"Married?" I asked, "To me?"

I looked behind me almost expecting someone else. Like someone more dashing, solemn and 'hn-ing' like my baby cousin. Or someone with deep eyes that women could sigh over for an hour and still want to continue staring at, instead of wanting to flee after being in my vicinity after fifteen minutes. And let's not forget, someone younger. I was a bit old. Hell, I changed several of Sasuke's diapers!

She raised a brow. "You said you'd marry me."

"Yes, in an instant. I don't lie about things like that." I was many things, but never a liar.

She leaned over the table, red lips twitching into a scowl or smile, it was hard to tell. This woman was a master at hiding her intent. I mean, marry me? "Then prove it. On your honor, marry me." There, deception! Goodness, was I confused.

I did the only reasonable thing I could think of. I laughed. "How much have you drunk? I can't marry an intoxicated individual."

That was the only explanation I could come too. She must have drained eight bottles of sake. Not even when Hana was puking her guts out would she agree to something so outlandish like marriage. Sakura and I practically knew nothing about each other. Observational strangers. Acquaintances. Yes, that. We were acquaintances. It was one thing for a man to marry for beauty, but what in hell could Sakura see in me?

"I've had one beer, just one. I'm sober enough to fight missing-nin or repair a heart."

I bit my lip, wincing just a bit. "If my heart needed repairing, I'd ask for the doctor that hadn't just been at the bar."

She smiled, "Oh, really? If the hokage needed his heart repaired, you'd go for Dr. Sato?"

I winced again. "I mean, no, not Dr. Sato." I'd watched him accidentally 'chakra sew' together fingers of an uninjured hand, whilst yelling at him - 'It's the other one! the one with the blood!'

I had kept the additional webbing for it enabled me to swim faster. But it had taken a month to throw the shuriken correctly, or rock climb for that matter. If this man tried to heal a heart, he'd probably find my liver instead. And with the hokage, absolutely not. I shook my head fervently.

"Oh, who would you go to?"

I blinked up at her. Well, I mean— "What are my options again?"

"Come now Shisui, the hokage is dying, his heart is failing. You've got to make a decision. Tsunade is gone, Shizune too. They are traveling in Wind Country right now. All you got is Dr. Sato at the hospital and me," She points down at the table and taps it, "right here at the bar."

Well, if those were my options. I can't help another wince. What terrible options. The hokage would probably be a goner in either case, but… he had a minor better chance with – "You, obviously."

She smiles, oh so wickedly. "See."

"But the hokage isn't dying." His heart was just fine from the show I saw last night. Would have died yesterday had it been bad. "He's actually super healthy, healthier than me by a long shot." I would have died from that amount of activity in one day.

The smile drops and she glares. "No, he isn't dying. The whole point of that conversation was that if I'm sober enough to perform medical duties on the hokage, I'm sober enough to say yes for marriage."

Oh yeah, that had been the point, hadn't it? "I just don't want you to regret anything." I was looking out for her, really. The poor girl. "I mean, marriage is kind of a big deal."

"Oh, are you stressing about it? Regretting what you've said."

"No!" Obviously, I wouldn't have said it, if I'd regret it. "I'd marry you in an instant," I repeated, who wouldn't?

"What's wrong then, Shisui?" her lashes flicker as she looks down and then up at me. She had an amazing ass face. Not like ass-face. It's a figure of speech people, but she did have an amazing ass to boot. No man would deny that. "Are you scared deep down you might actually be the biggest liar in all of Konoha."

That did it. I never lied. "Done. We're getting married."

She leaned back; neck held high. She was beaming.

But the devil was always in the details. "Except there's no one who can perform a ceremony this late, you need a kimono, goodness we'll need a witness and there's loads of things like flowers, cake, and food."

Her eyes narrowed; smile dropped.

I went for appeasement and held up my hands. "But for now we're engaged. You're my fiancé."

No smile returned to her face. "All or nothing Shisui. Your words were 'I'd marry you in an instant.' This is the instant. No kimono, no flowers, cake, or food. Done deal. We fill in the paperwork, find an officiator and that's it."

I motioned to the window outside and the streetlamps. "Where in the world do you think we're going to find an officiator at this hour?"

"I can officiate."

I blinked and turned. The barmaid had returned. Beers on a platter. She smiled at me; her eyebrows quirked in humor. "I officiated my cousin's wedding just last week."

"Splendid, Mia will marry us," Sakura smiled.

I mean, this seemed too easy. It couldn't be this easy. People would get married at the drop of a hat. Nobody got married at a drop of a hat. Oh yes, "Paperwork, the office is closed, and we'd need a witness."

"You can print the forms online, we've a printer in the back."

"Witness?" I asked weakly, but all around, I could see people drinking around us. "Witnesses can't be drunk, can they?"

Mia pointed at the barkeeper. "Masaru is sober." She slid the beers on the table and cleared her voice. "So, should we get this wedding going?"

I went to grab the beer, just to wet my whistler, my throat going dry.

Sakura snatched it away, not even spilling a drop. "Let's get the papers printed."

I motion at my throat and gasp out, "Just a bit dry, if I could just have that back."

"Mia will get you some water on the way back, right Mia?" Sakura smiles, her white teeth showing against her

"I'm dying of thirst," I continued my gasp. My throat was closing up here.

Mia winked, "Of course, the printer prints in seconds. I'll be right back with water and the paperwork. I'll grab Masaru too."

I was confident I'd die of thirst before her return. Sakura's hands on the handles of both beer glasses almost teasing me as I keeled over in preparation for my doom, gasping in the pain of my cracked and dry throat. But Mia was right. It was a fast printer. It was only seconds before a water glass was slid across the table before me.

It was ice cold. Perfect. The sweetest water one could ever taste. I drained it, right then. Right there. Not a spec or drop left, I swallowed it all in one gulp.

Mia cleared her throat once again and loudly spoke over all the noise in the room, "We are gathered here today to drink and join hands –"

I now very much needed to pee.