Chapter XCVII – Someday

Bishop cursed loudly into the emptiness of the forest around.

Fuck, that really hurt! And it was like for the third time! He kind of hoped that his deftness would apply to building tools as well, but apparently there was a learning curve there. He bought some basic box of tools in Riften – hammer, lots of nails, saw, sander and some other shit he had never even seen before. It was bad enough that had to figure out how to do all this with no previous experience, he even ran into Sapphire in the market and she instantly got curious about the suspect shit he was buying. He had to swear her to secrecy, though he wasn't that worried about Sapphire blabbing about anything. She seemed to like him and Aeyrin well enough so there was no reason why she would ruin the surprise, hopefully.

The next thing he needed was material and furniture and he was sure as fuck not going to lug everything in that cottage alone. He had to pay some Riften workers to do it all. That cost him a lot and he could not really afford to have everything done in that place – not to have the walls sanded, not to have the roof fixed and not to have the place cleaned and furnished properly. He would have to pay a fortune for all of that and the materials and furniture were already expensive enough. He couldn't spare any more money. He had now barely a hundred septims left.

No, he had to do the work himself. And maybe it was better that way. It was more personal. More his.

More theirs.

Although there was really no reason not to ask for help when he actually had people willing to help him. And he was sure that Lydia and Saadia could use some respite from the gossipmongers in Whiterun. Another trip would do them good.

He wrote to them the very first day after he and Aeyrin parted ways and he finally made it to the cottage. It had been three days now and the work was going… slowly when he was doing it alone. But it was still progressing.

Right now, he was struggling with that fucking roof. He needed to replace that fucking thatching. It was all old and moldered. But getting the securing hooks open for him to replace the straw had been a struggle. He used some tool that looked a little like a crowbar to pry the hooks open, but he hit himself with the piece of metal more than once during some unexpected momentum.

It fucking hurt and he would have so many bruises after this. It was good that bruises were a daily occurrence for him and Aeyrin wouldn't even question the new ones if they wouldn't disappear before they saw each other. But it still pissed him off. Why were the hooks so fucking secure?

Well… presumably so that the straw wouldn't just blow away in the wind, but still… it was annoying.

But he was going to suffer through all of this for the sake of this place. For the sake of their safe haven.

Eventually.

Someday.

For now, he was still worried about too much. This cottage would never be safe if the Brotherhood knew that it was a place for them to retreat to and to escape their troubles. And he wanted shit in the Guild to settle a bit more too before they made a place so close to them their 'base'. Otherwise Brynjolf would get too used to abusing the proximity and he would constantly ask for favors and constantly count on Aeyrin's protection.

No, it wasn't the time yet. And besides, there was just the time when he thought it would be perfect to surprise her with this.

But there were a lot of steps he had to take towards that yet.

And he was excited for all of it. Funny. He didn't remember if he had ever in his life been this… optimistic about the future. It was certainly refreshing.

A little scary. But still refreshing.

Now he just needed to finish this fucking roof.

"Hey!" a familiar voice interrupted his efforts, echoing through the forest spreading around Riften.

Bishop looked down from the roof into the overgrown garden below. Lydia and Saadia were standing there with travel packs on their backs, staring at him slack-jawed.

"Took you long enough," Bishop smirked at them. Three days already. Well… it wasn't that long for the letter to reach them and for them to head out, but he could really use the help.

"What on Nirn did we just walk in on?" Lydia gaped at him incredulously. "What are you doing on that roof?"

"Fixing it," Bishop replied promptly but he did leave that crowbar thing lodged under one of the hooks and he began to shimmy out of his position. He wasn't going to yell explanations on them from the roof and he may have been a little vague in his letter. Truth be told, he didn't tell them anything. He just asked them to come to an old cottage a short distance north of Riften.

Bishop slid down from the roof and landed on his feet deftly, right next to the ladder he had propped there before. The roof wasn't so high that he would need to use it to get down though.

"I think I need a lot of explanations," Saadia stared at him in surprise. It was definitely safe to say that they didn't expect to see him here like this, fixing up some old house.

"You and me both," Lydia shook her head while Bishop finally approached the two of them. She waited for a while, looking around, before she started off with the questions. "Where's Aeyrin?"

Maybe she thought that Aeyrin would explain things more properly. Maybe she would.

"She's not here," Bishop shrugged. "She had some urgent business to take care of alone so we split up for a bit." He wasn't going to give them any details. It wasn't even about entrusting them with the secret – as if these two would tell. But there was no need to drag them into this at all.

Then again, maybe it was also about trust a little. Ever since Karliah… it's been an uncomfortable notion. Again.

"Oh?" Saadia raised her brow at Bishop. "I thought we were here for another camping trip. We brought plenty of mead and wine."

"We're still gonna need those," Bishop chuckled at her. That was really important for the building and fixing. It made the pain from accidents more bearable and it made the work flow faster. And it would be more fun. "But it's not why I called you here. I just… I thought I'd use the time to do some… work. And I wanted your help." He gestured towards the cottage behind him.

"What is this place? Why are you… fixing it?" Lydia looked over the cottage curiously, studying every inch of the still somewhat decrepit structure.

"It's… mine," Bishop looked over his shoulder with an involuntary wistful smile. "I got it from an old friend a long time ago, but I never really… used it. And I kinda lost the deed and the key," he smirked at himself. Lydia and Saadia continued to stare at him in surprise, but he ignored that and continued explaining. "I've got those back recently and now I wanna fix up the place. You know, so that it's… livable. For me and Aeyrin."

"Oh. That's nice," Lydia smiled at him. "It must be… difficult not being able to go to Whiterun whenever you want," she sighed morosely. She clearly thought that the only reason Bishop wanted a new place for the two of them was because he couldn't go to Whiterun. Not carelessly at least. But it was so much more than that.

"It's not even that," Bishop shook his head. "Aeyrin got those stupid titles in Riften and Solitude too. We have… places to crash. But this is different. No offense, but it's not ideal to have housecarls everywhere. We could use a place of our own. Not just for crashing but… you know… when we wanna take a break from the travels for a while." Or settle down. But that was ways off. He didn't need to think about that yet. It was just good to have a place ready for that, if and when. Their place. Their own.

"You have other housecarls?" Lydia scowled briefly. Fuck, she almost looked… hurt. That was hilarious.

Saadia promptly laughed at Lydia's reaction and placed her hand on her shoulder in comfort. "Don't worry. I'm pretty sure they haven't roped the others into murders and helped them kill off some thugs for someone they've even never met."

"Well…" Bishop chuckled, but when he saw Lydia's shocked expression, he laughed and raised his hands in mock surrender to clarify that he was kidding. Lydia relaxed visibly at that. "Calm down. One of them was a fucking spy for Ulfric and the other one we've seen once."

"I'm calm!" Lydia scoffed defensively. "You don't need to… never mind. Just…" she shook her head promptly, clearly done with the subject. "So you got this place back to have something on your own with Aeyrin. I think that's sweet."

"Yeah. And we won't have to worry about someone walking in on us at the worst times," Bishop snickered at Lydia upon which she immediately blushed. Saadia joined in the laughter while she squeezed Lydia's shoulder again.

"R-right," Lydia cleared her throat. "So why are you fixing it without her? Didn't she want to help?"

"Because she doesn't know about it yet," Bishop smirked.

At that, Lydia's smile instantly vanished and got replaced by a very concerned frown. What the fuck was that about?

"You're keeping another secret from her?" she practically growled at him.

"It's not a secret!" Bishop scoffed. "It's a surprise. There's a fucking difference!" It was so different from all that shit about Thorn and his past. This was a nice thing. Aeyrin liked surprises. She loved getting surprise gifts or getting swept off her feet when he took her to some beautiful place. This was the same thing. It was a good thing. She would like this, wouldn't she?

Fucking Lydia! She made him all insecure about this! He knew that Aeyrin would love this. Why was he second-guessing himself? He wasn't going to tell her every single thing forevermore. She didn't even want that, she told him that herself. Telling her about looming dangers or shit from his past that could bite them in the ass was different. There was no harm in this secret.

"I don't know, Bishop, are you sure she's gonna see it that way? It's a big thing you're hiding here. A whole house," Lydia bit her lip nervously.

"I am sure! And fuck… if she doesn't like it, it's not like we have to live here. It's not like we can't sell it or something," Bishop sighed. That was the last thing he would ever want to do after how much time he spent imagining their life there. But why was he even thinking about this? Aeyrin would love this place, right? He loved it. Why wouldn't she?

"Sweetie, I think Bishop's right. It's not that big of a deal," Saadia gave Lydia a gentle soothing smile. "I mean… I would tell her, but… it's not like the last secrets. It is different. And life without any surprises might get boring too fast," she smirked.

"Yeah. Exactly," Bishop nodded. Lydia was just a worrywart. He never should have let her get to him. "She's gonna love it. I'm sure of it."

"I hope so," Lydia let out a small sigh. She still didn't seem entirely convinced, but Bishop was determined not to let it bother him. "So… when are you gonna tell her? After it's fixed up?"

Bishop gave her a smug smirk. He felt the urge to place his hand on his chest only to feel the ring hidden there, but he realized after a second that he wasn't wearing his armor.

"After I marry her," he winked at Lydia, leaving both her and Saadia staring at him in shock again. Heh, surprises were fun. Their expressions were priceless.

Bishop let them process what he had just said, but it was taking too long for anyone to speak. And there was still work to be done.

"Now come on," he inclined his head towards the cottage again. "Let's get to work. There's too much to be done and I don't know when Aeyrin will be back."

…

Bishop was already back on the roof, struggling with the hooks, but it was a bit easier with Lydia up there with him.

Well… not easier. It was just faster. She was having just as much trouble as he was, but they were making progress. Saadia was down below in the meantime, weeding out the worst of the overgrown garden.

With their help, he was actually hopeful that they would finish everything he wanted to before he would reunite with Aeyrin. And they haven't even once complained about being called to work their asses off. He was kind of impressed by that. He would have definitely complained in their place.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Lydia interrupted the silence. She had been throwing Bishop concerned looks the entire time. It was starting to get tiresome. He had no idea what this was about, but it wasn't a great start.

"What is?" Bishop sighed in response.

"Asking Aeyrin to marry you," she clarified so quietly that he almost didn't hear her. She was clearly nervous about asking him.

And why the fuck did she have a problem with that now? Was he supposed to spill that surprise too? Just because he lied in the past, he was now supposed to share every idle thought and never surprise Aeyrin ever again? That was fucking ridiculous!

"What? Why the fuck wouldn't it be?" he scowled fiercely, although he was sure that he didn't really want to hear the answer to that.

"I didn't mean…" Lydia stammered a bit before she tried to compose herself more. "I don't mean it in a bad way. You two are great together and it was hard to see how painful it was for the both of you when you were apart," she sighed. "I just don't want that to happen again. Do you even know if she wants to get married?"

Bishop rolled his eyes at her defensively, although he didn't really have a good answer for her. He didn't know. Aeyrin had never mentioned this. She didn't talk about the future, he was pretty sure that she didn't even think about stuff like that. She always dwelled on the whole 'we can die at any moment' mentality and she didn't worry about this stuff. At least it looked like she didn't. Maybe she just didn't want it?

Fuck. Lydia was getting to him again. Why wouldn't Aeyrin want this? She'd insinuated many times that she wanted to stay with him until the bitter end. Why wouldn't she want to marry him?

"Why wouldn't she?" he growled the question playing in his mind at Lydia. He didn't have a better comeback.

"I don't know," Lydia sighed. "She's twenty-two years old. I doubt that she has considered tying herself to someone for the rest of her life. Has she even been with anyone else?"

"Why would she need to be with anyone else?" Bishop huffed. And what did her age matter? They met each other now and they wanted to be with each other. They couldn't control when that happened. And she definitely didn't need to be with anyone else! Why the fuck would she? He didn't.

"She's gonna be alive centuries longer than you," Saadia's voice called out from down below. It wasn't surprising that she heard the conversation, but it still startled Bishop a bit to hear her chip in. "What happens then? What happens when you're old? When you're dead? She won't be able to marry anyone else for centuries because of you."

"What? You don't know that! She could die tomorrow for all we know," Bishop scoffed. Aeyrin didn't worry about her elven lifespan in the slightest when it came to their relationship so why should he? And didn't Saadia agree with that philosophy?

"I'm not saying 'don't be together'," Saadia sighed. "It's just… it's a big commitment. And unless she wants to do some… Bosmer ceremonies… I don't know if they have some different ones, she's not gonna be able to do that again after you're gone. I know we can all die at any time, but shouldn't you count a bit on the fact that you might not?"

Bishop let out another frustrated sigh, but… it was really getting to him. He fucking hated how much this was getting to him. They had a point.

Was he just being selfish? Was he trying to tie her to himself without considering what it could mean for her future without him? He didn't even want to think about it. He refused to let himself think about it – about how he would age and wither while she stayed young. And then he would just die on her, leaving her here for centuries to come.

Fuck! Stop thinking about it!

How was it so easy for Aeyrin not to think about this?

Maybe he was selfish. Maybe he should think about this. Especially if Aeyrin wouldn't. He didn't want to imagine her having a life after him, having someone else after him, but… it wasn't as if he would want her alone and miserable. He just wanted her to be happy. But imagining her being happy with someone else was still painful. He couldn't help himself.

"Do you want kids?" Saadia called out to him again.

"What?!" Oh fuck, what was it now? Where in Oblivion was she going with this now?

"Do you know if you want children?" Saadia repeated as if she was trying to get through to someone hard of hearing.

"I don't… I don't fucking know! I never even thought about it before," he groaned in palpable frustration. It was kind of a lie though. He did think about that a few years ago – when Elisie had Jules's kid. He helped take care of his niece when she was just a baby. It was… kinda nice, actually. He remembered thinking that it might not be so bad… maybe. Someday. Maybe. Those weren't serious thoughts though. He never really wanted kids, not for real. Not seriously. Not that he would need a kid in his life.

"Do you know if Aeyrin wants them?" Lydia looked at him curiously. Great. More reasons to find for them not getting married.

"I don't… Fuck! I don't know!" Bishop growled. "We never talked about it. And I don't even care! I'm fine with whatever she wants. Just… as long as I'm with her," he sighed in defeat. Why were they making everything sound so complicated? It was never that complicated for him. He wanted her. He wanted to be with her. For the rest of his life. Did he really need to think about anything else at all?

"Everyone says that," Saadia piped up from down below again. "But then you actually get serious and you actually want to or don't want to and the other wants the opposite and you've got a problem on your hands."

"How would you know?!" Bishop snapped at her. "You were about to have a fucking arranged marriage, I doubt that this was the problem you had to deal with."

"I work in a tavern. I've seen this tale unfold a thousand times before," Saadia scoffed at him.

This was getting so fucking frustrating! He didn't want to think about any of this. He just wanted to enjoy making this place ready for their life together. Why were these two so insistent on ruining it?

"What the fuck are you two doing?" Bishop growled. "Why the fuck are you trying to talk me out of spending my life with her?"

"We're not!" Lydia shook her head briskly, almost horrified at the notion. "We're just trying to look out for you, Bishop. For the both of you. We want you two together. You just… maybe you need to talk to her about some of this. Just to prevent it coming between you down the road."

Hmm… maybe she had a point. It wasn't the worst idea and it would definitely be less selfish of him to make sure that they both knew what this would mean, should Aeyrin outlive him.

Maybe Aeyrin was even thinking about this stuff already too.

Although that idea just made him more nervous. If she was, she might come to the same conclusions as Saadia and Lydia and then she might reject his proposal.

He wasn't sure if he would be able to take that refusal.

Stop thinking about that.

It just made him anxious. Funnily enough, talking about marriage seemed even more daunting than actually proposing marriage. He couldn't even begin to imagine how he would broach a subject like that. How did anyone talk about shit like this?

Ugh, it was starting to make his head hurt.

Right now, he should concentrate on this cottage. None of it had anything to do with this place.

It was theirs, whether married or not, whether they had kids or not. He didn't need to be thinking about any of that right now.

He could just imagine their days here together like he had planned.

It was for the best. He would just think about how, someday, this place would be a real home for them.

All theirs.