Chapter 87: Dear Amalie

(Eret's POV)

I'm sitting at the desk in the living/dining room in our house on New Berk one evening, writing a letter to my sister, who recently went up to Valhalla after committing suicide. The therapist Becky and I have seen on more than one occasion tells me writing a letter to my little sister might help with the grieving process.

So, that's what I do. I write, with no intentions of sending it or burning it or anything. I have a way to give it to her, by way of my father-in-law Loki...but the therapist said that not giving it to her will help more than giving it to her.

Anyway, I sit down while Becky and Ruby are upstairs napping. Loki is staying in the spare room until Becky is strong enough – until all of us are strong enough – for Loki to go back home.

"Hey, little sis. How is it up there in Valhalla? Becky's mental health has declined since you...well, since you killed yourself.

I can't help but worry about her, which is silly of me to say because, well, she's my wife. Amalie...I hate to tell you this, but Becky blames herself for your death...she feels like she could have done something to help you, even though you felt you were beyond help. But no one, little sister, is beyond help. Not even you.

The thing is, Amalie, the only one to blame here isn't Becky, or you, or even Dad...the only person to blame here is me. Because, as your older brother, I should have known something was off about you..."

I pause to wipe the tears from my face, despite them not stopping.

"But I didn't know...I should have, but I didn't, and now you're gone. It's all my fault you're gone. I'm so sorry I didn't pay attention to you, Amalie. I'm so, so sorry."

I'm sobbing now, and I feel my wife wrap her arms around me, sobbing right along with me.

Loki comes downstairs, our four-year-old Ruby still asleep upstairs.

I'm in hysterics, but I don't care.

Grieving, it seems, is something that you can't – and shouldn't – face alone.

Loki didn't know Amalie well, but he was the first to welcome her to Valhalla. As soon as he saw she was there, he rushed down to Midgard to see his distraught son-in-law and daughter.

He was there at the funeral, consoling us as best he could...but it wasn't enough, and he knew it.

But we appreciated his consolation, and his company, nonetheless.

I'm sobbing so much, I get sick, and my poor wife has to turn her face away from me. Loki helps her breathe through it before coming to me to wipe up the sick and comfort us.

Soon, with my wife and father-in-law comforting me, I calm down.

I lean on my wife, emotionally and physically exhausted.

Loki tells us that he'll take a copy of the letter with him to give to Amalie, if I wished it.

I tell him no, it's an exercise in grief, and that giving a copy to Amalie won't be necessary.

I can tell he's reading the letter by his facial expressions.

"Eret, w-why would you blame yourself? This is not your fault." Loki asks me, kneeling before me and his daughter.

"I feel like it is, Loki. I was – I am – her older brother, I should have known something was amiss."

"Eret, are you a soothsayer?"

"No..."

"Then you could not have known that your sister was going to do this."

"Dad..." My wife says, scolding her father.

"Love, it's fine. He's actually got a good point." I reply.

"I feel like I should leave..."

"No, stay, Dad. You're family, too." Becky says.

"I may be family, sweetheart, but I wasn't a part of your family until very recently."

Becky stands up.

"So, what, you're just going to abandon me again?"

"Young lady, you know very well your mother did not wish for me to see you until recently."

"Don't bring my mother into this!"

"If it weren't for her and me getting together, you wouldn't even be here!"

"Maybe – maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Maybe then...maybe then Amalie would still be here."

"You know, I do recall her telling me she blames you for not paying attention to her since Ruby came along."

"Don't you dare drag my daughter into this!"

"I have to blame someone, so why not the woman who's the cause for Amalie's death!"

"And who might that be, Dad?"

"YOU!"

Becky's lip quivers, and she runs out of the house, not bothering to grab shoes or even a jacket on her way out.

My tears since vanished, I stand up to my father-in-law.

"Loki, I respect you and love you for everything you've done for us, but blaming my wife for something she had no control over – our daughter needing attention – has crossed the line."

"Eret..."

"Please, see yourself out. I'm going to go find my wife."

"And leave Ruby here all alone?"

"I'll have my dad come over."

Loki, looking defeated, leaves the house, leaves Midgard as I try to search for my wife after I send Dad over to watch Ruby.

I search all over New Berk, fearing the worst for my wife, but I can't find her anywhere.

I go to the Thorstons to see if she's there, to see if her adoptive family has seen her.

But no such luck.

Her adoptive siblings agree to help look for her, to see if we can find her together.

So we search, and we search throughout the night...but we still can't find her.

My crew comes by, wanting to help search for my missing wife.

We eventually find her covered in sand, curled up on the beach, near the lake. I scoop her up in my arms and check for a pulse while everyone else waits with bated breath.

"Come on, love. We need you – I need you. Don't do this to me, love. Please. I can't lose you, too."

She suddenly coughs and leans against me, beginning to cry.

"Shh. I'm here, my love. I'm right here, my darling." I carefully get up, my crying wife in my arms, and part of me regrets dismissing Loki so harshly.

But Loki's right there, waiting for his daughter like the rest of us waits for their friend, sister, and, in my case, wife.

"Daddy...I'm sorry." Becky says as we pass by Loki.

"No, my princess of Midgard, I'm sorry. I should never have blamed you for Amalie. It wasn't my place, nor was it my purpose for this visit."

"All is forgiven."

"Thank you, my daughter. I swear to you that I will spend the rest of eternity making this up to you."

"Loki, I'm sorry I dismissed you so harshly."

"Don't be, Eret. You did what you thought was best for your wife. Yes, I've been watching over her for her entire life, but you've seen up close and personal what she's been through over the past several years, and I commend you for it."

"Thank you, Loki."

"You're welcome."

My wife and I soon head home after she gets the sand cleaned off of her, and we head to bed, all of us thankful that it turned out this way instead of Loki having to take my wife with him to Valhalla or Asgard.