Chapter 15: Remorse

Erik sat in the shadows of the chapel watching the dying flames of the candles, when he heard the sharp crack of a cane against the stone steps, "Erik, I need you."

He rolled his eyes, "Why Madame do you need me? Is this another conversation about my salar-"

"Erik!" Julienne cried out, "Please, I can't find Marguerite."

"What? Meg? What do you mean you can't find her?"

"I've looked everywhere for her, I can't find her, I've asked everyone, and no one has seen her for hours. Hours Erik! She's not in bed, she should be in bed!"

"No." Erik whispered, his eyes glancing towards the stained-glass window and the light dusting of snowflakes that fell behind it. "She can't be, she wouldn't."

"Julienne, go to your room," Erik commanded, I know where she is."

"Please," Erik whispered as he took the stairs to the roof two at a time, "please don't be up here."

His breath was coming in ragged gasps when he threw open the door to the roof, the snow was falling quicker now, dusting everything in sight. He had to find her, she had to be ok.

"Meg!" Erik cried out into the harsh wind and snow. He could see her small figure shivering in the night air. "Meg!" He called again, running towards her as she saw her frame crumple to the ground. "No, no, Meg, stay with me please."

He threw off his cloak, covering her in it completely before he began to pick her up. She shifted in his arms, her face turning inwards to rest against his racing heart, and he heard a soft, whispered, "Erik."

Erik pulled the cloak around her tighter, racing towards the door of the roof, she would be ok, she had to be ok.

Erik pushed the door to Julienne's room open with his shoulder, "I found her!"

"Quickly, put her on the bed Erik!" Julienne cried out, her cane clattering to the floor as she quickly limped to follow Erik.

Erik gently laid Meg down on the bed and collapsed on the floor beside her. "Please, please, Julienne she's not-"his voice broke on a sob, "she won't wake up."

Julienne rushed to where Meg lay, "What happened, what did you, how did she- "

"I found her on the roof, I don't know how long she was up there, I didn't know. I didn't mean for this to happen. Julienne you must go, you must get her the best physician, money is of no object. I will," His voice softened as he reached out to brush a strand of hair away from Meg's face. "I promise I will protect her."

Julienne nodded as she draped a shawl around her shoulders, "Oui, please, stay with her Erik."

Erik grasped the hem of Julienne's dress, his knuckles white with the effort, "Whatever the cost Julienne. I will pay for it. Whatever it takes."

Erik could hardly breathe as he watched the doctor listen to Meg's shallow breathing, he had only left her side to get a vast array of francs that he shoved into Julienne's hands when she had come close to him. Now he balled his empty hands into fists, resisting the urge to beat them against the wall and scream in anguish. This was his doing; Meg was sick because of him. He had been a fool, a monster. Despair clawed at his heart and Erik turned away from the sight of Meg, he planned on slipping into the shadows and out of the room. Out of Julienne and Meg's life completely, it would be better this way he wouldn't be able to hurt her again. Just as he took a step further into the shadows, he heard a voice break the silence.

"Erik." Meg whispered.

Erik stood still as a statue, his heart caught in his throat, she had said his name. She was awake, and she had said his name.

"Erik, don't go." Meg whispered again.

"Well," The doctor chuckled, "she seems to be coming back to herself."

"Does that mean, she'll be ok?" Julienne asked as she stroked Meg's hair.

"She will be as long as she doesn't overexert herself." The doctor warned sternly, "Strict bed rest for a week and no other physical exertion for at least two more. I'll leave you with some medicine for her."

Erik didn't hear the rest that the doctor said, only could hear Meg repeating his name, as he watched her shallow breathing slowly evened out to that of sleep. He would wait now, wait for the doctor to leave, and then take his place by her side until she woke up again. He would never leave her side again. He promised himself that and he silently promised it to Meg. She had asked him to stay so he would, forever.

Erik woke up to the feeling of a hand upon his shoulder, "You need rest."

He looked up to meet Julienne's eyes, his neck spasming painfully as he lifted his head from the back of the armchair, he had apparently fallen asleep on. He jolted upright, "Meg is she- "

"She is fine Erik."

He was by the bedside in four strides, his hand wavering a mere inch away from her face, debating brushing the hair from her forehead that was slick with sweat. "Are you sure?"

"Yes Erik, now go, you obviously need rest too. I won't have the both of you sick."

"I-"He looked down at Meg's sleeping face, "I can't leave her, not now." He met Julienne's gaze, determined that he would not leave the sleeping girl's side.

"Erik," Meg's voice broke the silence, they both looked down to see Meg shifting in the bed, her eyelids fluttering. "Erik."

"I'm here," Erik's voice cracked with unshed tears, "I'm here Meg." His hand trembled as he gently brushed the hair away from Meg's cheek and shuddered as he felt how soft her skin was beneath his touch. She sighed in relief, and Erik stood still as a statue as she nuzzled her cheek against his fingers. "Meg," Erik whispered.

"You'll stay." Julienne sighed, "You can have the couch in the sitting room, and I will take the chair in here so I can keep watch."

"No." Erik shook his head, "I'll take the chair Madame. If any of us need sleep it is you." He looked up at Julienne and the dark shadows that were circling her eyes. "I'll stay to watch over her tonight."

He slowly lifted his hand from under Meg's cheek, watched her intently as she turned over in the bed, and drew the quilt up higher over her shoulders and under her chin. Erik took a shaky breath, full of relief that Meg's breathing had returned to normal once again. "Has she been asleep this whole time?"

"No, praise God," Julienne sighed, "she woke up and took the medicine the doctor left and was able to drink a small amount of water."

Erik nodded in relief, "Come Madame, show me the medicine, it is time that you found sleep yourself."

Once Erik had Julienne settled, he rushed back to Meg's side, she was still asleep, her breathing deep and even. He sighed in relief and slid down against the wall opposite the bed where Meg slept, he pulled up his knees and cradled his head between his hands. He didn't realize he was crying until the tears made his mask slip upon his face, he touched his cheeks in wonder, watching the tears glisten on his fingertips. Sighing Erik leaned his head against the wall and let the rest of the tears come, his body shook with silent sobs of relief and regret. He had almost lost her, had lost her? He didn't know what she thought of him now. The last words he had spoken to her sat heavy and bitter in his mind. What good would remorse do for him now if she did not forgive him.

She was calling his name; she had been delirious and sick with fever, and it was him that she called out to. Surely that was a sign, wasn't It?

Guilt gnawed at Erik; how could he explain to Meg that he had been wrong. He had let jealousy overtake him in a moment of weakness and had nearly lost her forever because of it. Worse yet, how would he explain Christine Daae to her. Could he make her see that Christine was the key to bringing his magnum opus to life? That he had to be her teacher if she was ever going to fully reach her true potential? But most of all, could Meg ever truly forgive him for all that he had put her through.

Erik sighed, letting his hands fall to his sides, he knew the answer to all the questions running through his mind. He had to tell Meg the truth. His hand shook as he brought it up to his face and caressed the outline of the mask upon it, the whole truth.

A/N: This chapter has been a long time coming and in all the years that have passed this story has never been far from my mind. I am happy to say that I am once again dedicated to writing, and this story will be completed. I want to thank all of you who have commented over the years asking for an update, and encouraging me to write more, your kind words have always inspired me. I look forward to completing this journey with all of you.