled as Master Ben's padawan must have felt, but he could understand.
"I know this is a very controversial opinion, but one of the things that I would change the most in how I approached teaching my padawan," Ben said drawing a confused look from the teen, "is the Order's interpretation of the Code."
Eyeing the older man warily, Obi-Wan prompted, "What about the Code?"
Ben almost grimaced in anticipation of this tense conversation, but he had long since decided that if asked, no matter who asked, he would give his honest opinion. After all that's why he'd brought it up. "Well for one thing, nowhere in the currently accepted version or the original unaltered version does it imply that prohibiting attachment is a valid method of preventing one from Falling to the Dark side."
"Wh-what?" Obi-Wan's eyes must be as large as saucers he thought, as he stared unblinking at the definitely heretical Jedi Master. "But we're taught-"
"I know what we were taught, young one," Ben interrupted more harshly than he'd intended. Schooling his expression he gave the teen an apologetic look, but continued in a calmer voice, "The Jedi had been around for twenty-five thousand years before the Ruusan Reformation and in all that time they were allowed to know their birth families, allowed to fall in love and get married and have children. There were hundreds of thousands of Jedi throughout the galaxy."
Obi-Wan despite himself was entranced by Master Ben's surprisingly passionate speech, until the man finished by saying, "Now there are maybe ten thousand of us and a handful of dwindling temples. The Temple on Coruscant being the largest by a staggering margin."
Intellectually, Obi-Wan had already known this. They'd learned it in history. Well, they'd learned bits and pieces of this spread out over several years. Having it pieced together and so bluntly stated like that was jarring. Ben's intensity regarding this information was also a clue as to what had most likely eventually been the final push to cause his padawan to Fall.
"He had an attachment, didn't he?" Obi-Wan asked quietly before he could talk himself out of it.
Ben seemed to deflate before his eyes, but he nodded. "Yes, my padawan did indeed have an attachment. He fell in love." Then with an incongruous roll of his eyes, he said, "And because he could never to anything by halves, he also married her."
Eyebrows shooting up, he asked, "Did the Council find out and dismiss him?" Perhaps revenge was what caused him to Fall.
What little levity the older man had mustered drifted away leaving him solemn once again. "No, no one found out until it was too late."
Biting his lip, Obi-Wan felt like he needed to know. It was almost like the Force was urging him to pry, to continue asking Master Ben these sad questions.
"What happened?"
They were quiet for a long moment, Ben turning his thoughts over and over in his mind, before finally answering Obi-Wan's question.
"My padawan had visions, sometimes. Not often, but they were always dark and almost always came true." Blowing out a steadying breath, Ben went on, "He'd had them of his mother's death."
That she did indeed die, went unspoken.
"I didn't find out until later that he'd been having visions of his wife." There was a flash of grief through the Force and Obi-Wan was surprised by the thought that it seemed like Ben had known his padawan's wife, maybe even mourned her too. "Visions where she died in pain and calling out to him."
There was sadness permeating the Force around them. Obi-Wan stayed quiet letting Master Ben tell the story in his own time. Then abruptly the sadness disappeared and a sharp hot flash of anger streaked through the Force before it was gone.
"I have often wondered that if he knew for certain that I wouldn't have rejected him, wouldn't have even turned him into the Council, if he would have come to me for help," Ben said with regret though there was a darkening edge to his voice. "What I will never forgive myself for is not realizing that a Dark side user, a self proclaimed Sith, had insinuated himself into my padawan's life. He convince my padawan that the answer to saving his wife from certain death could be found in the Dark side of the Force."
A spike of fear went through Obi-Wan. The Sith were extinct. Everyone knew that. And yet, there was no lie in Master Ben's words. No misleading or deception or even delusion tainting the Force. In fact the Force rang with the absolute truth of his words.
There must be more to the story. Obi-Wan accepted the truth in Ben's claim, but the sequence of events still didn't quite add up. Questions like why hadn't his padawan gone to Ben to help save his wife, filtered through his head. Even if Master Ben had told the Council, surely, a man that valued attachments and love the way the padawan must have would have seen the logic in sacrificing his place in the Order if it meant being able to save his wife.
He had many questions, but seeing the dark look on the Jedi Master's face, feeling his dark emotions in the Force convinced him that now was not the time. The Force sent him an odd little jolt, telling him that there would be time, somewhere in the future for his questions to be answered, just that now was not it.
"He Fell to save his wife," Obi-Wan concluded with sympathy in his voice, when it seemed like Master Ben would not continue.
"Yes," Ben sighed, anger gone again and leaving old scarred over grief and guilt in its wake. "When I finally caught up with him he'd already left a path of destruction in his wake and it was all for nothing. She died anyway."
Obi-Wan didn't need to know what happened after that. The fact that Master Ben was in possession of his former padawan's lightsaber said it all. They dueled and only one of them walked away.
It was then that Obi-Wan noticed Ben had slipped his fingers under the cuff of his right sleeve. He'd seen that motion before, when they'd first spoken about his padawan's lightsaber. Slowly, so the master could stop him if he wished, Obi-Wan reached forward and took the man's right hand in his, gently pulling the sleeve up to expose his wrist.
There fastened around the Jedi Master's wrist was a golden blond padawan braid. Woven into the strands were an impressive number of beads and colored bands signifying the achievements and skill one earns during their padawanship. Even wound around Master Ben's wrist, Obi-Wan could tell that the braid wasn't as long as most padawan braids were. He must have been knighted very young.
As he examined the braid, his fingers brushed against the golden hair and Obi-Wan got a sudden blinding vision in the Force.
A Force presence like a supernova. A bright, happy childish laugh, "Come on, Master, we're gonna miss it!" A teasing, adolescent voice saying, "What would you do without me, Master?" The same voice, older, deeper, "You're the closest thing I have to a father." A feeling of love and fond exasperation and a constant strive for approval. A flash of fear and rage like an explosion. "If you're not with me, then you're my enemy." The scent of ash in the air and scorching heat. "I hate you!"
Master Ben jerked his wrist out of Obi-Wan's grip abruptly cutting the connection and dropping him out of the vision like a rock.
Sucking in a shaky breath, Obi-Wan blinked black spots from his eyes. Lifting a trembling hand to his cheek he was surprised when his fingers came away damp with tears.
"I am so sorry, young one," Ben murmured roughly tugging his sleeve back over the braid hiding it from view. "You should not have had to experience that."
"It-," Obi-Wan swallowed thickly when his voice came out raspy. "It wasn't all bad. Some of it," he paused, breathed deep and brought his gaze up to meet the master's worried, guilty expression. He gave the older man an unsteady, but genuine smile. "Like you said, some of it was actually really wonderful."
His words seemed to ease some of Master Ben's concern and the older man was able to return his smile.
"Even if," Obi-Wan hesitated, but in the face of Master Ben's infinite patience, having experienced a mere glimpse into his tragic story, he found courage to continue, "Even if he Fell in the end, I'm glad you were able to know him. I'm glad you have happy memories of your padawan to look back on."
Obi-Wan couldn't know that his words felt like a blessing and forgiveness to his older, haunted self.
Ben in that moment knew that even if he failed, even if Anakin Fell to the Dark once more at the end of it all, that Obi-Wan would still cherish his memories with him. Like Ben himself, Obi-Wan would not regret the love he would feel for the young man that was both like his brother and his son.
And that realization gave the man that once was a Jedi Master and a desert hermit a renewed sense of strength and purpose, courage and hope that everything would be alright. That the Will of the Force would not let him down and even if he should stumble and fall, he would not regret his second chance, not one bit.
The teenager had a split second to wonder if he'd said something wrong, because Master Ben's breathing gave a hitch and a strong wave of jumbled emotions swept into the Force around them. Then he let out a yelp as the older man grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him into a strong hug.
Frozen in Master Ben's arms in shock, Obi-Wan was pressed close enough to his chest to feel it rumble when he whispered, "You are going to be an amazing Jedi and a far better master than me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Don't you ever doubt that."
A wave of warmth unfroze Obi-Wan's limbs and he let himself relax into Master Ben's hold. He closed his eyes, tipped his face into the man's shoulder, and wrapped his own arms around the master's waist.
They stayed like that for long moments. Holding each other, drawing comfort from their embrace. Hope, and healing grief, and gentle joy giving the Force around them a warm, soft glow.
TBC...