Missing In Action

Chapter 5

Cinder leaned on him as he helped her up, gritting her teeth as she did so. Jaune instantly paused, but she let out a low, determination-filled growl.

"I'm fine," she said. "Keep going."

Jaune hesitated, but then nodded. Slowly, he took a few steps forward, and Cinder followed, matching him motion for motion. Before long, they were at the door. Jaune looked to her for guidance, and she nodded, and so he threw open the door, and for the first time, Cinder got a good look at the Arc family home.

It wasn't what she'd expected, but then again, perhaps that was owing to the fact that she'd never had a home life of her own. It was… comfortable, she supposed the word was, and yet also completely alien to her. It was made completely out of wood – the floors, the ceiling, the walls… someone had hand-built the entire house from scratch, she could tell; the small scuffs and imperfections between the boards proved it.

The walls were lined with snapshots of a family life she'd always wanted, yet had always eluded her. There were pictures, so many of them, of various parts of a family's life – Miles and Jillian on the day of their wedding, him carrying her in his arms as she cried tears of pure joy; the smile on his face was so genuine, and yet so alien to her – Cinder had only ever known him as her captor. It threw her off-guard, that he'd also had moments of vulnerability.

There were other moments, too – pictures of each Arc child throughout the stages of their life. She looked for Jaune first, because she yearned for something that was at least vaguely familiar to keep her grounded in this moment of uncertainty, and she found him just off the center of the rest. He was young – probably about five or six – and was beaming widely at the camera, a gap-toothed grin on his face as he held up what looked like a picture book of some kind; she couldn't read the cover, but he was clearly proud of it. The text underneath proved why.

First Place Spelling Bee Winner, and His Award

Her brow furrowed. She didn't know what a spelling bee was, but it sounded positively mundane compared to what she'd been doing. And yet, they'd seen fit to award him for it, despite its simplicity. She'd never so much as a pat on the back for a mission well-done. Somehow, it made her jealous of him, though her jealousy died when she remembered the why of it.

Of course, Jaune would have been awarded for it; he had people who cared. She didn't.

"Oh, that old thing," Jaune commented from beside her, getting her attention. She turned towards him and found him with a faint blush on his face. "That's, ah… basically the only time I ever won anything in my life. Past that, it's been a steady stream of mediocrity, I guess." He shrugged. "I'm not very exciting, I suppose."

"Do not wish for an exciting life," she warned him. "Because if I'm any indication, you just might get it. I spent years sitting in an orphanage, waiting for someone to whisk me away… and when they finally did, well, you know the rest. Pray your life remains as simple and mundane as it is now, Jaune, because you never know what the other side looks like until it's too late."

Jaune gave her that same look of pity he'd given her when she'd first started opening up to them, and yet somehow, she found that she didn't completely hate it here. She wasn't sure why; maybe it was because she now knew the Arcs were being genuine with it, or perhaps it was because she'd finally come to terms with the fact that her life truly was just that pitiful, that she'd allow herself even this moment of weakness.

Weakness… she'd spent so long fighting against it, and now here she was, leaning against someone who until recently had been her sworn enemy, sharing a private moment with him. If the General could see her now, he'd shoot her on the spot for many reasons – insubordination, treason, and allowing herself to be vulnerable.

And it was for that reason that she continued to allow herself to all but bask in it. She'd had nothing but love for the General, or at least as close an approximation of love as she could muster, and he'd never seen fit to return her affections even under false pretenses. He didn't care about her – had never cared about her – and now she didn't care about him. Rather, she was finding that she loathed him for it. Allowing herself a chance to experience a bit of the civilian life… that seemed like just the kind of revenge she wanted.

"Ready to keep going?" Jaune asked.

"Yes," she responded.

And so they kept walking. It was slow going – Cinder's injuries were still healing, and they kept her from moving at anything beyond a labored limp, and yet Jaune was careful to keep pace with her. Despite how much she'd gotten to know him over the past few days, this simple gesture confused her to no end. That someone as truly innocent as this would show someone like her that kind of small kindness would have, until recently, been completely unthinkable to her. And yet, here she was.

She didn't completely dislike it, either. She was leaned up against him, her arm around his shoulder as he supported her. At this distance, she could experience all of him – the sound of his breath, and if she leaned in closely, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. And his smell, too – that earthy, down-home aroma of someone who spent time out in the sun. It comforted her in a way she'd never known – the small flutters in her chest whenever she heard him exhale were proof enough of that.

She was relying on someone for the first time in her life, she realized with a start. And she didn't completely dislike it, either. The thought sent warmth blossoming through her chest. She wasn't sure whether it was because this was the first act of genuine kindness she'd ever received or if it was because she knew she could trust Jaune in this moment, but whatever it was, it felt… nice.

Jaune continued to lead her down the hall, and as they walked, Cinder became aware that they were being followed. She whipped around to see who it was, and was surprised to find several little heads of blonde hair frozen in place. There were three of them – all girls. They eyed her curiously, like they weren't quite sure what to make of her. Cinder locked eyes with one of them, the one wearing thick glasses, and found herself frozen, unsure of what to do.

"I was wondering where you all were," Jaune said, snapping her out of her trance. "Don't sneak up on people like that, yeah? It's not nice, especially if they're a guest."

The three girls muttered a quick apology, and Cinder hesitated before looking back to him. "It's alright," she insisted. "I… don't mind."

Jaune nodded. "Well, since you're all here, why don't you all introduce yourselves to our guest?"

One of them – the one with darker-blonde hair – hesitated for a second. "...Is it okay? I mean, is she-"

"She's our guest," Jaune insisted. "You can trust her."

Cinder was stunned to hear him say that. For him to speak of trust, when they still barely knew each other, and when she had been his enemy until just a short time ago… it defied belief. But then again, so did the situation itself, as well as everything Jaune did… and, for that matter, Jaune himself, to say nothing of his family.

It was, like every other situation she'd been in since being wounded, ridiculous on its face. That wasn't about to stop her from playing along, if only to repay the kindness she'd been shown so far, but it was enough to give her pause before she pushed through it.

"...My name is Cinder Fall," she ventured. Three sets of blue eyes rounded on her in surprise, and she found herself taken aback. She'd killed dozens of people and cheated death more times than she could count, and yet something about this was more anxiety-inducing than anything she'd ever done before, and she couldn't tell why. "It is… nice to meet you all."

"Cinder Fall…" the girl from earlier said. "That's a really pretty name."

"Thank you," Cinder said, hoping she was saying the right things. A quick look over to Jaune confirmed that she was, if his steadily-growing smile was any indication. With newfound confidence, she looked back to the young girl. "And you are?"

"Marion Arc," she answered. "And my sisters are-"

"Jay Arc!" said the next sister, a tomboyish blonde with a gap-toothed grin. "It's nice to meet you!"

"Jay," the last sister chastised softly. She let out a small sigh of annoyance and pushed her glasses up back to the bridge of her nose. "Teal Arc," she greeted. "It's a pleasure."

Cinder nodded, then looked back to Jaune for guidance, and he thankfully saved her. "Where are the others?" he asked. "I know Mom and Dad are somewhere, but-"

"Saphron, Alexis, Alice, and Carmen are still asleep," Jay said. "They did their chores and then climbed back into bed."

Jaune's brow furrowed. "Figures… sorry, Cinder; you'll have to wait to meet them, I guess."

Ordinarily, she would have considered something as mundane as meeting new people to be beneath her, and yet somehow, she didn't feel that way now. In fact, she had to admit that the three Arc sisters she was meeting here were actually rather charming, in their own unique ways. Perhaps the time she'd spent here had mellowed her out somewhat, or perhaps she simply didn't carry the same hatred she once had. Whatever it was, it didn't change the fact that even for her, this was unusual.

Then again, if she was truly going to defect from Atlas, she was probably going to have to get used to things being unusual to her.

Defection… it'd been drilled into her for years that even considering defecting was a sign that she needed to slit her wrists before it was too late, and now here she was, not only contemplating the thought but embracing it. It wasn't exactly a hard decision to make – returning to Atlas now meant certain death while defecting carried with it merely a probable risk of death. They'd hunt her down if they found out about her defection, she was sure, but she'd just have to be careful and not draw attention to herself.

Of course, that raised another question – where to go? Mistral was off-limits; they were still allied with Atlas, even if the alliance was tenuous and growing more strained by the day. That left Vale or Vacuo, and between the two, she was more partial to Vacuo, if only because Atlesians would stick out like a sore thumb in the desert and it'd be easier for her to disappear and leave no trace there.

"Cinder."

Jaune's voice caught her attention, and she shook herself out of her stupor, then looked over to him. "Yes?"

"You were staring off into space," he informed her. "Everything alright?"

"Yes," she said. "I was just distracted by something, is all; nothing serious, I assure you. Where were we, again?"

"Just introducing you to everyone," Jaune said. "Girls, you mind if we head out? Cinder's still recovering and I'm not sure how much energy she has left for today."

The sisters all nodded, save for Jay, who snapped a salute. Cinder's eyes widened when she saw it. It reminded her of older days – her earlier time in the military, where she'd been taught everything as mundane as how to properly greet a superior officer to things as nefarious as how to eliminate a sentry without making any noise. She stared at Jay as the memories came flooding back, but quickly pushed them away.

That wasn't who she was anymore. She didn't know exactly who she was now, of course, but she did know that whoever she was, she wasn't the same as the Cinder who'd blown up the refinery and killed all those people. And if she had her way, she never would be again.

With that, Jaune continued on, leading her down the hallway. Cinder took in everything as she ran – she caught herself looking for exits first, before she suppressed her training and instead turned her attention to the mundane. She focused on the pictures, and the various little trinkets and memories scattered throughout the house – the home, she silently corrected, because while she'd never known there was a difference until now, she most definitely knew now that this was absolutely a home, not merely a house; it was far too welcoming to be anything else.

Jaune led her to the kitchen, and Cinder was not surprised to see Miles and Jillian sitting at the table, waiting for them. Jillian looked exactly as Cinder expected – she had on that same slight, soft, welcoming grin she always did – but even Miles seemed more relaxed, with his hand in his wife's. He looked over towards her, then motioned to two chairs on the other end of the table.

"Have a seat," he said. "Please. I think it's time we talked."

Cinder didn't argue. Jaune led her to the chair and helped her in, and then sat down next to her. Once they were all situated, Miles looked back to her again.

"How do you feel?"

Cinder blinked in surprise. It wasn't the question she thought he'd ask her, but she supposed it wasn't entirely unwelcome. If nothing else, it at least proved that this likely wasn't going to be a hostile meeting.

"...Better," Cinder said. "Hollow, but better."

"Hollow?" Jillian echoed. "What do you mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like," Cinder answered. "I have no purpose. Everything I did – everything I fought for – was all a big lie. I fought to perpetuate the brutality of a totalitarian state, and for the love of a so-called father who never had any to give me. My war, if it can still be called that, is doomed to failure."

"Your war is already over," Miles gently reminded her. "Unless you still wanted to fight?"

"No," Cinder instantly replied, and she wasn't lying. "I don't want to fight anymore. Of course, this poses a difficulty, because fighting is all I know – all I've ever known. I don't know how to do anything else; I was never supposed to know how to do anything else. The fact that I am here is nothing less than a miracle, or perhaps more accurately, several miracles occurring in rapid succession, all of which just so happened to benefit me. I have all of you to thank for helping me see the truth."

Jillian shook her head. "You saw the truth for yourself, Cinder. We merely laid out the pieces; you were the one to embrace them and put them together."

"Be that as it may, you have my thanks regardless," Cinder said. "I… do not want to think about what might have happened if I had refused to listen, or you had treated me with the cruelty I perhaps deserved. The mere suggestion of such an alternative is… unsettling, if I may say so. Of course, thankful as I am, you must understand the position this puts me in now."

Miles nodded along. "You don't know what to do now," he concluded. "You've spent your whole life fighting a war that you fully intended to die in one day. You were never supposed to do anything else, or even consider another alternative. And now that your war is over and you cannot return home, you don't know where to go from here."

"Correct," Cinder answered.

"Well, what do you want?" Jaune asked. "I mean… is there anything you've always wanted to do, but never got the chance?"

"The only thing I have ever wanted to do is hear my guardian say he cared about me, but that desire has since passed," Cinder replied. She shook her head. "You misunderstand, Jaune – I am so out-of-touch that I do not even know where to begin when it comes to merely considering what I want. I don't know what I should want, let alone how to go about obtaining it. All I know is that I do not want to fight anymore, and I do not want to return to Atlas. Past that… your guess is as good as mine."

Miles crossed his arms. "Hm… unfortunately, I don't even know where to begin with something like this. Generally, I suppose someone would think about the future – things such as employment or starting a family – but in your case, something tells me that we're going to have to start a bit smaller than that."

"And that's okay," Jillian insisted. "You can stay here until you've figured something out, dear. All we ask in return is that once you're healed, that you help out around the house and the farm. Nothing major, of course; you'll be doing the same chores as the children. But we can always use an extra set of hands."

"I don't mind at all," Cinder said.

"Then that's that, I suppose," Miles said. "You can have the room you've been staying in, if you don't mind; we're a little short on space now that we've got ten people here instead of nine."

"I appreciate your hospitality," Cinder said, and she meant it. "Thank you. I will carry my own weight the instant I am able to walk on my own again."

"Don't worry about that now, dear," Jillian said. "For now, you just focus on recovering. Speaking of, Jaune?"

"Yes, mom?" he asked.

"Take Cinder back to her room, please; poor girl looks like she's about to keel over. She needs some rest."

"Sure." Jaune stood up and helped Cinder out of her chair, then let her lean on him as they began the walk down the hall back to her room.

As they walked, her head leaned into his shoulder, that same feeling from earlier returned, and she frowned. She couldn't place what it was – anxiety, perhaps? She wasn't sure why she'd be anxious, or why it only seemed to happen when she was close to Jaune. If anything, she ought to be the opposite, given that she was now starting her new life with his help.

Whatever the feeling was, it probably warranted some reflection when she wasn't doing her best not to keel over.

They made it back to her room, and Jaune helped her into bed, then pulled the covers up over her. He went to leave, but Cinder stopped him.

"Wait." He paused, then looked back to her, and she added, "Talk for a bit?"

Jaune's brow furrowed. "You need your rest-"

"And I'll get it, once I've had a chance to talk with you."

That was all it took to win him over. Jaune shut the door, then took a seat in the chair next to her bed. "What's on your mind?"

"What are we?" she asked abruptly.

Jaune blinked, surprised. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what are we, in relation to each other? I've never been close to someone like this before… hell, I don't even know if this is actually close or not; this is simply the closest I, personally, have ever been to another person. I have nothing to compare it to."

Jaune's brow furrowed again as he thought. "I suppose… we'd be friends, wouldn't we?"

"Would we?" Cinder asked. "That is a genuine question, too – I have never had a friend before; the closest thing I had was my so-called guardian, and something tells me that wasn't close at all."

"You'd be right about that," Jaune said dryly. "But yeah, I'd say we're close enough to be friends, Cinder. I assume that's what you wanted to hear?"

"It is," she confirmed. "But… what is it that friends do, exactly?"

"This," Jaune specified.

"This?"

"This," he repeated. "Hanging out. Talking. Enjoying each other's company, in a non-romantic, non-sexual sense." He paused. "...Well, I suppose it doesn't necessarily have to be non-sexual, since friends with benefits are a thing, but somehow I doubt that's what you're looking for."

"What are friends with benefits?" Cinder asked innocently.

He immediately flushed red. "Oh, it's, uh… nothing, really; forget I said anything."

"Jaune."

"Alright, alright." He sighed tiredly and ran a hand through his hair. "It's when you're friends with someone, but you have casual sex with them. I assume you know what sex is?"

"I am aware of how reproduction works," Cinder told him, her voice dry. "And you are correct – that is not the kind of friendship I want."

"Good, because it's not the kind I want, either." He paused again. "I mean, not to say you're not pretty, or-"

"Pretty?" Cinder repeated. "You think I'm pretty?"

He stared at her for a moment, then let out another sigh, this one of resignation. "…Cinder, you are, without exaggeration, without any qualifiers, the prettiest girl I've ever met."

She blinked again. She'd been called a lot of things by a lot of people – Ironwood called her a patriot, for example; other soldiers called her some variation of Grim Reaper or Death; her victims called her Monster. But nobody had ever given her a genuine compliment before, and she wasn't sure what to do about it.

Finally, she settled on something that felt correct, and it felt correct because she meant every word of it.

"You look pretty, too, Jaune."

"Handsome, you mean," Jaune specified. "Women are pretty; men are handsome. But I get your meaning. Thank you, Cinder, that means a lot."

"Does it?"

"Yeah, it does. I… don't have much experience when it comes to girls."

"You have never tried to approach one?"

"I didn't say that," Jaune specified, with no small amount of remorse leaking into his tone. "I've tried before, they're just not interested in me."

"Why wouldn't they be?" Cinder asked innocently. "You are a charming young man. You are good-looking. You are physically fit thanks to working on the farm. The girls should be all over you."

Again, he flushed red. "It's not that easy, Cinder. There are other factors that come into play, such as social status. My family is not particularly well-off – having to care for eight kids tends to eat into the finances like crazy, after all."

"What does that have to do with copulating?" Cinder said. "Monetary or social status have no bearing on whether or not someone's genes are fit to pass on. If someone is attracted to you, that should be all that matters."

"You're not wrong, but people can be fickle," Jaune answered. He ran his hand through his hair again, then let out another sigh. "That's just one thing, too. I also tend to really embarrass myself in front of girls. Not sure what it is, but when I try talking to one, it's like all my charisma and personality just evaporate."

"You talk to me just fine," Cinder pointed out. "You even told me I was pretty."

"That's different."

"How is it different? I am a girl, and you think I am pretty. I see no difference."

"We're used to each other," Jaune argued. "I know how to talk to you. The other girls won't even let me get close enough to know them, even as just a friend."

Cinder frowned. "These other girls sound incredibly fickle. You are better off without them."

"Again, you're not wrong," Jaune admitted. "What about you? Anyone ever catch your eye?"

"I was prohibited from forming that kind of relationship with anyone," Cinder explained. "It would cut into my combat efficiency. Just as well, because I never wanted for one. The only man I have ever seen that I would consider attractive is you, Jaune, and not just for your looks, but because you put in the effort to save me. You care, and that's what matters most. I am proud to call you friend."

"I'm glad to be friends, too," Jaune said, a blush steadily crossing over his face.

Cinder suddenly let out a big yawn. Seeing it, Jaune frowned slightly.

"You must be exhausted," he noted.

"A little," Cinder said. "But do not think you are boring me, Jaune – on the contrary, I enjoy our talks… and your presence, too."

"Happy to hear it, Cinder. I'll be back when you wake up, okay? Just call for me."

"I will," she promised. "Good night, Jaune."

He rose to his feet. "Good night, Cinder. Rest well, please."

With that, he left her, closing the door behind her. Cinder closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep, but something kept her awake – a feeling of emptiness that had settled in once he had left. She wasn't sure how to explain it, but it kept her up for a bit before it finally became too much to take, and she eventually drifted off to sleep.

Here's the next one. Not much to say about it, except that it takes place literally directly after the last chapter. You all probably realized that, but I figured I'd point it out anyway, just in case.

I don't have much else to discuss here, I suppose. No real housekeeping items to bring up at the moment, save for one - I am going to start studying for my FINRA Series 24 license soon, so updates might slow down for all my stories for at least the next few months while I get that squared away. Yes, months - I expect it will take me a minimum of five months to study for and pass this exam; professional-level designations such as this one are basically like taking an entire college course in the subject, in my experience - or at least, the past few I've had to get have been like that, save for a few (The SIE exam and my state Life and Health and Annuities exams were fucking piss easy, I studied maybe a month each for both of those compared to the others which each took me several months). In all likelihood, it will probably take closer to eight or nine. I've taken a few of these exams before and they're all an enormous pain in the ass, but this one is supposed to be the most enormous pain in the ass out of all of them, so I want to make sure I'm ready before I sit for it.

I'm not going to stop updating, but please be aware that starting next week, updates might slow down a little bit since I'll be spending at least a few hours every night studying for the next few months. Hopefully I'll pass this stupid test quickly, and then things can go back to normal, but until then, I'm gonna be hitting the books pretty hard.

That's about all I've got for now. See you all next time!