Disclaimer: Do you honestly think I own this? I hate these damn things. Sorry, if you don't like swearing, but there's plenty of it in my story, so get over it. I am PMS-ing (not literally! Figuratively.) Anyhoo, sorry if I sound *itchy. Happy Kwanzaa, Chanukah, Christmas, Midwinter, Whateva.

Chapter Five: Devious Feminine Wiles and Rotten Apples

"Well, uuh, uum …" Anne sputtered.

"What?" Elizabeth asked.

"We're, uuh, going to spring Jack from jail." Will said after a bit of hesitation. Of course, Anne and Will both expected the aristocratic Elizabeth to come out at the mention of this off the wall plan. They braced themselves for it.

"Exciting," Elizabeth remarked, bringing startled stares from her friends. "Count me in."

"Oh. You're not going to go mad on us," Anne mused.

"And Anne is going to leave Port Royale with him," Will added. Madness followed.

"WHAT?! That's insane! You're leaving her with Jack! He'll get her into huge amounts of trouble!"

"I thought you were grateful to him for saving you last time," Anne said.

"Yes, but I wouldn't trust him anymore than I trust a rat not to carry fleas! I still don't entirely trust him after some of the things he said. And it's not so much that I think he's a bad man, just that I don't trust him to keep you out of trouble. He's been shot twice, probably more than that, and he might get you shot as well! You aren't safe with him."

"Well, I'm in more trouble here than there, so I think I best go with him."

"What do you mean?"

"I just am. Anyhow, are you going to help us?"

Elizabeth thought for a moment, then said, "Yes, I suppose so. But I don't like the idea, just so you know."

"Alright. Let's get a plan together, shall we?" said Will. Anne and Elizabeth nodded.

Soon, the three of them had set out for the jail, Anne dressed as a boy, Will like himself, and Elizabeth with a bit of lip rouge on, a plan buzzing about in each of their brains.

************************************************************

"What business do you have here, Miss Swann?" said the warden at the entrance.

"Personal," Elizabeth answered. The guard eyed her suspiciously.

Finally he gave in, saying, "Alright, but you'll need to tell me whose cell you wish to visit, Miss Swann."

"I wish to see Jack Sparrow," she told him. He coughed on the water he was drinking.

"Could you say that again, Miss?"

"You heard me," Elizabeth said calmly, "I wish to see Jack Sparrow."

"Miss Swann, I'm not so sure that's a --- "

"My father requested it of me," Elizabeth lied.

"Alright Miss, his cell is number 648. I could take you to it."

"No, I'm just fine. I know where it is," Elizabeth said, and began walking down the stairway. Instead of finding his cell, Elizabeth made her way to the sewer opening, where a large drain emptied into the harbour. Lifting her skirt around her knees, Elizabeth walked through the water to where she would meet Will and Anne. She saw their silhouettes in the opening and said, "Come on, we may not have much time."

"Did you find out where his cell is?" Will asked.

"I do not know the exact locale, but I know the number."

"Let's have it," Anne said.

"Number six-four-eight."

"That's in the east wing, deep under ground," said Will. "I didn't build the cells in that area. That means that they won't have half-pin barrel hinges, rather an earlier kind. I won't be able to break into those cells."

"So, we'll have to think of something else," said Anne.

"Don't fret, I'll take care of that," said Elizabeth. Then they were off. Will led Elizabeth to his cell, hiding in the shadows the whole time, while Elizabeth worked on getting Jack out. There were two guards posted outside his cell, and it would be difficult to get rid of him.

"What's your purpose here Miss Swann?" said one of them.

"I'd like to speak with my rescuer again before he's hanged a second time," Elizabeth told them bluntly. The guards, convinced, turned to rouse Jack. Anne and Will remained in the shadows as Elizabeth scolded in her most aristocratic voice, "He is in a thirsting slumber! Go get some water for poor Jack, both of you, before I report your incompetence to Commodore Norrington and my father."

They started for the staircase at the end of the corridor. "Wait," Elizabeth commanded, putting a hand on one of the men's shoulder, and stepping closer to him. She whispered into his ear, "Make sure is cold." The guard bolted like a scared puppy up the stairs.

Elizabeth smiled wickedly as Will and Anne stepped from the shadows. Will scowling, Anne smiling just as criminally. Elizabeth jingled a ring of keys in her hand. She unlocked the cell door. Will walked in and threw a bucketful of water on Jack. Jack, kicking and flailing like a madman, woke up and squinted at Will.

"Hello, darling," said Jack, "you know it's bad luck to wake a man when he's sleeping."

"You know how to fix that."

"Drinks …" Jack sighed.

"There is no time for that. Come on, we'll discuss it later, but in the meantime, let's get you out of here," said Elizabeth.

"Alright, alright," said Jack, "but, 'eh, who's the boy 'ere?"

"Later!" Elizabeth hissed.

The four of them ran for the drain, paying no attention to the whoots of other inmates. When they reached the drain, Elizabeth popped her head out of the hole.

"Go on, the coast is clear. Anne first, Jack, then Will."

"Oh, so it is a girl. I --- "

"Shut up!" Elizabeth whispered. "Go on."

All except Elizabeth swam out of the drain, careful not to show themselves when coming up for breath. Elizabeth left to finish her part, dropping the keys in the water in the process. Jack and Anne went to their planned hiding place, and Will went to fetch his boat, which he would give to Jack and Anne to sail away from Jamaica with. When the two arrived there, Jack collapsed onto the sand, saying, "Ahh, the sea, the sea," over and over again. When Elizabeth arrived roughly twenty minutes later, she glared at Jack, who was still saying his mantra.

"Dear Saints, Jack, are you intoxicated?" Elizabeth demanded.

"I don't know really. La di di da da. Da duh duh duh da, Drink up me hearties YO HO!"

"Where in the name of all things holy did you get rum in that jail?"

"I didn' really. There was a sack of old apples in the corner, though. Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for MEEEEE!" Jack sang the last word so high it was almost imperceptible to the human ear. Anne ran over and tackled him, throwing a hand over his gaping mouth.

"I have a headache," she told him, "so, pipe down!" Anne let him up.

"Oh, dear, I didn know you felt that way, love," Jack said. Anne scowled at him.

"Oh good, holy, blessed Lord!" Elizabeth shouted, plopping down on a nearby rock, chin in hand, foot tapping.

"Oh, Miss Snob curses like a sailor now. How lovely," Jack remarked.

Elizabeth slitted her eyes at him. "Well I had a professional to teach me," she retorted.

"Oh really, who?" Jack asked, really and truly, remarkably stumped.

Elizabeth groaned. Anne glared at him, and held a finger to her lips. He just smiled at her. Anne then realized that she knew this man from someplace, but where?

There was no time to think on it, because just then, Will arrived with his little sailboat.

"Will," said Elizabeth, standing to give him a light kiss. Both Anne and Jack let out exasperated sighs and rolled their eyes. Yes, Anne had wanted them to get married, but not to constantly display their affection for each other to the public --- well, Anne. Even she, a lowly servant from the bad area of Port Royale, knew it was considered indecent to do so.

"Are they always at it like that?" Jack questioned.

"Yes. Sickening isn't it?" Anne replied.

"That it is. On my ship we have none o' that. We're all free men, really --- except for AnaMaria who is, in fact a woman. A ship is freedom, you see. Nobody but you and your crew, its own world. A ship is happiness and it's --- "

"Oh no, Will," said Elizabeth, "he's spouting sonnets now."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Will asked.

"That's when you know he is nearly unconscious," Elizabeth told him. Will just looked at her like she spoke a different language.

"He's drunk," Anne clarified.

"Oh no! Jack!" Will said. "I can't let him sail like this. We can only wait for it to pass. Elizabeth, I'm sorry but --- "

"I know. I'll be missed. It will be better if I get back. Come and see me when this is all done with." Elizabeth kissed Will again, then left. Once she was gone, Will turned to Jack.

"Jack, sleep of this drunken state while I get things ready for you to leave."

"Fine, mate, I'll sleep."

Soon Jack snored, and Anne fortified the sail with twine.

"So, Will, why were you so late?" Anne said as she pulled another stitch. When Will didn't answer right away, Anne looked up and added, "Just curious."

But Will wasn't looking at her. He was lifting a small box from the stern of the boat.

"What's that?" Anne questioned.

Will opened the box. Inside was a faded black wool coat, and, laying on top of it, was a silver locket with a woman's face, carved from quartz, on it. Anne knew the locket. Inside of it was a curl of blond hair --- Anne's mother's. The locket belonged to her once, before she gave it to Anne's father, who, in turn gave it to Anne. Anne opened it and looked at the charcoal sketch facing the lock of hair. Anne had inherited her mother's mouth and nose, and her father's too-large eyes, freckled skin, and dull, bristly hair. Anne smiled at this thought, then shut the locket and fixed it around her neck. She took her father's jacket and put it on, despite the Caribbean heat.

"You went and got 'em for me?"

"Yes," Will told her. Anne smiled and thanked Will with a big squeeze.

"I'll miss you," Anne sniffled.

"What would you miss 'im for?" said Jack, obviously awake now. Anne and Will parted.

"I've been meaning to talk with you about that, Jack. You see, you're going to sail away on my boat to wherever you're hiding the Pearl and you're taking my sister here with you."

"I didn' know you had a sister. What is she, a halfer? 'Cause I know you were your father's only child. Unless, of course --- "

"Uh, we're actually not blood-sister and brother," said Anne, "more like best friends, only closer."

"Ah. And, why is she coming with me?"

Anne looked at Will.

"I'll leave that for her to say, if she wishes," said Will.

"Which I don't," Anne added.

Jack looked from Anne to Will and back again.

"Right. Well, fine, I'll take her along with me, providing you give me some money to buy her a drink, in Tortuga."

Will, knowing that this was Jack's way of telling him he didn't do favors for free, sighed and tossed a leather change purse from his belt.

"I don't know if that's enough," said Will. Jack brought it to his ear and rattled it. He grinned.

"It'll do," he said.

Suddenly, Anne had an epiphany.

"Ah-ha! OH! Oh," She shouted, pointing at Jack.

"What is it?" Will asked.

"I know you! I saw you at the docks the day the cursed crew of the Pearl sacked us! You stole money," Anne added disapprovingly.

Jack stared at her for a moment, then turned to Will.

"You did explain to her that I'm a pirate did you not?"

"Of course," Will said.

"Well then! Listen, darling, I am a pirate. Pirates steal, pilfer, raid, loot, rob and violate nearly every other law in existence. Savvy?" Jack said to Anne. Anne pursed her lips. "Fine," she said. "Savvy," Anne said, mocking the word.

"Very good. So, Will, I'm taking the hellion here with me. What do you suppose I tell my crew, 'eh?"

"That you're helping a damsel in distress."

"Ugh, Will, that's so … demoralizing," Anne protested.

"I agree with the lady on that one, William," Jack put in.

"Alright. Improvise, then."

"I planned to do that anyhow."

"Of course you did," said Will with cynicism. Jack chose to ignore it.

"Yes, I am smart."

"Of course you are," said Will with even more sarcasm.

"You are as well, William. You are a very smart eunuch," Jack retorted. Will laughed.

"Don't start that business again," Will half-joked.

"What is a eunuch?" Anne questioned. Both men looked startled … and nervous.

"You don't want to know," Jack said, after a bit of silence.

"Yeah, I do! Come on, what is it?" Anne pleaded.

"Will, she's your friend; you do the honors," Jack said.

"Oh no, Jack, you brought it up. You tell it," Will refused.

"Will somebody just tell me? It can't be all that terrible. Really. Let's have it," Anne said.

"Alright, you won't stay this naïve for much longer on the Black Pearl anyhow, so here it is: a eunuch is a man who is not bejeweled," said Jack.

"What does that mean?" Anne asked.

"A man who's been castrated, darling," Jack clarified.

"Oh. OH! That's --- uh --- oh! And you say it gets worse?" Anne shouted. Jack only smirked. "Dear me," said Anne.

"Jack, I really don't like the idea of you corrupting her," said Will.

"I'm not. Anyways, if I don't, Gibbs and AnaMaria will, so it'll happen either way."

Will frowned.

************************************************************

Dusk came around, and after completing the mending, storage of provisions, polishing of weapons, repositioning of the rudder, and the mailing of a coin on the mast for luck, goodbyes came to order. Will called Jack aside. They had a long chat as Anne tried to light three lamps without success. She was so nervous her hands were shaking, and her grip had gone the mush. She had finally lit one of them when the two men returned. Jack finished the lighting as Anne stood and went to Will.

"You two think of me at your wedding, alright?" she told him. Will nodded. They clasped each other for what would be the last time in a long while, tears dripping from their eyes. At last, they stepped apart.

"Goodbye," Will said.

"Goodbye," Anne said.

She and Jack got into the boat. Anne hung two lanterns on a pole, and tied the other to the mast. Jack took hold of the oars as Anne and Will watched the distance separate between them. Soon it was too dark for Anne to be able to see Will. Anne cried as she sailed away. She had abandoned her only family to live a life on the high seas, with a pirate who was perpetually drunk.